by A. T Brennan
I pulled out my phone and checked the time, even as I started counting the seconds. I felt useless as I knelt beside him. I vaguely remembered that touching or holding him could hurt him but had no idea what I could do to help.
I opened the internet on my phone and quickly typed tonic-clonic into the search bar. The first thing that came up was a treatment list, and I quickly scanned it.
According to the list, there was nothing I could do but count the minutes and stay with him as he rode it out. He wasn't in any danger of hurting himself on anything around him, but I slipped my hand under the back of his head to try and cushion it from where it was occasionally hitting the floor.
“It's okay, baby. I'm here. I've got you.”
I knew talking to him was pointless. Even if he was aware of his surroundings, I was speaking too softly for him to hear. It was the only thing I could think to do since I couldn't stop the seizure or touch him to comfort him.
His face had taken on an ashen quality, and there was a little blood mixed in with the saliva that was gathering around his mouth. I hoped that meant he'd bitten his tongue or cheek and it wasn't coming from his lungs. His breathing was erratic and labored, and the spasms and convulsions looked painful.
I was just about to say fuck it and pull out my phone again to call for help when I noticed his body was starting to calm down. He was still seizing, but it was less pronounced and slowed as the seconds passed.
When he finally stopped, he lay on the floor, still and silent. The color returned to his cheeks, and his breathing went back to normal. That had been the longest three minutes of my life.
I pulled my hand out from under his head and leaned over to listen to his heart. It was beating steadily, but it was then I noticed the faint scent of urine.
Because he was wearing dark wash jeans, I had to look closely before I noticed Caleb had wet himself.
“Caleb?” I asked as his eyes fluttered open. He looked confused and tired, but he was able to look at me.
“Rhys?” he asked, his voice hoarse and a little scratchy.
“Are you hurt? What can I do to help you?”
“Didn't want you to see me like this,” he said thickly.
“Don't worry about anything now, especially not that. What do you need.”
“Sleep. Tired.”
“Do you want me to stay with you tonight?”
“Please.” His voice was weak, and his eyes were so vulnerable I felt my heart break for him.
“Okay, let's get you into some comfortable clothes and into bed.”
Caleb wasn't able to do much to help me. He was weak and a little shaky and very confused about everything that was going on. I did my best to reassure him as I half-carried, half-dragged him into his bathroom so I could get him out of his soiled clothes.
It took a bit of work to get him out of his jeans and briefs. I was so concerned with getting him clean and into bed I hardly noticed his nudity as I used a warm cloth to clean up his skin.
The one thing I did notice was how he kept apologizing, then thanking me. I hoped that was just an after effect of the seizure and he wasn't actually sorry for something out of his control happening. As for thanking me, that was something else I hoped was just a reflex because the thought of not doing everything I could for him hadn't even entered my mind.
Once he was clean, I got him into his bedroom and was grateful to find a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt folded up on his bed. It was a bit of a struggle getting him into his clothes since he couldn't do much to help me, but I managed to get him under the covers and resting comfortably.
“Caleb? I'm going to take out your hearing aids, is that okay?”
“Yes.” He nodded sleepily. “Thank you.”
“We're going to have to have a little talk about all this thanking me stuff. I want to take care of you. I'm glad to do it, okay?” I didn't get an answer, but then again, I wasn't expecting one. I carefully removed his hearing aids and put them on the bedside table, not sure where they were supposed to go.
Caleb's breathing slowed down, and he was asleep before I could stand up straight. The difference was like night and day. His face was relaxed, a small smile was playing on his lips, and he seemed at peace. I took a moment to study him, not caring if it was hella creepy or not.
The way his hair fell over his forehead and how his lashes brushed his cheeks was almost angelic. He was even more beautiful.
After a moment, I tore my eyes away from him and set about closing the apartment down for the night. I turned off the lights, made sure the door was locked, then grabbed both of our phones before making my way to the bedroom. I knew I should sleep on the couch, but I hated the thought of being a room away from him. There was no chair for me to sleep in, and I prayed he wouldn't freak out when he realized I'd spent the night in his bed.
I stripped off my jeans and shirt, leaving my briefs and T-shirt on. I didn't think anything of Caleb's would fit me, and didn't feel right digging through his drawers while he was sleeping. It was early, not even ten yet, but I was tired. I'd gone to the gym with Tristan before my shift started and hadn't slept well the night before, and I started yawning as I climbed into bed next to him.
I made sure to stay on my side of the bed and not touch him. Sleeping next to him to make sure he was okay was one thing, but to touch him without permission wasn't something I was willing to risk, even though I desperately wanted to hold him.
Instead, I settled on my side of the bed and closed my eyes as I let the steady cadence of his breathing lull me to sleep.
“WHAT THE FUCK!”
I woke up with a shocked cry as the bed beneath me started to shake. Were we in the middle of an earthquake?
The shaking stopped as suddenly as it started, and it took me a moment to realize I wasn't in my bed or my room, and there was a warm body next to me. I glanced over and saw a slightly disheveled and sexy-as-all-hell Caleb giving me a shy look.
Sorry about that. My alarm.
