At Knit's End
Page 6
I will consider, no matter how afraid I am that I might not be able to get my work back on the needles, that tinking is not the answer if I need to undo 67 rows of 100 stitches.
A positive attitude may not solve all
your problems, but it will annoy enough
people to make it worth the effort.
— HERM ALBRIGHT
There are many different ways to knit socks. I use the flap heel, always, every time. I think it’s pretty clever, I like that I can reinforce the flap where the back of the shoe rubs, and I like picking up stitches for the gussets. I lied. I love picking up stitches for the gussets. I like that, at least in my mind, when I turn the heel, I am halfway. Gloriously halfway.
When celebrating the halfway point on a sock, I will try to let my joy be complete, and forget that there is still another sock to go.
Hard work never killed anybody,
but why take a chance?
— EDGAR BERGEN
Intarsia is pretty cool, but its downside is that when you are finished there are a multitude of ends to weave in. We all wish there was some way around this but, sadly, there is no way to do intarsia without ends decorating the inside like shag carpet. I would advise you to weave in as you go … as I’ve learned from my mistakes. The last time I did intarsia, when I left all the ends until I was finished, then, overwhelmed by the sheer mass of ends, I suffered a fit of apoplexy and denied all knowledge of the sweater.
I will remember that weaving in as I go increases the odds of having a finished project.
Just think of all those women on the
Titanic who said, “No, thank you,”
to dessert that night. And for what!
— ERMA BOMBECK
When I was frustrated that my baby daughter wouldn’t sleep through the night, my mother urged me to be patient. “This could be the last night she gets up,” she told me. “How do you want your last nighttime feeding to be?” I’ve applied this attitude to my yarn-buying activity. This could be the last yarn I buy. What would I want the last yarn I buy to be? What if tomorrow … I can’t buy yarn anymore?
I will remember that this attitude, although it increases the quality of yarn that I buy and my willingness to treat myself, can hamper my ability to pay the mortgage.
There are no menial jobs,
only menial attitudes.
— WILLIAM BENNETT
Once you get the hang of them, socks can be pretty mundane. A plain navy blue dress sock for my husband goes around and around and around enough times that I begin to imagine that grooming a llama with my tongue would be more fun. I play little games with myself, races to see how fast I can knit, bribing myself with coffee or chocolate at the end of each row … but, to be quite honest, a navy blue dress sock is an insult to the knitter, and this is elevated to injury when you realize you still have to knit a second one.
When considering this menial task, I will remember that my husband puts “she knits me dress socks” at the top of the list when he recounts the reasons that he loves me.
Put duties aside at least an hour before bed
and perform soothing, quiet activities that
will help you relax.
— DIANNE HALES
Knitting is perfect for this. I make a habit of setting aside some time each evening to take out my knitting and work quietly on it, happily relaxing. I believe that it prepares me for sleep and washes away the cares of my day.
I will consider that intarsia, or Fair Isle with three or more colors in a row, prepares nobody for sleep and cursing loudly while flinging knitting around the living room is about as far away from soothing as you can get.
Lack of money is the root of all evil.
— GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
If I were going to shoplift something (not that I ever would, of course), it would be lace-weight Shetland wool.
Many yards is still a skein small enough to fit in a pocket, it is exquisite, and it is expensive. The perfect crime.
I will remember, the next time I hear that someone has been charged with theft, to extend my sympathy and try to find understanding. After all, maybe she stole wool.
A successful marriage requires
falling in love many times,
always with the same person.
— MIGNON MCLAUGHLIN
I am happily married to a wonderful man, who is generous, funny, and kind. I have never even for one moment contemplated leaving him or being unfaithful. At least, that was true until I found out that one of the women in our knitting guild is married to a man who owns a yarn store and builds her cedar-lined, moth-repelling closets as his hobby.
I can’t stop thinking about him.
I will remember (in the midst of an obsession with a man I’ve never met) that my husband has his own special qualities.
You know you
knit too much when …
Your knitting children have
accused you (openly, and
more than once) of giving
them only your “crap wool”
for their projects.
I detest converts almost
as much as I do missionaries.
— H. L. MENCKEN
One night, as I sat knitting in a restaurant after the movies, the waitress asked a few questions about my project. Next thing I knew, she was sitting at the table with needles in her hands.
When she had gone back to her work, my husband asked me whether this was what it had come to. “What?” I asked.
“Missionary work,” he replied.
I will remember that spreading the word of wool around the world is a good thing, and that many, many people want to learn to knit. I will also remember that if they start looking nervously at the exit I may have taken it too far.
The universe is full of magical things,
patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.
— EDEN PHILLPOTTS
There are many ancient stories of knitting, and there are even some that tell of knitting as a magic charm — spells that can be wrought in the stitches of sweaters, blankets, and socks for purposes known only to the knitter. One of these stories recounts how knitters used to knit a hair from their own locks into the garment for another, thus binding that person to them forever.
