Chase watches me but it’s not with his usual excitement, I don’t actually think he even really sees me.
I slide my boxers down my legs without so much of a second thought. I hoped the first time I was naked with him was going to be a little different to this, but oh well. I can’t complain because he needs me right now.
I step up to him and put my hands to the waistband of his boxers. I wait a beat in case he doesn’t want me to, but yet again he does nothing. I watch his face a little longer and I see him slowly lower his chin in what I can only presume is a nod so I begin pushing the fabric down his legs.
I can’t help that my breath catches at the sight of him naked. It’s one seriously impressive sight. I try my best not to check him out too much because this is so not the time. Instead I grab his hand and once again pull him behind me until we are both stood under the hot spray. I move to the side slightly so he gets the full benefit of the streams of water pouring on to him.
His head is bowed again as the water pours down the sides of his face, flows over his pecs and along the lines of his stomach. I’m slightly jealous of those water droplets getting to run all over that hot body.
After a couple of seconds I reach behind me and grab the shampoo. I squeeze a blob into my palm then reach up to wash his hair. He keeps his head down the whole time and stays completely still while I do my best to gently massage his head.
Once I’m happy with what I’ve done I do the same with the shower gel then run my hands all over his body. I’m a little ashamed that I can’t control my excitement at having my hands on him when he is so broken. I’m over the moon though when I notice movement at his waist, when I look down I see that his cock is as hard as mine. It’s the only sign I get that he is aware of what is going on and what I’m doing to him. I can’t help but be thrilled that he notices.
It’s not until I hand him a towel after turning the shower off and getting out that he properly begins to move. I wrap a towel around my waist and watch as he dries himself off before doing the same.
He follows me out of the bathroom once he’s done and he goes to sit on the edge of my bed when I go over to my suitcase. I drop my towel and pull on a clean pair of boxers before going to sit next to him, hoping that he’ll tell me what is going on and not just sit there in silence.
He’s sat still just in the towel with his knees wide and his forearms resting on them with his head hung down low. Water from his hair drips on to his arms and runs down his back.
He flinches when I put my hand on his shoulder. He’s so lost in his own world that he must have forgotten I’m here.
“Chase-” I get interrupted before I get to say any more.
“It’s Logan.”
“What’s happened to him?” I ask presuming that’s what’s wrong.
“No, I’m Logan.”
“What?”
“My real name is Logan. Chase is my surname,” he says sadly from his slumped position. “Only my family call me Logan.”
“Oh.” I don’t really know what to say to that. Why is he telling me if it’s only his family that call him it, what is he trying to say exactly?
After another minute or two of silence he speaks again.
“It’s my sister. Mia’s mum.” He’s silent again and his shoulders start to shake. “She…she’s died,” he whispers. I can only imagine saying it aloud makes it more real.
“Oh, Ch…Logan, I’m so sorry,” I say as I wrap my arms around him causing him to properly to break down.
I hold him tightly while he sobs, it goes on for ages and I begin to think that he’s going to cry all night. Eventually though his shaking reduces and his sobs subside. I continue holding him because I don’t know what else to do. He obviously doesn’t want to talk about it so I don’t want to ask questions.
“She was first diagnosed with cervical cancer just over two years ago,” he admits quietly. “She had all the treatment, was given the all clear and we all got on with our lives thinking she’d beaten it. It came back though, a couple of months ago and it was aggressive.” He stops and lets out a massive sigh. “They gave her six months but it’s only been three.”
“Shit,” I mutter because what else is there to say.
“She was my best friend. The only one who really knew me. I couldn’t keep watching her get weaker and weaker in front of my eyes so I agreed to this tour knowing I would be away and not have to go through that day after day. I felt awful doing it, she said she understood, but I just wasn’t strong enough to stay. So I ran, at the first opportunity I got. Fucking pussy.
“How am I meant to live with that decision? I wasn’t there for her, I was here, doing what I do, making it look like it was more important than her. She must have died hating me.”
“No, no she won’t have done. Like you said, she understood. She knew you were doing what you loved but she would have also known how much you loved her.”
“Everyone’s going to hate me. They’re all there dealing with all this shit and here I am singing on stage for a bunch of people I’ve never met every night. I didn’t even look back when I left, I couldn’t.”
“You can’t let this eat you, Logan.” I say his name with a bit of stutter because it’s weird to say after all this time. “None of your family will hate you. If Mia was anything to go by then they definitely don’t. She looked at you like you’re the best thing she’s ever seen.”
“She’s just a child.”
“No, she is more than that. She is well aware of everything and taking it all in her stride,” I say, partly referring to what she knows about Logan but also to how she was obviously dealing with loosing her mum and I had no idea.
He goes quiet again, lost in his thoughts and I allow him the time to try to gather everything together in his head. I can only imagine what he’s going through right now. I haven’t had he easiest life but I haven’t experienced anyone close to me die.
