Wings and Beyond

by Joy Redmond

Mandy’s eyes bugged. “I’m sorry, but my mother has already started planning a church wedding. She has a long list of people that she’s going to send invitations to.” That’s the best lie that’s ever came out of your mouth, Nikko said, and Mandy heard a child-like giggle.

  ‘Oh,” Pearl answered. “Well, in that case, I guess I’ll leave the wedding plans up to your mother. I don’t suppose she wants a Christmas wedding, seeing that’s only two weeks away? And don’t you think it’s time that Lester and I meet your parents? I’d like to cook them a pre-wedding dinner and get to know them. How about next weekend?”

  Holy shit, Mandy. Iris and Otis are going to raise nine kinds of hell when you tell them that you’re engaged. What do you think they’ll do when you announce that you’re getting married? And soon. It has to be soon. You’ll be a month pregnant by the end of December. Your ass is in a sling now. Pregnant. You can’t stand the daddy. You’re going to get a mother-in-law that’s a dictator. Whatcha gonna do?

  I’m going to do what I have to do, Nikko. I’m going to get married and I’m going to tell Iris and Otis that I’m eloping. Then they can disown me. Again. Maybe we can call Daddy. Maybe he’ll come get us.

  Mandy felt herself floating off to where there were no feelings, just numbness. She didn’t remember saying goodbye to Jack’s family. She didn’t remember going home. She didn’t remember if Iris was waiting up when she came in. She didn’t remember going to her room.

  The next thing she remembered was hearing a soft whisper in the darkness. She picked up on what was being said by a feeling in her heart, not by her ears. Take my hand and cling to me. I’ll get you through this.

  Tears rolled down her face. She whispered, “I don’t know who you are. Is there any way that you can let me know?”

  Suddenly, the sound of wind chimes filled the room. She smiled, “Music from Beyond,” she whispered. “Maybe the angels are sending the thoughts to my head and heart.”

  Peace and calm claimed her mind and soul.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Something pulled Mandy from a deep sleep and she glanced at her clock on the bedside table. Good Lord, it was 5:30 in the morning and darkness still lurked beyond her curtains and filled the early morning; not even the old red rooster had crowed. She yawned, stretched, and her mind went back to the previous night. Why couldn’t she remember what happened after she had been given a tour of the miniature trailer and gone back inside the Walkers’ house? Did Nikko say anything? God, she was tired; tired of the way she was treated, tired of not being able to be free. She wanted to spread her wings and fly away to exotic places and do fun stuff. She wished for a life full of peace and happiness where there were rainbows and unicorns and fairies and the little people.

  Did I travel off to my special place? I don’t remember being there. I’ve always remembered before. It’s the most beautiful place in the universe, but I’m convinced that it isn’t on earth. How I miss seeing Purple Angel. How I wish she’d come back to me.

  She walked through her mind, searching for Purple Angel and hoping. Maybe she’s still with me. Maybe she’s the one who tells me things, plays music for me, and gives me the strong vibes that I pick up, and I have no idea where they’re coming from. Maybe it was her sweet voice that I heard last night.

  A soft sensation invaded her and a shiver of excitement coursed through her body and she knew she was not alone. She got out of bed and in the darkness, made her way over to her desk and turned on the lamp. She looked around the room, checking to make sure everything was in the right place and it was.

  She strolled over to the vanity, sat, and looked at her reflection. An unblemished oval face looked back with deep green eyes and a sensitive mouth, a young woman whose soul was pained and whose heart was wounded.

  “Nikko, I have no idea who was whispering to me last night and I don’t know where the thoughts that were running through my mind came from. Maybe it was Purple Angel. Maybe the spirit world is talking to me. Maybe I’m just plain crazy.”

  She glanced at her hand expecting to see the engagement ring, but it wasn’t there. In a small panic she hurried over to the nightstand, yanked open the top drawer and with a big sigh of relief she said, “Whew. I thought I might have taken it off and thrown it out the car window when Jack drove me home. And if it wasn’t for my condition, I would have!” She picked it up and started to slip it on her finger, but a strong vibe told her it wasn’t the right time. She placed it back in the drawer.

