Wasteland

by Lynn Rush

  I could never get lost in Beka. Never taste her the way I longed to. Not without surrendering my human soul. But, oh, she was tempting.

  “Try it, David. Tell me what you hear.”

  Darkness enveloped me as my eyes shut. The image of her face burned into the back of my lids. Her graceful neck, her supple body. Heat licked at my cheeks, and my fingers itched to touch her.

  I froze, holding a breath captive to listen. An echo in my ears, like a faint drum. It was my heartbeat, but not only mine. One tick after it, another pulsed, with the same rhythm.

  Two hearts. And warmth. My cold veins simmered, like the sun baked my skin. I opened my eyes to check if rays of sun splashed against me through the window. They filled the room, but not directly on me, not near my chest like I would have thought.

  “Do you hear it?” Beka asked.

  “I hear something. Feel it.”

  “While holding my neck. Did you have a wound on your hands?”

  “Yes.” I turned to her.

  She stood, her eyes still closed and head tilted back. “Did your hands burn? And it traveled through you like electricity?”

  “How do you know this? You were not conscious.”

  “My heart stopped. I felt its last beat.”

  “Yes.”

  “My blood spilled into your wound and yours into mine.” Her eyes opened, revealing dilated pupils. “I feel you within me, David. Your struggle. Your fear.”

  “How?”

  “My life force flows through you now. And it is strong. I’ve lived many years.” She faced me. “How did you start my heart again?”

  “My heart stopped when yours did. I called on my demonic side to heal my wounds so I had the strength to hold you steady. The dagger didn’t completely sever your neck.” I choked down the emotion welling in my throat remembering the blood. Feeling it pour out from her neck and into my hands. “But it nearly did.”

  “Yes. I held the blade out as much as I could. But the demon was strong.”

  “One of the strongest. Elite Warriors. Master sends them to activate my collar and take me back.”

  Her hand rested on my chest, over my heart. Heat vined out from her fingers. “Your heart beats steady and strong.”

  “Yes,” I whispered.

  “Touch my heart.”

  Prickles of heat stung my chest.

  “You won’t hurt me, David. I know it.”

  “It is too difficult.”

  “To touch me. It overwhelms your senses?”

  I nodded.

  “It’ll be okay.” She reached for my hand and placed it on her chest. “Feel it pounding?”

  My spine tingled, an electrical jolt streaking through my back. Blood pulsed against my ears. Breaths turned into gasps.

  “Listen. And not just with your ears. Feel it, David.”

  The dull thudding serenaded my ears. Her heat pulsed through the thin fabric of her shirt. Despite the blood caking her clothes, lilac was the only thing I smelled.

  Then I understood. “Our hearts beat as one.”

  CHAPTER 22

  I kept the water on the cool side of warm as I showered. To be in a Guardian’s home, washing in their shower, eating their food, and desiring to be with them hurt.

  Literally.

  My demon sensed their goodness. Its sharp talons relentlessly lacerated my heart. Especially when I was near Beka. She often stood close to me or touched me, like I was a new toy or my skin held a special texture.

  With water flowing over me, I ran my hands down my chest. It felt normal to me. A subtle burning sensation bubbled with each pulse of my heart, but that must be her essence within me. If Beka affected me this way, Jessica’s touch, if what they said was true, might turn me to ash.

  The thought of a chance of freedom from my contract triggered a spike in my heart rate. To not have to do Master’s bidding any longer. To end the killing. I should not get my hopes up.

  I cranked off the water, still in awe of the luxury of indoor plumbing. The steaming water pounding on me relaxed my tense muscles, but didn’t shut off my brain. I needed to stay cautious, guarded. I refused to rest all my faith in one girl and her supposed ability to possibly free me from my demonic prison.

  I towel-dried and slid into the clothes Russell provided. The cotton stretched tight across my chest, but it would have to do. Beka’s blood soaked my other shirt.

  I opened the door and stepped through the threshold and rammed into Elizabeth. The half-pint girl squeaked as my massive foot landed on her bare toes. My shoulder barreled into the wall of the narrow hallway. A growl escaped.

