by Joy Redmond
One Friday afternoon, Mandy came home from school, and just as she entered the living room she gasped and felt faint. She couldn’t move for a few minutes as she stared at a brand new TV set. She anxiously waited as the tall antenna was mounted on the roof. When everything was ready, she turned it on, ready to sit back and watch a show.
Iris marched across the floor and turned off the TV. “The only thing that we’ll be watching is the news, weather and game shows.” Her tic was back.
“You mean I can’t watch I love Lucy and Father Knows Best and—”
“No, young lady. I won’t have your head filled with garbage. Game shows are educational. Everything else is nonsense. I was against buying one, but Otis wanted one so he could watch the news. He’s always in the fields when the news is on the radio. And he wants the weather reports.”
Mandy headed upstairs to her room. She had listened to the kids at school talk about the funny shows and some mystery shows they were watching on TV, and she so yearned to see them, but it wasn’t going to happen, just like everything else the other kids got to do, she was forbidden. She stood in front of the vanity, gazing into the mirror. “Someday, Nikko, we’re gonna be free of the Hodges. In the meantime, I guess I’ll just write your story.”
She had been writing in a diary, but it didn’t have enough pages to write all that she had in her head. For over two years, she’d been writing about her life when she was Carnikko, starting as far back as she could remember. She was not writing it alone. Nikko wrote more and more of it, pouring out anger and hatred against life in general. Mandy had to fight sometimes to get her voice and her emotions written.
“Someday we going to get this story published and we’re going to be a famous author,” she said to Nikko as she finished a page. She’d often fall asleep as she dreamed of the day when she’d hold a book in her hand that bore her name as the author: Nikko Randall.
One Sunday afternoon, Mandy was headed upstairs to write when she heard a knock on the front door. She headed across the floor but Iris stopped her. “I answer the door. You have no idea who’s out there. You have a seat on the couch.”
Mandy sat down and did her best to peer around Iris. Then she heard Shelly’s voice. “Hi, Mrs. Hodge. Is Mandy here?”
“Amanda is here. What do you want?” Iris answered.
Shelly stepped inside and held up what looked like a large square box to Mandy. “I just got a new record player and a stack of LP’s. I thought Mandy, er, I mean Amanda and me could listen to my new Elvis records.”
Mandy’s heart was rapidly beating. Please, Mother!
Iris answered sweetly, “Well, Shelly, it’s nice of you to want to share with Amanda, but I don’t allow her to listen to Rock and Roll. I’ve heard about Elvis Presley and I don’t want Amanda to be influenced by him. But you’re welcome to visit.”
Mandy looked at Shelly and they both rolled their eyes. Shelly set the record player and LP’s on the coffee table and sat down beside Mandy.
“Mother, is it alright if we go up to my room? I want to show her my new dress and shoes that you bought me for my piano recital.”
“That’ll be fine, dear,” Iris answered. “I’m going to watch Oral Roberts. So don’t get loud.”
“We’ll be quiet, Mother. Thank you.”
Once they were upstairs, Mandy giggled as she said, “You sure got corrected quickly when you called me Mandy. Mother hates nicknames, so remember to call me Amanda when she’s around. And we can’t sit on the bed. Mother will have a fit. You can sit in the rocker and I’ll sit in the desk chair. You don’t have to look at my dress and shoes. I just said that so Mother would let us come upstairs.”
“I’d like to see them,” Shelly answered. “I’d like to come to your recital, too. If that’s allowed. You’re not allowed to do anything with your friends, and to tell the truth, nobody knows what to invite you to do. That’s why the other kids ignore you. And I know, I do too when we’re at school. I really like you but we just don’t have much to talk about anymore. You used to be so funny. You kept all the kids laughing, but for the past few years, you’ve become like—like—I don’t know.”
“Like I’ve crawled into a shell?” Mandy asked. “Well, I have. It’s the only way to keep myself as Mandy. If I let the other me, Nikko out, she plays pranks, acts like a clown, and I make bad grades in conduct. I can be Nikko when we’re at recess, but all the kids just shy away from me, so I’ve just wrapped myself in a cocoon and I travel off to wonderful places in my mind. The only time I’m happy is when I go visit my family. And I’m really happy when I get to see Mammaw. She’s so funny. She tells tall tales just like Daddy used to.”
