Breaking Down

by Holly Renee

  I smiled back at her and gave her a thumbs up right as the song began playing.

  Blake’s cousin, Chelsey, and Cash were the first to walk down the aisle. A few moments after they took off, the wedding coordinator motioned for Blake’s sister, Kasey, and Johnny to follow behind them. Gabe and I stepped up to take our position, and my hands began to tremble.

  Gabe bent his arm for me to take without ever looking down at me. I stared up at him for a moment as I slid my hand around his offered arm. His split lip made him look sexier somehow. More rugged. More dangerous. It was as if the danger that was always lurking beneath the surface had somehow managed to start leaking out. His face was stoic. There was no indication of how he was feeling. His gorgeous green eyes that normally shined with laughter and happiness were darker and not just in color. He looked bitter. Hardness replaced the fun-loving Gabe I knew and loved.

  I knew he could feel my hand shaking against his skin, but there was nothing I could do to stop it. I no longer just felt nervous to be around him. I was upset. I didn’t know who had caused this change in him, but I was furious with them.

  I turned my gaze back to the aisle as the wedding coordinator instructed us forward with a wave of her hand. It was driving me crazy thinking about where he had been. Did someone hurt him? I clinched my hands into fists to help extinguish my anger. When my right hand gripped Gabe’s bicep, I felt him turn his gaze to me, but I didn’t dare look at him. The emptiness in his eyes would only spur my anger.

  As we made it to the end of the aisle, I swiftly removed my hand from Gabe and stormed to my position next to Kasey. I could feel several pairs of eyes looking at me, but I just stared ahead at my best friend.

  I tried to focus on Kat and how happy I was for her, but I couldn’t seem to control the anger that was flowing through my veins.

  When Kat made it to Blake, she handed me her bouquet made of ribbons and turned toward her man. I looked toward Blake, but when my gaze crashed with Gabe’s, I couldn’t look away. His eyes were on fire, but I wasn’t sure what fueled that fire. Lust or anger. I had no clue what he had to be angry about. He was the one that caused this chaos.

  His jaw was tense and his eyes stared into mine. My gaze didn’t waiver from him. My hands clutched Kat’s bouquet so hard that I could feel my pulse in my fingertips. I was surprised it didn’t rip in two pieces.

  We continued to stare at each other until cheering around us startled me out of the trance he seemed to have me in. Kat and Blake were kissing like two teenagers who couldn’t get enough of each other. I joined in the celebration and cheered for my best friend. Kat and Blake headed down the aisle and the rest of us followed behind them. I didn’t hold on to Gabe on the way back down. I couldn’t. I needed space from him.

  I immediately ran up to Kat, and we gabbed like two school girls. Although I was letting my bitterness take over, I was truly happy for my best friend. She deserved everything Blake gave her.

  The rest of the rehearsal went by smoothly, and I had very little interactions with Gabe. He sat at the opposite end of the room from me at the rehearsal dinner, and I was perfectly fine with that. The more space between us the better.

  “Did Gabe say something to you?” Kat whispered into my ear as we sat at the table full of all our friends. “You seemed really upset earlier.”

  I smiled at her. “No. He didn’t say anything, and I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. Today and tomorrow are all about you.”

  She smiled back at me, but she searched my face looking for clues as to how I was really feeling.

  “You’re sure?” She scrunched her brow.

  “Positive.”

  I felt suffocated in the suit and tie that I was currently wearing. If I was being honest, I had felt like I couldn’t breathe from the moment I laid eyes on Erica yesterday.

  I had almost pulled off the casual attitude, but that shit went out the window as soon as I saw Johnny put one of his filthy fucking hands on her. I could tell she wasn’t interested in him by the way she was looking at me when he was next to her, but it didn’t make it any easier. I had never wanted to rip one of my best friend’s hands off before, but there was no hesitation in my thoughts.