  “You’re kinda clumsy,” Elizabeth said with a snicker.

  “You are small and sneaky, little one.” I palmed the smooth, beige wall, steadying myself. I would crush the tiny teen if I toppled onto her.

  “Don’t call me little one. I’m seventeen.” She crossed her frail arms over her chest. “And you took longer than a girl in the bathroom.”

  I stared at her, not familiar with what she meant.

  “You know. Long time in the bathroom.” She rolled her eyes. “Girls are supposed to spend hours in there, not guys.”

  “I’m still getting used to having such a luxury in the house. It’s quite enjoyable.”

  “You’re so weird.” She gawked. “And tall.”

  “Like I said. You are tiny, little one.” I moved toward the living room. Abraham still stood outside Jessica’s room. He watched me with narrowed eyes and a tensed jaw. I’d not seen him without such a scowl.

  “Wait.” Elizabeth snared my hand.

  I jerked it from her grasp. She was too small. Too brittle for me to be near, let alone touching.

  “What? Jeez. I just—” She waved her hand toward me. “Come here. Bend down.”

  I glanced at Abraham and back to the small girl. She stood five feet tall, maybe less. My six-foot-three frame towered her. I bent at the waist, giving her a few inches.

  Her big brown eyes pierced through me. “I just—um—” She slid her forefinger beneath her eye, smearing a tear laced with black make-up. “I wanted to say thank you,” she whispered. She studied the floor, rocking from heel to toe.

  Then, she reached for me.

  Her tiny arms wove around my neck. Her little body trembled against mine. I melted to my knees before her, hands out to my side, unsure what to do.

  “You saved my sister,” Elizabeth said. “You look very scary when you’re mad, but you saved my Jessica, so I’m glad.”

  Her little body quaked. Beka stood at the end of the hallway and nodded. I took that as permission to hug little Elizabeth, and I put my arms around her slight waist. Only seventeen, yet she’d seen so much. Put on such a brave face, yet she was so young still.

  “I thought those bad men were going to get her.”

  “You were smart to come find me.” I combed my fingers through her glossy hair, smoothing it against her back. “Brave.”

  “I knew you’d help. I just knew it.” She brushed her lips against my cheek and buried her face in my neck. Tears dampened my shirt. “What will happen to Jessica? No one will tell me.”

  “I am not sure.” I stood. Elizabeth didn’t release her hold so she went with me. Wetness trickled onto my skin, and she let out a whimper. “Don’t worry, little one. Beka and Russell will protect her with their lives. You, too.”

  “I’m scared,” she whispered.

  I guided her legs to my side with one hand while my other kept her snug against my chest. I pivoted at the waist, seeking Beka’s instruction. She pointed into the room behind me, and I carried the girl to Beka’s bed.

  Elizabeth clung to me as I imagined a child would clutch her father. I kneeled, setting her onto the mattress, but she didn’t release her grip so I knelt beside her.

  “It’s okay, sweet one. You’re safe.” Her hold loosened, and I reached for a blanket at the foot of the bed and tucked her in. Her big eyes analyzed my movements, tears streaking her face.


  “Sleep,” I said. My heart stuttered.

  “You’ll stay here, too. You’re strong enough to take care of us all. I saw you.”

  “I am strong, yes. But not entirely safe to be around.”

  Her nostrils flared again. “They called you demon. Said those other ones were demons, too.”

  I dipped my head at her, acknowledging she was correct.

  “Demon means you’re bad, but I don’t think you’re bad.” I sat on my heels by the side of the bed as she gripped my fingers in hers. Her tiny hand got lost in the enormity of mine.

  “But I am. Dangerous to be around.”

  “Then why did you help me and Jessica if you’re bad?”

  “Still working on that one.”

  “I think you want to be good. Just maybe can’t be all the time.” She yawned, her dark lashes fluttering.

  “I have a monster inside my chest. It comes out sometimes when I don’t want it to.”

  “Take it out of you then.”