  “When will the right time be? Maybe I should just elope and not say a word until it’s over with. But what about the pre-wedding dinner that Pearl is planning? I don’t know what to do, Nikko.”

  Iris called from the bottom of the staircase, “Amanda, I hear you walking around up there. I’m fixing breakfast. Come on down and you can eat with your father and me before he goes to the barn.”

  “Yes, Mother,” she called as she walked over to the closet and took her blue housecoat from a hanger. The terry cloth felt good to her chilled body. She stuck her feet into her warm fuzzy house slippers. The smell of bacon made her nauseous. Oh, please, stomach. Don’t upchuck this morning. Fight it. Let your mind travel off. Float off to where there’s no smell or taste.

  She sat down at the table, and Iris, with a disapproving look said, “Amanda, you should have dressed before coming to the table, but it’s nice that you’re eating with us, so just bow your head.”

  Otis said the blessing, then passed the food, but Mandy only took one piece of bacon, a teaspoon full of scrambled eggs and a piece of toast, thankful there was no butter on it. She ate the food and was surprised that nausea didn’t overcome her. Her mind was a million miles off when she was brought back to the present by the sound of Iris’s voice.

  “Today is the last day of school, right?” Iris asked. “Christmas break for two weeks is still hard for me to get used to. When I was teaching school, we only had a week break.”

  “Today is the last day,” Mandy answered. “When are we going Christmas shopping? We always have fun doing that.” Mandy needed a distraction from her life full of painful decisions and she really did enjoy going shopping for presents.

  Iris smiled. “It’s always fun for me, too. And I guess I need to drag out the decorations from the storage room. I might do that today.” Iris paused. “And I think this year I’ll buy an artificial tree. I always swore I wouldn’t because I love the smell of a fresh pine, but I’m getting tired of the dry needles falling on the floor and those lights get hot, which always makes me nervous about a fire. What do you think, Otis?”

  Otis drained the last drop of orange juice from his glass, set it on the table, wiped his mouth, and said, “Fine with me. I’m tired of sawing bottom limbs and trying to fit one into a stand. I’ll let you two plan Christmas. I’m headed to the barn.”

  Mandy was surprised at Iris’s decision over the tree; she was not one for change, but then again, neither was Otis. Mandy watched Otis walk toward the back door, wearing bibbed overalls, clod-hopper shoes and a wool cap. His outfit was such a contrast from his Sunday dress, which consisted of a three piece suit, white shirt with cuff links and a tie with a tie clasp that matched the links. And he always wore a hat.

  He’s got a Sunday suit and a Sunday personality, Nikko whispered in Mandy’s head.

  So does, Iris, Mandy whispered back. And so do we. What a bunch of hypocrites.

  “Amanda, you need to get dressed and be ready on time to catch the bus. Don’t go upstairs and dilly-dally.”

  “Mother, I don’t dilly-dally. I learned to rush like a stampede of cattle since the first day I came to live here. I’ve never missed the bus. Why do you go through the same speech every day?”

  “Young lady, don’t get snippy with me! I’ve enjoyed our time together this morning, so don’t go and ruin things now. I’ve taught you to be punctual, but you’ve still got a smart mouth on you.” A small tic began in the corner of Iris’s right eye.

  Mandy bit her tongue and walke
d out of the kitchen. All I did was ask a question. Well, my smart mouth is about to get out of here, Mother. See how you like not hearing my mouth when I’m gone.

  The next day, Mandy was glad to have a two week break from school. She needed to get things straight in her head and then make a few decisions. The nausea was still with her though it wasn’t as bad, but she worried that she’d have to jump up and run out of a classroom and hopefully make it to the restroom before she barfed.

  After breakfast, she went shopping with Iris. They bought a Christmas tree and an aerosol can of pine scent. They came home, set up the tree and sprayed it, but it wasn’t like the real smell of pine and Mandy could see Iris was disappointed. Mandy thought the tree was pretty, but her heart just wasn’t into Christmas.

  She wondered if she would ever love Christmas again. Would she ever enjoy shopping and twinkling lights and songs and brightly wrapped presents. She clasped her hands over her stomach and smiled inward. Suddenly, a picture came to her. She saw a little girl with pig tails, opening a present she had found under a beautiful tree. Mandy knew it was her little girl, and for the brief second it takes a butterfly to flap its wings, she experienced unbounded joy and happiness. Her soul soared and her heart sang.

