A Soul For Chaos (The Soulbearer Trilogy)

by Crista McHugh

  “In return for your service, I will shield you from their detection. Once you have found it, I will teach you how to make the serum that will kill the soul of chaos.”

  Chapter 13

  A rough hand shook Arden from her dreams. Although she’d normally be perturbed by it, this time, she was thankful to be torn from a world where she was constantly running from hand-shaped waves and flying oak beams. Fatigued laced her muscles, making her body feel heavier than normal, but the pain and soreness from last night had vanished. She blinked her eyes, wondering if the bright sunlight was playing tricks on her. Instead of seeing Kell’s usual face at her bed, she focused on the angular jaw and pointed ears of her protector.

  “We need to get going if we’re going to make the next safe house by nightfall.”

  She gazed past him at the simple but intact walls of her room. The last thing she remembered was the shattered remains of the inn. “Where am I?”

  Dev thrust a pile of clothes at her, not answering her question. “These will probably be too large for you, but they’ll do until we get to Queembra.”

  He turned to leave, but she caught his arm. “What happened last night?” When his expression hardened, she added, “Tell me everything.”

  “A whirlwind destroyed the inn.”

  “I remember that.” Even though she’d been pinned under the ceiling beam, she never lost consciousness during the storm. “Then what happened.”

  “You passed out.” He was staring at the foot of her bed rather that her, and her blood turned to ice. Something else happened—something he wanted to keep hidden from her.

  “Ask Dev how I helped to save your life,” Loku said.

  She licked her lips, wondering where all her spit had disappeared to. “What did Loku do?”

  Dev’s chest rose and fell with a heavy breath. “He took over your body and informed me of a potentially fatal injury you had so I could heal you.”

  “And that’s a bad thing?”

  Everything about Dev’s posture, from his slumped shoulders to the way he shifted his weight on his feet, told her it was. “He did it in front of Kell.”

  And just like that, the consequences of Loku’s act hit her like a slap in the face. She’d tried to downplay the idea that she was a Soulbearer to him, to keep the monster inside her hidden from the prince’s view. But now he’d seen it. “Did he misbehave at all?”

  “He threatened to take over Kell’s body just for spite if I let you die.”

  She closed her eyes to keep the burning in them from spilling over. “Why did you do that? Why did you try to destroy what I have with Kell?”

  “Why can’t you tell him you love him?” When she didn’t answer, he continued. “Because you don’t, so don’t pretend to be all distraught over this. I just saved you months of heartache.”

  Loku’s words stung, but she refused to believe them. “How did he take it?”

  Dev made another visual sweep of the floor before coming back to the foot of her bed. “Not well.”

  Her throat tightened. Perhaps, if she had a chance to explain things to Kell, to reassure him that Loku didn’t mean any harm… “Please, let me get dressed so we can leave.”

  “I think that’s a good idea.” Dev left, his footsteps swift and silent.

  “I think he’s relieved you handled this as well as you did.”

  “Shut up, Loku.” She got out of bed, letting the first hot tears roll down her cheek. Her stomach twisted, and she doubled over to ease the pain. “My life was so normal before I met you. All you’ve done is cause me trouble.”

  “I’ve made your life more exciting. I’ve taken you from your pitiful existence as a barmaid everyone in town avoided and turned you into a prince’s lover. I’ve raised you up and showed you what you are capable of becoming. But remember—I can also take it all away from you.”

  “And is that what you hoped to prove with your little demonstration last night? That you could take Kell away from me and turn me into the town freak again if I don’t do what you say?”

  Loku snickered. “Oh, no, my little Soulbearer. I saved your life because I want to keep you.”

  She didn’t need to ask him what he meant by that. The chill that rippled down her back told her enough. As long as his soul resided inside her, she was his slave. But things would change soon. If Dev spoke the truth, she’d learn to contain him once she reached the Mage’s Conclave.

  And then she wouldn’t have to worry about Loku taking control of her again.