  “That’s what we’re going to figure out how to do.” Beka stood in the doorway, propped against the frame, and her hands buried deep in her pockets. Wet hair cascaded over her shoulders like a waterfall. Gone were the bloodstains. She wore a fresh, white t-shirt and clean army-green shorts.

  I faced Elizabeth again. Her eyes were shut. Sleep smoothed the worry wrinkles from her forehead. I disengaged her hand from mine and stood. Her chest fell and rose with a steady rhythm as she drifted into unconsciousness. Her brown hair contrasted the bleached pillowcase, and her slight body disappeared beneath the thick, cobalt blanket.

  It felt like acid burned my eyes. Such a precious, innocent little person, and she trusted me—a monster—to protect her and Jessica.

  Yet it was me who could destroy them. If the demon took charge, it might affect Jessica’s transformation. I must leave. I must accept my fate and go back to Master. I refused to face eternity knowing I killed these people in a fit of anger.

  “She’s so tired. Been through a lot.” Beka twined her fingers with mine.

  I studied my Beka. One instance of loss of control with her would end this all within minutes. Maybe that was why Master had not called my contract due for losing Jessica to the Guardians. If I had sex with Beka and became full demon, I would kill anyone to get to Jessica.

  “You were right to tell her she was safe.” Beka’s thumb swirled against my hand. “She’s strong. All will be well.”

  I melded my fingers with Beka’s. She was wrong. Master would win. He always won. I should not delude myself.

  “I feel your torment.” She stepped into me, clasping her free hand over our joined fingers. “Is it quite a struggle to be here? To be near such purity?”

  “Sometimes.” I pried my hand from hers. “It reminds me of what I will never possess, Beka. It is more torturous than two and a half centuries of punishment.” I backed away from her.

  “David. No.” She moved toward me. “Don’t go.”

  “I must.” I cast a glance over to Elizabeth and back to Beka. “It’s for the best.”

  CHAPTER 23

  I shoved open the door to the roof. The stifling heat seared my skin, but it could have been my pounding demon. Anger triggered its lust for power. Its thirst to douse any goodness within my radius.

  And I was angry.

  Angry at Master. Mother. The Contract . . . Myself.

  I was a fool to believe I had a chance to become human. The evil in me was too great. If it came out as Jessica transformed, everything would be ruined. I couldn’t risk it. Couldn’t risk Beka’s safety, either.

  I wanted her so vehemently, I didn’t trust myself.

  I peered over the short ledge. People scurried along the sidewalk in front of the club. It neared opening time so the workers came to start their shifts. The evening sky staked its claim on the daylight, striking splashes of slate and muted purples against the clouds.

  Out from the protection of the apartment, I expected to hear Master’s call, beckoning me to him as he had hundreds of times before. But I didn’t, nor did I feel the misery his voice evoked. The day with the Guardians, surrounded by their goodness propelled me into a heightened level of irritability, but the softhearted girl, Elizabeth, had made it unbearable. She trusted me as a child would a father. All of it was something I couldn’t have.

  I should leave, and hope Master’s call doesn’t come for a while. If I evaded the demons they wouldn’t know my whereabouts, maybe Master would think I died.

  “Fool.” I tugged at the neck of my shirt. Nothing could allow me to escape the supernatural leash cinching my neck and wrists.

  Or maybe I should just take Beka. Make love to her and become a full demon. I would be free. No worries ever again. No guilt over the scores of innocent people I’d killed. Or led to a demonic life.

  I followed the little wall until the alley came into view. Deserted, save fluttering papers and crumpled cans. I hopped up onto the wall.

  “David, don’t,” Beka called out.

  I tensed. Her voice acted like a command my body couldn’t disobey. Like she owned my will as Master did. I didn’t look back. Instead, I tipped forward in defiance. My shirt strained across my chest, drawing me back.

  I pressed forward, fighting the tug. “Release me, Beka.”

  “No.”

  “You walk a dangerous line with me.”

  “You will not hurt me.”

  “You know not what you speak of. I must go. It is not safe to have me around you. Around Jessica.”