“Oh, Mandy. I’m so glad that you get to visit your real family. You have to admit that’s very nice of the Hodge’s to take you to see them.”
“Yes, it is. I appreciate it, too. I just wish they’d ease up on me at home.” Before she could open the closet door, Shelly sat down in the rocker that was by the window.
“Pull that desk chair over here by me. You never did tell me that secret. And I never got to tell you mine.”
Mandy carried the desk chair across the floor and set as close to the rocker as she could. “We’ll have to whisper. I’d die if Mother heard me telling you.”
Shelly arched one eyebrow. “You’re calling her Mother, now? I thought it was one of our secrets when you called her Iris. Do you call Mr. Hodge, Father?” Shelly wrinkled her nose. “Mother and Father just sound so stuffy to me. Kinda like over-starched shirts.”
“I know. But that’s what I’m supposed to call them, and I don’t let myself call them Otis and Iris, because I promised Mama— never mind. I’ll be Nikko while you’re here. And you know she cusses like her real daddy, she doesn’t use proper grammar and she doesn’t sit like a lady. I think I’ll turn this chair around backward and straddle it. Oh, on second thought, that might be hard to do in this skirt.”
“Why don’t you ever wear jeans or peddle-pushers or shorts like the rest of us girls?”
“I can wear jeans when I’m working in the field or when I hoe the garden and mow grass, but they’re forbidden any other time. Peddle–pushers and shorts are forbidden at any time. I haven’t even bothered to ask why on that rule. I get so mad when I get stupid answers to my questions, sometimes Nikko flies out of my mouth before I can stop her, and boy howdy, am I ever in trouble.”
Shelly just shook her head. “It’s hard for me to keep up with the two people that you claim to be. And your parents are too weird for me. I don’t know how you stand it. But anyway, do you want to tell me your secret? We got interrupted before you could tell me, and gosh, that’s been a good three years.”
“Yeah, I guess I still want to tell you, but remember you promised to never tell anybody. If you do, I’ll—I’ll—I don’t know what I’ll do, but I can tell ya it won’t be nice!”
Shelly placed her hands on her hips. “I said, I promise! Jeez. If you’re gonna get all mean, then forget it. I’ll just go home!”
“No! Please don’t. I didn’t mean to be hateful. I just gotta know that you’ll never tell a living soul.”
“Then just tell it already. You wear my patience thin.”
Mandy leaned in on Shelly and kept her voice low. “I was four-years-old. Daddy took me and Don with him to get gas for his old car. While he gassed up, he told me and Don we could go to the candy store. He gave us both a nickel. Well, the candy man filled a sack with chocolate drops, handed it to Don and told him to run on because he had some special candy for me. He didn’t even take Don’s nickel.”
Mandy paused. Her throat constricted. She swallowed, hard. “That stinkin' ol' shit took my hand and led me into a back room. There was an old mattress in there. He picked me up, threw me on it, then he was on top of me and pulling off my panties.”
Shelly threw her hands to her mouth and her face turned pale.
“I fought him but I couldn’t get away, and he stuck his finger inside me so hard and
so many times, I thought he was poking my guts out. So I just started screaming as loud as I could. Well, he clamped his hand over my mouth. So do you know what I did?”
“Wh—what did ya do?”
“I bit that ol' sumbitch’s hand so hard, I tasted blood. Oh, don’t tell on me for saying that.”
“I won’t tell. What happened then?” Shelly asked, her eyes widening.
“He threw me on the floor and yelled, ‘Get outta here, you little brat!’ I scrambled off that damn stinkin' mattress and I ran out of the store and all the way to the gas station and jumped in the car and sat up front beside Daddy. I wanted to tell him what happened, but I was so scared and my pee-pee hurt so bad I couldn’t talk. I just made gurgling sounds. Daddy thought I was choking on candy, so he just patted my back, turned up his whiskey bottle, and we drove back home.”
