by Jolene Perry
“The glue still works, Nathan. We just won’t see each other until we’re all there.”
“Oh.” He seemed disappointed.
“Nathan, it might seem like a long time to you, but if I’m with our Heavenly Father again, it won’t seem like a long time to me, okay?”
He seemed perfectly satisfied. “Okay.”
“Besides, I’m getting better now.” I reached back and grabbed his knee.
Nathan looked satisfied. Brian looked stressed. I rubbed his shoulder a few more times and he took a breath in to try and relax. When we stopped in the temple parking lot my parents were already there. Nathan jumped out to greet them.
I took Brian by the hand. “Look at me, Brian.” He did as asked. “We made it.”
He nodded. He turned toward me in his seat and leaned his head back. “I’ve learned so much,” he started. “It felt like, for so long, that you were just slipping away from me and I was powerless to stop it. Those few weeks after Andy, there was nothing for me to hold onto. I was terrified that I was going to be right there next to you and you’d just keep slipping way until you disappeared.”
“I’m so…” sorry, I tried to say but he cut me off.
“Then, during Joseph’s visit, when you called me over? Feeling you lean into me in a way that you hadn’t since the beginning, you have no idea.” He paused for a moment, watching my face, taking it in. “And then there I was again, standing next to your hospital bed, feeling so powerless. Your brother came in and we gave you a blessing, but it felt like walking through sand.
“Like we were headed in the right direction but at any time the tide would come in and take it all away.” He stopped again and I reached my hand out to his. I loved the feeling of our hands together.
“I’ve always been one to live for what’s coming next. When I realized I liked you, I lived for the time when we could be together, then I was impatiently waiting for us to be married.” We both smiled. “After that I was waiting to be done with college, and waiting for us to have Nathan the way we’re about to do.
“There have been a million tiny moments I’ve let slip through my fingers. A million little bits of perfection that I could have simply sat in and soaked up and enjoyed. I never want to miss out on something because I’m looking forward to something else. I feel like I have a hold on things again. I love right now. I want to keep loving right now.”
“I love you so much.” I leaned forward and kissed him, putting my arms around his neck and pulling him closer. I heard a knock on my window and jumped back. Jaron tapped his watch against the window.
“Guess we should go in.” Brian grinned.
- - -
Nathan stared at everything in the temple with wide eyes. The lighting, the artwork… I kept telling him what a unique experience this was. I hadn’t come inside until I’d been about fifteen or so.
I enjoyed every minute of that day. I actually paid attention to the man doing the sealing for us, unlike at our wedding. I listened to every word. I looked around at my family, at Dr. Watts and his wife. I looked at Brian the way I had on our wedding day, and I watched Nathan who still looked a little bewildered at the whole process.
Our sealing was brief and to the point. They were well aware of our situation and my limited capabilities. They didn’t seem so limiting anymore. Now that I wasn’t afraid to ask for help, and now that I could understand the satisfaction for Brian in being able to help me the way he wanted. I leaned my weight on him and sat any time I felt dizzy or tired.
I looked back at what Brian, Nathan and I had been through together over the past year. I couldn’t believe we’d made it. I was so grateful I’d made it. When Brian and I had gotten married, I had felt like my life couldn’t get any better. Now here we were, almost a year later with what felt like ten years of experience.
We walked out of the temple and I saw them immediately - Joseph, Lori and their two kids. I couldn’t believe how far they’d come. Joseph walked over grabbing me in a hug first, then Brian.
He caught my brother next and stopped as he watched my parents come out behind us. I watched them halt in shock at seeing Joseph. Lori came to stand next to me. Brian put his arm around my waist and Nathan kneeled down in front of the twins, waving and trying to get their attention. He knew them through photographs, nothing else.
“I can’t believe you guys made it,” I said quietly. My parents and Joseph stood talking and I wanted them to have privacy.
“He explained what a big deal it is to you guys when I got your email and I really pushed him to be here. Besides, I’ve never been to Utah.” She shrugged with a pleased smile.
