Out of the Shadows

by Susan Lewis

  ‘Oh blast,’ Neve said, getting into the car and fastening her seat belt.

  Glancing at her as he started the ignition, Alan said, ‘What is it?’

  ‘Nothing. Just something I forgot to ask Mum, that’s all.’

  ‘Well you can always get her on the mobile. The train probably hasn’t even pulled out of the station yet.’

  ‘I know.’ Then after a beat, ‘Hey, that was really cool, wasn’t it, the way those people came up and asked for her autograph? And the programme hasn’t even gone out yet. Imagine what it’s going to be like when it does.’

  With a dryness that belied his aversion to having strangers crash into his personal space, he said, ‘I can hardly wait.’

  Neve gave a distracted sort of laugh, then after checking her mobile for texts and voicemails and finding none, she sat in awkward silence as they began heading away from St Pancras back through London to Lola’s. She couldn’t work out what to bring up first – on the one hand it made sense to go on with what she’d already started, about having to ask her mother something, but on the other she wasn’t sure if she really wanted to ask him instead. Well, she did, but at the same time, she didn’t. In the end, she said, ‘Are you still mad about how much time Mum spent learning her lines over the weekend?’

  His eyebrows rose as he pulled out to overtake a bus. ‘No,’ he replied steadily, ‘but I could have wished she’d spent more time with us.’

  ‘Is that what you rowed about last night?’ she dared to ask. ‘I’m sorry, I couldn’t help overhearing.’

  ‘I’m sure you couldn’t.’

  ‘So was it?’ she prompted when he didn’t go on.

  ‘If you overheard, then you already know,’ he pointed out.

  Embarrassed, and even a little rattled, she said, ‘Yeah, well, I don’t think getting on her case is going to help, you know. I mean, she has to learn the lines, and probably the weekends are going to be the only time she has spare.’

  After a beat, he said, ‘You’re a good champion and a loyal daughter, and what’s more you’re right, because complaining about it and picking fights doesn’t help anyone. So,’ he went on, reaching for her hand, ‘in peril of falling out with you, I promise never to do it again.’

  She gave a little hiccup of laughter, and promptly looked out of the window, aware of their joined hands and feeling her insides seeming to lurch and stretch around a barrage of emotions. ‘Actually,’ she suddenly blurted, ‘I suppose I could ask you what I was going to ask Mum.’

  He simply continued to drive, allowing her to come to the point in her own time.

  ‘In fact, really, you’re the one it most concerns,’ she said, ‘so definitely it makes sense to ask you.’

  Still he waited.

  She took a breath that shook and shuddered in the middle. ‘I was thinking,’ she said, tensing so tightly now that without realising it she was crushing his fingers, ‘what if … I mean, maybe one night me and Sash could … Well, we could come and stay at our house. I meant to ask Mum if it would be all right, but then I forgot.’

  ‘I see,’ he said in a tone that didn’t at all betray the fact that he’d read every word of the subtext. ‘Well, I don’t think there should be a problem with that. I’ll have to run it past her, of course.’

  Neve shrugged, not too sure how she felt about that. ‘I expect she’ll say no,’ she decided, ‘but that’s cool. I was just wondering, that was all.’

  ‘Leave it with me,’ he told her, ‘I’m sure it’ll be fine if Sasha’s coming too.’

  Saying no more, Neve turned to stare out of the window again. After a while he threw her another look, but all she could see in the dazzling orange glow of dusk was the ghostly image of her own reflection as it floated over the passing buildings – and all she could feel was the firmness of his hand still holding hers.

  * * *

  ‘Ah, Susannah, you got my message,’ Marlene said, turning away from the monitor she was watching as Susannah tapped on her door. ‘Come in, sit down.’

  Still in her riding gear from the day’s shoot, Susannah closed the door and tucked her crop under one arm as she went to sit in the guest chair in front of Marlene’s desk.

  ‘Did you have a good weekend?’ Marlene asked, going to open her drinks cabinet. ‘Gin and tonic? Vodka? Wine?’

  ‘A white wine would be lovely,’ Susannah replied, not because she wanted one, but because it seemed more polite to accept than refuse.

