The Hope That Starts

by Heidi Hutchinson

  After his unsuccessful attempt in L.A. and then San Diego, Harrison had had to get back to the tour. Carl checked to see if Zelda had taken him up on his recommendation and had made any interviews. She had. Several interviews, in fact. Along with job offers, which she'd rejected.

  Harrison was hoping they could get a message to her at her next scheduled interview. Now that was out, too.

  “Do you have Amber's number?” Harrison asked Carl. The tour manager grimaced. That meant no.

  “What about a forwarding address?” Luke asked.

  The band had joined in on the effort to find Harrison's one true love. It may have had something to do with him getting on their nerves since it was all he talked about. Harrison liked to believe it was because they loved him and wanted his every happiness.

  “It's just her parents' place,” Carl said, shrugging.

  The room quieted as everyone mulled over their own individual thoughts. Except Harrison. He knew where she was.

  “Of course she'd be at her parents' place,” he said, a soft chuckle escaping as he shook his head. He wanted to kick himself for not thinking of it sooner. He could be so incredibly thick at times. “If she was really hurting, she'd go home,” he said simply. And if she was feeling anything like what he was feeling, she was definitely hurting.

  ***

  It was difficult for Zelda to make a sandwich without feeling melancholy. She supposed that was normal. For months she had been rewarded with her favorite smile whenever she handed over another creation. Now, that was not to be.

  She hadn't planned on going home. She figured she'd stay in L.A., build some new contacts, save her money, maybe try New York or Chicago next.

  But everything hurt.

  Every body part, every thought, every action.

  For the first time in her life, she was carrying around a broken heart. It was shattered in too many pieces to count.

  It was the emotional breakdown she'd had at Comic-Con that finally sent her home, though. She went back to Mindee's without seeing Joss Whedon and she packed her bags.

  Then she went home.

  For a week she'd filled her time with making sandwiches in the shop and taking pictures of her pretty mom. A lot of black and white. She was feeling classic and nostalgic.

  And sad.

  All the sadness ever.

  She ate, she slept, she worked.

  She existed.

  But she didn't shine.

  She was obsessing. And not in the healthy nerdy way she normally did. She was obsessing over the large gaping hole that had opened up right through the middle of her.

  She just knew it would never be filled. She would have to learn to live with half a soul. Because Harrison had the other half and he always would.

  Her whole life she had known that when it happened, when she finally fell in love, that would be it for her. She just wasn't the type of person to try again.

  It was going to be all or nothing.

  And this was what nothing felt like.

  Her parents were worried about her, she could tell. But they were doing the best they could do, given the circumstances. They made themselves available, they let her talk when she needed to talk, they provided happy distractions, they let her know she was loved.

  Sometimes, at night when she was trying to sleep, her mind would drift to a dark place and she would become very frightened. Scared of the future. Scared of the hole. Scared that she would never be okay.

  She knew, logically, that she would be. Time heals and people adapt and circumstances change. But emotionally, she wasn't so sure. She had this feeling that, on top of the weird insecure and nerdy issues she already had, she might be broken forever.

  It was hard to explain, but it was kind of like having a party. The singing, the dancing, the cake. And then a sewer line ruptured and everything got really shitty.

  The door to the sandwich shop opened and Zelda stopped her stare-down with the pastrami and slid her eyes to the customer who would probably order something boring and safe. She shouldn't be as cynical as she was, but, dammit! Her heart was broken!

  She nearly swallowed her tongue when she saw Carl standing at her counter, scowling up at the menu board.

  “Don't you have anything here that isn't weird?” he asked gruffly.

  She swallowed, the tightness in her throat making it difficult.

  His brown eyes revealed nothing when they met hers. “I'll just take a turkey club. You know how to make a regular turkey club, right?”

  Zelda nodded. She called the order to the back and faced Carl again as he counted out his dollar bills one at a time. Then he took his drink cup and walked over to the fountain machine.

  Maybe he didn't recognize her. She was wearing a hat.

  Was he here alone? Was Harrison with him?

  Oh God. Was Harrison okay? Did he marry Kiley? Were they so happy together? Had he already forgotten she existed?

  “I've heard good things about the George and Lola special.”

  Her head snapped over to the order station to see Luke and Lenny standing there.

  “Yeah, me too. Let's get that one,” Lenny said, her blue eyes not leaving the menu board.

  “Two George and Lola's,” Luke ordered, looking for all intents and purposes like a regular customer. His bright blue eyes were flat and expressionless.

  “If you add soup, it's called the The Winner,” Zelda said softly.

  Luke nodded. “We'll do that.”

  “We have a Winner,” she called over her shoulder as she rang up the order. Luke paid with a credit card. Lenny took the plastic order number. It was surreal.

  “Monte Cristo,” Mike ordered, stepping forward. He laid the cash on the counter, took his drink cup and order number, and offered her a sly wink.

  “One grilled cheese, one Italian Club with that homemade tomato soup,” Blake said, his card already extended.

  Zelda took the card and tried to make eye contact with him, but he wouldn't look at her. She handed over the order number and his lips twitched as his eyes slid to hers briefly. “Lucy is running late, but she'll be here soon.”