I will accept the legend of this magic charm, both because it is lovely and because it is easier to believe in magic than to try and pick my hair out of my knitting all the time.
NONIA:
Newfoundland Outport Nursing and
Industrial Association
In 1920, there was a shortage of doctors, nurses, and midwives in the isolated outports of Newfoundland, Canada. The British government sent over some nurses but, as is often the way with governments, the funding for this health service was touch and go. The nurses came up with the idea that if they were to knit items to sell, they could fund the program themselves. They recruited women from all over Newfoundland, gave them wool, and taught them to knit (if they didn’t know already). The women knit what pleased them, and NONIA picked up the knitting, paid the women, and then sold the knitting to pay for more health care. It was without a doubt one of the cleverest women-helping-women schemes ever thought up. The nurses kept their jobs, the women earned a little income, and everybody in the outports got health care.
I will remember that knitting can be a powerful force for helping others.
The only difference between me and
a madman is that I’m not mad.
— SALVADOR DALì
There are knitters in the world who work in miniature. They use needles made from piano wire, and their gauge averages about 40 to 60 stitches to the inch. Yeah, read that again.
I will remember, though I have absolutely no urge to take up this type of endeavor, that it does give some perspective to complaining about projects in fingering-weight yarn.
And isn’t sanity really just a one-trick pony,
anyway? I mean, all you get is one trick,
crazy, ooh ooh ooh, the sky’s the limit!
— THE TICK (BEN EDLUND)
Artist and performer Pate Conaway worked on a performance piece called “Knitting for My Soul.” He knitted in public, a washcloth sculpture that would cover a queen-size bed. His needles were 4 feet long, and the ball of yarn was almost as big as he was. Pate claimed to be playing with scale.
I will follow my inner artist as far as she wants to take me. (Even if it’s not quite that far.)
For people allergic to wool,
one’s heart can only bleed.
— ELIZABETH ZIMMERMAN
5 reasons why wool is wonderful:
It can be bent 20,000 times without breaking
It is warm even when wet
It is fire resistant; wool will stop burning when the flame is removed
It can be stretched up to 30 percent and still return to its original shape
Sheep are easier to catch and shear than, say, musk ox
Once is happenstance.
Twice is coincidence.
Three times is enemy action.
— IAN L. FLEMING
My sweater is against me. I have no real proof, of course, because sweaters are tricky, but it is the only possibility. I know people will think that a sweater plagued with mistakes and disaster is my fault … but I am a competent knitter who has a closet full of sweaters that went just fine. Clearly, I am not to blame for the dropped stitches, the funny gauge, and the cable that went the wrong way.
I will remember, when a project is not going my way, that everything on the planet has its own destiny. From time to time, I need to accept that my project and I are not on the same “life path.”
I’m living so far beyond my income
that we may almost be said
to be living apart.
— E. E. CUMMINGS
One strategy for controlling your spending at the yarn shop is to decide how much money you will spend before you leave your house. Take that amount of cash and leave your credit cards at home. Temptation will be everywhere when you are at the yarn shop, and your self-control will be tested. This simple technique can reduce impulse shopping and help you stay focused.
When I run out of cash, I will simply take my yarn and go home, instead of trying to sell my shoes and coat on the street in front of the yarn shop to raise more funds.
Knitting still remains my most stimulating
yet relaxing activity and I thank the powers
that be that I can make a living at it …
I always pack my knitting or needlepoint
project first when traveling.
— KAFFE FASSETT
For most knitters, traveling means scoring some really good knitting time, but what project to take? Travel knitting must be small, but not so small that you would finish it quickly and need a new project. Simple enough to amuse you, but not so simple that you will be bored. The yarn should be lightweight so that you can carry all you will need. It must suit the climate; you don’t want to take a wool sweater to the beach or a sunhat to the Arctic … and finally, it must be washable so you can get your spilled margarita off it.
I will remember that it’s normal for it to take longer to pack my knitting than my clothes.
Just because something doesn’t do
what you planned it to
do doesn’t mean it’s useless.
— THOMAS A. EDISON
Unaware that I was headed for likely disaster, I knit my friend a pair of slippers that needed to be felted. I used leftovers in my stash and knit the tops out of red yarn from one company and black yarn of a different brand. When I took them out of the washer I was stunned. The red wool had shrunk at a completely different rate than the black. The slippers were round and flat, and they bore no resemblance to the foot of any mammal on Earth.
Remember to think inventively. I may not have made slippers, but I did have wool Frisbees, or some really interesting hot pads.
Really, all you need to become
a good knitter are wool, needles, hands,
and slightly below-average intelligence.
Of course, superior intelligence, such as
yours and mine, is an advantage.