  After opening a bottle of Pinot Grigio and half-filling two glasses, Marlene passed one over and returned to her chair. ‘So everything’s OK at home?’ she said, saluting Susannah with her own drink.

  Puzzled, Susannah said, ‘It’s fine, thank you.’ Surely Marlene didn’t know that she and Alan had rowed, and anyway, they’d made up again before she’d left.

  ‘Good, excellent,’ Marlene stated, seeming genuinely pleased. Then, dispensing with any more niceties, ‘I’m afraid another email has come through.’

  Feeling her smile fade, Susannah said, ‘What does it say?’

  Handing over a printout, Marlene said, ‘We’ll be passing it to the police again.’

  I’m not trying to scare you, I just want to be sure you take care of your daughter. Please don’t let her end up like mine.

  Susannah’s eyes were showing unease as they went back to Marlene. ‘I suppose the police haven’t had any luck tracing the other yet?’ she asked.

  ‘I’m sure they’d have let me know if they had,’ Marlene replied. ‘The problem is, they’re unlikely to give this any kind of priority when there’s no specific threat, or even the hint of one, in fact. Which is why,’ she went on, looking carefully at Susannah, ‘I’ve taken the decision to alert Michael Grafton to the situation so that he can help to assess it. He now has a copy of both messages, and, like me, he doesn’t see any reason for alarm, but we do need to ask if your daughter’s mentioned receiving any unusual emails herself. Or has she been approached by anyone showing undue interest or concern about her welfare?’

  Susannah shook her head. ‘If she had, I’m sure she’d have told me.’

  ‘Does she know about the message you received?’

  ‘No. My partner, Alan, and I were both quite certain it was just a cry for attention, so there didn’t seem anything to be gained from telling Neve.’

  ‘I’m sure that’s the right decision,’ Marlene said with a smile. ‘However, just to be on the safe side, Michael’s instructed the company lawyers to hire a private firm to try to trace the sender. Hopefully we’ll have some insight into who’s behind it before too much longer.’

  Feeling more than a little thrown by the lengths they were going to, as well as bewildered by how concerned she should, or shouldn’t, be herself, Susannah said, ‘I take it Cordelia’s sent a message back asking who the person is, and if …’

  ‘Yes, yes,’ Marlene interrupted. ‘All that’s been done, but nothing’s come of it. Now, I suggest you put it out of your mind, and let the professionals do their job. I just wanted to find out if your daughter had received any similar messages, and to let you know what Michael proposed.’

  Realising she was dismissed, Susannah got to her feet. ‘Thank you,’ she said uncertainly. ‘I guess I should thank Michael too.’

  Marlene only smiled.

  It wasn’t until she reached the door that it occurred to Susannah to say, ‘I’m sorry. This isn’t a good start, is it? Only just into our second week and already …’

  ‘It’s not your fault,’ Marlene interrupted. ‘This sort of thing happens a lot more than most people realise, and I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about.’

  As soon as Susannah returned to her dressing room she called Alan. After reading him the email and repeating what Marlene had told her, she said, ‘So what do you think? Should we be worried? If they’re getting a private investigator involved …’

  ‘That seems to be taking it a little far,’ he said, ‘but I guess they’d be failing in their duty if th
ey ignored it completely.’

  Sinking down on the arm of the sofa, Susannah said, ‘So you don’t feel overly concerned? And Neve seems perfectly OK to you?’

  ‘No – and yes. We were both with her at the weekend, so we could see for ourselves that she’s absolutely fine, and I’ve no doubt that’s the way she’s going to stay.’

  ‘I just wish I knew what this person meant by saying that she – or he – doesn’t want her to end up like their daughter. If they’d just say what that was …’

  ‘Darling, ask yourself, if you had a real warning to give someone, wouldn’t you come right out and tell them what you were afraid of and why?’

  Realising how much sense that made, Susannah felt some of her tension starting to ebb. ‘Yes, I suppose I would,’ she agreed.

  ‘So there you are. What we’re dealing with here is someone who gets off on the idea of causing someone else to be worried. It’s a mild form of what we in the trade call socio-sado-gratification. These people are almost always harmless in themselves, and after the first few attempts of trying to draw other people into their sphere of confusion they tend to let go.’

