by Ray Gorham
October 31st
South Central Montana
Day 59
Cold and windy today. The weather scares me now, so I’m hesitant to move along if there’s a chance for storms. I waited for a couple hours in someone’s abandoned Camry, then headed on before noon when the skies started to clear. Day ended up being a short travel day as the wind was too much, and I was tired. Passed Custer’s Battlefield. Reminded me of our vacation 5 years ago, just before Spencer was born. I remember that it was the last stop on our itinerary, and we made it home before dark. Now I’ve got more than 2 weeks to walk. Life has come full circle, even Custer would have made this journey faster than me, at least he would have before the Indians got him.
I’m not seeing many people on the road; in fact, I’ve only seen 1 other walker in the last 3 days. Not sure if it’s because of where I am, or because people have already made it to their destinations, but things are quiet. Food is the never-ending challenge. Have killed and eaten a few rabbits, but hate to waste the ammo, plus I have to build a fire to cook them. Some canned food would be nice, as would a microwave, spices, something with flavor. My shoes are worn, but I think they’ll make it. Just hope my feet and knees hold out. The clothes Rose gave me have kept me warm, and I’m glad to have them. The thought of walking through our front door now seems like more than just a dream, and being on familiar ground makes the days more bearable in some ways, tougher in others.
I love you all.
Saturday, November 5th
Deer Creek, Montana
Jennifer closed the door to Emma’s room, where David and Spencer were now sleeping, and walked down the hall to the living room. The faint moonlight through the windows gave just enough illumination for her to see her way around, and she moved comfortably without a flashlight. She checked the front door to be sure it was locked, found it secure, and went to her own bedroom. Removing her robe and slippers, she crawled into her bed, discovering that Emma had rolled over onto her side of the bed once again. Jennifer gave her daughter a push to scoot her to the far side but was glad that Emma had left a comfortably warm spot in the otherwise cold sheets.
As she always did, Jennifer lay awake with her thoughts, worrying about the kids, about Chuck next door, and wondering where Kyle might be. With Kyle still on her mind, she drifted off to sleep.
She was in the middle of a dream, a dream where she and Kyle were on a date at a fancy Italian restaurant, when an ice-cold hand clamped down hard on her mouth. Her eyes flew open and she struggled in the near darkness to see who was there. She reached to grab the hand and felt the cold steel of a knife blade press against her throat. “Don’t resist, Jennifer,” she heard Doug say in a harsh whisper. She stopped struggling, looked up, and saw his face hovering over hers. It was the face of a monster. His eyes were two dark, sunken shadows. His cheeks were gaunt and covered in a wiry beard that had grown in since she’d seen him last. His lips were cracked and scabbed, and parted in an evil grin that revealed his crooked teeth.
Doug leaned in close, and she felt his hot, foul breath on her face. “I see you’re not sleeping alone,” he whispered in her ear. “If you don’t do everything I tell you to, I’ll cut her first,” he said, nodding to Emma. “Do you understand?”
Jennifer nodded, tears filling her eyes.
“I’m going to remove my hand. Don’t make me hurt your daughter.”
Jennifer shook her head, and Doug slowly removed his hand. “Please don’t do this,” Jennifer whispered as soon as his hand slipped off. “Doug, please. Not here. Not now,” she pled, tears running down the sides of her face.
“Shut up,” he spat back. “If you wake your daughter, things will get messy. Besides, you had your chance to do it your way. Now I’m doing it mine.”
“Doug, please don’t. I’ll come to your house in the morning. I’ll spend the whole day there. You can do whatever you want to me. I swear. Just don’t hurt my daughter, or my boys.”
“Shut up!” he said, raising his voice. “You think I’m stupid? You’ll show up with ten armed men. It’s every man for himself anymore, and I’m going to take what I want.” He slid his hand under the blankets and caressed her breast, causing her to flinch. “We’re going to do it right here, right now, and you’re going to act like I’m your lover and do everything I want. Do you understand?”
“Please, Doug,” she sobbed. “Not by my daughter.”