  After the tree was finished, Mandy went upstairs to her room, and feeling maudlin, looked around and thought, soon I’ll be leaving this place, but I’m going to miss my room. Here’s where Mama and Evan come to me. Here’s where Purple Angel or a spirit or whatever, talks to me and plays music that sounds like wind chimes. What if the spirits won’t find me when I move into that horrible tin box that I’ll have to call home? She felt the stirrings of fear and desolation when she saw herself alone, with only Nikko to turn to.

  She shuffled with forlornness to the nightstand, opened the top drawer and took out the engagement ring, then slipped it on her finger. She looked at it and the sparkle and beauty was gone. As she gazed out the window at the farm, her heart sank as she asked herself, Where’s the happiness that’s supposed to go with wearing a diamond that’s the promise of a wedding and a life where I live happily ever after? “All I feel is sick,” she mumbled.

  She strolled over to the vanity, sat and looked into the mirror and her image gazed back. “Nikko, I’ve got to tell Iris and Otis that I’m engaged. I’ve got to be married by the end of the month. I don’t know how I’m going to accomplish it. Mother and Dad are going to go nuts.”

  The reflection smiled. Then let me take over.

  “Fine. Do whatever and say whatever when you think it’s time. I’m just too confused.”

  Hide the ring until Christmas Eve, Nikko said and winked.

  Late that afternoon, Jack called, and hearing his voice, Mandy felt ribbons of coldness seep into her very being.

  “Hey, my beautiful bride to be! Guess what? I spent last night in our home and in our bed. My arms sure were empty. I sure would have loved for you to have been beside me. So, how are the wedding plans coming along? Have you set a date? Mama is chomping at the bit.”

  “Everything is coming along fine. Tell your mama that she can relax.”

  “Mama wants to know if you’re spending Christmas Eve with us. We always have a big dinner and open presents on Christmas Eve. Christmas Day, we watch parades on TV, and play games and—”

  Mandy interrupted. “I’ll be there for Christmas Eve. But I have to spend Christmas Day with my parents. I’ll tell you and your mama about the wedding plans then. I need to go. Oh, and I’ll be busy until the twenty-forth. Just pick me up around five o’clock. Bye.”

  Mandy dropped the receiver. I’ve got to buy presents for Jack and his family. Iris will have a conniption. But it’s the money that I’ve saved from my allowance, so I guess I’ll remind her that I can spend my money on what I choose.

  Nikko laughed. Yeah, like that’s going to go over. Just buy Jack a pack of bubblegum. It’s a comedy act to watch him chew, and maybe it’ll keep his mind on something sweet besides you. Buy Pearl a muzzle. Buy Lester a backbone. Buy Allison, Al, and Andy a bag of M&M’s. That sounds fitting to me.

  Mandy slapped the side of her head, her way of telling Nikko to be quiet, though she did like Nikko’s ideas for presents. She giggled when an image of Jack opening a big present only to find a tiny pack of gum at the bottom flashed into her mind. She knew Nikko must have put that picture in her mind as a way of getting even for being shut up.

  It was Christmas Eve and as Mandy was dressing she felt no joy or happiness, and not even the beautiful Christmas carols on the radio were able to lift her spirit. Her heart wept and then Iris came into her room, wiping tears.

  “I don’t understand why you insist on going to the Walkers tonight. You know the church is having a special Christmas service and you’re supposed to play the piano. Do you have any idea how embarrassing it was for me to have to call the pastor and ask him if his wife would fill in for you? You’ve become a constant source of humiliation to us. I don’t know how much more I can stand.”

  “Do we have to go through this again, Mother? I have a life now that consists of more than going to church and playing the piano every time the doors are open. And I promise I won’t be a source of embarrassment or humiliation to you and Dad much longer.” Her voice caught in her throat and she was surprised at the depth of emotion she felt about leaving them and the farm. She suppressed the feelings and sent them down into the abyss of her soul.

  “What do you mean by that?” Iris’s voice rose two octaves and a tic began at the corner of an eye.