  I seemed to breathe easier when her hand wrapped around my arm. I avoided looking down into her gorgeous eyes that gutted me with every look until her small fingers dug into my bicep. I looked down at her and the anger I saw radiating off her face shocked me. I knew I had hurt her, but this was the first time I had seen this type of anger from her.

  I stared at her through the entire rehearsal, but she gave nothing away. When she finally pulled her gaze away from mine, it was as if she didn’t care anymore. She avoided looking at me or being around me for the rest of the evening, but that damn look she had on her face haunted me all night long.

  My normal nightmares were interrupted by dreams of her. Her furious blue eyes staring straight into me and seeing everything I tried so hard to hide. No matter how much I needed to stay away from her, it didn’t change the fact that I fucking wanted her. I hadn’t stopped wanting her since the moment I met her.

  While my dreams started off with those haunted blue eyes, they easily changed into the fantasies I normally had about her underneath me, on top of me, or wrapped around me. After trying to put it off as long as I could, I drug my ass into the shower at three in the morning and jerked off to the thought of her.

  It pissed me off that I couldn’t get her out of my head. Every night since I left her in her apartment had been the same. Thoughts of her swirled in my mind until I finally bit the bullet and pleasured myself while calling out her name.

  A shot was shoved into my hand and pulled me from my thoughts.

  “Alright, motherfuckers. We’re losing one of our men today so it’s time that we take a shot in mourning.” Blake rolled his eyes at Cash’s speech.

  “How about we toast to the fact that Blake was lucky enough to snag a catch like Kat?” I interrupted Cash. “You deserve her, but I will never know how the fuck you got her.”

  All the guys laughed including Blake before we all slammed back our shots.

  I could see the nerves running through Blake as we all gathered up our stuff to head out the door.

  “Today is going to be perfect,” I said only loud enough for him to hear.

  “I know. I can’t fucking wait to see her. I don’t like being away from her this long.”

  Jealousy coursed through my veins at his words. I was so happy for him, but I wanted that. I wanted to be able to have that with someone, but I knew I never would.

  “You’ll see her soon enough man. Let’s go.”

  Blake nodded at me as we walked out the door. We arrived at the ceremony site before the girls and watched as all the guests filled the chairs. Blake had just taken off to stand next to the preacher as we waited for the girls to arrive. I heard the bridesmaids before I saw them. Erica’s laugh rang out through the room and it caused a small smile to form on my face.

  I turned toward her laughter and stopped dead in my tracks.

  Fuck me.

  Her blonde curls were pinned back away from her face and showed off her long neck. The shit on her eyes made the blue pop and demand everyone’s attention. She wore a long pink dress that had a split and showed off one long tan leg, and her perfect breasts looked phenomenal wrapped in the soft material.

  I couldn’t look away. She was always gorgeous, but there weren’t words to describe how she looked then. It was unreal.

  Her eyes met mine and I saw the small intake of breath she took in. She drank me as her gaze ran over my body, and I had to reach down and adjust myself in my pants. When she caught my action, her cheeks turned a shade of pink that matched her dress and she looked away from me.

  I needed to get my shit together. Staying away from her was my ultimate goal. Letting the whole damn wedding see the boner she just gave me didn’t help with that goal.

  The wedding coordinator rushed through the door and lined us a
ll up in a flurry. I felt like we were herded cattle, but I would do anything to make Blake and Kat happy.

  I could smell Erica as soon as she stood next to me. She didn’t smell overly sweet like most women. There was something unique about it. She smelled seductive. Delicious. Fucking torture.

  I straightened out my suit and held out my arm for her to take. The music had started and it was almost our time to go.

  As we stepped up to take our place, Erica stumbled slightly. I grabbed her arm to make sure she didn’t fall.

  Those beautiful blue eyes stared up at me. “Thank you,” she whispered.

  It was the first time she had spoken directly to me since I had been back. As her sweet voice washed over me, I remembered everything she had whispered into my ear during our night together. My chest ached because I would never get to experience that again.