“Before I left she gave me this notebook,” he says suddenly, making me jump. “She wrote something in it but I wasn’t brave enough to read it. When I had ideas for new songs I started writing from the back because I couldn’t even cope seeing her handwriting. I can’t believe I’m gonna admit this, but I took it everywhere with me just in case I suddenly needed to read it. If you know what I mean?” I nod at him even though he’s not looking at me because I sense he doesn’t need an actual answer.
“I can’t find it anywhere. As soon as I saw my mum’s name on my phone this morning I knew what had happened. Sixth sense or something. I’ve been hunting for it ever since. I haven’t seen it for a while, just thought it was in one of my bags but it’s not. I need it. I need to know what she said to me before I left. I need to know that she understood.”
The thought hits me all of a sudden and I’m up and off of the bed instantly and rummaging through my suitcase.
“What are you doing?” Logan asks me sounding a little confused.
“The first night of the tour, after the show we all had drinks in the bar. You were sat with a glass of whiskey and a notebook. When I saw that you had gone I also spotted that your drink and the notebook were still there. Something told me to go and pick it up, so I did. That’s why I came to your hotel room, to give it back but your phone rang and I ended up leaving. I tried a couple more times but eventually forgot. Here,” I say handing him the notebook.
He stares at my outstretched hand like it’s going to bite him. After a few seconds he moves and takes it from me. He holds it closed between the palms of his hands for the longest time. It actually gets to the point where I might have to take it from him so he comes back to reality but eventually he moves and opens it.
I see a small smile creep on to his face as he reads Mia’s words. That look soon changes when he turns the page though and stares at his sisters writing.
I sit away from him to give him some privacy. I don’t take my eyes off him though.
After staring at the page for a beat he lifts his eyes towards the heav
ens as if he’s asking for strength, or speaking to her, who knows. When he feels able to, he looks back down and I can see he’s reading from the movement of his eyes.
When he’s finished his hands drop forward slightly but other than that he does nothing.
I get to the point that I can’t bear the silence any longer. I have to say something, I have to get a feel for how that’s effected him.
“Logan?”
He slowly turns and looks up at me. He stares at me for a second as if he forgot I was there again.
“Are you..?” I start to ask if he’s okay, I know it’s a stupid question but I’m at a loss. He stops me though when he hands me the notebook. “Are you sure?”
He doesn’t respond, he just thrusts the book into my hands. I take it and look down with trepidation.
Dearest Logan,
I’m so proud of you for following your dreams. Watching you perform on stage is something I will never forget. The fact that you are now on a nationwide tour just blows me away. My baby brother is a huge rock star!
I know you, Lo, and I know that if the worst happens you are going to hate yourself for going, but please, I beg you, don’t. You made the right decision, I promise. The last thing I want is to hold you back and God only knows how long you may have had to put this tour off for if you waited for me. I want you to do what you love, and I want you to be a huge success and earn a gazillion pounds like you always dreamed of!
I hate that I’m not going to get to be in the crowd with all your screaming fans this time. But that’s probably good for them because you wouldn’t hear them screaming for you over the top of me. You know I’ve got a mean scream on me!
I would say I wish you luck on tour, but we both know you don’t need it. You’ve got this Lo, you’re going to be fucking awesome.
Wherever I am please remember that I love you more than you will ever know. Yes so I may have had a hand in breaking your nose, okay and your arm, when we were kids, but I love you kiddo.
I’m so proud of you Lo, I know I’ve already said that but I really mean it and I don’t want you to ever forget it.
Now go out there and take the fucking roof off each and every single place you sing in. Oh and try to find the courage somewhere along the way to be true to yourself because more than I want for you to be the best singer there ever was, I want you to find love. I want you to find someone who will love you for all your weird quirks and to find the happiness that has eluded you so far in this life. He’s out there somewhere Lo, I’ll make sure of it! And when you do I know everyone will love him too because above all else everyone just wants you to be happy. Dad, your fans, whoever else you may be worried about will get over it when they see the smile that elusive guy puts on your face.
I love you baby brother, now go out there and smash it, I’m right there with you, I promise.
Love from the best big sister in the world,
Annie xxx
“Wow,” is the only word I can get out because well…wow!
“She’s the only one that knows me, and she’s gone.” Well that’s not entirely true I think to myself but I understand what he means.
“I’m hoping she won’t be the only one soon, Logan.” I use his real name as emphasis that he’s letting me in. Allowing me to know the real him.
All of a sudden I’m on my back with Logan caging my head in with his forearms and his hips pinning mine to the bed. His eyes are bright and full of tears, although none are dropping. Fuck knows how he managed to contain them reading that because I was on the edge and it wasn’t from my sister.
“I need you,” he grates out in a husky voice.
I go to respond to tell him that I’m his, that he can do as he pleases but I don’t get the chance because his lips are on mine in a passionate, wet and dirty kiss. His hands thread into my hair and hold me in place. As if I’d be going anywhere!
Way before I’m ready to stop, he pulls back. He looks into my eyes for a second before lowering his mouth to my neck. He kisses down my neck then on to my chest before running his tongue around both nipples making me sigh with pleasure.
