Out of the Shadows

by Susan Lewis

  Alan.

  PS: I’m attaching a photo as you requested, but I’m going to confess here and now that it was taken about two years ago by my stepson, who’s hoping to become a professional photographer. Judging by how good he’s managed to make me look, I think he’s in with a chance!

  As she finished reading Patsy was smiling all over her face. ‘He’s very loquacious, isn’t he?’ she remarked admiringly.

  ‘What does that mean?’ Neve asked.

  ‘Chatty. Not holding back, but then, given his profession, I think it’s probably safe to assume that he’s over his hang-ups, if he ever had any, and is by now fully in touch with all sides of himself, including the feminine. Neve,’ she went on, cupping Neve’s face in her hands, ‘you are a genius, my love. I always used to think your mother and Alan Cunningham were made for each other, everyone did, and now, thanks to you, they’re about to find one another again.’

  Neve was beaming with pride. ‘So how do we make it happen?’ she said, thinking of the brother in Yorkshire, with three children. She’d never had cousins before, or an uncle – at least not one who made much of an effort to remember he had a niece.

  Patsy pulled a face. ‘Good question,’ she replied. ‘Off the top of my head, I think we need to confess to him first that we’re behind this.’

  Neve didn’t look so certain. ‘But think how embarrassed and disappointed he’ll be. He really thinks he’s writing to Mum, so he’s going to feel totally set up.’

  ‘Mm,’ Patsy grunted, and carried on thinking. Suddenly her eyes lit up. ‘I know what we’re going to do,’ she declared, starting to rummage around the desk. ‘Where’s my diary?’

  Spotting it on the floor, Neve grabbed it and handed it over.

  ‘OK, it’s your mother we need to work on,’ Patsy said decisively, flicking through the pages, ‘so we need to sort out when we can … Oh hell, looking at this I don’t have a free evening now till Friday.’

  ‘Mum works at the disco on Fridays.’

  ‘Blast. Actually, I might be able to get out of this dinner on Wednesday. Yes, I’m sure I can. Will she be at home then?’

  Neve nodded. ‘She usually is on Wednesdays. Why, what are we going to do?’

  Patsy grinned. ‘All you have to do, my darling, is be there. The rest you can leave to me.’

  Neve looked uncertain. ‘What about Alan? He’ll be expecting an answer, so are we going to send one?’

  Patsy turned to the screen and stared thoughtfully at the email. ‘Let’s wait until we come back from seeing Joseph,’ she said. ‘I should have things a bit clearer in my mind by then.’

  Delighted to leave the big decisions to Pats, Neve threw her arms round her neck. ‘Do you know what I really love about you?’ she said.

  ‘Oh, do tell,’ Patsy encouraged.

  ‘It’s that you don’t treat me like a child.’

  Patsy looked amazed. ‘You’re nearly fourteen,’ she reminded her. ‘I knew everything by the time I was your age. It’s only now that I’m stupid.’

  With a bubble of laughter Neve skipped off to her own room, full of what a fantastic time she was having, especially now she was getting something right for her mum. And everything Pats had bought her today would suit Mum too, so she wasn’t really missing out, or not all that much, and once she got together with Alan again, everything was going to be even better than she’d dared to imagine.

  Chapter Five

  ‘WHAT ON EARTH’S all this?’ Susannah cried in amazement as she carried armfuls of heavy shopping in through the front door to find the sitting room transformed into a beauty salon.

  ‘Come in, come in, it’s freezing out there,’ Neve urged, pushing the door closed and grasping one of the carrier bags.

  ‘Where did you get all this?’ Susannah demanded, gazing in bewilderment at the extraordinary assortment of cosmetics, brushes, shampoos and body lotions covering the coffee table, floor and sofa. ‘As if I need to ask. Is she here?’

  ‘In the kitchen!’ Patsy shouted. ‘Be right with you, just don’t come in here.’

  ‘Take off your coat and sit down,’ Neve instructed, clearing a space at the fireside end of the sofa. ‘I’ll unload the shopping, you just make yourself comfortable.’

