I turn around to see where she is.
Mia is sat on the sofa with a bowl of something in her hands and her broken ankle propped up on the coffee table in front of her.
Panic instantly washes through me. I’ve just been caught sneaking out of Chase’s bedroom by his teenage niece who has no idea he’s gay. Shit, shit, fuck.
She must see the panic on my face.
“It’s okay, Cole.”
“But,” I go to argue but I have no idea what I should be saying. I should make something up as to why I’m here. “The bags got mixed up when we got them out of the car and we end up with one of Chase’s and I thought he might need it so I brought it up and-”
“Stop,” she demands putting a halt to my incessant rambling.
I take a breath and just look at her. She is so sweet and it’s clear that in a few years she’s going to be having the boys tripping over themselves trying to get to her, well that’s if they’re not already, she is nearly fourteen after all.
“I know, Cole. I have for a while. I heard him talking to Mum one night when I couldn’t sleep. He doesn’t know that I know though. I hope that one day he’ll be able to tell me so he can completely be himself around me. I hate that he holds a huge part of himself back. I couldn’t care less who he loves, or who loves him, as long as someone does. ”
She may be only nearly fourteen but she is mature for her years, the verbal diarrhoea aside. I wonder what’s made her grow up so fast?
My chin drops and I continue to stare at her.
“You’re good for him. I haven’t seen him smile as much as he has today in ages. You did that,” she states. “I’m so glad he found you.”
I can’t help but smile at her. “You’re pretty incredible, you know that?” I ask her.
“Uh huh,” is all she says with a shrug.
“He’s lucky to have you. And I’m sure he’ll open up to you when he feels he can.”
“I hope so,” she says sadly, and my heart bleeds for her a little. Chase has no idea that he’s hurting her by not being honest about who he is.
I suddenly have a thought. “Are you okay, is your ankle hurting, can I get you anything?”
“I’m fine, thanks, I just woke up hungry. Uncle Lo must have ordered room service because when I came out I found my favourite cereal and some milk waiting for me.”
Of course he did. He’s so bloody thoughtful. He’d make an amazing dad.
“Okay, well if you’re sure. I’m…uh…gonna go.”
“Goodnight, Cole. Thank you.”
I turn back around at that. “For what?”
“Making him smile.”
I can’t help smiling to myself. “Goodnight, sweetheart.”
Eight
“Bang, bang, bang,”
“If that is fucking Victoria again with some more early morning demands I swear I’m gonna twat slap her,” Bella announces from her bed when the knocking starts.
Fuck only knows what time it is, it’s still dark out.
Groaning, I pull my sleepy body from the bed seeing as Bella makes no move at all to answer it.
I perk up a little when I see who is stood the other side of the door.
“Hey, I’m so sorry but I’ve got a TV appearance this morning,” he says looking anything but excited by the idea. “Could Mia hang out with you guys? I was going to take her, but Victoria is done with letting Mia run the show!”
I look down to Mia who is stood next to Chase still in her pyjamas, pouting.
“Yeah of course.” I step to the side to let her pass. “If you want to go back to sleep just jump in my bed. I’m up now.”
She mumbles something as she hobbles into the room with her crutches that I can’t make out before she dives face first into my bed.
I step out into the corridor so I can speak to Chase without nosey ears listening in.
“I feel like I have to apologise every time I see you. I keep messing up, I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine. You’d spent all night at the hospital with Mia the night before. I don’t blame you for falling asleep.”
“I was gutted when I woke up and you weren’t there. Why didn’t you stay anyway?”
“I was worried Mia might come in or something. I didn’t think you’d want that.”
“I guess,” he says sadly. “I’m busy all day with bloody appearances and interviews. Are you okay watching her until tonight’s show?”
“Of course, no worries.”
“Thank you, I owe you.”
“You owe me plenty,” I say with a wink.
“I know, and I promise to make it all very worth your while at the first opportunity I get. Shit, I’ve got to go,” he says glancing at his watch, “or Victoria will have my balls.”
I watch as he looks both ways down the corridor, then to my shock he quickly places his lips against mine for a very chaste kiss. It’s all I need though for my morning wood to perk back up. When he pulls back from me his eyes run down the front of my body.
“Fuck sake, you’re killing me,” he grunts.
He goes to reach his hand out towards my very tented boxers.
“Don’t,” I warn. “Not until you can do the job properly and finish what you start.”
He pulls his hand back and looks at me. “Fine,” he says with a pout. “I’ll see you tonight. Keep her in check and please don’t let her get away with everything.”
“We’ll do our best.”
When I re-enter our room both girls are snoring. I didn’t need to worry about them eavesdropping then!
I grab some clothes and head into the bathroom. When I come out after a very long and cold shower I grab the TV remote and put it on quietly. I may have just been looking at him in person but I want to see Chase on the TV. I feel pathetic admitting it to myself but I miss him already, and knowing I’m not going to see him until the show later doesn’t make me feel any better.
“Are you actually watching Chase on the TV?” Bella asks when she wakes up an hour or so later. “No, don’t answer that. It’s obvious. You’ve got a problem, you know that?”
