Wings and Beyond

by Joy Redmond

You wouldn’t if you were the daughter of Otis and Iris. You’d eat at the table, only. “Oh, hold on, I’ve got to call my mother and let her know I got here safe.”

  Shelly’s mother said, “Go on girls. I’ll call and let her know you’re here.”

  The girls hurried down a long hallway, then Shelly made a sharp right and led Mandy into her bedroom. “Mama will bring us cookies and milk soon”

  Mandy looked around the room and fell in love with it: Blue chintz curtains on the windows, patterned wallpaper, delicate and beautiful with a pattern to match the curtains, but what got her attention, was the bed. It took up a royal place in the room and it was beautiful. It had four wooden posts that rose majestically up to a lace top that shimmered in the light.

  “I used to be allowed to eat in my room, back—” She stopped herself.

  Shelly sat down on the bedside. “Have a seat here by me. Can I ask you a question?”

  “You can sit on your made bed?”

  “Of course,” Shelly answered, and the look on her face told Mandy that Shelly thought she was asking some weird questions.

  You wouldn’t sit on a made up bed if you lived with Iris. “What do you want to ask me?”

  “Well, I want to know where you came from. One Sunday Mr. and Mrs. Hodge brought you to church and you were in my Sunday school class, then the next day you were in my classroom at school. Then after that the school bus stopped in front of the Hodge’s house and you got on, every day. It’s like you came from out of nowhere.”

  “You really want to know about me? You want to know about my life before I came to live with Otis and Iris? Oh, I’m not supposed to call them by their first names. Please don’t tell on me.”

  Shelly giggled. “I won’t tell. You can call them anything you want to when you’re with me. We’ll share all kind of secrets. That’s what friends do.”

  “I’ve never had a friend who I could share secrets with. And boy, do I have a lot of them. This is great!” Mandy looked upward and drew in a deep breath. “Well, to start with, my name ain’t Amanda. That’s what Iris and Otis named me. And I’m not supposed to say ‘ain’t’ either, but never mind. My real name is Carnikko, but I got adopted today, so I have to go by the name of Amanda Hodge, so call me Mandy,”

  “I’ve always called you Mandy. That’s what you told all the kids at church and school to call you.”

  “I know. That’s ‘cause Iris registered me in school by the name, Amanda Hodge. Even though it wasn’t my legal name. But after today, it is.”

  “Carnikko,” Shelly repeated. That’s a strange name. I’ve never heard it before. It’s a pretty name. But it might be hard for me to remember.”

  “I can’t use it. So it don’t matter. But when we’re alone you can just shorten it to Nikko. That’s easy to remember. See, I have to be two people. I have to play the role of Amanda when I’m around my new parents and when I go to church. But when I’m in school, I play the role of, Nikko. Actually, I have to be both people when I’m in school ‘cause if I really act up, I’ll get an F in conduct. Then Iris will have my hide. It gets hard being two people. Sometimes I forget which one I’m supposed to be.”

  “Oh, my. I’m not sure I understand all this. I’m just one person. I don’t know how you can be two.”

  “I don’t know how to explain it. I just know how it is. Do you want to hear my story or not?”

  “I’m sorry. Yes. Tell me where you came from.”

  Mandy twisted her skirt hem. Where do I start? “I used to have a real mama and daddy and three brothers. We lived way out in the country in a little community called Canoe Cove. I was so happy then. Then my whole life just fell into hell. Oh, don’t tell on me for saying that word.”

  “Stop worrying about me telling on you. So what happened to them?”

  “Well, first off, when I was six, Daddy left home.”

  “Your mama and daddy got a divorce?”

  “No. It’s worse than that. My daddy lost his job at the shipyard, then he got him a welding job, but the job was in Indianapolis, Indiana. So he just left us.”

  “Oh, no!” Shelly cried as she held her hand to her mouth. “That’s terrible!”

  “It broke my heart when I had to tell Daddy bye. He said he’d come back and see us, but he lied. He only came home for Christmas a couple years, then he didn’t come home at all. It was like none of us mattered anymore.”

  Mandy paused, trying to gather her courage to continue. “He lied about sending money to Mama, too. He sent a little money a few times, but he never sent enough. We got mighty hungry and cold after he left us.”

