Losing Pieces of Me

by Briner, Rose

  “What about your dad?” he asks, pushing one of my buttons. I don’t like to talk about my dad, he ran off when I was little and never came back.

  “Long gone, he left when we were little and I haven’t seen him since. I don’t want to ever see him again,” I declare a little more defensively than I intended.

  “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” he says backpedaling.

  “No,” I tell him with a sigh. “That’s all right, I just don’t like to talk about what he did to me and Katrina, that’s all.”

  He stops suddenly and drags me back in the direction of the blanket he left not far from where we’re walking. He doesn’t stop until he’s seated on the blanket and pulls me down in front of him. I love the feeling of him snuggled behind me as I look out over the ocean. The sun is going to be setting soon and I can’t wait to see it for the first time. I really want to pull away from him to put some distance between us, but in case there is someone out here watching us and taking photos, I don’t dare do it. Not because I don’t want to be this close to him, but because of how right it feels being pressed up against him like this. This is something normal couples in love would do, we’re not one of those couples and yet here we are.

  “If it makes you feel any better, the reason I don’t like to talk about my dad is because he ran away to Seattle when my parents started having problems at home. He never came back, word on the street is he remarried, I never did meet the lady, but he did marry someone at some point. I can’t remember her name and I never met her, but she was enough for him to abandon both Hayden and myself. I think that’s part of the reason why Hayden and I don’t really get along,” he states as he places his chin down on my shoulder so our cheeks are touching.

  “Why do you think that your father leaving has anything to do with the relationship you have with Hayden now? Surly him leaving wasn’t either of your faults.”

  “I know that, but Hayden doesn’t. We were so young and I had just gotten into a fight with our dad right before he left, so Hayden claims, even to this day, that if I hadn’t gotten into that fight with him, he would’ve stayed and loved us,” he replies sadly. I can feel the sadness in his words. I can’t tell if he’s sad because their father left, or because Hayden blames him for what happened.

  “The most important thing Jayden, is that you know you did nothing wrong,” I tell him turning so I can face him. “You can’t let the guilt of your father leaving eat you up inside, he would’ve left anyways and your fighting with him played no part in his decision to leave. He should’ve loved you two enough to stay with you. What is he doing now?” I ask him, turning back to face the ocean as the sun starts to slowly descend over the horizon.

  “Not sure really. I see him every now and then, but never for very long, he’s into some shady things that would be bad for business so I try to stay away from him as much as possible.”

  “Isn’t there some way that you and Hayden could mend fences at least? I know it would be really hard with your father, but at least with your brother? I would like to be able to see him more often since he is a member of your family and all,” I try to shoot for nonchalant, but I probably sound desperate as hell. He probably thinks I’m half in love with his brother or something. I go to try and backtrack, but he cuts me off before I can say a word.

  “We can tolerate one another when necessary, however, he’s on the board and wants to vote against me. If he finds out I married you, he’s going to do whatever it takes to take my company away. The best thing we can both do is stay the hell away from him,” he announces as he brings his hands up to massage my shoulders.

  “That feels really good,” I tell him as I tilt my head to the side and moan.

  “Don’t make noises like that, or we won’t get to see the end of the sunset,” he whispers into my ear. We’re completely alone out here so there’s no need for him to whisper, but his whispering in my ear makes this moment that much more intimate.

  “Why wouldn’t we see the end of it?” I ask curiously.

  I yelp when he flips me around and pushes me down onto the blanket so he’s hovering over the top of me. “Because if you keep making noises like that, I’m going to want to fuck you right here on the beach.”

  I know exactly what he’s doing, he’s trying to distract me so I will let the subject of his brother and father drop. I’m not willing to let it go completely, but for now I am because while we do have a lot we need to discuss before the investors ball, us connecting physically strengthens our bond.

  “Well then,” I tell him as I stretch my hands up over my head and tilt my pelvis up in the air. “We wouldn’t want to miss the sunset, now would we?” I smile up at him mischievously. I have every intention of missing the sunset tonight. There are hundreds more to see in this lifetime, but the chance to be with Jayden like this is limited. I have to keep him completely focused on me so he doesn’t start asking questions about what my real motives are. For right now, he thinks I’m only with him for the money and I want to keep it that way. If he finds out I also married him to get closer to Hayden, he’ll drop me so fast I won’t even have time to blink before I’ll be living on the street corner.

  “Jesus woman, you are going to be the death of me,” he declares, while pushing my sundress up so it sits around my waist.

  I’m always a little self-conscious when he stares down at my body. I know I look nothing like Vanessa or probably any of the many other women that have graced his bed. I’ve always been a little on the thicker side. Not thick enough to be considered fat and not thin enough to be considered what most men would call their ideal dream woman.

  “What are you doing?” I ask him when I see he’s lowering himself down my body.

  “I told you I would teach you things, time I took things to the next level,” he announces moving to remove my lace panties as he continues to lower himself further down my body. When I see where he’s landed himself I want to immediately close my legs.

