Wings and Beyond

by Joy Redmond

  “Have you lost your mind? I can’t afford to pay rent, and don’t you ever threaten me. This trailer is plenty good enough. We’re staying right here! Don’t make me slap some sense into you.”

  “Slap me. I dare you to,” Mandy said as she walked over to him.

  Just as Jack drew back his fist the screen door flew open. Jack turned and his face went pale when Lester walked inside.

  “You didn’t know I was out in the yard and heard the conversation, did you? Mandy is right. This is not a place to raise a toddler. And if you ever hit her, I’ll take you outside and we’ll see who gets some sense slapped into them.”

  Oh, my God! Lester has a backbone after all, Nikko whispered. This should be fun. Lester’s face is red. I don’t think he’s going to put up with Jack’s shit either.

  Mandy crossed her arms across her chest and waited for Lester to continue.

  “So, here’s how it’s going to be, boy,” Lester said and his eyes were hard. “We’re going to take that fancy car of yours to a car lot. We’re going to trade down and get a car that doesn’t take more than half of your paycheck. Then you’re going to find a house to rent. I’ll give you the security deposit and the first month’s rent. I’ll sell the trailer and pay myself back. Now, get out there in that fancy car with me, then get ready to tell it goodbye. You have a wife and child. You don’t need the flashiest car in town. You’re going to take responsibility and be a husband and daddy. Don’t try me, boy!”

  Hot damn! Get him, Lester. Don’t turn back into a jelly fish. I wish I had a movie of this!

  “Well, I’ll go ask Mama—”

  Lester put his hand on Jack’s chest. “No, you won’t say a word to your mama. This is between me and you. Don’t make me tell you again to go get in the car!”

  Jack tucked his head and followed Lester outside and across the backyard.

  Mandy stood in awe. “What on earth just happened?” she mumbled. Then, she heard a slight hiss. She turned around and saw a high flame leaping from the gas stove burner.

  “Yep. Lester just lit up our lives. Brighter days are coming. Thank you for affirming that for me. Whoever you are. That was one of the best happenings I’ve ever seen, and you’ve done some good ones.

  Mandy heard a faint laugh. She smiled.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Mandy found a small frame house in the seedy part of town. It didn’t look as if it had seen a coat of paint since it was built. The yard was bare and the front storm door looked as if it was about to fall off the hinges. Buckled and warped tile covered all the floors and the wall paint was so thin the dry wall was showing. But it had two bedrooms and a spacious kitchen with wall to wall cabinets. The floor was slanted and Mandy laughed as she thought about setting a glass of water on one end of the table, then watching it slide to the other end. The best thing was that it had a washer and dryer hookup.

  She had no furniture, but as time went on, Iris and Otis helped her furnish it. They brought odds and ends they had stored in the attic and they bought a few items from a used furniture store.

  Iris was irate about the location. Pearl was irate that Mandy wouldn’t be in her backyard. Jack was irate because he had to trade in is fancy car and drive what he called a rattle trap.

  After the house had been put together, Mandy was happy but exhausted. It’s not much but it’s mine, and I’m out from under Pearl’s prying eyes. Pearl had not helped with the move but she came by one afternoon. She walked into the house and looked around. “Well, this is a bad neighborhood and all you have is junk.” She stood for a few minutes then said, “We need to rearrange a few things. We need to put the couch against that wall,” pointing, “and we need to move that overstuffed chair over there—”

  Sic her, Nikko.

  “Pearl. Yes, I called you Pearl. If you touch one thing, I’ll rearrange you. I’ll put your head in that corner,” she said, pointing to her left, “and I’ll put your fat ass in that corner,” she said, pointing to her right.

  Pearl stepped forward and wagged her finger in Mandy’s face. “Young lady, if you ever talk to me that way again, I’ll turn you across my knee!”

  Mandy grabbed Pearl’s index finger and twisted it. “Then let’s get it on, Pearl!”

  Pearl gasped, dropped her hand to her side and said, “You just wait until Jack hears about this.” She hurried out of the house.