  “I can’t understand it, either, David, but we’re connected. You are where you are meant to be. Now. In this moment.”

  My shoulders sagged. God I loved her. “How can you say that? I am demon. Surrounded by Guardians and—” I reached around, and ripped my shirt from her grasp. “Children.”

  The loose gravel of the roof crackled, and in the next breath Beka stood beside me on the ledge. “You were so good with Elizabeth earlier. She trusts you with her life. And Jessica’s. You are more human than you think, David.”

  “She knows not what she does. She is but a child.”

  “She witnessed your demonic form.”

  “The shock of it all hasn’t hit her. Once it does, she will see me as I really am.” I chanced a peek. “As will you.”

  Beka may think she can overlook my demon, but she was wrong. Too pure and innocent to see reality. To accept it.

  “I’m not used to people not following my orders. You were going to jump, even after I told you not to. You’re very frustrating sometimes.”

  “I follow no one’s orders, other than Master’s.”

  “You must stay. Jessica turns sixteen soon. Let us help you.”

  “Why do you want to help me, Beka? I’m demon. I’m—”

  “You’re also human.” She snatched my hand in hers. “Human, David. Remember, in the alley? Two nights ago when you touched me?”

  A jolt of electricity sizzled down my spine.

  “When we kissed?” she asked.

  My demon knocked my ribs, rumbling for release. For pleasure. For Beka.

  “Focus on that. That is what I want.” She stepped down, still holding my hand.

  “No.” I tugged, but she remained steadfast.

  A grumble rattled from my throat.

  “You do not scare me, David. Even with your scowls.”

  “You should be scared of me, Beka. I cannot be killed, yet I can kill very easily. Sometimes it is beyond my control.” And with Beka, I doubted my control.

  “Your neck sparked when the blade hit it. Explain that to me.” She waggled our connected hands.

  I finally took her into my sights. Standing on this ledge, I towered over her. Yet she didn’t seem small. Only beamed with hope and light.

  “Bonds around my throat and wrists protect the vulnerable spots. Nothing can penetrate them. Not even my talons.”

  “You’ve tried?”

  I bit my cheek. Of course I’d tried. I’d never wanted a
life such as this.

  “Your claws.” Her thumb circled my forefinger knuckle. Peace rippled over my skin.

  “My demon nails are lethal. One well-timed wave of my hand, I can send a head rolling, vanquishing any being.”

  “And you have done this often.”

  “Only two hundred and forty-five years of my four centuries have been spent in solitary, so yes, I have a long list of those I’ve killed or brought to Master.” I toed the ledge on which I stood. “Including Guardians.”

  “Yes. I am aware.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “I am aware of Guardians lost to demons. I even lost family to them in battle.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I’ve been around a while, too, David. Seen many things. Know even more.”

  “You’ve lost family? You have other brothers than Russell?”

  “He is not my brother.” She tugged again, but this time I allowed her strength to guide me down from the ledge. “We only call each other brother and sister to fit in better with the humans.”

  “Who is he, then? And Abraham?”

  “Guardians, like me. Only younger.”

  She glided closer.

  “Younger, so that’s why they follow your orders.”

  “In part.” Her hand rested on my chest. “Abraham just arrived to help us protect Jessica.”

  “Please, don’t.”

  “You don’t want to touch me?” she asked.

  “That is not the issue. It’s not right.”

  “Why?”

  “Besides the obvious reasons—I am demon, you are Guardian?”

  “Yes. Besides the obvious.”

  “Why would you want a demon to touch you?”

  “Stop calling yourself demon. I hate it.”

  “It’s reality.”

  “No. You are a friend to the Guardians.” She yanked me to her. “I shouldn’t want to be with you like I do, but I do. I want to touch you. I can’t explain it. But I trust it.”

  My heart cramped, squeezing the air from them with a sharp whistle. My mouth watered for her. One taste before I left. I could stop it before it went too far. Before I lost control.

  Yes. Take her. The demon swirled beneath the surface of my chest. Blood pulsed.