  “Well that’s just plum mean,” Shelly said, and her eyes looked as if she could shoot flames from them.

  “My daddy was not mean! He was funny and good to us—” she paused. “Well, sometimes when he drank too much whiskey, he did get kinda mean. But he was the funniest person in the whole wide world. He could tell tales and have me and my brothers laughing our heads off. Mama said they were lies, but I didn’t care.”

  “Well, if he didn’t send any money how did ya’ll live? Daddy says he has to work every day. He calls it making a living.”

  “Well, that’s where the miracles come in. See, Daddy didn’t believe in God, or church or prayer. He said it was all horse-shit!” Mandy gave a frightened look at Shelly.

  “I’m not going to tell! Will you just get on with the story?”

  “Mama believed. She said that prayer was powerful. When we didn’t have anything to eat, we all prayed. And we got a miracle and somebody would bring us sacks of food. Every time the coal house was empty and we were freezing, we prayed. And we got another miracle and somebody would bring a load of coal. So, I know that prayer works and Daddy is the one who’s full of horse-shit!”

  Shelly giggled. “I say nasty words sometimes when I’m mad. Don’t worry, it’ll be our secret.”

  “Mama said that Daddy cussed like a drunken sailor. He was a sailor and he did get drunk a lot, so I reckon she was right about that. I usually don’t say those words, but if I get mad or upset they just come flying out of my mouth.”

  “So what happened to your mama? Did she leave you too?”

  “Yes, she did. And she took my baby brother, Evan, with her. But she couldn’t help it. She didn’t have a choice.” Mandy wiped her eyes. “I can’t tell that part yet. I’ll start crying and I don’t wanna cry. It seems like I’ve spent all my life crying.” She swallowed, hard. “I can tell ya about my other two brothers, if you wanna hear it.”

  “Yeah, where are they?”

  “Well, after we lost Mama and Evan, Daddy came to Kentucky and he took us three kids to live with him in Indianapolis. Well, we lived in a two-room apartment that had rats and cockroaches, and it was just a hellhole. But I got to see my new little sister, Emily. She was so sweet. I took care of her. She had the prettiest hair. It was blonde and felt like silk. I loved her so much.”

  Mandy tucked her head, her heart aching for the little sister she had to leave behind. She wiped her eyes. “Daddy didn’t keep us very long. He brought us back to Kentucky and left us with Mammaw and Pappaw Randall. Then we all got separated again My brother Lee is living with my grandparents and Don is living with someone else.”

  “Do you ever get to see them?”

  “I haven’t seen Don or Lee for almost a year. Now that I’m adopted I’m not sure I’ll ever see them again.” Tears rolled down Mandy’s face. “But last Christmas, Daddy and his wife, Ellie, came to see me at Uncle Carl and Aunt Lou’s. They had a little boy with them and his name was Cody. He was my new brother. Then I heard Daddy tell Uncle Carl that my little sister, Emily, got adopted out. I don’t guess I’ll ever see her again.” Mandy kept wiping tears and she wasn’t sure if she could go on.

  Shelly squeezed Mandy’s hand. “Don’t cry. Don’t talk about all this if it’s gonna hurt too bad.”

  Mandy wiped her face with her hands. “I’m okay. I think I need to talk. Nobody has ever wanted to h
ear about anything that hurts me. Nobody has ever cared to hear what I have to say. It kinda feels good to get it outside of me.”

  “What about your mama and baby brother leaving you. Can you tell me about that? I think that’s awful. I don’t understand why your mama would do that.”

  “I said it wasn’t her fault. She didn’t have a choice—”

  Before Mandy could finish her sentence, Shelly’s mother rapped on the door. “Milk and cookies, girls. Can I come in?”

  “We’re ready,” Shelly said.

  “This is gonna be fun eating in the middle of the bed,” Mandy said as she pushed her body back, crossed her legs, and held out her hands. This is like old times. I feel like a happy little girl again. It won’t last long, but I’m sure going to enjoy it as long as it does.

  Chapter Three

  Mandy and Shelly sat cross-legged in the middle of the bed where they ate cookies and washed them down with milk. “These are the best cookies I ever ate. What kind are they?” Mandy asked with her mouth full. Talking with food in her mouth was another no-no when she ate with her new parents. She crammed another bite into her mouth.