Tears rolled as Shelly said, “I can’t believe a man would do that to a little girl. That’s the most horrible thing I’ve ever heard. I’m so sorry, Mandy.” Shelly hugged her. “I promise, I’ll never tell. I’d cry my eyes out before I could get it out of my mouth, anyway.” She wiped her tears. “You’ve had a hard life. Lordy, I don’t know how you’ve gotten through it all.”
“I still have nightmares about that ole bastard. He was the first one that did nasty things to me, but he wasn’t the last. Men just kept touching me and making me touch and do things to them, until I was nine-years-old. I started hating all men. And I don’t trust a one!”
“Men made you touch and do things to them. What kind of things?” Shelly asked, but her voice sounded as if she was scared of what she would hear.
“I don’t want to talk about it. I told you about the first one, which was the worst one because I was still just a baby. The rest was horrible, but I just try to push it outta my mind. I have nightmares and sometimes all I see is evil eyes, but I know they’re the eyes of all those nasty men. I wake up in a puddle of sweat.” Mandy paused and wiped her brow. She seemed to be in a daze for a moment, then she continued as if somebody had snapped their fingers and she was back to reality.
“I’ll tell ya how I got through it, every time. And it started when I was four and the candy man had a go at me. This is kind of a secret, too. Not that I care if people know. It’s just that people think I’m lying, so I just don’t talk about it.”
“Please tell me,” Shelly urged.
Mandy twisted her skirt hem. “You see, I was in so much pain from that ol' bastard’s finger being inside me, I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth. It felt like a thousand honey bees were stinging my pee-pee. Suddenly, a tiny purple angel fluttered across my eyeballs. First one eye, then the other. She kept fluttering her purple wings and her eyes seemed to be asking me if I wanted a pair. So, I chanted inside my head, ‘give me wings—give me wings.’”
“A purple angel fluttered across your eyeballs?” Shelly held a look that plainly said she had doubts.
“Yes! And I called her Purple Angel. And I don’t care if you don’t believe me. I know it’s the truth!” Mandy sat back in the chair, her eyes narrowing. “I’m not going to tell you the rest. You’ll just think I’m crazy. So forget it!”
“I don’t think you’re crazy. It’s just a crazy thing to hear about. I believe you. Tell me some more. What happened when you asked for wings?”
“Well, I felt wings pop through my back. Then I flapped them. Then I was flying beside Purple Angel. She led the way and we finally landed in the most beautiful place. It wasn’t on earth, and I’m not sure where it was, so I just think it was somewhere in Beyond. It looked kinda like the pictures you see of the Garden of Eden in a Bible storybook. But even more beautiful.”
Shelly narrowed her eyes. “So you grew wings and flew to Beyond?”
“Yes, I did! And from that day until I was twelve I could do it. When I was hungry or cold or my body was in pain after men hurt me or my heart hurt for Daddy and Mama and my brothers, I’d close my eyes and Purple Angel would come to me and we’d fly off to Beyond. It’s the truth. Now are ya gonna call me a liar?”
“I—I don’t want to call you a liar, but you’ve got to admit that’s pretty hard to believe. But I sure think it’s a fascinating story. And if you believe it, I guess that’s all that matters.” Shelly blew a hard breath. “What happened when you turned twelve?”
“I’m not sure. All I know is Purple Angel just stopped coming. I reckon she had to go take care of another little girl who was being mistreated. It might be hard for you to believe but it’s the truth. It’s what got me through all my life. That’s all I’ve got to say.” Mandy crossed her arms across her chest. After a long moment she said, “What secret are you holding?”
Shelly shook her head. “It’s nothing like yours. I just steal my daddy’s cigarettes, hide behind the barn and smoke them. Not much, huh?”
Mandy giggled. “I think that’s funny. Say, if I ever get to come back to your house, will you steal two and I’ll smoke one with you?”