  ***

  Arden watched Kell from under the cover of her hood. Dev was being kind when he said that the prince hadn’t taken his brush with Loku well. It was Wallus all over again.

  Kell kept glancing back at her, his eyes wide, his body twitching every time she met his gaze. It was as though he expected Loku to seize control of her once again and carry out his threat. Each stolen look of fear, each tremble that passed through him, tore at her heart until she wondered if he ever truly loved her.

  When they arrived at the next safe house, Kell lingered on his horse, entering well behind her and Dev. Instead of joining them at their table, he reached for a glass of wine and sat by the fire, nursing it alone. He focused on the flames, not even acknowledging them.

  Arden picked at her meal. There was so much she wanted to say to him. Part of her wanted to apologize for Loku’s behavior. Another part of her wanted to shake him out of his stupor and ask him what his problem was.

  “Don’t bother yourself with him,” Dev said under his breath. “It’s not like we didn’t warn him.”

  But her anger festered as the meal continued. Emboldened by the wine, she went to him and shoved his shoulder, jerking his attention from the fire to her. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

  His eyes darted to her hand, then to her face. “I’m still trying to make sense of it all,” he said at last.

  “You’re not a dimwit, Kell. You know what you saw.”

  “Yes, and it left me startled.”

  “More like scared shitless,” Loku added.

  He jumped to his feet, forcing her to stumble back a few steps. “You have no idea what it was like to see your eyes glowing like that, to hear that strange voice coming from your mouth.”

  “Try having to listen to that voice in your head continuously.”

  Kell swore and raked his fingers through his hair. “I didn’t think it was as bad as that.”

  “You knew I had Loku’s soul inside me. Why does it surprise you that he speaks to me all the damn time?”

  “Because I thought you and Dev were pulling my leg.”

  She crossed her arms to keep from punching him. “Why would we make something like that up?”

  “I don’t know.” He started pacing like a caged animal. “Maybe because he didn’t want me to ask you to use your powers so often.”

  “See, my little Soulbearer? All he cares about is your power.”

  As much as she wanted to dismiss Loku’s statement as pure rubbish, a twinge of doubt wormed its way into the back of her mind and took root.

  “To be honest, I’m not sure how to take this, Arden.” He stopped and stoked the fire with a poker. “I admit I’m not that comfortable with another creature having that much power over you. I mean, what if he decides to take over you when we’re making love.”

  Although the last sentence was said with a joking smile, she found nothing amusing about it. Inwardly, she seethed, her vision turning red. “Well, you don’t have to worry about that because you won’t be sharing my bed anymore.”

  She spun around and was almost in the safe solitude of her room when Kell caught her hand. The upward tilt of his brows and his pouting lower lip begged for forgiveness. “Please, don’t be that way, Arden.”

  “How should I act? You tell me that you love me, but the first moment you’re tested, you treat me like just like every other person in Ranello did.”

  “But I do love you.” His face drew together in anguish, and hi
s fingers slipped away from hers. “Don’t you believe me?”

  “I’m not sure.” Her voice choked up, and she hated her weak heart for continuing to care for him when he’d hurt her so much. She waited until she regained her composure before adding, “If you truly do love me, then it means loving all of me—the good and the bad—not the parts you want to separate from the ugly. I have to carry Loku inside of me until I draw my last breath, so if you want me, you’ll have to learn to accept him, too.”

  He opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out. His head fell, and he walked back to his chair and wine, saying nothing more to her.

  “And now you know the truth, my little Soulbearer.”

  And the truth hurt more than taking a dagger to her chest. It stole her breath away, burned deep inside until she wanted to douse the fire with her tears. Only pride kept her from succumbing to her pain in front of him. She lifted her chin up and snapped her fingers. “Come here, Cinder.”

  The wolf obeyed. The familiarity of his coarse fur soothed her breaking heart, and the warmth of his body as he lay next to her in the bed helped her finally fall asleep.