  Susannah’s eyes were wide with curiosity as she followed orders, guessing she was about to be treated to some kind of makeover, and totally in love with the idea. It was so long since she’d last been pampered with such a luxury that her skin was already tingling with anticipation. ‘Is this your doing?’ she asked, as Neve disappeared into the kitchen.

  ‘Both of us,’ Neve called back. ‘Would you like a glass of wine? We have white or red, or champagne if you prefer.’

  Laughing in amazement, Susannah said, ‘I’ll have white, thank you. What are you doing in there, Patsy Lovell?’

  ‘You’ll find out soon enough,’ Patsy replied, checking her watch as she came into the sitting room. ‘OK, it’s five thirty now. The facialist is due at six, the hair colourist at seven and the masseuse at nine. Dinner’s being delivered at seven thirty – I hope sushi’s OK – and tomorrow you have an appointment with one of our top hair stylists for a cut and blow-dry. He couldn’t make it this evening, which is why you’re being highlighted first. Now, before everything gets under way … Ah, here’s my able-bodied assistant with our wine – thank you Neve – we need to tell you that there is a purpose to all this. Cheers.’

  ‘Cheers,’ Susannah responded, raising her glass. ‘Do you have soda in yours?’ she asked Neve.

  ‘Yeah, yeah. When do I ever not?’

  Susannah turned back to Pats, who was making room for herself in the far corner of the sofa.

  ‘Right,’ Pats began, settling herself down. ‘Neve and I have some news for you that we think, hope, you’re going to like. Actually I know you will, but it’s going to be a bit of a surprise, so brace yourself, and don’t say anything until you’ve given it a chance to sink in. OK?’

  Susannah’s eyes were simmering with intrigue as they moved to Neve. ‘OK,’ she promised, unable to imagine where this was going, but loving how excited Neve was looking.

  ‘Good. I wanted Neve to be the one to tell you,’ Patsy continued, ‘because it was her idea, but she’s insisted I …’

  ‘No, it’s OK, actually I don’t mind telling her now,’ Neve jumped in.

  Patsy immediately sat back to give her the floor.

  Neve put down her drink and looked at her mother. ‘Pats has helped me arrange all this,’ she said, waving her arms to indicate the beauty treatments, ‘because you’ve got a date on Saturday night and we know you’ll want to look your best when you see him.’

  Susannah’s smile dropped.

  Neve glanced anxiously at Pats, who gave her a nod of encouragement. ‘It’s with your old boyfriend, Alan Cunningham,’ Neve told her hesitantly. ‘We’ve been in touch with him and he’s living back in London now …’

  ‘Hang on, hang on,’ Susannah interrupted. ‘What do you mean you’ve been in touch with him? How?’

  Neve’s eyes made another worried trip to Pats.

  ‘It’s OK,’ Pats said softly. ‘Just tell her how it happened.’

  Swallowing, Neve looked at her mother again. ‘I went on to the Friends Reunited website,’ she confessed, ‘and left a message saying you …’ Her voice faltered as her cheeks started to flame. ‘I thought he was someone you’d like to see again,’ she said, ‘so I …’ She took a quick breath. ‘I pretended to be you … No, don’t be mad,’ she cried as Susannah’s eyes darkened. ‘You’re always so unhappy and you never go out anywhere, or see anyone, so I did it to try and cheer you up. Pats thought it was a really good idea, didn’t you?’ she added desperately.

  ‘I did and still do,’ Patsy confirmed. ‘And remember, Susannah, you agreed not to say anything until you’d allowed it to sink in.’

  ‘But you can’t play God with my life like this,’ Susannah protested. ‘If I’d wanted to be in touch with Alan C
unningham, I’d have done it myself.’

  ‘No you wouldn’t,’ Neve objected. ‘You never do anything to try and meet anyone and it’s not normal.’

  ‘What I do or don’t do is my concern,’ Susannah told her, ‘and as for using the Internet to track him down … You know how I feel about those social-networking sites. They can be dangerous for a girl your age …’

  ‘Before you go any further,’ Patsy jumped in, ‘why don’t you try being a little appreciative of how much your happiness means to your daughter?’

  ‘Yeah,’ Neve came in belligerently.