  “Mama calls them oatmeal raisin with pecan chips. She makes them all the time,” Shelly answered then drained the last drop of milk from her glass.

  “I’d really like to eat two more but I better not. If I eat too much I won’t be hungry for supper and Iris will fuss if I don’t eat a big helping of everything she cooks. I don’t have a big stomach and sometimes she expects me to eat more than I can hold.” She scooted to the edge of the bed, set her glass and plate on the night stand, and then wiped her mouth on the back of her hand.

  “Boy, I’d sure enough be in trouble if I did that at home. I have to use a napkin. I like being here. I feel like I can be the old me.”

  Shelly leaned over and set her glass and plate on the end table next to Mandy’s. “Do you feel like telling me where your mama went off to and took your little brother?”

  Mandy hesitated for a second, wondering if she should tell her, but it felt good to talk to someone to unburden her soul.

  “If you’ll just sit close to me, I’ll tell ya how it all happened. But I gotta tell it fast, so don’t interrupt me. Okay?”

  “I won’t say a word until you tell me I can talk. I promise.”

  Mandy drew in a deep breath, then began talking as fast as she could. “It was January and very cold, but Mama said if we walked real fast we wouldn’t get too cold. So, we got up one Saturday, and Mama and me and my three brothers walked to a neighbor’s house. Mama left Don and Lee with Mrs. Hicks, then she took me and Evan on down to the main highway so we could flag down the Greyhound bus and ride to Bon Harbor.”

  Mandy stopped for a second so she could take a breath, then continued. “We got off the bus and Mama took me to the eye doctor. My eyes stung all the time and I had headaches. The doctor said I had allergies and he gave us some eye drops. We left the doctor’s office and since we had a few hours to kill, Mama and us walked across town and visited with Mammaw. She fed me and Evan some banana pudding. Anyway, when it was time to walk back to the bus station, it was getting colder and it was almost dark. But the bus was warm, though it only took about twenty minutes to get to where we had to get off, and it was completely dark.”

  Mandy twisted her skirt hem and her palms were sweaty. She swallowed hard and continued. “We got off the bus, walked behind it and started across the road. Then bright lights hit me in the eyes and I felt Mama jerk me, hard. Then the whole world went black.”

  Mandy tucked her head and tears streamed.

  Shelly hugged her as she said, “You don’t have to tell the rest of it.”

  Mandy wiped her eyes on her skirt hem. “I’m gonna get it out. I need to tell someone so I can get the hurt out.” Mandy held a faraway look, and in a soft voice, she continued. “The bright lights were coming from a car. The driver was blinded by the bus lights and didn’t see us walking across the road. He just mowed us down like we were three weeds.” Mandy stared at the ceiling as if she were in a daze, then whispered, “Mama went to Heaven and she held on to Evan’s hand and she took him with her. I got knocked away from her and landed in a deep ditch full of mud.”

  Shelly broke down in tears. She put her arms around Mandy and they just sat for a few minutes holding each other and crying.

  After a long moment, Shelly jumped off the bed, ran across the floor and picked up a box of Kleenex from her dresser. “Here. You use all you need. I need some too.”

  They wiped their eyes and blew their noses and Mandy gazed out of the window, lost in memories. Shelly just held Mandy’s hand. After a long moment, Shelly asked, “Did you feel the car hit you? I think that would hurt something terrible.”

  “Nah, I didn’t feel a thing. I didn’t know what had happened till I woke up at the hospital. Then I hurt like hell, I tell ya.” She pointed to her pelvic area. “This here bone was broke, my tailbone was broke, and this here bone was broke completely in two,” she said as she pointed to her left thigh. “And these two bones down here was broke,” she said, pointing to below her knee on the right leg. And I had some broke ribs.” She bent her head forward and stuck her finger on the top of her head. “I’ve still got a big dent in my skull where I had what they said was a concussion.”

  Shelly placed her finger where Mandy was pointing. “Oh, gee whiz! That’s deep enough to hide an egg in. Does it hurt?”