  ***

  Things couldn’t have worked out more better than if he’d orchestrated it himself. Dev sat at the table, watching the exchange between Arden and Kell, and forced himself not to grin. Arden had finally seen Kell for what he truly was—a spoiled little prince who only wanted her either in his bed or fighting his battles.

  But as the argument unfolded, the prince’s reaction surprised him. He expected Kell to follow Arden to the bedroom, pursuing her with the same glib-tongued overtures of affection he’d used since he first met her. Instead, he seemed to give up.

  Normally, Dev would’ve gloated about this small victory, or even just excused himself to enjoy this moment in private. But he lingered in the main room and was surprised how much of himself he saw in Kell.

  The prince was well into his third bottle of wine before Dev got up the nerve to join him. “You might want to stop now, or you’ll have a very rough morning.”

  “I don’t care about that at the moment.” He chugged the contents of his glass and wiped his mouth off with the back of his sleeve. “I just want to feel numb.”

  He took the cup away from Kell. “That’s not the best way to do that.”

  “So you’re going to start ordering me around now, too, huh?” Kell made a swipe for the cup and missed, nearly falling off his chair in the process. “Why don’t you go protect Arden like you’re supposed to and leave me the hell alone.”

  “Because I’m already on your father’s bad side, and the last I thing I need is his favorite son getting killed under my watch.”

  “Like you give a damn about me.” He stumbled to the table and pressed his cheek against the rough wood. “Fine, since you’re in such a compassionate mood, answer me this. How is it that you stayed so calm when that thing took over Arden?”

  “Because it wasn’t the first time I’ve seen him do it.” Dev sat next to him and cut off a slice of bread for Kell. “I’ve been the Soulbearer’s protector for over a century.”

  Kell lifted his head, his brows squinted together. “You’ve been alive that long?”

  “Longer.” He continued to offer the bread to Kell until the prince took it. Hopefully, it would help sop up some of the wine in his stomach before it came right back up. “What you saw last night was mild compared to some of the stunts I’ve seen Loku pull.”

  He shook his head in disbelief. “I still have a hard time believing there’s another creature inside her.”

  “You didn’t grow up around magic.” Now was his chance to deliver the killing blow on Kell’s relationship with Arden. “Sometimes it’s best to avoid things you don’t understand so you don’t get hurt.”

  “But that’s the problem, Dev.” Kell lifted his pain-filled eyes, and something inside Dev winced. “I’m already hurting. I want to understand, but no one will tell me the truth. I love her, but no matter how many times I tell her that, she never tells me she loves me back.”

  Part of him was dancing inside at the prince’s confession. Knowing that Arden had never declared her love for Kell meant there was still a chance she harbored feelings for him. But his joy was weighed down by Kell’s despair. “Perhaps she’s just being cautious with her heart. You’ve heard the story with her mother.”

  Kell nodded. “And I’ve assured her multiple times that would never be the case with me.”

  “And yet your record speaks for itself.”

  “Damn it, Dev,” he said and hurled his cup into the fire. The flames jumped to life, driving away the shadows. “Stop bringing up my past. Can’t you believe that a man can change, especially when he finds someone he wants more than anything else? Someone he’d be willing to sacrifice everything for?”

  “But you can’t sacrifice everything. You have a certain obligation to your crown, a duty you’ve pledged to perform.” The words could’ve been as much about him as they were about Kell, and he paused as they sunk in. Perhaps he and Kell weren’t that different after all. They both wanted Arden, but they were both confined by their duty.

  “I’d give up my crown for her.”

  Dev tried to laugh and make light of the prince’s drunken declaration. “Your father won’t let you, and you know it. Besides, you love Ranello too much. She is as much your queen as the woman you’ll eventually marry.”

  Kell stood, a new look of determination on his face. “And I want that woman to be Arden.”