“Your daughter’s my insurance policy. This worked out well. If you don’t do whatever I want, I’ll hurt her first so you can hear it, and then you, and then maybe your precious boys down the hall. Got it?”
Jennifer nodded, another jolt of fear shooting through her at the mention of her boys and their location in Emma’s room. “How do I know you won’t hurt us even if I do what you want?” she asked, trying to control her voice.
“You don’t, but I’m not a violent guy. I just like women.”
“Why me, Doug. Why not someone else?”
“Why not you? You should have liked me. Your husband’s dead, and you needed a man around. I would have been good to you. Everyone else is either old, nasty, or they have a husband at home. Who else was there?”
Jennifer’s mind raced for a way out. “If I do what you want, then what? What happens tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow I’ll be gone. I’m bailing. My friend’s got a cabin in the mountains, and I’m going Grizzly Adams. People are going to start killing each other soon, even in our precious little community. I’m looking out for myself. I just wanted to say goodbye before I left. Now shut-up! We don’t want to wake your sweet daughter. I hope she’s a deep sleeper.”
Doug stepped back from the bed and took off his shoes. As he slid his pants down, he glared at her. “You’re not getting ready. It’s our honeymoon, Jenn. You should be more excited. I’m sure you’ll have the time of your life.”
Jennifer lay frozen in bed, her eyes locked on Doug. She didn’t see any weapons other than his knife, but it was a hunting knife with a long, threatening blade. If she could get to it, or her gun, she thought, she might win. But if she didn’t, then all of them would lose. She started to slide her sweatpants down her legs.
“Wait!” hissed Doug. “It’s my honeymoon. I’ll take them off.” He stood by the bed, now dressed only in his boxer shorts, and set the knife down on the floor by the foot of the bed. “Don’t get any ideas,” he warned before throwing the covers off of her. He grabbed the waistband of her sweats and slid them slowly down her legs.
Jennifer held her breath and turned her head away as she felt him running his hands across her legs.
“You have nice legs, Jenn,” he said. “Your skin is soft and warm.” He caressed her thighs with his cold, clammy fingers. “Sit up!” he ordered her.
Jennifer sat up, her eyes still closed.
Doug grabbed the bottom of her sweatshirt and started to lift it. “Open your eyes and look at me. I want to see the look of love in your eyes.”
Jennifer took a deep breath and forced her eyes open. She turned and looked at Doug, his features more evil now than when the assault began. Jennifer’s expression was cold and hard, her eyes boring into him.
“I guess that’ll do,” he said, continuing to lift her sweatshirt. He pulled it up over her head, revealing a thin white undershirt, then tossed the sweatshirt on top of her sweatpants. “You must get cold at night.” Doug grabbed the neck of her shirt with both hands and, pulling them apart, tore her shirt in half, the violence and noise of his action terrifying her.
Emma stirred in the bed and both Jennifer and Doug froze until she was settled again. “Don’t wake my daughter!” Jennifer begged, panicked. “Please don’t wake her.”
Ignoring her plea, Doug looked at Jennifer, who now sat in the bed in her panties and a sports bra. “You’ve got more layers than an onion, but I’m sure you taste much better,” he said as he leaned down and kissed her shoulder and neck. “See, this isn’t so bad. And you look pretty good for having three kids.”
He nuzzled her ear, then threw her arms over his shoulders. “Act like you enjoy this!” he ordered.
Jennifer fought the urge to vomit and squeezed Doug with her arms.
“Say my name, like you want me!”
“Doug,” she choked out. “Oh, Doug.”
He pulled away from her. “You sound like you’re ill,” he said disgustedly and shoved her away.
Caught off guard, Jennifer rocked backward and fell hard onto Emma. She held her breath as she looked at her daughter, praying that Emma wouldn’t wake up and feeling her heart pounding so hard she was sure it would break her ribs. Emma’s head turned towards Jennifer, and her eyes opened a crack. “Mom?” Emma whispered.
“It’s okay, baby,” Jennifer whispered frantically. “Go to sleep! Please, baby girl, go to sleep! Everything’s okay.” Jennifer saw Doug, holding his knife, step around to the foot of the bed. She cupped a hand over Emma’s eyes to shield her view, but not before Emma noticed the movement and pulled her head back to see who was there.