  ‘She contacted Alan with the very best intentions,’ Pats went on, ‘and as soon as I knew about it I supported her all the way. It’s a brilliant idea, because it’s high time this sackcloth and ashes existence was kicked into touch. So do yourself a favour and get down off that high horse before it throws you, and go and read Alan’s emails. They’re all set up on the computer, and you’ll find a recent photograph of him ready to open too. If you’re still not interested by the time you’ve finished, then you have my word on it that we’ll call the whole thing off.’

  ‘No we won’t!’ Neve protested, but quickly backed down as Patsy threw her a warning look.

  Not sure how to refuse without getting into an argument or appearing unreasonably churlish, Susannah took her drink into the kitchen and sat down in front of the computer. It was all starting to feel slightly unreal, because if the truth be told she’d been thinking about Alan quite a lot lately, wondering where he might be living, and how life was treating him …

  ‘Before you begin,’ Patsy called after her, ‘bear in mind that he thinks he’s writing to you.’

  For the next few minutes Susannah scrolled through the emails, feeling herself floating back through time, while her emotions ran the gamut of nostalgia, pleasure, surprise and even anger. ‘You told him about Duncan!’ she shouted, her insides clenching with embarrassment.

  ‘Why not?’ Neve retorted, coming into the kitchen. ‘It’s not your fault he’s in prison, is it? So why should you feel it’s something you have to hide? And I thought we should be honest, right upfront.’

  Though Susannah was still staring at the screen she didn’t fail to register the ‘we’, and finally started to realise what this was meaning for Neve. She wanted a father every bit as much as she wanted to stop worrying about her mother. Feeling a lump rising in her throat she continued to read, aware of being less angry now, and even a little intrigued. Saturday night works fine for me, he’d written in his most recent email. I’d be happy to come and pick you up, or we can meet somewhere, whichever you’d prefer.

  Without uttering a word she clicked on the JPEG and her eyes widened as her heart started to beat faster. If it were possible, he was even more attractive now than when she’d last seen him.

  ‘Pats and I reckon he looks like Beckham,’ Neve piped up.

  Not quite able to see the resemblance herself, Susannah couldn’t help going back to the first email and reading it again.

  ‘So what do you think?’ Neve prompted when she’d finished. ‘Are you interested? Will you go?’

  Taking a breath, Susannah got up from the chair and went to refill her glass.

  ‘Please say yes,’ Neve begged. ‘Please, please, please.’

  At last Susannah smiled. ‘If I could, I would,’ she responded, ‘but you know I work on Saturdays …’

  ‘You can call in sick.’

  ‘Or resign,’ Pats suggested. ‘Oh come on, you two were always made for one another, life just got in the way for a while. Now, thanks to your amazingly perspicacious daughter, it’s all getting back on track.’

  ‘What does that mean?’ Neve demanded.

  ‘That you’re brilliantly insightful,’ Pats informed her. ‘And now she’s getting over the shock, I rather think your mother’s inclined to agree.’

  Starting to blush, Susannah said, ‘I think you’ve got some ridiculously high hopes pinned on this. We’ll probably hate one another.’

  ‘Just give it a chance,’ Neve implored.

  With a sigh Susannah said, ‘OK, I’ll think about it.’

  Pats was shaking her head. ‘The date’s already made and your makeover is about to begin, so by the time Saturday evening comes around you, my darling, will be our very own Cinderella on her way to the ball. Which means,’ she went on playfully, ‘that you don’t get to escape my magic wand after all.’

  For Susannah, the next few days passed in the kind of nervous anticipation she hadn’t experienced since … Well, since she was a teenager going on a first date with Alan Cunningham. So many doubts and insecurities kept cropping up that she lost count of how many times she came close to cancelling. Then all kinds of memories would come flooding back and it would start to seem as though no time at all had passed, and she was still that young, vibrantly carefree girl, full of dreams and bursting with all the joy life had to offer. She’d felt blessed then in a way she could only marvel at now, taking everything so completely for granted, as though it were her right, even her destiny, to be happy and fulfilled. Had anyone told her at the time that she’d only reach the fringes as an actress, or that she and Alan would end up drifting apart, she’d never have believed them. Why would she, when everything had felt so magically possible – and when for three whole years, since their first awkward kiss at the age of fifteen, she and Alan had been virtually inseparable?