  “Nah, not anymore. I sure did have some powerful headaches for a long time though. Anyway, the doctor put me in a body cast. It started right here,” she said, pointing at her waistline, “and went down both legs to the top of my toes. That thing itched like crazy and I couldn’t scratch. Oh, they left a hole down there,” Mandy said, pointing between her legs. “The aides would put me on a thing they called a bed pan. That thing was cold, but that’s how I had to do my business.”

  “How long did you have to stay in that cast?”

  “I don’t know, but it seemed like a hundred years. Anyway, when I was ready to leave the hospital my Aunt Lou came and took me home to live with her and Uncle Carl. The hospital let her borrow a wheelchair.

  “Uncle Carl is my real daddy’s brother and his wife is Aunt Lou. Then one day, Aunt Lou took me back to the hospital and a man, who she called an orderly, turned on a buzz saw and he cut that cast off.”

  “A buzz saw?” Shelly exclaimed.

  “Well, that’s what it looked like to me. It scared the shit outta me. But he got my cast off real fast. My legs stuck out like two pokers. I couldn’t bend them. But the orderly showed me and Aunt Lou some knee exercises and he said I had to do them a bunch a times a day until my knees would bend. Finally, my knees bent, then I stood, then I waddled like a duck until I learned how to walk again.”

  “Did Don and Lee live with your Uncle Carl and Aunt Lou?”

  ‘Nah, at that time they were living with my Grandma and Grandpa Winston. Remember, my real mama’s parents? I got to see them a few times, but not as much as I wanted to. I done told about us going to live with Daddy for a while. That was after I learned to walk again.” Mandy sighed deeply and dropped her head. “And that’s where I come from and that’s how I lost my whole family.”

  “Why did your aunt and uncle give you to Mr. and Mrs. Hodge?”

  “Cause they already had three kids and they were going to get another one and they said they couldn’t afford me. One day when I came home from school, Iris was sitting on the couch beside Aunt Lou. That’s when Aunt Lou, said, ‘Carnikko, this is my Aunt Iris. Her husband is my Uncle Otis. He’s my daddy’s brother. They want to take you and see how things work out. I’ve got your clothes packed. They’re on your bed.’

  “So I picked up two grocery sacks that held everything I had and I came home with Iris. So that’s how I ended up here with Otis and Iris.”

  Mandy looked around the room and came to a decision. She leaned close to Shelly and whispered, “I’ve got a secret, do ya wanna hear it?”


  “Yeah, I wanna hear it!” Shelly scooted closer.

  “I ain’t ever told a living soul on earth about what happened to me. I was just four years old and Evan had just been born. You have to promise you’ll never tell.”

  Shelly traced an X on her heart with her index finger. “Cross my heart and hope to die. Stick a needle in my eye. But hold on. I’m going to go get us a glass of water. I’ll be right back.”

  When Shelly came back with two glasses of water, Mandy took the glass, turned it up and drained it dry. “I get thirsty when I talk a lot and when I’m nervous.”

  “Are you ready to tell your secret?”

  “I think I’ve held it inside long enough. Yep, I’m gonna tell. But if you ever tell a living soul I’ll never forgive you and I’ll call you a liar and I’ll never speak to you again.”

  “I promise! After you tell yours, I’ll tell you one of mine.”

  “Well, me and Daddy were standing out on the front porch and Daddy was smoking and taking a nip out of his whiskey bottle and he was cussing Grandma and Grandpa. They had come to see baby Evan. Daddy always took off when Grandma and Grandpa came around. He called them Bible-thumpin’ turds. And they didn’t like Daddy either. They said he was a sinner and was going straight to hell!”

  “That’s your secret?” Shelly asked, and her face seemed to wilt.

  “Nay, that’s not my secret, silly. I was just telling ya how old I was and why Daddy told me and Don to get in the car. Daddy took off so fast the tires threw gravel. When we stopped at the gas station, Daddy gave us a nickel and told us we could go to the candy store. And that’s where it happened.”

  “What happened?” Shelly asked and she leaned in so close to Mandy’s face they were almost touching nose to nose.

  To Mandy’s horror and Shelly’s surprise, Iris walked into the room, a sour look on round face.

  “It’s time for you to come home. You’ve been here long enough. You tell Shelly goodbye, and you’ll see her later.”

  “But you said I could stay until five o’clock.”