It's okay. I rolled over so I could look him up and down. How are you feeling?
Better.
Do you need anything?
No, I'm okay. I'm sorry.
You need to stop apologizing. I reached out and pushed a curl off his forehead. Especially for things that aren't your fault.
I didn't want you to see me like that, especially... He looked down at his lower body, his face flushing.
Don't think twice about that, okay? It's just how your body reacted to the seizure. It's nothing to be ashamed of.
Easy for you to say. You didn't piss yourself in front of the guy you're dating.
No. I waited until he was looking at me before continuing. But I'm glad I was here to help you. I know this isn't the most flattering comparison, but I was changing Violet's diapers the day she came home from the hospital, and toward the end, with Sam, I had to help her to the washroom, and sometimes we didn't make it in time. It's medical, Caleb. I don't see you any differently.
It's weak.
It's not weak. And it's not your fault. I understand that it's embarrassing for you, but I need you to know that it doesn't change anything for me.
Caleb didn't answer, but he did look slightly appeased. I didn't want to ask, but I wondered if his ex had anything to do with his fear of being seen as weak or of me looking at him differently now.
Are you thirsty? Hungry?
Caleb nodded. Thirsty
Impulsively, I leaned over and kissed his cheek. I need to reassure myself that he really was okay and feel his skin on mine.
What can I get you?
Water, please.
I rolled out of bed and went to the kitchen. I filled two glasses with water and grabbed a loaf of bread off the counter. He hadn't said he was hungry, but a few pieces of bread would be easy to stomach.
I made my way back into the bedroom and handed him one of the glasses as I carefully climbed into bed with him.
We didn't talk much as Caleb had to concentrate on not spi
lling his water. He ate a few slices of bread, and after he'd finished the second glass, he lay back on the pillows.
“Do you have to work today?” I asked when I was sure he was looking at me.
“Not until two. You?”
“I start at four. Do you want to rest a bit longer?”
“Yes, please.”
Caleb blushed as we settled on the pillows. I waited until he glanced at me before extending my arm out, inviting him into my embrace. Caleb didn't even hesitate as he rolled into me, and I smiled as I pulled him close. We settled with his head on my shoulder and my arms around his slender frame. The warmth from his skin was comforting, and the steady beat of his heart reminded me that he was okay.
This moment, just relaxing in each other’s arms, was perfect, and after only a few minutes, I felt my eyelids grow heavy as a wave of fatigue washed over me.
Chapter Ten
Caleb
RHYS WAS SO COMFORTABLE I thought I might doze off. With my hearing aids out, I couldn't hear his heartbeat under my ear, but I could feel it. The steady thumping was soothing, and the heat of his arm wrapped around my shoulders holding me close made me feel safe.
This was the first time I'd had anyone in my bed since my breakup with Michael, and every fear I'd had about feeling closed in or like it was too much melted further and further away as he held me.
Rhys shifted beneath me, and I found myself lying with my head on the pillow as he rolled over so he was doing the same, facing me.
“I don't want to push you.”
I smiled faintly and bit my lip at Rhys's words. It was so like him to remember that I wouldn't be able to hear him if he'd spoken without letting me see his lips.
“You haven't.”
“You're special, Caleb. I love being able to just be with you. This, right here, is more than enough for me, okay?”
I nodded, but in that moment, it wasn't enough for me. I was tired of letting my fears and my past control my present. I didn't want to spend another moment second-guessing myself or worrying about what might happen. Rhys was different. He was kind and thoughtful and incredibly intuitive. If there was one person I could trust to know what I wanted, it was him.
“Caleb?”
Instead of answering, I leaned forward and brushed my lips against his. Rhys didn't respond outside of kissing me back, and the slight extension of the contact sent a shiver of desire up my spine.
“Can I try something?” I asked when I'd pulled back.
“Anything you want.”
Rhys's eyes were wide, and his pupils were blown. It was a bit heady to think that I'd affected this handsome, virile, and wonderful man in any way with a simple kiss.
I put my hands on Rhys's shoulders and gently rolled him onto his back. When he was settled, I climbed on top of him, straddling his hips as I pressed our chests together. We were close enough to the same height that our cocks lined up, and I was shocked to feel that he was already as hard as I was.
Rhys shifted his hands as he stared up at me. I didn't know what he was doing until I saw him grip the headboard. He was giving me complete control over his body and the situation. That he would even think to do this so I would be more comfortable gave me the extra boost of confidence I needed.
Placing my hands on either side of Rhys's face, I leaned over and kissed him. The stubble on his cheeks was a little rough on my hands, but I loved having yet another tactile sensation added to the mix as our lips moved together.
Rhys was holding back, I could tell. He kissed me with the same amount of pressure and passion that I kissed him. He didn't push for more, instead letting me lead.
It was almost as though reality slipped away for a second. Gone were the fears and thoughts that constantly swirled around in my mind and all that was left was blissful peace. The only thing that existed in that moment was Rhys and our kiss.
Rhys's arms flexed as I traced his bottom lip with my tongue, telling me he was gripping the headboard even harder, and I felt a deep moan erupt from his chest as I dipped my tongue past his lips so I could taste him.