At the sight of Doug with a knife, Emma let out a scream. Jennifer immediately slapped her hand over her daughter’s mouth, cutting off the sound. As Doug moved towards them, Jennifer pulled Emma protectively under her and held her arm up to Doug.
“Baby, close your eyes, just close your eyes,” Jennifer begged her terrified daughter. “Just think of this as a bad dream. Close your eyes and say your prayers. You know how you like to pray. That guy is someone mommy knows, so don’t be afraid.” Emma’s panicked eyes darted around the room. “Do you understand me, sweetie?” Jennifer asked, her hand still clamped over Emma’s mouth. “Can you do that, baby? Can you do it for mom?” Emma nodded, her eyes still open and terrified.
“Okay, good girl. Good girl. I’m going to slide you over to your edge of the bed. Lie on your stomach and don’t look at anything. Close your eyes. Put a pillow over your head and hold it tight against your ears. Try not to listen. You understand?” Emma nodded. “Okay, good. Think songs, or prayers, anything. Just don’t look, and don’t listen. Promise?” Emma nodded again. Jennifer tenderly rolled Emma over to the edge of the bed, pulled the blanket up, and put a pillow over her head.
Doug stepped back around to the side of the bed and they stared at each other, neither one of them saying anything. “Do what you need to do,” Jennifer whispered. “Then go to hell.”
Doug set his knife down on the floor and stepped towards her. His eyes were steely and hard, and Jennifer knew that he was determined to get what he came for. She lay back onto her pillow, closed her eyes, and braced for it. As Doug’s fingers reached inside the waistband of her panties, Jennifer heard a noise from the doorway. Her eyes flew open just as David lunged across the room and leapt onto Doug’s back.
David grabbed a hold of Doug’s neck and head and tried to pull the man away from his mother, twisting with every bit of strength he had. Doug stepped away from the bed, clawing at David’s arms, trying to shake him loose. Doug balled up his fists and swung behind him, landing glancing blows, but David clung tight. Doug maneuvered to the doorway and repeatedly threw his body back against the corner of it, pinning David and knocking the air out of him with each blow. The third strike broke David’s grip and he dropped to the floor. Jennifer dove onto the floor where Doug had placed the knife and grabbed it.
Doug turned back towards the bed. “This isn’t how I planned this,” he snarled. “No one was going to get hurt.”
Jennifer stood against the far wall, clutching Doug’s knife. “Get out! Get out now!”
Doug laughed. “I’m not afraid of you and some twelve year old. Tell him to go back to his room! I just want one thing.” Doug stepped towards Jennifer. She raised the knife, prepared to strike. Doug shook his head. “This is your fault, Jenn. It didn’t have to be this way.” He came towards her quickly, deflected her swing, and then grabbed her wrist and forced the knife from her hands, before roughly pushing her onto the bed.
As he bent to pick up the weapon, David tackled him from behind and knocked Doug headfirst into the wall with enough force that Doug dropped to the ground.
Jennifer scrambled across the bed and pushed Emma onto the floor, then thrust her arm under the mattress searching for her gun.
“Stay away from my mother, you jerk!” David shrieked as he stepped back. His fists were raised in front of him and he rocked nervously from side to side.
Doug scrambled on the floor, searching in the darkness for his knife. His found it and stood up and turned towards David, who had backed across the room but was still threatening him.
Jennifer found the gun and raised it in front of her. “David, get out! Doug, back off! You get out of my house! I’ve got a gun!” she yelled. She could see well enough in the dark room to know she’d be able to hit her target.
Both of the men ignored her commands, and Doug lunged at David, who was standing near the doorway.
Jennifer pulled the trigger, but nothing happened.
David swung at Doug, hitting him on the cheek, at the same time that the blade pierced his abdomen. As Doug pulled the knife back, David dropped his hands to his belly and found it warm and wet. He lifted his hand in front of his eyes and saw that it was covered in something dark, then wiped it on his shirt and raised his fists defensively in front of himself again.