“I sure will!” Shelly giggled, then she pushed herself forward in the rocker. “That reminds me. Mama and Daddy are going to have a cookout next Sunday. I’ve invited a lot of kids and I was hoping you could come.”
Mandy rolled her eyes. “Like that’s gonna happen. It’s been three years since I’ve been allowed to come to your house—” She paused as she turned her head. “Do you see that shadow going back and forth under the door?”
Shelly craned her neck and peered around Mandy’s body. “Yeah, I sure do. What—?”
Mandy placed her fingers on her lips and whispered, “I think Mother is out there so she can hear what we’re saying.”
Shelly whispered, “What if she heard you tell me your secret?”
Mandy whispered, “I’m going to tiptoe across the floor, yank open the door, and we’ll see what she has to say.”
Shelly seemed to freeze as Mandy quietly made her way across the floor. She turned the knob and swung the door open. Nobody was there. She hurried to the top of the stairs. Iris was nowhere in sight. Mandy went back into her bedroom. “There’s no way she could have gotten away that fast. But we both saw the shadows. Somebody was out there walking back and forth.”
Again, Shelly seemed to be frozen to the rocker. “I swear I saw it. If it wasn’t Mrs. Hodge, then who the heck was it?”
“I don’t know,” Mandy answered, remembering the other strange things that had happened in her room. “Maybe the sun was hitting the floor just right—Ah, crap, the sun can’t hit that spot. But it was like feet moving across the floor—” Just then, she heard the tinkling sound again. She looked toward the ceiling in the right side of the room.
“Do you hear those wind chimes?” Shelly asked. She stood and peered out of the window. “I don’t see any chimes out there. Where is that sound coming from?” She turned her head back and forth. “It’s coming from that corner!” she said, pointing a trembling finger. “But there ain’t nothin' there. Holy jumpin' jacks! This is just too spooky for me. I’m outta here!” Shelly ran across the floor and on to the staircase. She took the steps two at a time until she reached the bottom.
Mandy ran to the top of the staircase and watched as Shelly ran down the steps, scooped up the record player and her LP’s from the coffee table, then ran for the front door.
“Now, who’s crazy?” Mandy whispered. “Strange things happen around me. I bet you don’t doubt anything else I tell you. That’s if you’ll still be talking to me after today.”
I think I told more than I should have. I should have kept it all a secret.
Chapter Six
Mandy was surprised and delighted the following Saturday, as she listened to the phone conversation when Shelly’s mother called. Iris said, “Her name is Amanda, and please, don’t call her Mandy again, it is not her proper name.”
Mandy couldn’t hear Shelly’s mother, but she assumed that she had agreed to not call her Mandy again. Iris hung up the phone, then told Mandy she could go to the cookout.
&nb
sp; “Thank you, Mother! This means so much to me!” Mandy cried.
“You’re welcome, dear. I want you to have friends and enjoy an outing now and then. But don’t expect to do it often. Life is about hard work, not going to parties and letting fun ruin you for an adult life. Hard work is all your father and I have ever known. You see how we’ve faired. Our parents made sure we kept our nose to the grindstone, so to speak. We’re going to make you strong and well-grounded, and ready for adulthood. Life is hard, dear. You have to be harder.”
You’re making a slave out of me. I’m cheap labor. If you and Father had taken time out for a little fun, you might understand real life. Mandy knew her thoughts had come from Nikko, and she was glad she had kept them inside her head. If she had spoken, Iris would have had her head. Or she would have run and tattled to Otis, and he would have had her head. Otis had a temper and he could be vicious with words. She had heard it enough over the last three years, but he stopped short of laying a hand on her.
Later that afternoon, Mandy was at the small table in front of the living room window when the phone rang. She rushed into the kitchen and answered, but Iris rushed across the floor and tried to grab it from her hand. Mandy held it away from her, covered the mouth piece with her hand and said, “It’s Shelly. She wants to talk to me.”
“Ten minutes, then off the phone. There’s work to be done and next time I want the phone, you hand it to me.” Iris stared hard at Mandy before turning and walking away. When Iris’s back was turned, Mandy stuck her tongue out at her and stifled a giggle.