Every facet of the kiss was driving me crazy. The feel of his lips against mine, our tongues moving together. The way our breathing synchronized in a rapid staccato. How our bodies seemed to fit perfectly together.
“Touch me,” I gasped against his lips as my hips began moving against his, desperately seeking friction to ease the ache deep inside me. “Please, Rhys.”
With another rumbling moan, Rhys's hands left the headboard and came to rest on my ass, helping me set a fast and smooth rhythm as I frotted against him.
“Oh god!” I cried out, pulling my lips from his as my body tightened, and my orgasm hovered in the distance. It had been so long since I'd had any sort of intimate contact with anyone I knew I wasn't going to last long.
“Look at me,” Rhys said, his hands gripping me the slightest bit tighter as he began to rock his hips in time with mine. “I want to watch you come.”
“I'm close.” I bit out, keeping my eyes locked on his.
“Me too, baby. Just let go. I'm right here with you. I've got you.”
I tried to hold back, to make the moment last even a few seconds longer, but I couldn't. My body tightened to a point that was almost painful, and seconds later, pleasure exploded out of me like a supernova.
My eyes closed as I rode out my orgasm, still rutting against Rhys as I chased the pleasure. It had been so long since I'd had an orgasm that wasn't from my own hand either in bed or in the shower, and the feel of Rhys's hard body under mine was almost overwhelming.
Rhys's hands tightened on my ass, and his body went stiff. I managed to open my eyes so I could watch as his orgasm overtook him. Rhys held me tight, pulling me down so our pelvises were grinding together, and the stimulation on my already sensitive dick felt amazing.
“Fuck.” I breathed as I watched Rhys come down from his release. To think that he'd found as much pleasure as I had in the act made me smile.
“Caleb.” I saw rather than heard Rhys say my name, and sighed as his hands moved from my ass to gently cup my cheeks. I went willingly as he pulled me down for a kiss, relishing the extension of intimacy.
I expected him to roll me off of him and get up so he could clean up. We were both still wearing our bottoms, and I imagined he was sporting a wet spot in his briefs like I was in my sweatpants.
Rhys did roll me over, but instead of pushing me aside, he pulled me against his chest so I was cuddled up to him. One of his hands rested on the back of my head as he gently played with my curls, and the other held me firmly around the waist.
I could feel his heart beat as it began to slow, and couldn't stop the contented sigh that escaped my lips.
We didn't speak or move for a long time. If I hadn't been able to feel Rhys's breathing or his hand moving in my hair, I would have thought he'd fallen asleep. Unfortunately, my self-doubt and fears came slamming back as the afterglow wore off, and my mind began to spiral.
What if he hadn't liked it. Sure, he'd gotten off, but anyone grinding on his dick would have done the same thing. What if I'd been too forward, too enthusiastic. I'd humped him like a dog in heat and come in less than five minutes. God, the things he must be thinking about me. Minute man, three-pump chump, overeager beaver-
I found myself being rolled onto the pillow again, even as I was berating and cursing myself.
“What are you thinking?” Rhys asked, his kind blue eyes searching mine as he settled on the pillow so he was facing me, his arms still around my body.
“Nothing.”
“It's not nothing. I could feel how stiff you got all of a sudden. Are you okay? Was it too much?”
“It's not that.” I looked away and bit my lip.
“You know, you have a tell,” Rhys said when I looked back at him.
“What do you mean?”
“You bite your lip when you're trying to stop yourself from saying what you mean.” He reached up and pulled my lower lip free
from my teeth. “Please, tell me what's wrong.”
“I told you I'm not good at sex.” My face was burning, and I imagined my cheeks were doing their best impersonation of a tomato. God, this was humiliating.
“What do you mean? That was incredible.”
“I came so fast. I was humping you-”
“Baby, I loved every second of that. If it lasts ten seconds or two hours, as long as you enjoy it as much as I do, that's all that matters to me.”
“But-”
“Did you see me come? Did you feel it?”
“Yes.”
“Then you know I enjoyed it as much as you did.” He reached up and cupped the side of my face, a sad look falling over his eyes. “I hate that someone hurt you, made you question yourself this way.”
“I'm sorry.”
“Remember, no apologizing for things that aren't your fault. It takes time to move past abuse. Physical scars heal on a timeline, emotional and mental ones can last a lifetime.”
“I don't want to be this way anymore,” I confessed softly, tears prickling my eyes as I gripped Rhys's wrist to prolong the contact between us.
“I'll do everything I can to help you heal, okay? All you have to do is talk to me. Tell me what you want; what you don't want. Stand up for yourself, and don't be afraid to ask for help.”
“I'm not used to people wanting to help me.”
“Well, I'm here, and I want to help you. And your friend Lizzie, I bet she wants to help you.”
“Yeah, she's been an amazing friend.”
“So all you have to do is fall back on one of us if you stumble.”
Rhys leaned forward and brushed his lips over mine in a sweet kiss.
“Okay?”
“Okay.”
“I don't know about you, but I need to change out of these briefs. Things are starting to get a little uncomfortable.”