  Mandy laughed as she watched Pearl hurry to her car. “Yep, Nikko. If you stand up to a bully, they usually back down. And that was worth a good beating from Jack. But I’m not pregnant now. I’ll tackle him like a football player.”

  Jack never mentioned the incident, and Mandy figured that Pearl had second thoughts about telling him. From that day on, Lester and Pearl came by from time to time and took Kati to their house for a few hours. Pearl always stayed in the car.

  By the time Kati was two-years-old, Jack ignored his daughter as if she were no more than a stick, and he spent every weekend and holidays with friends. Mandy’s intuition told her that he had other women, though she had no proof. As long as he handed her his paycheck, and the bills were paid, he was free to do whatever he please as far as she was concerned.

  After the move, Jack hadn’t raised a hand to her and nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Kati was the joy of Mandy’s life. Kati was all she needed to fulfill the void in her soul.

  Mandy woke up early one Saturday morning, glad that Jack and Kati were still asleep. She went into the kitchen, opened the cabinet by the sink and reached for her packet of birth control pills. They were gone. She was frantic as she removed everything from the cabinet, dumping everything all over the counter. “Where are they?” she cried as she went through the pile.

  “What are you looking for?” Jack asked as he walked up behind her.

  “My birth control pills. I always keep them right here,” she said pointing to the empty shelf.

  Jack sneered. “You won’t find them. I want a son and I flushed them down the commode.”

  “You sonofabitch!” she yelled. “I’m not having any more children—”

  Jack backhanded her in the mouth, busting her lip, then turned and started to walk away.

  As blood ran down her chin, she lunged at him and starting beating the back of his head with her fist.

  Jack whirled around punched her in the chest with his fist, knocking her against the fridge. Again, she lunged at him. Just as he was about to knock her back, Kati ran into the room, screaming. Jack shoved Mandy and she tumbled to the floor. Kati screamed louder and Mandy came to her senses. Stop. You’re scaring Kati, she thought, as she saw the terrified look in Kati’s eyes and saw tears running down her face.

  She managed to stand and walk over to Kati, who was reaching out. She picked up her daughter and hugged her tightly as she cooed, “It’s okay, baby. Don’t cry. Mommy will take care of you.”

  Jack squared his shoulders, as if he were waiting to spar another round.

  Mandy walked into the living room with Kati, still trying to calm her when she heard a car honk. She looked out the window and saw Jerry, Jack’s running buddy, in front of the house.

  As Jack walked across the floor, headed for the front door, Mandy said, “If you ever hit me again, you better pray that that I never get back up. Because if I do, you’re a dead man. As God is my witness, I’ll kill you!”

  Jack laughed, went outside, slamming the door behind him.

  Mandy watched as he walked to the car, waiting and hoping an unseen force would knock him down, or maybe cause the car to explode. Nothing happened. Thanks for the help. Whoever you are. I really needed you to do something. Since you didn’t, I guess it’s up to me. So be it.

  Mandy couldn’t get her prescription refilled for another two weeks. Every night, she did her best to fight Jack off, but he violently had his way with her.

  Two months later, Doctor Harold confirmed her pregnancy. Here we go again, she thought and wiped her tears, then felt guilty for not wanting the precious l
ife that was growing in her body.

  As the months rolled on by, each day, Mandy wondered if she would make it through the days until the baby was born. She had been waiting for a message, a vision, a feeling, anything that would tell her if she was carrying a boy or girl, but nothing came to her.

  She was eight months along, and she didn’t think her body would get her through another month. She pushed herself to take care of Kati, clean and cook. Jack was always home from work by 5 pm, and Mandy always had his supper cooked and on the table when he came through the door.

  One afternoon, she glanced at the clock as she set bowls of food on the table. It was 5 o’clock on the nose. She pulled out a chair and eased herself into it, taking a deep breath. The baby was under her rib cage and it was shutting off her air. She pushed on her large belly, hoping to make the baby move down. Sweat broke out on her forehead and she felt dizzy. Kati ran to her mother and Mandy managed to pick her up.