Jennifer screamed in horror. She shook the gun in her hand. “Work!” she shrieked, and then she remembered the safety. She fumbled for the button, found it with her shaking fingers, and released it as she desperately raised the gun again.
Jennifer heard David’s voice and could tell he was in a lot of pain. “I said stay away from my mother,” he repeated.
Doug stood back a few steps from David and could see the stain of blood spreading on the boy’s shirt. The situation had spiraled completely out of control and he let out a gasp. “You’re too brave, kid,” he said. “You shouldn’t have to die.” As Doug dropped the knife and stepped towards David, he heard a gunshot and felt something hot strike him in the shoulder and throw him against the wall. He turned to where he’d seen the flash and saw another one, then a third.
Doug dropped to his knees, feeling like a mule had kicked him in the chest with both feet. He tried to speak, to tell Jennifer he was sorry, that no one was supposed to get hurt, but all he heard was the gurgling noise from his chest. Then his eyes closed, and he collapsed to the ground.
With the sound of gunshots still ringing in her ears, Jennifer discarded the gun under the bed and leapt across the room to David. He had dropped to his knees and was clutching his stomach with both hands. “David!” she cried out. “Oh, David! How bad is it?”
“I think he stabbed me, Mom. There’s blood, and it hurts bad.”
“Oh, sweetie,” Jennifer sobbed. “Lay down and try to relax. I have to get Carol. She can help you. Keep pressure on it, okay, honey?”
David spoke through clenched teeth. “I’ll try, Mom, but I don’t feel so good.”
Jennifer ran to Emma, who was still hiding by the bed with a pillow over her head, grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her. “Sweetie! You’ve got to stop crying! I need your help. David is hurt. Do you understand me?’
Emma nodded, her face twisted in fear.
“I’m going to get Mrs. Anderson next door, then the doctor. I need you to help hold a shirt on David’s stomach until we get back,” she said as she yanked open her dresser. “You’ve got to help your brother. It’s very important.”
Emma nodded and took the t-shirt from her mother, her hands trembling.
Jennifer found her sweatshirt and pants on the floor where Doug had tossed them, dressed, then stepped around Doug’s nearly naked body and knelt on the floor beside her children. “Hold it like this,” she instructed Emma as she folded the shirt over a couple of times and placed it on the wound, pressing down and making David flinch. “Emma, press hard and don’t look around. Just look at David and talk to him. Whatever you do, don’t let him fall asleep, okay? David, keep talking to you
r sister and make sure she doesn’t look at anything but you.”
Jennifer rushed into the hall, the smell of gunpowder burning her nose and reminding her of the nightmare she was living. At the end of the hall, Spencer was crying hysterically in his bedroom. Jennifer called to him as she ran to the front door. “Spencer, it’s going to be alright. I’ll be back soon.” Then she ran out into the night.
CHAPTER 30
Saturday, November 12th
East of Butte, Montana
Day 71
I made a decision two days ago that I hope I won’t regret. I left my cart behind so I can get through the hills and mountains easier. I’ve second-guessed myself ever since, but so far, things have worked out. I think with the short distance I have left to travel, I can make a good hard push to get there. My backpack is all that I’ve got, and I feel naked. As long as I can find shelter at night, I should be alright. The last few days have been nice after some cold and snow. I’m so close now I can hardly sleep.
I love you all
Monday, November 14th
Deer Creek, Montana
Day 73
I made it through Butte yesterday without incident, even got a hot meal at a church. People seem to have settled into some sort of acceptance of their condition, although hollow eyes and hungry faces are the norm. Some look like the walking dead. Even the children have little life in them. I only see the people near the highway, so I hope that they are the exception, but it’s hard to tell. Yesterday the priest at the church said that the government’s broadcasts don’t offer much hope, that they often play the same message for 2 or 3 days in a row. I know lots of people don’t have much hope, but I do. In three days, God willing, I’ll see my family again. Words can’t express how that makes me feel. On the other hand, the fear that something might happen to me after coming so far is a constant worry. I can’t wait to touch your faces, hold your hands, tuck the kids in bed--all joys worth walking twice the distance for.