  Panic raced through Dev, and he shoved Kell back down into his chair. This was not the way he’d intended the conversation to go. “Think about what you’re saying, Kell. You want a woman, a witch, like Arden to be the queen of Ranello, knowing full well what your people think about her. Then you have to consider Loku’s claim on her. What if he took over her body in front of the court? You’d both end up surrounded by a pyre.”

  “You sound like the others,” Kell replied, twisting his shoulders free of Dev. “I know what’s expected of me. But I see a different future for Ranello, one that embraces magic rather than fears it. Why do you think I’m here?”

  “To chase after Arden.”

  Kell swore again and laced his fingers into his hair, his head hung down. “Even while I’m pursuing her, I’m thinking of ways to strengthen ties to Gravaria, to form an alliance that might improve Ranello. No matter what I do, I can never escape my duty, not even for a moment. Do you have any idea what that’s like?”

  “I do.” All too well.

  Guilt began to gnaw at his stomach. He’d been so focused on keeping Kell and Arden apart that he failed to see that they didn’t need his interference. A wedge had already been driven between them, and he was only adding to their pain. He needed to let things run their natural course and be patient. If Arden decided to leave Kell, it would be because it was her choice and not because he’d manipulated her into doing it.

  But for now, there was still a chance he could regain some shred of honor. He helped Kell to his feet. “Come on, let’s get you in your bed so you can sleep this off. Things will make more sense in the morning.”

  “You’d better be right.”

  Chapter 14

  A thick fog swirled around Arden, brushing against her bare arms and leaving a chill in its wake. Green lightning flashed in the distance, and the smell of smoke wafted on the breeze that stirred the void.

  She rubbed her arms. “Where am I?”

  “Safely in your dreams, my little Soulbearer,” Loku said behind her.

  She turned and saw the shadow of a man coming toward her. As he came closer, his shape took a more solid form. He was as tall as Dev and more powerfully built than Kell. Her stomach quivered. “Who are you?”

  “Ah, the smell of fear.” Loku’s voice came from the man as he continued to come closer, his face still concealed by the fog. “I forgot how potent it can be. But you don’t have to fear me, Arden.”

  The voice that had become so fam
iliar now took on a sinister form. Another bolt of green lightning illuminated the sky…and the face of Loku. Long, black hair fell to his shoulders, and the same eerie yellow-green eyes she’d seen right before Robb was killed stared back at her. But his skin set every nerve in her body on edge—unnaturally pale with black lines that curled across the surface like growing vines.

  Chaos had a face, and it was nothing like she’d ever imagined.

  He stopped a few feet in front of her and caressed her cheek. “Did I startle you?”

  The icy touch of his fingers intensified the chills coursing through her blood. “Are you trying to?”

  He laughed. The fog lifted, giving her a glance of his bare chest and same dancing black lines that twisted and faded along the surface, only to reappear elsewhere. “I’m sorry. I’d hoped to comfort you.”

  As he spoke, his hand grew warm, and the sky lightened as though a distant sun was rising. “Better?”

  Arden nodded. “If this is my dream, why are you in it?”

  “As if you need an excuse to dream about me.” He lowered his hand with a naughty grin that made her cheeks burn. “Now that I finally have you alone, I wanted you to see me as I truly am.” One corner of his mouth fell. “Or was, until they destroyed my body.”

  The dancing lines that laced his body mesmerized her, hypnotically pulling her toward him. She reached out to touch them. “Is this what you looked like?”

  “I’m a god—I could take whatever formed I wished. Since they destroyed my body, none of the other gods would dare appear in their divine forms for fear they would suffer the same fate. But yes, this was the form I took when I ruled over my own realm.”

  He stretched out his hand, shedding more light on the surroundings. Hills rolled and shifted like a well-choreographed dance, constantly moving around her even through the ground beneath her feet remained fixed. Stars streaked across the ever-changing sky, and galaxies spun in brilliant blues and purples.

  Her chest tightened as she took it all in. “It’s beautiful.”