  “Never mind. We’ll have a talk when I come home tonight.” Mandy turned her back on Iris.

  Iris ran out of the room, crying, “Otis!”

  Mandy glanced at the clock. “Ten more minutes, then I’m out of here,” she mumbled. She grabbed her coat, purse, and the neatly wrapped present for Jack. She had bought him a navy blue V-neck sweater and a light blue button down shirt. She didn’t buy anything for his parents or siblings. What do you buy for people that you don’t really know? And I didn’t have the extra money. I never please anybody, anyway, and I’m tired of trying.

  Mandy hurried downstairs and stood by the door to the sun porch. She didn’t see nor hear Iris or Otis, and she wondered if they were holding a meeting about her, but she didn’t care. When she saw the car lights flash through the front window, she opened the door and ran down the steps and out to the driveway. She pulled her ring out of her pocket and slipped it on her finger and for the briefest second of eternity, it seemed to bite into her flesh, but she ignored it. I’ll catch hell when I get back, but who cares. I don’t care about anything anymore. She placed her hand on her abdomen. Except for you, my sweet baby. I’ll do anything for you.

  Jack didn’t have much to say as they drove to Bon Harbor, and Mandy was glad. She didn’t have anything to say. She wondered if she’d ever want to have a conversation with anybody but Nikko for the rest of her life.

  Pearl had a feast prepared: Honey glazed ham, baked turkey, stuffing, and all the traditional side dishes. Mandy was surprised when the smell of food didn’t nauseate her. She actually felt hungry and she was anxious to fill her plate.

  As she looked at everybody sitting around the table, Pearl began telling of her Christmases when she was a young girl, living in the mountains of Eastern Kentucky. She told of her Indian heritage and how her daddy had always gone into the woods with a bow and arrows and killed a deer for the big dinner. She explained how her mother baked a goose with an apple stuffed inside to tame the wild game taste. Mandy was enthralled.

  So that’s where the dark brown eyes and high cheek bones come from. You’re part Indian. And it shows in Jack too. Will my baby girl look like Pocahontas? Pearl can be so charming and funny, but she just takes over and runs everybody’s lives. I wasn’t consulted about anything concerning my engagement ring, my home, and she was even planning my wedding. Maybe I’m being overly sensitive. I suppose she means well. I’ve been shuffled from home to home so many times, I don’t know
what I’m supposed to expect, how I’m supposed to respond, or even who I’m supposed to be. The only person that I understand and really know is, Nikko. Everybody else is a mystery to me. I’m not like other people. But I sure can communicate with other people who don’t exist except in my mind. I’m just plain mental.

  After the meal, Pearl opened the stereo and placed stacks of albums on the turn table and the house rang with Christmas music. Then Pearl reached under the tree, taking one present at a time and delivered it to the person whose name was on the tag. Soon, Mandy had a lap full of presents and for a time, she was lost in the warmth of the season. She was almost happy with the Christmas scene of a family sitting around a real tree that sparkled and danced with colored lights and lots of presents with her name on them.

  When there were no presents left under the tree, Pearl said, “We’ll start with Lester, then we’ll proceed around the room. Don’t anybody open anything until I tell you to.”

  Mandy was the last one to open her presents. She ooh’d and aah’d over the pretty sweaters, gloves, scarfs and perfume. She wasn’t even sure who had given her what. She felt herself floating away and she strongly willed herself to say in reality. She cleared her throat. “Thanks, everybody. I love everything. I’m so sorry that I didn’t bring presents for all the family, but I ran out of money.” She felt her face heating with embarrassment.

  “Well, that’s perfectly understandable. You’re a student and you don’t have a job. You got your future husband a nice gift and that’s all that matters,” Pearl said. “And Jack needs some new clothes. He never buys anything. I usually end up buying his clothes, but then he doesn’t have much money left from his paychecks after I pay his bills. I make sure he hands me that check, every Friday.”

  Jack gives his paychecks to her and she pays his bills? “Thank you for understanding. I hope Jack likes what I bought him. He hasn’t said a word,” Mandy said, when she could find her voice.

  “Oh, he likes them. Don’t you, Jack?” Pearl said as she gave him a stern look.