“Chase, uh, Logan,” I groan as I feel his lips descend lower until they are following the ridges of my abs and dipping into my belly button. This has been such a long time coming that I’m worried I’ll come the second he touches my cock.
“Make me forget, Cole, take me away.”
“Yes, always, whatever you need.”
I have to stop talking because his fingers brush the skin of my hips as he grasps the waistband of my boxers and slowly starts pulling them down my legs. My cock springs back and hits my stomach when it’s free of the confining fabric.
I can’t help blushing slightly, it’s stupid, I know. He saw me naked in the shower earlier and I’m happy with what I’m rocking down there, but his head hovering over it still makes me a little nervous.
“Fuck, I wanna taste you so badly, you have no fucking idea.”
“I’m pretty sure I do,” I say as I see my boxers fly over his shoulder and he settles himself between my legs.
I watch as Logan reaches a hand out and grasps my cock in his fist. An involuntary groan bubbles up my throat at that first contact and electric shocks shoot around my body. Fuck, that’s only his hand, what’s his mouth gonna… “Stop!” I suddenly demand when I realise what’s going on.
“What, why?” he asks looking panicked.
“I’m meant to me making you forget, I should be…” I don’t say anymore, instead I just nod towards his straining cock. In my excitement I missed him pull his towel off so that he’s gloriously naked for me.
“I’m okay starting here,” he says as he leans forward and licks from the base of my cock to the tip.
“Fuck me,” I groan as my head falls back against the pillow.
“Oh, I will, don’t worry.”
He repeats the action again before he lowers his head so he has as much of me in his mouth as he can. Fuck me, if the wet heat of his mouth isn’t the best thing I’ve ever felt.
He starts off slowly moving me in and out of his mouth, sending me fucking crazy with need.
The hand he isn’t using to hold the base of my cock comes up to massage my balls at the same time he picks up speed with his mouth. He sucks a little harder and takes me just a touch deeper but it’s all I need.
I mutter some sort of incoherent warning that I’m gonna blow but Logan doesn’t let up. He also doesn’t let up when my cock twitches and I start coming in his mouth. He takes it all like he’s starved of me.
My orgasm is seriously intense. I haven’t seen any action other than my hand in the shower for quite some time so his talented mouth sends me to a level of pleasure that I’d almost forgotten existed.
When I’ve finished Logan slowly moves back up and off my cock, but not before licking it clean and getting me revved up for round two already.
He sits up and licks his lips, then looks down at me like he wants to devour me. His green eyes have darkened beyond belief and he’s panting from his exertion.
I shamelessly run my eyes down his body, making sure I take my time and that the look on my face tells him exactly how much I like what I’m seeing. Because I like it. Very. Fucking. Much.
“Too late to back out now,” he warns as he sits back up from getting his wallet from his jeans pocket.
“I wasn’t planning on backing out,” I whisper, too enthralled in watching him roll the condom down his shaft to care much about the conversation.
He squeezes a sachet of lube on his length before lining himself up with my opening. Before going any farther though he stretches over me and takes my mouth. I relax into his kiss and he must feel me turn to mush below him because he begins to slowly push into me. The familiar feeling takes over all my senses. It’s so welcome after so long and for it to be Chase, or Logan, to be the one causing it, well it utterly blows my mind.
I have a fleeting thought about tonight’s events that led to this moment but I pus
h it to one side in favour of enjoying my time with him.
“Fuck, Cole. You feel insane,” he grunts out in between his slow thrusts.
I can’t say the words out loud but I couldn’t agree more. The feeling of him moving inside me has rendered me totally useless, all I can do is lay there and enjoy.
Logan continues to increase him tempo until he sets a pretty punishing rhythm that sends me to a level of pleasure that I can’t even describe. It’s pure fucking ecstasy. And that feeling only increases when he encourages me to grab my cock so he can see me coming.
“Fuck, Logan, fuck, fuck, fuck,” I chant as he fucks me to orgasm. My cock twitches in my hand as I come over my stomach. Seconds later, Logan lets out the most feral groan I think I’ve ever heard before he starts coming in vicious spurts. I watch as all the muscles in his body pull tight and sweat pours from his forehead.
When he’s finished he pulls out then takes the condom off and drops it over the side of the bed before falling down on to his side up against me. He grabs on to my hip and tugs until I turn on to my side so we’re face to face. He stares at me for a beat before he puts his hand behind my head and pulls my lips towards his.
We kiss for hours, or it feels like it anyway, but eventually we both drift of to sleep in each other’s arms. I wake up a couple of times and I can’t help but smile like a loon when I see him in bed with me. The Logan Chase is in bed with me. Me! I smile at the thought that I knew his surname all along, it was his first name that eluded me. Fuck knows how he’s kept that out of the media so far. I stalked him so much before this tour that if it was out there then I would have found it.
When I come round the next morning I still have the same smile on my face, well that is until I look to the side to see Logan.
He’s gone.
Ten
“Hey,” Bella says when she reappears an hour or so later. She sticks her head in our room sceptically before walking right in. She’s obviously unsure as to what she’s going to find.
Chasing Logan Page 9