  Feeling even more relief at having it explained so simply, and reassuringly, Susannah said, ‘Thank God I have you to tug me down from the ceiling. Not that I was quite there yet, but I was definitely heading that way, so it really helps to hear you sounding so unfazed by it.’

  ‘Well, I am, and I’m sure I can be of even more help if you’re able to tell me which firm they’re using to try and trace the emails.’

  Losing her next words to a sudden yawn, she said, ‘Apparently it’s going through the company lawyers, so I guess they’re the only ones who know.’

  ‘OK, just see if you can find out, and I’ll get my lawyer to have a word with them. We only want to be kept in the loop.’

  With a sigh of tiredness she peeled the net from her chignon, and yawned again as she shook her hair loose. ‘How would I manage without you?’ she said, ‘especially when I feel so exhausted tonight that I barely know what I’m thinking, never mind what I need to do.’

  ‘A hard day in the saddle,’ he teased.

  She smiled. ‘It was, quite.’ She hadn’t told him yet about the seduction scene she was due to shoot next week, but there was still plenty of time, and she certainly didn’t want to end up in a row tonight. So, changing the subject again, she said, ‘Have you seen Neve today?’

  ‘No, but actually, I did want to talk to you about her. She’s asked if she and Sasha can come and spend a night here, and I thought it would give Lola and Sasha’s parents a bit of a break if they did.’

  Susannah frowned. ‘I guess that should be OK,’ she said, ‘as long as you don’t mind.’

  ‘Not a bit,’ he assured her. ‘Ken, my lawyer, and his wife are coming on Wednesday, so we can turn it into a bit of a party – provided the girls can take being with the oldies.’

  Susannah laughed, and stifled yet another yawn. ‘If you’re sure you really want two giggly, or stroppy, or overconfident teenagers stomping about the place while you’re entertaining, then I wish you luck. I guess we still shouldn’t mention anything about the emails though?’

  ‘I don’t think so. There’s really not any point.’

  ‘No. And at least when she’s with you I know she’s as safe as when she’s at school, or with Lola, or at Sasha’s.’

  ‘Safer,’ he corrected. ‘Now, I’m afraid I have to ring off. I’ve a late consultation and unless I’m mistaken, I think he’s just arrived.’

  After putting the phone down, Susannah flicked a button on the remote control to bring up off-air transmission, rather than the Centre’s output, which would be blank by now, anyway. Then, stripping off her costume, she hung it ready for her dresser to collect, and once she was wearing her own jeans and a thin, flowery shirt she started over to the bar to join the others for a pre-dinner drink.

  However, she was barely halfway there when she realised that she really didn’t feel up to it tonight. For some reason she was shattered, and not at all in need of any more wine after the few sips she’d managed with Marlene. So, rerouting, she began heading down the drive to the lodge, falling into step with one of the sound guys until he peeled off to take a walk through a leafy copse to his own place of residence.

  It was about an hour and a half later that the sound of a phone ringing dragged her out of such a deep sleep that it took her several moments to remember where she was, and then to realise it was the lodge phone that had woken her, not her mobile. ‘Hello,’ she mumbled into it. ‘Susannah Cates speaking.’

  ‘It sounds as though I’ve woken you,’ Michael Grafton said, in a voice that sounded mildly amused.

  Immediately she shook her head, trying to clear it. ‘I admit I did drop off,’ she told him. ‘What time is it?’

  ‘A quarter to eight. I was calling because I’ve just spoken to Marlene. So you’re OK about us hiring a private firm to trace the emails?’

  ‘Of course,’ she replied. ‘I thought, from what she said, that you’d already done it, but if you haven’t, yes, please go ahead. Thank you.’ Then, after a pause, ‘I’m sorry if it’s a bother …’

  ‘It isn’t.’

  She swallowed as she tried to think what else to say. ‘Are you back in London now?’ she asked.

  ‘I drove down this morning. Did you have a good weekend?’

  With a roll of her eyes, she said, ‘It had its moments. How about you?’

  ‘My kids were with me, so pretty hectic. You’ll have to meet them one of these days. They wanted to know all about you, especially Ellie, who’s the same age as Neve, I believe.’

  ‘If you mean fourteen going on forty, you’re right.’