  “Erf...” is all Zelda got out before Sway was in front of her, his beautiful, whimsical smile on his face.

  “This place is nice,” he said, nodding. “And it smells good, too.”

  “Sway—” she choked out, leaning forward slightly.

  “I want a French Dip,” he ordered, cutting her off.

  “That's five fifty,” she answered automatically.

  He handed over exact change, took his number, gave her a cheeky grin and stepped aside.

  Zelda had had just about enough. They couldn't just walk in here and order sandwiches, for crying out loud. She had a massively wrecked soul here. And if they knew something they weren't telling her... then they were just—

  “How does anyone decide what to order here? What do you recommend?”

  Brown eyes. Dark chocolate brown, large, framed by thick lashes the likes of which she had never seen. At least not in far too long. Her own eyes began to burn and she sucked in a breath to keep from completely losing her shit.

  Because she was sooo going to lose her shit.

  “What are you doing here?” she whispered. She didn't mean to whisper. She meant to sound bossy and controlling.

  Those brown eyes looked back at hers, the relief evident.

  “You turned your phone off,” Harrison said with such simplicity, it was a wonder Zelda didn't smack him.

  “I broke it. What is going on?” she asked, her voice trembling.

  “Kiley lied,” he said. “The baby wasn't mine.”

  A sob escaped and Zelda's hand flew up to cover her mouth to keep anything else from coming out. But the tears blurred her vision and she closed her eyes, determined not to believe this dream. She would wake up any minute and it would be over and he would be gone.

  A gentle tug on her wrist pulled her hand away and she squeezed her eyes tighter. Harrison's warm palm
cupped the side of her face.

  “I have gone entirely too long without seeing those eyes. Please don't deny me now,” Harrison said roughly.

  Zelda opened her eyes slowly. He'd hopped the counter and now stood just inches from her, his face the most glorious surprise she had ever been subjected to.

  “You can't be here,” she argued irrationally.

  “I can't be away from you another minute,” he replied instantly.

  He glanced to her hat and then he swept it off of her head. She launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her body against his. He was real. He was really here, in her arms.

  “I missed you,” she said, knowing that it in no way conveyed the actual emotion she'd been feeling being separated from him.

  “Not nearly as much as I missed you,” he replied, his arms tightening around her and lifting her off of her feet. “Don't you ever leave me again.”

  She pulled back and framed his face with both of her hands as she rained kisses down on him. “It was too hard the first time. I'd never survive a second attempt.”

  He set her down and looked at her seriously. “I tried to get here as soon as I could. I had to wrap up a tour first, but now... You're coming home with me. You have to meet my mother. She's going to expect you to produce grandchildren as soon as the wedding is over.”

  Zelda burst out laughing, the giddiness in her belly making the room spin and tilt with excitement. “Oh really? And when is the wedding happening?”

  “As soon as freaking possible,” he answered earnestly.

  Her mouth fell open when she realized he was serious.

  “Never again. Never will I be without you. Maybe that makes me spoiled and selfish and immature, but I don't care. I want maple syrup in my kitchen and Doctor Who on my television and you in my life. Every day. Every night. If you want a big wedding, I can do that. If you want something small, just say the word. I will do anything so long as the end result is you in my arms forever.”

  She narrowed her eyes even as she fought the smile that wanted to take over her face. “Are you... proposing?”

  “No,” Harrison said, shaking his head. “Proposing implies the possibility that you might want to say no.” His eyes danced with mischief. “And I have it on good authority that you plan on loving me forever.”

  “Until there's nothing left of me,” she confirmed.

  “Just kiss her already!” Blake shouted from the table where he and the rest of the band sat watching.

  Harrison raised an eyebrow without looking away from her. “I'm going to kiss you now.”

  “Well, you'd better,” she said flatly. “Before you cause a riot.”

  “Kissing with a purpose,” he said with a half-grin as his head tilted and lowered toward hers.

  Then her lips met his and they were finally home. His tongue swept inside her mouth for a much needed and appreciated confirmation that he was indeed real, and she was absolutely in his arms.

  He deepened the kiss, wrapping her in an embrace as her fingers found his short hair and held him. Tight. She kissed him with relief. With joy. With overpowering surrender.

  This man. Right here.

  Her every dream come true.

  Her little fangirl heart wept joyful nerd tears while her heart exploded.

  Life for them was just starting.

  And it was going to be so good.

  Weird... but good.

  Epilogue

  Thinking Out Loud

  Seven Years Later

  Harrison pressed the button on the wall beside the door that led into the house. The garage door lowered on the three-car garage and he watched to be sure it went all the way to the ground before twisting the handle of the door and going into the house.

  As soon as he stepped into the mudroom off of the kitchen, he was bombarded with the smell of homemade chili and cornbread. Oh, he loved having a wife who could cook.

  All those years ago when he had imagined what his life would be like, he'd never considered that she would have any sort of domestic talents. He just figured she'd be weird, gorgeous, and too good for him.

  He wasn't wrong.

  Screaming, yelling, and pounding echoed through the walls as he made his way from the mudroom to the kitchen.