  He tries to push my legs further open so he can settle between my thighs, but all I want to do is close them, so I resist against him when he tries to fight against me.

  “What’s wrong?” he suddenly asks, completely stopping all movement and sitting up on his knees so he can see me.

  “I’m not sure I want you to do whatever you are about to do. I’ve never done anything like this before, and I can’t imagine that the smell down there would be very pleasant. Plus, you don’t need to do things just because we agreed to have a sexual relationship, Jayden. I’m content to just do the regular things we’ve been doing,” I state nervously.

  “Ah,” he declares placing his hands on his hips. “So you are afraid that I’m not going to enjoy this, aren’t you? I want to do this, Mireya. Let me show you how beautiful you are and allow me to worship your body in the way you deserve to be. You are always so kind hearted and looking out for everyone else, why not allow me to help you forget what everyone else thinks about you for a little while?”

  He’s right and I hate to admit that. I’m always so concerned about what everyone else thinks about me and the things I do. It would be nice to just let go for once and allow someone else to do some of the work. I’m still worried about the smell down there though. How can a man want to be down there in that area?

  “You aren’t, um, how can I put this? You aren’t worried about the smell?” I shyly ask him as I cover my face in horror. I’m mortified that I just asked him that. I didn’t intend to come right out and ask him that, but if he really wants to go ahead and do this, even though I’m against it, at least he can be aware that it probably doesn’t smell very pleasant down there.

  He chuckles as he lowers himself back down to his previous position. “Why don’t you let me worry about that and you just close your eyes and relax. I’ll worry about everything else for now, allow someone else to take control for once.”

  I’m still hesitant to do it, but I lay back down flat on the blanket and stare up at the d
arkening sky. The pink and orange hues give me something else to focus on besides the fact that Jayden is now pulling my legs apart with no resistance on my part, and settling himself between in open thighs.

  I squeeze my eyes shut when I feel him moving his hands up and down my upper thighs before his mouth joins in and traces the same path that his hands did with first one leg and then the other.

  This isn’t so bad, Mireya. Just let go and live a little, he’s right, you need to just relax and let him take control for a little while.

  I’m content with just sitting back with my eyes closed imaging what he’s doing down that. Or at least that’s what I intended to do. I never thought I would be involved in what he was doing down there or that it would feel the way it does the first time his tongue makes contact with my outer folds. My breathing picks up as he slowly traces circles around my outer folds while his hands continue to move up and down my thighs.

  “Relax a little, Mireya, let go,” he says softly as he takes one of his hands and uses it to spread my folds wide open.

  “Oh my,” I gasp when his tongue makes contact with my entrance for the first time. I expected to feel dirty or for it to feel wrong, but what he’s doing right now feels right. I struggle to remain still when he uses his tongue to mimic the way he fucks me. The feeling is unlike anything I’ve ever felt before and all I want is more.

  He hums and I feel the lower half of my body buck up towards his mouth as warmth spreads throughout my entire body. He uses one of his hands on my stomach so I lower myself back down to the blanket and he keeps it firmly in place as he removes his mouth from my body and uses his fingers instead.

  “You like that?” he asks as he pumps first one, then two fingers in and out of my body. His mouth is wet with my juices and it makes me even hotter than I was before. Suddenly I want to feel him inside of me.

  “It feels so good,” I declare as I move my hips as much as I can to keep time with his fingers as he pumps them in and out of my body. I can hear the wetness as his fingers move in and out and suddenly all I want is more. “God, it feels so good,” I declare throwing my head back as I prepare to cum.

  He must sense this because he lowers himself back down my body and pumps his fingers in and out of me faster before pulling them out completely and using them to circle my clit. He’s moving a little slower than I would like and I feel my oncoming orgasm die down a little bit.

  He surprises me by taking those same fingers and reentering them into my body and repeating the same thing he was doing. He continues to repeat this process until I think I’m about to explode. I almost move to beg him, but he doesn’t give me time to do that as he pushes his fingers back deep inside of me and twists them around as he pulls my clit into his mouth and sucks on it with vigor.

  “Jayden!” I shout as my orgasm rocks through my body. My orgasm just continues and continues as he removes his fingers and shoves his face into my entrance so he can lap up the juices.

  When he feels my body start to return to a calm state, he moves his mouth up to my clit, causing my body to twitch. For some reason what felt good moments ago, now has me wanting to push his mouth away.

  “That’s enough,” I giggle as he continues to lick my clit.

  He wipes his mouth on my inner thigh before he brings himself so he’s over the top of me. He doesn’t say or do anything as he stares down at me. His blue eyes so full of emotion tonight, his eyes seem so much more pronounced now that night has fallen and we’re all alone out here with only the ocean in the background to witness what just happened.

  He suddenly brings his mouth down onto mine and allows me to taste myself for the first time. I have to admit the taste is not as bad as I thought it would be. There’s a sort of musty taste to it, but the taste is not all that unpleasant. Sure, my juices are not something I plan on trying again anytime soon, but at least now I know what I taste like.