  She glanced at the clock again. Jack was ten minutes late. She was glad. She wasn’t ready to move and start serving His Majesty. The baby was kicking and it felt as if her ribs were going to crack. Kati jumped down and scampered off, which gave her a little relief.

  By 5:30, Jack still wasn’t home. Strange. She heaved her heavy body up from the chair and went into the living room and sat down on the couch. Kati climbed upon the couch and sat beside Mandy and handed her a book. “I’ll read to you until Daddy gets here,” she said as she opened the book and started reading about a little boy, Silly Billy, who was trying to figure out how to make cows give chocolate milk.

  By six o’clock, Jack still wasn’t home. “I’m hungry, Kati, but do I dare eat before Daddy comes in? Come on, sweetheart, Mommy will feed you. I made mashed potatoes. I know how you love them.”

  As Katie ate, Mandy put a few bites into her own mouth. After Kati finished and was ready to go play, Mandy fixed her plate. When she finished, she took it to the sink and rinsed it. I hope you choke on yours when you do decide to come home, she thought as she went back into the living room and turned on the evening news.

  By seven o’clock, Jack still wasn’t home. Mandy wondered if he had stopped by his parent’s house, ate supper with them and was visiting for a while. “You could have called. But that would have required you to think of somebody besides yourself,” she mumbled as she felt more resentment building in her soul.

  You narcissistic shit! Nikko said.

  By ten o’clock, Kati was lying in Mandy’s lap, sound asleep. She just sat and held her precious baby girl, wondering how she’d react when she had to share Mommy with a new baby.

  Eleven o’clock rolled by, and Jack still wasn’t home. He’s with another woman. Just as the thought went through her mind, she saw the car lights as they turned into the driveway. She blew a sigh. I was really hoping you’d had a head-on collision.

  Jack walked through the front door and didn’t look in Mandy’s direction. He marched through the living room as if she were invisible and went down the hallway.

  Mandy managed to hoist herself up from the couch, holding Kati in her arms. She headed across the floor and was about to step into the hallway on her way to Kati’s bedroom, when Jack came out of their bedroom and was coming back up the hall. “Where in the hell have you been?” Mandy said through clenched teeth.

  Mandy caught the look in Jack’s eyes, but she wasn’t fast enough to dodge before he raised his arm and knocked her body with all he had. She stumbled backward, fell across the arm of the overstuff chair, and Kati rolled out of her arms and hit the floor. Kati started crying and Mandy was gathering her back into her arms as Jack marched back down the hallway, went into the bedroom and slammed the door.

  Mandy rocked Kati back and forth in her arms until she went back to sleep. Then she eased herself up and carried her daughter to her bed. She kissed her forehead and whispered, “Mommy loves you, little darling.” She pulled a blanket over her baby.

  As she left the bedroom she became lightheaded, her vision blurred and she wasn’t sure if she could feel the floor beneath her feet as she walked back into the living room. She eased herself down in the overstuffed chair and clung to the arm. Hate and anger was filling her soul and she felt as if she would explode.

  Suddenly, she felt herself floating outside of her body. Then she was above her body looking down, watching herself. She rose from the chair, headed into the kitchen, walked over to the drawer by the sink, opened the drawer and pulled out a sharp butcher knife. She was gripping it with all her strength as she walked back into the living room and headed down the hallway.

  She watched herself as she stood over Jack. With one quick slice, she cut his throat. She watched as blood gushed, forming a pool around the pillow and running down his chest and soaking the sheet.

  The phone rang. Zoom— she was back in her body. She hurried for the wall phone in the kitchen. “Hello.” There was no answer. “Hello,” she said several times. No answer. Who would be calling at this time of night? She dropped the receiver and it swung back and forth from the long cord. She pulled a chair from the table and sat down. A few minutes later she heard a dial tone. She grabbed the receiver, reached up and put it back on the hook. She wiped sweat from her brow. Oh, dear God. What have I done? I can’t believe I killed him. What am I going to do?