I could barely believe Layla and Jack were big enough to run around on the grass. I looked up to see Dad with his arms around Joseph. Mom’s tears flowed freely. I hoped this would be the beginning of our family being together the way we should have been all along.
“We’ll see you guys at home. We’re going to head back and start dinner.” Megan patted my shoulder. Jaron put his arm gently around her as they headed toward their car. Their baby would be here in a month. Amazing.
I reached out and took Lori’s hand. “I know it’s a big deal for you guys to be here.”
“It was worth it.” She smiled back.
- - -
There wasn’t room for all of us on the porch, but we made it work. Mom was smiling, Dad was smiling and talking more than I ever remembered. Jaron sat quietly in the corner with his exhausted wife.
I held on to Brian like I had the day we got married. I felt like I was finally moving forward the way I wanted to when I’d first moved from home. But I’d realized also that life experiences weren’t just gotten by moving forward, it was soaking up each minute of right now. That’s what I’d learned this time, when I finally realized we were doing this all together.
LASTLY
We stepped out into the June heat. My last treatment had been two months ago. All my shorts were too big, but they seemed to stay on anyway. Brian, Nathan and I all walked up to Crown Burger. There weren’t any in Seattle so I planned on stuffing myself with them before we left.
I had about thirty pounds to gain. I’m sure Dr. Watts would have rather me put it on with something less greasy and fried, but Nathan insisted. What could I say?
We stuffed ourselves on the front porch and climbed onto my hammock. All three of us.
“You know this always makes me nervous at first.” I smiled at Brian. His head was at the opposite side of mine so we could look at one another. Our bodies were close and our knees and legs rested against each other. He laid his arm around my calves. Nathan snuggled in on my side.
“If the hammock comes down, the whole house is coming down.” Brian laughed a little and took my bare calf in his hand. I got lost in Brian’s eyes and hoped I always would. I absently rubbed my hand up and down his lower leg as Nathan started reading Scaredy Squirrel, his favorite.
“Things Scaredy Squirrel is afraid of: Poison Ivy, tarantulas, green martians, killer bees, germs and sharks…” He turned the page.
I closed my eyes and remembered a day more than a year ago when Nathan had spent the afternoon with me. We’d snuggled up together on the hammock in the back yard and had fallen asleep. I lay there with that little boy, this little boy and wondered if I’d ever be a mom. And here we were. I opened my eyes again to see Brian looking at me.
“We’re going to have a lot more days like this,” I said.
“Thousands.” He squeezed my legs toward his chest.
Nathan sighed in exasperation next to me. “Can I finish the story now?” he asked.
“Yes,” I answered, pulling him to me so I could kiss him on the head. “You can finish the story.”
“So now the squirrel has a new routine: Get up, look at view, eat a nut, look at view, jump from tree, play dead, climb back into tree, eat a nut, look at view, eat a nut, go to sleep. The End.”
“Love you, Nathan.”
“Love you, Mom.”
/> “Love you, Leigh.” Brian smiled widely.
And as impossible as it seemed only a month ago, I was alive, I was loved, and everything felt perfect.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
To my Grandma Betty, who I get my middle initial from, who I never got to meet.
First and foremost, I need to thank my good friend, and the girl who reads for shoes, Heather. I wasn’t going to publish this book, even though I knew it had to be written halfway through The Next Door Boys. When I told her I was thinking of keeping it to myself, she freaked out. And that’s when I put the work into it to get it published.
As always, a special thanks for my EVER patient family, who knows that when Mommy says – just a sec – that the time could be anything from one minute to thirty.
I didn’t know if Leigh died or survived when I started writing this, but I’m glad this ending felt like the right ending for the story.
A special thank you to Mike, who watched me cry while writing this, and patiently listened to not just one, but two beginnings of this story. Love you. You’re my forever.
You can find Jolene Perry and her other titles at www.jolenebperry.com
All rights reserved.
Printed in the United States of America.
Copyright 2012
No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval systems, without prior written permission of the author except where permitted by law.
Published by
Jolene Perry
The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead is coincidental and not intended by the author.
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