I shush her and nod towards the lump that is Mia in my bed. When I unexpectedly got back early from my late night visit, Bella obviously wanted to know everything. I told her everything apart from my run in with Mia. I didn’t feel right telling Bella that Mia knows all about Chase’s preferences.
“Sorry,” Bella says with a wince.
Bella disappears into the bathroom leaving me with TV Chase. It’s not five minutes later when I hear, “Is that Uncle Lo on the TV?”
“Yeah, you want to watch with me?”
I watch as Mia disappears under the covers, she fidgets about a bit until her head pokes out of the bottom so she has a better view of the TV.
“It’s so weird seeing him on there,” she says, a look of awe on her face. “He’s just my Uncle Lo to me, it’s so strange.”
I don’t respond; she doesn’t expect me to. Instead we just keep watching.
“OH MY GOD!” Mia squeals as we descend the elevator of Topshop on Oxford Street. I was more than happy to spend the day in the hotel, thinking Mia wouldn’t be up for much with her ankle but the second Bella mentioned shopping, she was practically dragging me out of the door, agreeing with Bella that when in Rome and all that!
“I told you,” Bella says. “Paradise.”
I follow them both around and let them enjoy all that Topshop has to offer. I know I’m gay but I’m really not in to the whole shopping thing, I don’t fit that stereotype. Yes I want to look nice but I’m more of an in and out kind of shopping guy whereas these two love browsing.
The three of us are almost late to the arena. When we come rushing into the dressing room with all our bags and Mia in tow we get one seriously dirty look from Victoria.
“Sorry, traffic was a bitch,” I say in way of an apology. It’s a lie though because we totally lost track of time. It turned out that I quite liked shopping with these two, offering my opinion o
n outfit after outfit they tried on.
We had afternoon tea, with china teacups; the whole shebang. Followed by ice cream in Hyde Park. It’s fair to say the three of us are running purely on sugar at the moment.
“Whoa, looks like you guys had a fun day,” Chase says as he comes over looking at the piles of bags around our feet.
“Oh my God, we’ve had such a great day. Cole and Bella took me to Oxford Street, have you been there? It’s awesome, there are so many of my favourite shops, loads bigger then at home and with different stuff in. I can’t wait to show you what I’ve got-”
“Mia,” Chase says sharply to get her to stop. “I need to go and get ready, you can come with me and tell me all about it, yeah?”
“Yeah, let’s go. See you in a bit,” she says to Bella and me as she hops off along behind Chase already continuing with her earlier word vomit.
“She is lovely,” Bella says as we watch them disappear around a corner. “But I think my ears might actually be bleeding. I thought Darcy talked a lot but she’s something else.”
“I know, let’s go and get ready in silence.”
“Agreed.”
The make up artist and hairdressers look at us like there is something seriously wrong because we did as we said and sat there in pretty much silence. The events of the day running through my head along with the anticipation of the show ahead. It’s our second night in the London arena before we head off in the morning.
After the show Chase takes Mia up to bed because she’s exhausted. He tells me to follow them up later but I can’t, it’s just wrong to get it on with him when Mia is in the next room. She’s only here for a couple more days, I’m sure we can wait a little longer.
It turns out that by the time Chase appears the next afternoon that Mia has already left. Apparently she had some family stuff going on that she had to be back for. Whatever it is I could tell instantly that it was affecting Chase, badly. It’s his family as well after all. He still refuses to tell me anything about them though. If he could tell me something at least I would know what I’m dealing with. But I’m totally in the dark.
I’m a little gutted that I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to Mia, she’s a good kid. I don’t think Chase realises quite how good she is.
“Is everything okay?” I ask Chase when he comes over to sit at our table in the hotel restaurant where we’re having lunch.
“Yeah,” he says sadly. He has the same distant look he had before I really got to know him. He’s totally unreachable like this. He’s built his walls up so high that I’ve got no chance of climbing over them, let alone breaking them down.
He looks exactly the same every time I see him during the afternoon and before the show that night. He did a meet and great with some VIP fans and even that didn’t make him smile.
Watching from a distance, knowing something is seriously wrong and not being able to do anything to help is killing me. I desperately want to just go a hug him, say something nice but I can’t.
He takes the roof off the arena as he usually does but his performance is missing something. He doesn’t have his usual energy. I hate it.
His last song of the night almost breaks me. He usually leaves it until the end but tonight he’s chosen to have it as his last song.
You’ve always told me to be myself,
To be proud of who I am,
To be true to myself.
But how can I do that,
If people knew the truth,
It would be the end,
The end of something so loved.
How can I be without you,
Not at the other end of the line,
Listening to me complain,
About how life’s not fair,
But a life without you,
How can I go on?
The way he sings it tonight is hauntingly emotional. He’s not even halfway through and I’ve already got a lump in my throat. The pain he is pouring into every word is almost unbearable.
The crowd are totally lost listening to him. There must be a bucket load of tears being shed out there. I wish I had a better view of them but from the side of the stage where I’m stood watching Chase they are all in darkness.