  With a smile in his voice he said, ‘Sounds exactly like Ellie.’ Then, ‘I guess I should let you go back to sleep, I’m sorry to have …’

  ‘Before you go,’ she jumped in, ‘could we … I was wondering … I mean, if you’re up here again on Friday …’

  ‘I’m afraid I’m not,’ he broke in gently, ‘but I am planning to be around next week for the press preview. So, if you were about to cash in your rain check …’

  Smiling, she said, ‘I was.’

  ‘Good. Then let’s make it next Tuesday, as it’ll probably be too late on Monday after the screening.’

  ‘I’ll look forward to it,’ she told him, and still smiling she rang off, certain that by next week she’d have found her appetite again, and definitely slept off this debilitating bout of tiredness.

  However, two days later she still wasn’t able to stomach very much food, and felt so weary that it was all she could do to drag herself through the day. By the end of it word had reached Marlene that she wasn’t herself, and when she left the set it was to find the unit nurse waiting to whisk her off to a local doctor.

  ‘He thinks it’s a kind of come-down after the build-up to everything,’ she told Alan when she got back to the lodge. ‘He’s given me a tonic to take and told me to make sure I eat something, even if I don’t feel like it.’

  ‘Actually, I noticed at the weekend that you seemed to be off your food,’ he commented, ‘but I put it down to your obsession with shedding pounds for the camera. Are you sure it’s not that?’

  ‘Positive. I’m just not hungry, but hopefully once I’ve taken this tonic I’ll start eating again. Are you cooking tonight? It is tonight Ken and his wife are coming, isn’t it?’

  ‘That’s right. They’re not here yet, but the girls are. I’m just about to give them some tea, then I’ll get round to thinking about dinner.’

  ‘OK, I’ll have to leave you with that, I’m afraid, because I’m not too good even talking about food at the moment,’ and after promising to call in the morning she turned off her mobile, unplugged the landline next to her bed and snuggled down to sleep the night through.

  * * *

  As Alan clicked off at his end he was watching Neve coming along the hall into the kitchen. He’d told Susannah t
hat Sasha was there too, but Sasha had had to go somewhere with her parents at the last minute, so Neve had come home alone. He knew it had been her intention all along, but he was willing to play the game. He’d even added his own embellishment to the story, telling Susannah that Ken and his wife were coming for dinner, and to stay the night, but no one else was coming tonight. It was only him and Neve and the crush that had brought them together, a little sooner than he’d expected, but that was fine.

  In spite of the many years he’d been in his job, the way history repeated itself still never failed to amaze him. He’d been in this very place once before, with his elder stepdaughter, Julia. She’d fallen for him, too, and there had been no holding her back. She was a vibrant, passionate girl, who knew her own mind, and who’d refused to allow the difference in their ages, or the fact that he was married to her mother, to stand in her way. Like many adolescent girls she was competing with her mother on several levels, preparing herself to fly the nest. She’d never seemed to understand, or accept, that their relationship would be frowned upon by society, and could even land him in prison should they get caught. They needed to be subtle in their exchanges, he used to tell her, always appear to be father and daughter and utterly devoted to her mother. That way, there would be no reason for suspicion to alight on them, like a moth eating away at the fabric of what was pure in reality, but a crime in the eyes of the world.

  He should have known that a girl of her age, and temperament, wouldn’t be able to resist boasting about her conquest. Whether she’d ever told her friends he still had no idea, but in one randomly cruel moment she’d used it to taunt her younger sister, Kim, and Kim, feeling horrified and betrayed by the stepfather she loved, had gone straight to their mother and repeated it all.

  He had denied it, of course, and had kept on denying it throughout the unravelling of his marriage and the break-up of his and Julia’s relation ship. Distraught, Julia had begged him to tell her mother the truth, to make her understand that they were in love and planning to make a life together, but as far as he was concerned there was only one truth – she had fallen for him in a typically teenage way, and was describing her fantasies as though they were reality. It was what adolescents did. Everyone knew that, and because Helen hadn’t wanted to put her daughter through the trauma of going to the police, or the ignominy and finger-pointing that would follow, particularly when her word was challenged, they’d agreed he would leave and have no more to do with them.