She stopped dead on the stairs and turned to look at him. Her face flushed a deep red, and Alex realized she was embarrassed. “It means I’ve been fantasizing while we make love.”
But he was still lost. “And?”
She frowned and, even swollen from the tears that still stained her cheeks, her eyes glittered with shock. “That doesn’t bother you?”
“Uh, no. Should it?”
She didn’t seem to believe him, though. She shook her head and started up again. He almost smiled at her attitude—almost—but he was still damn confused, and several months’ worth of worried. And now, on top of it all, guilty for having assumed the worst of his wife, when he should’ve known better.
She drew him into their bedroom and pointed at the bed. “You. Sit there.”
He blinked again, this time at her tone, but he sat. “Yes, ma’am. Whatever you say.”
A small, secret smile tilted the corner of Jess’s lips and made its way to her eyes. It was sexy as hell and it stirred his blood. Confused, worried, ticked off, he reminded himself, but his body didn’t seem to listen.
As Alex tried to work this whole fucked-up day out in his head, Jess sat on the floor, reached under their bed and pulled out a large black plastic storage box with a snap-on lid.
“What’s in there?” he asked warily. He didn’t remember ever having seen it before, and had no idea there was even anything under their bed.
She leaned her back against the closet door and drew her knees up, facing him. Her eyes were wide and solemn. “My fantasies.” With a shuddery sigh, she opened the box.
It was full of books.
Books?
She held one up. “This was the first one.” She traced her fingers over the image on the cover, almost caressing it, then turned it toward him.
The cover showed a picture of a bed with neckties around the four bed posts, and a blindfold on the white comforter. Alex could easily imagine what had gone on in that bed, and to his surprise, his cock jerked in response, swelling against the tightness of his jeans. Painfully, but it was a welcome kind of pain. Or would be, if he weren’t in the middle of trying to pry his wife’s big secret from her.
She sat there, biting her lip, and he couldn’t figure out how to make this easier for her.
“Talk to me, babe.” When she didn’t speak, he swore under his breath. He came down off the bed, and sat on the floor next to her, nudging her with his shoulder. “Come on, Jess. Spill. No more hiding and no more waiting.”
She kept her eyes squeezed shut as she started to talk. “Do you remember that night Ben was camping with his scout troop, and Kara was over at Kenzie’s house? We were supposed to go on a date, but you wound up working a double shift.”
Hell, yes. “I remember. That was the first night you scared the shit out of me. Nothing I said or did seemed to help. First, you were fine. Better than fine. You were a wild woman in bed, and I loved it. But then you closed up, shut me out. And I couldn’t figure out what I’d done wrong. I was awake almost that whole night, trying to work it out. What happened, Jess?”
“You didn’t do anything wrong. The book happened.”
“Still confused here, honey. What does the book have to do with anything?”
She flicked a quick glance at him before looking down at the floor. “I’d never read anything like it before. It was erotic as hell, and it put some really, er, vivid pictures in my head. When you came home, I was so turned on, I practically jumped you.”
“And I loved every second of it, like I said. But I still don’t understand why it’s a problem.”
She flushed, and he heard her swallow. “While we were making love, I was imagining myself in some of the scenes from the book.”
“Babe, everyone fantasizes. It’s human nature. So, you pictured us doing something from the book.” He shrugged. Hell, if it helped rev her engines and made her want to make love more often, then he was all for it. “Big deal.”
She flushed even darker red. “I wasn’t fantasizing about us, exactly.” Her words came out low but fast, as if she had to get them out before she lost her nerve. “I was fantasizing about me. Tied to that bed, blindfolded. There were two men, doing all kinds of wicked things to my body, playing with me. Touching me, sucking my nipples. And you were there too.” Her voice cracked but she continued. “You were kneeling on the bed, stroking your penis, watching. Directing them. Telling them what to do to me. Just like the main character in the book had done with his girlfriend.” She shuddered, hugged her knees and put her chin down on them. “I felt like I was cheating on you. There weren’t just two of us in bed that night. There were four of us.”
