by A. T Brennan
“Can you tell me what happened?”
Chapter Eight
Caleb
I KNEW WHAT RHYS MEANT the moment he said it, and I pushed back a bubble of fear at the thought of saying the words out loud.
“You don't have to, but I'm here if you ever want to talk about it.”
“I- my ex-boyfriend. He wasn't good to me.”
“Was he abusive?”
I nodded, my cheeks flushing with shame.
“I'm sorry you went through that.”
“It started out fine. He was so charming and nice. He made me feel special. I wasn't shy or disabled Caleb with him. I was just Caleb.”
“And you fell for him?”
“Hard, and fast. I didn't even notice him changing, not at first.”
“What happened?”
“The special treatment stopped. Then we stopped going out. I'm naturally shy so that wasn't the red flag it should have been for me.”
“He was isolating you.”
“Yes. We worked together but were in different departments, so we didn't cross paths all that much. He was in marketing, but the longer we were together, the more he was around. He would ask me about conversations I'd had with someone about some code in the break room or check to see if I was at my desk at random times during the day. He put a tracking app on my phone and said it was for safety reasons, but now I see it had nothing to do with my health or safety.”
“He was keeping tabs on you, controlling you.”
“Yeah.”
“Did he hit you?”
“Not for a while.” I blinked and looked away. Rhys's eyes were so kind, and he was almost radiating calmness. I knew he wasn't judging me, but I still felt stupid for not getting out of the relationship sooner.
“What happened?”
“He started putting me down. My hearing was a big issue, and he'd get angry when I didn't catch what he was saying. One day I had a drop seizure in front of him, and he was disgusted with me. Like he couldn't believe that he was with someone like me.”
“Oh, Caleb.”
“Our sex life wasn't great, but that was my fault. I don't have a lot of experience, so I wasn't a good kisser. I didn't like going down on him because he would get really aggressive and that pissed him off. He refused to go down on me and hated giving me hand jobs because I take too long to come. I'm high-maintenance, so by the time it felt good for me, it was over.”
“I have some questions about the rest of that, but what do you mean by high-maintenance?” Rhys asked.
“I needed too much prep. It hurt at first, and by the time it felt good, he'd be done.”
“Baby, sex shouldn't hurt. Bottoming usually comes with some uncomfortable moments, but it shouldn't actually hurt.”
“It hurt, every time.”
“What about when you topped? Or did you?”
“I've only bottomed with men.”
“Did he see to your pleasure after he was done?”
“At first.” I bit my lip and looked down at my hands, resisting the urge to switch to signing. “But that stopped after a few months.”
Rhys's warm hand encircled mine, and I felt myself calm slightly. “When did the abuse start?”
“Around the same time. It started with him grabbing my arm and pulling me around, pushing me out of the way. That sort of thing. I didn't see it as abuse because he didn't actually hit me. He was just really physically aggressive.”
“What do you mean? When he was angry at you?”
“Pretty much any time.” I closed my eyes and pulled in a deep breath. “When he was mad, during sex... even just to make a point.”
“What do you mean during sex? Did he force you?”
“No. I mean, I didn't always want to, but I didn't say no. It was easier to get through it than start a fight.”
“Caleb, baby. That's coercion. That's a form of force.”
I looked away. I'd known that, but by not saying it out loud, I'd been pretending it hadn't been that way.
“How did you get away from him?”
“One night he was in a bad mood, and everything was my fault. He had a habit of ranting at me but deliberately looking the other way so I couldn't hear or see him. That night it pissed him off more than usual, and he snapped.”
Rhys's hand tightened around mine, and I pulled in a deep breath before continuing. It was still hard to think of that night, and talking about it to Rhys, admitting what I'd let Michael do to me, was humiliating.
“He hit me hard enough my head snapped back, and I got dazed. Then he hit me again and dragged me to his closet. My hearing aids fell out at some point, and I was so out of it I didn't really know what was happening, not until he shoved me inside and locked me in.”
Rhys's hand convulsed around mine, and his jaw flexed as he let me continue.
“I spent the night in there, in the dark since the switch was outside on the wall. I didn't have my phone on me, my hearing aids were gone... I was terrified. I don't like closed spaces. One of the foster families I was with used to lock me in the pantry while they had friends over to get high. I'd spend hours in there all alone scared and feeling like the walls were closing in on me. Michael knew I was claustrophobic, and after he locked me in, he left and went to a bar. He picked up some random guy and didn't come home until the morning.”
“I'm so sorry, Caleb. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Was he ever charged with assault?”