Chase is sat at the piano with his back to me. His head is down and the only parts of him moving are his hands as they hit the keys with precision.
As the last note sounds out around the crowd the silence draws out. No one claps, no one shouts like would usually happen. They can obviously tell something is going on. If only any of us knew what it was.
Suddenly Chase stands up. He glances up at the crowd but he doesn’t wave or say anything, he just stands. After a couple of seconds he turns and slowly walks my way. His head is still down and his shoulders are sagged in defeat.
At the last second he looks up at me. His eyes show his pain, they are dark and full of tears, some of which are already running down his cheeks.
“Chase,” I whisper but he looks down again and continues to walk past me.
It wrecks me not being able to run after him. A huge part of me wants to say fuck it and just go but I can’t do that to him. He would never forgive me for it. So I have to watch him go. Bella must sense my pain because I feel her slide her hand into mine as we watch him disappear together.
We see no sign of Chase again so I can only presume he got straight into a car and headed back to his hotel room. But when I knock on his door as soon as we’re back there is no answer.
“Do you want to go for a drink?” Bella asks cautiously.
I don’t really want to. I want to stay here in case Chase decides to come and find me but I know that’s crazy. He’s gone again just like last time.
“Yeah, I guess.”
After showering we head down to the bar to join the others. I almost change my mind when the four plastics arrive and come to sit on our table.
“Has anyone seen Chase? I’ve heard he’s done a runner again.”
“No, apparently he’s been caught cheating according to Twitter.”
“Oh, I saw that. Apparently he’s gone underground because there’s a sex tape about to be released.”
“Will you lot just shut up? You’re just a bunch of fucking gossips. Did his face when he left look like someone who’s embarrassed about a fucking sex tape? No, exactly. Stop feeding the fucking vultures with your gossip when it’s clearly not fucking true. You lot wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for Chase, so show him some fucking respect.” And with that said I down my pint, shove my chair out behind me and storm out of the bar. Okay so in hindsight that was probably a bit much but they seriously fucking wound me up.
“Cole, fucking hell slow down,” Bella says as she chases behind me.
“Sorry, they’re just so fucking irritating.”
“Don’t apologise, I was thinking the exact same thing, you just beat me to it.”
“Do you think I showed that I cared too much or gave anything away?” I ask feeling a little worried.
“No, it’s fine. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
The fact she has to say it twice like she’s trying to convince herself doesn’t fill me with confidence.
We’ve both just got into bed when the banging starts.
“Now what?” Bella grumbles but she does get up to answer it this time.
I watch her plod over to the door in her pyjamas and pull the door open.
“Oh, shit, come in.”
Nine
Bella’s tone and body language make me sit up in bed. I watch as she steps back from the doorway, allowing one very wet and miserable looking Chase into our room.
Holy shit.
“I’ll…uh…leave you too it,” Bella says grabbing my hoodie from my suitcase to cover herself up with.
Chase looks up at her before shoving his hand in his pocket. He pulls out his room key and hands it to her.
“Are you serious?” she asks trying not to sound too excited about getting the key to the best room in the hotel wh
ile he’s stood there on the brink of breaking.
He doesn’t say anything, he just nods at her and in a flash she’s gone.
“Chase?” I ask tentatively as I swing my legs out of bed and go to stand. I don’t get there though because he falls back so he’s sat on my bed with his head in his hands.
It’s clear he’s crying by the movement in his shoulders.
I quickly scoot over to him and wrap my arms around him. He’s freezing where he’s been out in the rain on a pretty chilly spring night.
I hold him for a few seconds but he soon starts shivering so I get up and head into the bathroom to turn the shower on. Luckily Bella and I have got a bigger bathroom in this hotel than we’re used to. It’s got a walk in shower and a bath, we couldn’t believe our luck.
Once the water’s running, I head back to Chase. I grab his hands and pull him until he’s standing. He looks up slightly and his haunted eyes lock on to mine. Just the look in them has that lump in my throat reappearing again.
I run my hands up his chest and over his shoulders to start to remove his jacket. I have to give the arms a good tug because the wet fabric gets stuck on his long sleeved t-shirt. It’s the first time I’ve seen him without a shirt over the top. I put that thought to the side and continue. I grasp the hem of his t-shirt in my hands and begin to pull it up and over his head. He lifts his arms for me to make it a little easier.
I throw the soggy material on top of his sodden jacket on the floor before moving to his belt buckle and jeans button. Thankfully he toes off his shoes leaving me to pull the wet denim over his feet and off with his socks.
When he’s stood just in his boxers, I grab his hand and pull him into the bathroom.
“It’s nice and hot, it’ll warm you up,” I say gesturing to the shower and expecting him to move.
But he does nothing.
He just stands there looking at me with the emptiest look in his eyes that I’ve ever seen.
What the fuck has happened?
I eventually get the message that he isn’t going to be doing anything alone. He doesn’t even seem capable of moving himself. Fuck knows how he managed to get himself here. I don’t think I even told him what hotel room we were in.
Chasing Logan Page 8