Son of a bitch. That explained the whole hesitation thing when Jess hadn’t answered when he’d accused her of being unfaithful. Considering her upbringing, he could see how she might consider that a betrayal. Shame slammed into him for his thoughtless words and his lack of trust. He had some serious apologizing to do. But not right now, while she sat here, staring at him through wounded eyes, waiting for him to condemn her for her fantasies.
Condemnation was the last thing on his mind, though. The image of what she described—and the fact that those erotic words were coming out of his usually modest wife’s mouth—was enough to give him the hard-on from hell, and his heart rate jumped through the roof. “Honey, I’m so turned on right now, just listening to you talk, I could pound a nail into a cinderblock with my cock. Tell me more.”
“Really?” she asked, almost timidly.
“Really.” He took her hand and covered his straining erection with it, then leaned closer and whispered in her ear. “This is what your imagination is doing to me. I’ve never seen this side of you before, but I like it. Tell me more about these forbidden fantasies of yours.”
Jessica checked his face carefully. He didn’t look bothered by her confession at all. And from the hard heat below her hand, she knew he was aroused. But she still hadn’t told him everything.
Fantasies were one thing. Her rational mind knew that. But she’d been very sheltered as a child, and her parents had been almost puritanical. Their extreme modesty had influenced her so much that it had taken her years to get comfortable with her nudity around Alex, and they’d already been married. And forget about sex. Her mother had never given her the talk, and the little Jess knew about sex had come from embarrassed questions to her friends. It had taken nearly as long for her to understand that there was more to making love than wham, bam, thank you ma’am in the missionary position. But Alex had always been patient.
It was just as obvious he was trying hard to be patient now. She should have told him. She should have trusted that he’d understand about the fantasies.
But would he understand the rest?
Alex’s face was still drawn, and he looked exhausted, stressed out and upset. Between his long shift the day before, staying up making love with her, and getting up early to coach Ben’s baseball team, he was working on not much sleep. She hated that she’d added to any of his stress with her inability to tell him—the one person on earth she should be able to tell anything—about what was going on in her screwed-up mind. It wasn’t easy to let go of the absolute disbelief she’d felt when he’d walked out on her, but instead of thinking things to death, she took him at his word.
With a deep breath, she pulled out the next book. “This was the second book that got me going.” She showed him the picture of a vampire standing behind a woman, with his fangs sunk into her neck. The woman was moaning in ecstasy, her head thrown back and her mouth wide open. The story had been dark, yet provocative and sensual.
She reached back in the box again and prayed she wasn’t making another huge mistake. Hesitantly, she pulled out the book Alex had interrupted her reading at the bookstore. The cover left little to the imagination. It was obviously a ménage, although the idea was no more extreme than what she’d already shared with Alex about the first book.
But this book had been different. She’d purpo
sely kept it hidden from him, had bought it when she’d told him she hadn’t wanted it. Other than birthday or Christmas gifts—and the huge secret she was only now sharing—she’d never deliberately kept anything hidden from her husband, not like this. She handed him the book and watched his face, biting her lip with some trepidation. “And this was the third.”
He looked at the cover and his eyes widened in recognition. The strong muscles of his neck worked as he swallowed, and his jaw cranked tight. “You lied to me.”
Four little words. Her stomach clenched, but what was done was done. “Yes.”
“For God’s sake, why? If you wanted it, why didn’t you just buy it then?” There was heat to his words, but it was overshadowed by exasperation and confusion. And anger lit his eyes, but something else was there as well.
Hurt, she realized. Her chest tight with emotion, she sucked in a shuddery breath. “When you saw me with that book, your face went totally blank, and it was obvious you weren’t thrilled with me for reading it. So I didn’t buy it then. I was right, too, because you were really quiet the rest of the night.” She reached out to take the book from him.