“And forcible confinement. I was so freaked out I missed two days of work, and they called Lizzie, my best friend, because she was my emergency contact. She came over, and when she saw my face, she got the whole story out of me. She convinced me to go to the police.”
“Was he found guilty?”
“He plead to lesser charges, got a fine and some community service. He was fired from the company, and I started working from home.”
“You have a restraining order against him, right?”
I nodded. “It's part of his sentencing. He can't have any contact with me either in person or online. If he does, he gets jail time.”
“Is he still in the city?”
“As far as I know. It's been three years, and I haven't seen or heard from him. A part of me is still scared he'll come after me, but I'm trying to get past it.”
“Now I understand why you said you couldn't kiss me in the car. You felt too confined.”
“Yeah.” I looked down at my hands and studied my thumbnail. “I wanted to, but the fear came back. It wasn't you; it was the-”
“You don't have to explain yourself. I understand why.” Rhys paused and looked at me, biting his lip in the most enticing way. “Can I hold you? I want to comfort you but don't want to-”
I didn't let Rhys finish explaining before I slid across the loveseat cushion and leaned into him. His arm draped over my shoulder and pulled me against his strong chest. Considering how built Rhys was, his body was still soft over all that rock-hard muscle. I felt myself sinking into his embrace until I was almost sitting in his lap and Rhys was hugging me against his chest.
He didn't talk; he didn't need to. His very presence was soothing, and the little kisses he kept dropping on the top of my head sent waves of comfort and calm through me.
I'm not sure how long we stayed like that, but the moment I pulled away, Rhys let me go and sat back.
“I had a great time tonight. I'd like to see you again.”
I smiled and ran my hand through my hair, fighting back the grin that was threatening to split my face.
“Me too.”
“How about Wednesday? I have the night off. We could do something low-key.”
“That sounds great.”
“So, how about we say seven again?”
“That's perfect.”
“As much as I don't want to leave yet, I probably should. Will you be okay?”
“I'll be fine. Usually talking about what happened to me sets me off and gives me anxiety, but not tonight. I feel okay.”
“Good. And I want you to know you can talk to me about anything. I'll never judge you. I promise.”
“Thank you.” I'm not sure how, but I knew he was telling the truth.
Rhys leaned forward and gave me a soft, lingering kiss before standing up. I followed him to the door and unlocked it for him.
“Can we text tomorrow?” I asked hopefully.
“Definitely. I'm working a night shift, but I'll have my phone on me during the day. Text whenever you want.”
“I will. Goodnight, Rhys.”
“Goodnight, Caleb.”
Rhys gave me a smirking smile and a little wink, both of them causing butterflies to erupt in my stomach.
I watched him disappear down the hallway, only closing the door when he was out of sight. I leaned against the wall for a moment and shook my head. Rhys was amazing, and I really liked him, but would he still want to be with me when he found out the whole truth.
THE NEXT FEW DAYS PASSED pleasantly. There were no emergencies at work, Lizzie brought dinner over on Monday so we could do another movie night, and Rhys and I texted constantly.
He sent me funny anecdotes or stories about what was happening in his day, and the most random pictures of pretty much everything imaginable. He never seemed to mind if it took me a while to get back to him, and his tone was always light and fun. I found myself constantly checking my phone in case I missed the notification, and every time I saw a text, the dopiest grin would stretch across my face as I read his latest message.
When Wednesday rolled around and we still hadn't made any solid plans, I started to feel a little apprehensive. Did he not want to see me again? Had he rethought what being in a relationship with me would be like and realized I wasn't worth the trouble?
At five o'clock, I got a text, and when I saw the attached photo, I smiled in relief.
Rhys had sent me a picture of a takeout menu from a local pizza place, a two-gallon jug of chocolate milk, and a single red rose.
Can I bring our date to you?
I'd like that.
See you at 7.
I put down my phone, my face flushing with happiness. It had been a long time since I'd been this excited, and even longer since my anxiety had been this low at the thought of spending time with someone. I didn't know what it was about Rhys, but he made me feel safe and protected. He was a good man, but I still couldn't shake the last niggle of fear I had around what might happen if he grew tired of me.
Shaking myself out of my reverie, I looked down at my sweatpants and hoodie. I needed to shower and change before Rhys came over. There was no time to let my mind focus on the what-ifs.
AT FIVE MINUTES TO seven, I got a text from Rhys telling me he was out front. I buzzed him through the security door, then unlocked my door and propped it open with the lock bar so he'd know to come right in.