  Mandy eased herself out of the chair. The baby was kicking and going wild. She rubbed her large stomach. “Calm down little sweetie.”

  Mandy slowly walked down the hallway, wondering how she was going to get rid of a body and clean up the bloody mess. Just as he passed the bathroom, she could hear Jack snoring. She stopped in her tracks and held her hand over her heart. What? I saw myself slitting his throat. I watched as his blood spilled all over the bed.

  Then she remembered that she was in the overstuffed chair when the phone rang and she was sucked back into her body. The ringing phone stopped me. Who called?

  Mandy went into Kati’s room and found a blanket on the top shelf of the closet. She headed back to the living room, lay down on the couch and tucked the throw-pillow under her head. Thank you for ringing the phone. Whoever you are. I really don’t want to go to prison and leave two babies without a mother. I know I’m wrong in wishing this, but I really wish Jack would drop dead.

  Nikko whispered, When are you gonna get the guts to kick his whore-dog ass to the curb?

  Then what would I do, Nikko? I have a high school education. I’ve got no work experience. I’ll soon have two babies to take care of. Even if I could find a job I wouldn’t make enough money to support them. And who’d keep my babies? They’ll grow up and then I’ll get away from him. Until then, I’m stuck.

  The vision was still clear of what she had seen herself do. Since she hadn’t done it this time, was the vision showing her what she was going to do later?

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Mandy awoke when Kati patted her face. “I hungry, Mommy.”

  Mandy sat up and patted Kati’s face. “Mommy will fix you some scrambled eggs, honey.”

  A few minutes later, Jack stomped into the kitchen. He opened the fridge, took out a gallon of milk, drank straight from the carton, set it back on the shelf, and headed out the backdoor.

  “Like nothing happened,” Mandy mumbled. Your day will come. I actually pity you when you get what’s coming. Someday, I’ll I crush you as if you’re a bug.

  October 22nd, 1964, Mandy gave birth to a baby boy. The nurse laid him in Mandy’s arms and said, “Nine pounds, two ounces and twenty-two inches. I don’t know where a little thing like you put this big boy.”

  Mandy gazed into the bright eyes of her son and she felt as if he had stolen her very soul. Love filled her to the brim. “Hi, little Tony. I’m your Mommy.”

  Tony smiled. “Was that a reflex or did you understand me? I guess your daddy will strut like a peacock now.”

  Jack opened the door and ran across the room. “Give me my little man,” he said as he lifted the baby from Mandy’s arms. “You final
ly did something right,” he said as he cradled the infant.

  Go screw yourself! Nikko said.

  “His name is Tony Evan. I won’t argue about it. So don’t start in.”

  “I’ve got me a son. I don’t care what you named him,” Jack said and handed the baby back to Mandy.

  When Tony was two-weeks-old, Kati was down for a nap and Mandy was sitting on the couch, giving Tony a bottle. As she stared into his sweet face, her heart was overflowing with love. She smiled. His bright eyes seemed to be saying, I love you, Mommy. She pulled the bottle from his mouth, put him on her shoulder and patted his back, trying to get him to burp. As she patted, a vision danced before her. She was holding a newborn girl with blonde hair and blue eyes.

  “Oh, hell no!” she cried. She blinked over and over but the vision continued. Tony looked to be about six-years-old and his two front teeth were missing. He was tenderly rubbing his hand over the baby girl’s head. Then Kati was running across the floor, out the front door, slamming it behind her. She looked as if she were about nine-years-old. She was a beautiful little girl with long, dark hair in double ponytails.

  Mandy wasn’t sure where things were taking place, but it plainly wasn’t where she was living. She took Tony from her shoulder and stuck the bottle back into his mouth. “What on earth is waiting for us? I sure hope my mind is playing tricks on me.”

  Three years passed and Jack hadn’t hit Mandy again, but he was staying out on weekends and some nights during the week, he stayed out all night. He still acted as if Kati were invisible and Tony was the only thing that mattered to him.