  The wedding coordinator waved Erica and I forward, and Erica tightened the grip of her hand on my arm as we took off down the aisle. We walked slowly toward our destination while smiling at all the guests. I couldn’t help but imagine what Erica would look like when she walked down the aisle one day. It almost gutted to me to think about it because I knew it wouldn’t be me standing at the end waiting on her. It would probably be some pompous asshole who didn’t deserve her. Hell. No one deserved her. She was too fucking good.

  She was definitely too good for someone like me. That one night with her was far more than I deserved from her, and it was all that I would ever get. I tainted whatever I touched, and I refused to allow her to continue down my path of destruction.

  You had to be kidding me. It was as if every time I laid eyes on him, he somehow became even hotter.

  I stared at him as he stood next to Blake in his black suit that fit his body like a second skin. His hair was brushed backward and out of his handsome face. There was only one thing that could make me pull my eyes away from him and that was the music queuing that my best friend was coming down the aisle.

  My eyes caught a glimpse of Blake before I could direct my attention to Kat. His face said it all. His blue eyes were glued to where Kat was coming down the aisle and his right hand rested against his mouth. The emotions were pouring off of him.

  I turned my attention to where he was focused, and I wasn’t surprised by his reaction. She looked incredible. Her dark brown hair was pulled back in an up-do at the back of her neck. Her dress hugged all of her curves and was covered in a soft white lace. Her face was covered by her veil, but nothing could hide her beauty. It was impossible.

  Gary looked as handsome as I had ever seen him walking her down the aisle. He was such a huge part of her life, and I knew he couldn’t be prouder than to be the one to walk her down the aisle.

  As they finally made their way to the altar, Gary’s tears caused my own emotions to flow.

  Kat smiled at Blake as Gary handed her over to him, and she looked so in love. The preacher began the ceremony, and Kat and Blake shared personal vows. I don’t think there was a dry eye in the crowd. I was so happy for my best friend, but I also felt raw. I felt lonely.

  After the ceremony, we were rushed around in a flurry of activities. Pictures, entrances, greeting guests, and holding Kat’s dress while she peed. When the time for toasts finally came, it felt like it was the first time I actually got to take a breath.

  Gabe was the first to give his toast, and all the women’s eyes were glued to him. He looked so handsome. He cleared his throat to begin his toast, and I couldn’t pull my eyes away.

  “As most of you already know, my name is Gabe Lawson, and I am lucky enough to be the best man. Blake has been my best friend since as long as I can remember. There are very few good memories that I have that don’t include Blake.”

  It may have been my imagination, but I could have sworn his eyes met mine in that moment.

  “I am so happy that Blake found Kat. Although I’m not sure how he managed it, they are damn lucky to have each other. I once told Kat that I didn’t know why she was so attracted to Blake because I am way hotter than he is.” Everybody laughed except Blake. He glared at his best friend. “But somehow she seemed blind and went after him anyways. In all seriousness, I couldn’t be happier for the two of you. Kat, you have found someone who will stand by you no matter what. He will hold you up when you can no longer stand on your own, and he will strive to make you happy every day. I have been blessed to call him my best friend for so long, and it makes me so happy that he has found you. Tell each other you love each other every night, never go to bed angry, and know that no matter what the two of you face, you will make it through as long as you have each other. To Blake and Kat.”

  Everyone raised their glass to toast the couple, but I sat still. Too shocked to raise my glass and take a sip. I had never witnessed Gabe talk like this before. I had never seen him so passionate.

  The wedding coordinator waved me up and I walked toward Gabe to get the microphone. If my hands weren’t already shaking from nerves due to the speech, seeing Gabe stare into my eyes as he handed me the microphone would have sealed the deal. Gabe walked past me and took a seat as the guests quieted down and waited for my speech.