He stopped her with a quelling look. “So, instead of telling me you wanted it, you waited until you went to the bookstore alone, and you bought it anyway?”
She shifted uncomfortably. It sounded cold and calculating the way he said it. And it hadn’t been like that, not really. “It wasn’t deliberate, but…yeah. That’s about the size of it.”
He blew out a long breath. “I really hate that you lied to me, Jess. And about something so stupid. Something you had the wrong idea about in the first place.”
Startled, her eyes flew to his. “What do you mean?”
His voice was hard, a tone she rarely heard from him. “I wasn’t angry. Shocked down to my toes, yes, because the book looked unlike anything I’d ever seen you read. And you were so flustered by me seeing you with it I didn’t know how to react. But angry? No.” He shook his head. “I’m not sure about the quiet part, but I think that’s when I was getting sick. It didn’t have anything to do with the book.”
She’d forgotten about how the next day he’d come down with a nasty bug that had kept him off work for three days. How had she become so caught up in her own insecurities she’d not remembered that? She didn’t like what that said about her.
She reached out to touch his arm, but he pulled away, and she cringed. She’d really screwed things up.
Chapter Five
Alex surged to his feet and stomped over to their bed, leaning against it, his feet crossed at the ankles. He knew he looked defensive, but he didn’t really care. Two big things, and his wife had lied to him. He was angry again, too, but more than that, he felt like someone had shoved a stake through his heart. “What gets me is that you don’t seem to trust me. We’ve been married fifteen years, and you felt like you had to hide a damn book from me? What did you think I’d do? Or say?”
Jess bit her lip again, looking miserable, but he refused to feel too badly about it. Shit, after fifteen years, she should be able to talk to him about anything. He didn’t keep secrets from her. He didn’t want to, and it wasn’t worth the hassle.
“I don’t know.”
Her voice was soft, small. Confused, even. But he waited, let her think about it, didn’t give her an easy out. This was too important to both of them, to their marriage.
“I think I was afraid.”
That snapped his spine straight, sent his blood pressure into the stratosphere. “Afraid of me?”
She shook her head. “No, more afraid of what you’d think of me.”
Ah. This he understood, and he let out a long, slow breath and settled back against the bed again. Her parents were incredibly uptight about sex, and they’d passed their extreme inhibitions on to their only child. Jessica had been a virgin on their wedding night. Not that he’d complained about it. His inner caveman had loved that she was his, and only his. He still loved that fact. But it had taken almost a year of marriage before she’d started loosening up. So he understood how her mind worked.
Sort of.
He kept this in mind as he figured out how to ease her worries—but also let her know that he didn’t ever want to be lied to again. “They’re fantasies, Jessica. Not real. Let me ask you this. Do you think I don’t fantasize?”
“I’ve never really thought about it,” she said, shrugging one shoulder.
“I’m telling you right now, I do.” His grin was half real, half forced. “Maybe I don’t add other people into the equation, but I fantasize. While we’re making love. While I watch you sleep. While you’re making dinner and you don’t know I’m watching you. Sometimes even when I’m stuck in court, waiting for my turn on a case.”
Her eyes widened, and he shook his head, snorted.
“I’m a guy, babe. And maybe if you’d said something to me about those fantasies of yours, you’d have known about mine before now. Before things got so screwed up.” He tossed the barb out, but felt small and petty when she flinched.
He stepped over to where she still sat against the closet door, and reached out his hand. She put her hand in his, and he pulled her up so they were standing toe to toe. He used his other hand to cup her jaw, one thumb stroking her soft cheek.
She leaned into his touch as fat tears cascaded down her cheeks. “I really do love you, Alex.”
He pulled her into a tight embrace, resting his chin on her head. “I love you too, Jess. You don’t need to keep things like that from me. And no more lies. Please.”