  As his tongue continues to twirl with mine, I feel myself starting to warm up again. Another new thing I didn’t realize is that you can be ready so soon after an orgasm, yet here I am ready to go and this time I want to feel the real thing. That real thing is currently resting against my bare thigh just begging for attention. Sure, I read in books you could be ready to go within minutes and Katrina’s told me such, but actually knowing that’s a real for sure thing is completely different.

  I feel myself growing brave as I reach between us and grasp my soon to be prize through his pants. This is the first time I’ve actually felt it with my own hand. Who knows, maybe soon I’ll get to taste it and see if it's not as bad as I think it will be.

  His mouth leaves mine and trails down to my ear, causing me to giggle as his stubble rubs against the side of my face. “My girl ready again so soon?” he asks, gently nuzzling my ear.

  Instead of responding, I moan causing him to bite my ear.

  He surprises me again by flipping us over so I am sitting on top of him. He smiles up at me when I settle myself down on top of him. For now, we still have his pants between us keeping us from joining as one, so I have a few moments to figure out how to do this. He’s never allowed me to be on top before and I don’t know the first thing about being in control of this situation.

  When I don’t move to take him out of his pants, he shifts so that he can reach down and pull his pants down and out of the way so they are now down near his knees. He produces his hand from around me and waves the condom in my face.

  I just stare at it blankly. Why is he waving the thing in my face? Isn’t that for him to wear?

  “Put it on me,” he states as he shoves the condom at me.

  He makes no move to help me, so I stare down at it for a beat, the blue packaging mocking me, daring me to open it and see if I can put it on him. I finally tear the corner open with my teeth and remove the first condom I’ve ever touched. I stare down at it like the damn thing is an evil monster, I’m not quite sure how to even begin to put this damn thing on him. I am forced to think all the way back to middle school when they showed us how to put the condom on a banana. They never actually let me do it, but I think I can figure this out.

  I smile at the memory as I position the condom over his tip and pull it down until he’s completely covered with the rubber.

  “What are you giggling about? You won’t be laughing for very long,” he announces, sitting up so he’s right in my face.

  I go to think of some smart aleck response, but I don’t ever get that chance. One moment he’s staring at me with a glint in his eyes and the next he’s lifting me up effortlessly and plunging me down onto his waiting dick.

  I’m forced to grab onto his shoulders when he places his hands on my hips and uses my hips to guide me up and down on his length. He feels so much deeper at this angle, almost like any further and he’d be buried inside of my womb. I feel myself starting to gain some rhythm as I rock along with his thrusts and soon he lets go of my hips and rests his arms down on the blanket as he leans back and stares up at me.

  I stop and blink down at him, why did he stop? I thought everything was going great.

  “Your turn, move, you can figure it out,” he says as he smiles up at me.

  I bite my lip nervously as I stare down at him. What if I can’t do this right? I do it anyways, slowly rising up and down over his length and keeping my arms wrapped tight around his shoulders. He must decide he doesn’t like this, because he lies down flat and I’m forced to let go of him.

  I start to think about what feels right in this moment and bring my hands down to rest on his chest as I grind against him. It feels so good, that I do it again and swivel my hips as I do it.

  “That’s it, just like that baby,” he groans as he brings his hands up to cup my breasts.

  I do it again, faster this time and faster each time I return to the bottom of his dick. He must like this because he sits up again and smashes my tits together so he can suck on them at the same time.

  “I’m going to cum,” I announce as we rock up and do
wn together. “Fuck me harder, Jayden,” I beg him as he returns his hands to my hips. He takes his queue and holds me still as he rams into me from below, causing me to go off like a rocket. Not long after, he follows and I lay on top of his body panting heavily as we both struggle to regain some control over our bodies.

  As I lay there on top of him, I have to remind myself that this isn’t a real relationship. That he paid me to be here with him and that I only married him to find Katrina. That’s going to be hard to remember now because the more time I spend with this man, the more I am starting to like him and get used to the idea of us.

  This is all bad and spells heartache for me at the end of all of this. After all, he’s the one that said he can never love me because someday this will be over and done with. I’ll just have to keep reminding myself of that, but the deeper we go into this, the harder it is for me to keep a clear head.

  Chapter Seventeen

  “Are you sure this is the correct address?” I ask the driver.

  “It is, 601 Manchester like you asked for. You want me to wait here for you?” he asks, looking from me to the dilapidated building outside. I’m sure he’s wondering what a woman dressed like I am is doing in a place like this.

  The reality is that even I don’t know what I am doing here. We came to New York to stay at a hotel so we can be here for the dinner meeting he has to attend and the second he left for the office to check on some things, I made a run for it. It was hard to get away from the bodyguard he has following me around, but the second I mentioned that I needed to use the restroom in the downstairs restaurant, he let me go off on my merry way. He doesn’t need to know that I never went into the bathroom and just kept going until I was outside of the hotel.