  “Hello, everyone. I’m Erica.” I cleared my throat and tried to clear my nerves. “Mine and Kat’s story started like so many others. She picked me up one dark night at a bar.” The crowd laughed, and I let a little bit of tension leave my body. “I had never met anyone like her. She was spunky, vivacious, and simply incredible. We hit it off pretty quickly and have been best friends ever since. The thing about Kat is that she affects every life she has ever been a part of. Poor Blake, he never stood a chance.” Blake raised his glass and everyone laughed again. “She friend zoned him for a while, but there was no way that the two of them could deny the incredible love that they share. The love that exists between them is something that many of us will never be lucky enough to experience.” I don’t know why but my eyes met Gabe’s at that moment. “Love isn’t easy, but it is the greatest adventure you will ever go on. Hold on to each other through everything. Laugh together. Cry together. Draw strength from the other when one of you feels weak. Never give up and never let go.” I turned my attention back to Kat and Blake. “The two of you are meant for each other. Never forget that, and always cherish each other. To the newlyweds.”

  Everyone raised their glass with mine and toasted to Blake and Kat. I also raised my glass and drained its contents. I felt so emotional and the burn of the alcohol was a welcome distraction.

  The reception continued flawlessly. Kat and Gary danced to her father daughter dance which caused about every person in the room to cry. I sat at my table and continued to drink.

  “Why don’t you slow down there?” Johnny said it jokingly, but I knew better. He was concerned about me.

  “I’m good.” I finished off the rest of my beer.

  “Well how about a dance?”

  “I thought you would never ask.”

  Gabe

  I watched her get up from her seat and head to the dance floor with Johnny’s hand on the small of her back leading the way. It pissed me off. One of my best friends was easily becoming my enemy.

  I watched as they danced to the music. Erica’s moves were more eccentric than usual which signaled how much she had to drink. She always came out of her shell a little bit more when she had a couple drinks.

  Johnny pulled Erica against his chest, and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders as she laughed at something he said. That was all I could take. I slammed my beer back and left the reception in search of the bathroom. I couldn’t sit there and watch them together. If I watched another minute of it, I would lose my shit.

  I headed into the bathroom, took care of business, then braced myself to walk back into that reception. I had never dreaded being around my friends. It was a foreign feeling for me.

  As I walked out of the door, I was almost knocked over by a blonde stumbling in her heels. A blonde that haunted my damn dreams.

  I cau
ght her by her bicep and helped her straighten. She didn’t realize it was me at first.

  “Oh. I’m so sorry. I just had a bit too much to drink.” Her smiled dropped as soon as she saw it was me who was helping her.

  “It’s okay. I understand.”

  “You understand?” she practically shrieked. “You do not understand. You don’t have a damn clue.”

  She was now so close to me that I could feel her soft curves against my hard chest. She pointed her perfectly manicured finger right at my chest.

  “Come on, Erica. Let me help you get back to your table. You’re drunk.” I reached out for her hand, but she jerked it out of my grasp.

  “You do not get to help me, and you sure as hell don’t get to tell me what to do. You lost that right when you left me alone in my apartment after you fucked me out of your system.”

  I backed her up against the wall so quickly that she didn’t have time to comprehend what was happening. I took in her scent.

  I leaned into her and placed my mouth next to her ear. Her breathing was erratic and her soft breasts rose and fell against my chest.

  “That is where you’re wrong. I did not fuck you out of my system. I think about having your tight pussy wrapped around me every single day. It fucking haunts me.” She whimpered, and I knew I shouldn’t be saying these things to her but I couldn’t stop. “I left that morning because you are too fucking good for me. You deserve better than what I can give you. I’m just a hollow fucking shell that you need to forget.”

  I pushed away from the wall and stared down at her lost blue eyes. I needed to get away from her before I lost every bit of self-control I had and kissed those fucking lips that were begging me to do just that. If I gave in again, I knew I wouldn’t be able to walk away. It was too hard the first time.

  I stared down at her one last time before walking away from the best thing that had ever happened to me.