— ELIZABETH ZIMMERMAN
There is nothing like working out a piece of knitting to make you feel intelligent. Of course, there’s nothing quite like getting your superior intelligence kicked by a piece of yarn and two needles to let the air right out of that self-confidence.
I will remember to be humble, even when I am knitting cleverly. Things change.
He who works with his hands is a laborer,
he who works with his hands and his head
is a craftsman, he who works with his hands,
his head and his heart is an artist.
— FRANCIS OF ASSISI
My definitions:
Craft Knitting — knitting a sweater from someone else’s pattern but making changes in the yarn and style to suit your taste.
Art Knitting — knitting a sweater from any pattern, but altering the pattern, stitch, or colorway to make it completely your own.
Labor Knitting — knitting a sweater with a 50-inch chest.
I will not allow anyone else (including this book) to tell me when I am making art.
Problems worthy of attack prove their
worth by fighting back.
— PAUL ERDOS
Some knitters use a “lifeline” when knitting complex patterns. They thread a strand of waste yarn through a row of stitches that they know is correct, and then continue on. This maneuver is repeated at regular intervals. If a mistake is discovered, the work can be ripped back to the lifeline, and the stitches held by it picked up and the work resumed.
Then there are those of us who laugh in the face of danger and call these knitters “chicken.”
Should I choose to enjoy “daredevil” knitting and scorn a lifeline, I will gracefully accept the consequences, or at least give up mocking more cautious knitters when the decision comes back to haunt me.
There is no right way to knit; there is
no wrong way to knit. So if anybody kindly
tells you that what you are doing is “wrong,”
don’t take umbrage; they mean well.
Smile submissively, and listen, keeping your
disagreement on an entirely mental level.
— ELIZABETH ZIMMERMAN
If you knit long enough, you will discover that no matter what your style or expertise is, there is another “expert” who is convinced you are doing it wrong. She will believe this despite the fact that you are both producing beautiful knitting.
I will remember that individuality is a good thing, in life and in knitting.
One cannot collect all the beautiful shells
on the beach. One can collect only a few,
and they are more beautiful if they are few.
— ANNE MORROW LINDBERGH
This is one theory of yarn buying. We must not overburden ourselves with greed and want, but instead gather only a few … just those perfect balls of yarn that are special to us. Limiting the amount of yarn that we stash makes us treasure those few balls even more, and it ensures that we actually fulfill the destiny of those meager skeins.
This works fine if you think “a few” should be followed by the word “hundred.”
If everything seems to be going well,
you have obviously overlooked something.
— STEVEN WRIGHT
Excellent, I have just carefully worked the armhole decreases on the front of the sweater. I’m feeling pretty good about myself. It was tricky; I had to really work to incorporate the cables into the decreases, but I persevered and I’m ready for the next instruction. I look at the pattern and my heart sinks as I read “at the same time” followed by the directions for the neck shaping that I was to have done.
It is not a waste of time to read a
head in the pattern; most sweaters need necks.
Failing to plan is planning to fail.
— ALAN LAKEIN
If you are using a pattern with multiple sizes it is a good idea to circle, highlight, or otherwise mark the instructions for the size you are knitting. There is very little comfort for the knitter who has knit a sweater with a size small front and a size large back.
You are excused from this rule if you know a small-chested hunchback you could give the sweater to.
The cure for boredom is curiosity.
There is no cure for curiosity.
— ELLEN PARR
3 ways to liven up a yarn shop:
• Loudly, and in a clear voice, say, “Circular needles are so stupid.”
• Wait until the shop is crowded, then tell one person that today is the day that everything is 50 percent off.
• Yell “MOTH!”
Not that you could be bored in a yarn shop, but just in case.
Do not trust your memory;
it is a net full of holes; the most
beautiful prizes slip through it.
— GEORGES DUHAMEL
A few years ago, when I ran out of space for yarn, I started tucking it away, a ball here and there. A skein of silk in the gravy boat, some tweed down the sleeves of an unused coat, a whole sweater’s worth in the canning pot I rarely used. I feel clever, and now I have room for way more.
I’m looking forward to getting older. As my memory fails me, I will get the pleasure of finding it all again.
Planning is an unnatural process;
it is much more fun to do something.
The nicest thing about not planning is
that failure comes as a complete surprise,
rather than being preceded by a period
of worry and depression.
— SIR JOHN HARVEY-JONES
I needed to cut steeks in my Fair Isle sweater and was perhaps overplanning and overconcerned. I realized that I’d slipped over the edge when I heard my daughter inviting over a friend.
“Hey, do you want to come over? My mom’s supposed to cut up this sweater and she’s really freaking out.”
Sometimes you need to cut steeks quickly, before you become “entertainment” for the whole neighborhood.
The only really good place to buy lumber is