  A huge stockpot sat on the stove, the lid on. He went to it and lifted the lid, taking a deep breath of the aroma as his mouth filled with saliva. A pan of cornbread sat on the counter beside it, attracting his attention next, and he broke off a corner piece, popping it in his mouth. It melted on his tongue and he closed his eyes in bliss.

  The screaming upstairs moved to the stairs and he tracked the pounding feet as they rounded the banister and landed in a heap at the bottom of the steps.

  They'd bought the house a year after they were married. Three floors, seven bedrooms, four bathrooms, hardwood floors, and a yard that was more forest than yard. Because Zelda said that children needed to have a place to explore.

  That was also how she had told him she was pregnant.

  So they'd bought the huge house just outside of Dudley, Massachusetts.

  Zelda had converted a room downstairs for her dark room, where she developed her own pictures. Another room was used for her office, because apparently his wife was super talented and was in high demand. She had the uncanny ability to make celebrities look like regular people while still making them look glamorous. She blamed it on the practice she'd had over the years of being Double Blind Study's exclusive photographer. But Harrison was pretty sure it was just her and her natural talent.

  Meanwhile, the band itself was still going strong. All of the members were nearing their forties and showed no signs of slowing down. Their music had matured with their lives, and so had their fans.

  Make no mistake, they still rocked. But they were much better at it now.

  They took their families with them on the road when they could, and didn't tour as long and as hard as they used to.

  Which reminded Harrison, he had to talk to Zelda about the meeting he'd just finished. She'd want to know what the decision was, and he was curious to see her reaction.

  “NOOOOO!” came a little boy's cry from the dining room. “I'm a Jedi Knight! You will never defeat me!”

  The clash of plastic on plastic made Harrison grin and he made his way in that direction. He leaned against the doorframe and slowly peered around the corner in time to see his wife raise her red lightsaber and shout at their oldest boy Xander, “You don't understand the power of the Dark Side! Join me, and together we will rule the galaxy.”

  Then they were back to a duel of epic proportions. Zelda climbed up onto the dining room table in her socks and slid the length of it, then jumped down onto the floor before sprinting from the room, their five-year-old hot on her heels.

  “Hi, daddy.”

  He looked down and by his side stood his baby girl, Ellie. A riot of dark curls and brilliant green eyes. Three years old and smarter than most adults he knew.

  He scooped her up in his arms and gave her a squeeze.

  “How long have they been dueling?” he asked, pressing a kiss to her soft cheek.

  She shrugged and smiled at him, her face the picture of innocence.

  “Dad!” Malcolm, their middle child, yelled as he careened into the kitchen and hugged Harrison around the middle.

  “Dad's home?” Harrison heard from the other room. A burst of energy entered the room and then Harrison was surrounded by all three of his children. Just when he thought life couldn't get any better, it always did.

  He looked up from the hugs and greetings to see his wife, sweaty curls sticking to her face, a bright smile beamed directly at him. She wore black yoga pants topped with an orange tank top that said, “Je Suis Prest.”

  The fangirl love was all-encompassing.

  “Why don't you give your mom and me a minute to talk, guys,” he said, placing Ellie back on the floor. The kids exited in a rush of excited voices.

  �
�Did you feed them candy for dinner again?” he asked as he crossed slowly to his gorgeous bride.

  “If by candy you mean maple syrup on their cornbread, then... yes,” she said with a grin.

  He reached her, his hands sliding up her waist to her ribs. Her hands automatically went to his shoulders as she pressed her soft body into his. “I love you,” she said right before his mouth descended onto hers.

  He wondered early on in their marriage if he would ever tire of her. If her kisses would one day become less exciting to him. But so far, that was not the case. His body seemed to crave her more and more the longer they were together. Just like any decent sugar addiction.

  Before long, he had her pinned to the wall in the kitchen while his hands roamed over his favorite parts of her. Spoiler alert: it was all of them.

  Her fingers were twisted in his hair and her body sighed contentedly against him as he reluctantly ended the kiss that could very easily lead to baby number four. Every kiss with her held that risk.

  He rested his forehead against hers and looked into those eyes that he couldn't get enough of.

  “So what did you guys decide?” she asked.

  He studied her kiss-swollen lips, her flushed cheeks, her half-lidded eyes, and was instantly looking forward to going to bed with her later that night. He ran his hands up her sides to her arms, which were wrapped around his neck.

  “You're so beautiful.”

  She blushed and bit down on her bottom lip. He pulled it free with his thumb, caught it in his own teeth, then soothed it with another kiss. He should really stop or they were going to be putting the kids to bed very early tonight.

  Taking a deep breath and humming low in his throat, he placed one more kiss on her lips before stepping back. She gave him a knowing grin before she moved to the stove to scoop him up a bowl of chili.

  “Well,” he started, hopping up on the counter. “We decided absolutely no way are we going to do a reality show.”

  Zelda closed her eyes and her shoulders instantly relaxed. He knew that's what she wanted to hear. They'd talked about it a lot and while she was against the reality show idea, she would go along with it if that's how the band voted. But the band didn't want it, either.