  Now, as she spent just about every waking moment either dreading, or longing for the weekend to arrive, she had to wonder who was more excited, since Neve was bursting with it. It was as though she was going on the date herself, she was so full of what Susannah should wear, and say, and even think during the build-up, and the evening itself.

  ‘If he doesn’t ask to see you again on Sunday, don’t start getting negative and telling yourself he’s not really interested,’ Neve cautioned, blithely unaware, or simply not caring, how many times she’d already said it. ‘He’ll probably just be playing it cool, not wanting to seem too keen at the beginning.’

  Highly amused, Susannah’s usual response was, ‘And what should I do if he does want to meet up again on Sunday? I mean, I don’t want to appear too eager, do I?’

  ‘No, definitely not, but I think, seeing as you knew each other before, it’s probably all right to have a second date the next day. I’ll ask Pats what she thinks, shall I?’

  Pats, of course, was brimming with as much advice and even more opinions than Neve, and Lola wasn’t backward in weighing in with the occasional offering of encouragement, or caution either.

  ‘He’s bound to have changed a bit over the years,’ she warned on the Friday evening, before Susannah left the flat to go to work, ‘so try to remember that you have too. You’re not kids any more, you’ve both had experiences, and he might well have had his fair share of knocks too. Sounds to me like he has, if his family broke up.’

  ‘Exactly,’ Neve chimed in, ‘so don’t only talk about yourself. Remember to ask about him too.’

  Stifling a laugh, Susannah planted a kiss on Neve’s forehead, then another on Lola’s, and disappeared into her old bedroom, now Neve’s, to get changed for work. As she closed the door she found herself recalling the countless hours she’d spent in this very room, putting on make-up and choosing what to wear to meet her great heart-throb. She could almost see herself sitting at the scallop-shaped dressing table with its rosy drapes and bracketed mirrors – long gone now – pulling a brush through her hair, and talking to her reflection so she’d know what she looked like when she talked to him, or laughed at what he was saying, or pouted at some kind of tease.

  By the time she went back out into the hall Neve and Lola were washing up in the kitchen, and still, apparently, chatting about Alan.

  ‘He is so drop-dead,’ Neve was saying as she took a soapy dish from Lola. ‘I swear, if he was my age, or I was his, I’d be like, oh my God.’

  ‘Really?’ Lola responded drily. ‘Then you’d have it bad.’
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  ‘Oh yeah, I would,’ Neve replied seriously. ‘You really liked him, didn’t you? You know, when he was going out with Mum before?’

  ‘There was nothing not to like about him. He was always very polite, but he had a wicked sort of charm, as I recall. He used to come round here, calling for your mother who was never ready on time, so he’d sit in there chatting away with Fred about football and cricket. They got on like a house on fire, those two. Then your mother used to come breezing out of her bedroom, pretending to be surprised to see him, and off they’d go, arm in arm across the estate like they were straight out of West Side Story, was what Fred used to say.’ She gave a dreamy sort of sigh, and stood gazing out of the window as though she could see Susannah and Alan out there now. ‘Yes, we always had a soft spot for that young man,’ she said. ‘We were nearly as upset as your mother when he went off to university. She missed him like billy-o the first few months he was gone. They used to be on the phone to one another nearly every night, and she went up there to see him a couple of times. Oh, the tears when she came back. We had a job to know what to do with her. But then time went on and she got caught up in her classes at Webber Douglas and I suppose he must have been busy up there at university, and gradually they stopped being in touch.’

  Neve’s eyes were full of the tragedy as she said, ‘So you’re really happy they’re seeing one another again?’

  Lola gave her a wink. ‘Yes, I think you did the right thing,’ she assured her, having read the need for approval. ‘It’s high time your mother started living again, so it’s lucky she has you to remind her that she’s not getting any younger.’

  Charming, Susannah thought to herself.

  ‘She’s looking fantastic though, isn’t she?’ Neve declared enthusiastically. ‘You’d never think she was as old as thirty-six. I reckon she looks much younger, especially since Patsy’s people went to work on her.’