* * *
Jess lay in bed with Alex curled around her, wearing nothing but his tight embrace. His words from last night echoed in her head over and over again, as if they were on a loop tape. No more lies. No more lies. No more lies.
Was not disclosing everything considered a lie?
Oh, yeah. Alex would definitely feel that way. Especially after yesterday’s blowup and last night’s talk. And doubly so after last night’s lovemaking. It had been sweet, and sexy, and emotionally intense. She hadn’t felt this close to him in months, and she didn’t want to break their fragile, renewed bond of trust. So she was going to come clean with him, the rest of the way. He deserved it.
And so did she.
She’d been awake for nearly an hour, but she hadn’t wanted to move. She loved resting in the cocoon of Alex’s arms, safe and protected. As she lay there, listening to him breathe, feeling his heart beat in time with hers, she had plenty of time to think. And the more she thought about it, the more she realized she was cheating both of them.
He hadn’t had any real problem with her fantasies, or her choice of reading material, except that she’d kept him in the dark about both. So, she figured, he might be open to her desire to try out some of her fantasies.
And maybe even some of his.
Alex stirred behind her, wrapping his arms around her, tugging her closer. The silken steel of his morning erection slid between her legs, nudging the entrance to her body. She was already slick with desire, wet and swollen and wanting. She’d been tucked up against Alex’s warm, hard, naked body for the last hour. Imagining talking with him about her fantasies and asking him to make some of them come true had made her hungry for him.
Still asleep, Alex shifted, drawing her closer yet, and as he cupped her breast with his large calloused hand, he thrust his hips forward, sliding deep into her waiting body.
Jess shivered, clenching around him. Making love in the morning, when Alex slid into her from behind before she was even awake, was something she loved. She loved this even more. The knowledge that he was seeking her out, while he still slept, was an aphrodisiac that ramped up her desire.
A delicious tension spread through her body as he tightened his grip on her breast and continued to thrust, slowly, his pace so leisurely it was driving her mad. She couldn’t hold back her moan of frustrated pleasure. It felt so good, hanging on the edge so close to orgasm she could taste it. For the first time in
a very long time, she felt free of the guilt that had been weighing her down, casting a shadow over their lovemaking.
She closed her eyes and let the images in her mind loose. The fingers tugging at her breast became a nipple clamp, and the leg draped over her legs became ropes binding her to the bed, partly on her stomach and partly on her side. Her breath came in short pants as she clutched the sheets with hands she refused to lift off the bed, almost as if Alex had ordered her not to move.
The sound of his wife’s plaintive cries and the feel of the tight fist of her pussy squeezing his cock woke Alex from the intense dream he’d been having. His voice was sleep-drugged, but his body was wide awake.
“God, you feel good,” he growled, using his thumb and forefinger to tease her nipple, to twist it as he stroked in and out of her body, pumping his hips harder and faster. Suddenly, he realized Jess was practically pinned beneath him, and he started to move so he wouldn’t crush her.
“No, don’t.” She grabbed his leg and held it tightly to her body. “Like this. Please.”
The begging tone of her voice ripped something free inside him. He was already on the edge of coming, but he didn’t want to leave her behind. He thought back to the dream that had gotten him hard, a dream based on the cover of that vampire book Jess had shown him. He’d been the vampire, she’d been the seduced innocent, and she’d loved it when he feasted on her neck. He gritted his teeth, holding back the impending explosion while Jess caught up with him. He wasn’t gentle with her, but something told him she didn’t want gentle right now. Each pinch of her nipples brought a moan, each time he drove into her heat and pushed her deeper into the mattress, she gasped. Soon, she was on the edge, right there with him.
He slid his hand over her hip and delved into her curls, finding that sweet spot, stroking her clit with her own slick fluids, and she started to come on a keening wail. Without thinking too much about it, he bit down on the sensitive skin in the curve between her neck and her shoulder. It sent her over the edge.
Forbidden Fantasies Page 4