It wasn't until I was waiting for him that I realized I had no idea what to do. Should I sit on the couch, or would it be better to stand by the door? Would he kiss me when he came in? Was I supposed to kiss him? Maybe I was too dressed up. It was just pizza and chocolate milk. Would he judge me for putting too much effort into how I looked? Would it make me seem desperate? What if this wasn't a date and we were just two friends hanging out. He might have said it was a date, but what if it was a pity date?
I was trapped in a cycle of self-doubt and degradation when Rhys pushed the door open and stepped into my apartment, and the moment I saw him, my mind went blank.
He looked even more handsome than I remembered, if that was possible. His cheeks were a little pink, and his eyes were shining. The smile on his face was both happy and intimate, and between his painted-on jeans and white dress shirt, he looked like a fashion model.
“Hi.” He put a pizza box and the milk jug on my coffee table and came to stand in front of me, the rose still in his hand.
“Hi.”
“You look amazing, Caleb.” Rhys's eyes raked up and down my body, and the appreciation in them was obvious. “For you.”
I took the extended rose and impulsively leaned forward, needing to feel his kiss. Rhys met me halfway and brushed his lips against mine. The gentle contact made my body thrum with excitement, and I could feel myself blushing.
“Thank you,” I managed to get out, clutching the rose. “I'll go put this in water and get us some plates and glasses.”
“Do you want to eat at the coffee table or the kitchen one?” Rhys asked, making sure to start talking before I turned away.
“Coffee table?” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I wondered if I should have said kitchen table. This was a date. Maybe the coffee table wasn't the right call.
“Sounds good.” Rhys flashed me a smile and gently put his hand against my back for a moment before turning to sit on the couch. Normally touch made me anxious, but I was enjoying Rhys's tactile nature.
I put the rose in the only vase I owned before grabbing some plates, napkins, and glasses. Rhys had already opened the pizza box and was pulling the slices apart.
“I got half pepperoni and half mushroom.” He nodded to the pizza as he took a plate and glass from me. “I like both, so I figured I'd cover all my bases.”
“I like both too.”
“That's good. I'm so glad you're not a picky eater. Trying to get a meal with Tristan is like pulling teeth some days.”
He'd mentioned Tristan before, but I'd never asked who he was to Rhys. I didn't like the flutter of jealousy that went through me at the thought that he was Rhys's ex or maybe even current boyfriend. We'd never talked about being exclusive. He could be seeing a dozen other guys-
“Caleb, tell me what's going on in your head right now.” Rhys touched my arm and had waited until I was looking at him before he spoke.
“Is Tristan...”
“He's my best friend. We work together.”
“Oh, and there's never been...”
“No. We were attracted to each other when we first met. I found that out last week. But there's never been anything physical or intimate between us. He's like a brother to me.”
“I'm sorry. I'm being so clingy-”
“Remember, I told you to never apologize for standing up for yourself. That includes asking questions and wanting to know what's going on between us.” Rhys smiled and gently rubbed my arm. “I'm not seeing anyone else, and I don't want to.”
“Me either.” I swallowed, feeling both reassured and foolish. “So Tristan is a picky eater?”
“So picky.” Rhys rolled his eyes and shoved the last of his pizza slice into his mouth. He politely waited until he was done chewing before continuing. “He's really into body sculpting, so he follows a ridiculously strict diet. Brown rice, broccoli, and chicken breast is ninety percent of what he eats.”
“That's extreme. Does he compete or something?”
“No.” Rhys shook his head and grabbed another slice. “Tristan is a veteran. He did two tours in Iraq and was diagnosed with PTSD after his last one when he was injured in an IED attack. About a year later, he found out he was HIV positive.”
I didn't know what to say but couldn't stop my jaw from dropping.
“Working out and sticking to a diet is a way for him to feel like he has some control over his health. He's doing well and has found the right combo of meds to keep his viral load undetectable, but he still hasn't come to terms with it.”
“Wow.” As soon as the word was out of my mouth, I felt like an asshole. “I mean, I'm...”
“It's a lot to take in. I only told you because Tristan is one of the most important people in the world to me. He has some issues, and there are times when he needs me as a friend, and I know not everyone is comfortable being around someone who's positive-”
“I don't care about that,” I blurted out. “I'm so sorry that happened to him, and of course he'd need you. Thank you for telling me.”
“So, like I was saying. Pizza is a definite no-go with Tristan.”
“I don't think I could
live without pizza.”
“Me either.”
As we chatted and finished our meal, my mind kept going back to what Rhys had told me about his friend. He was an incredible man. He had an amazing bond with his hearing-impaired niece, his best friend was HIV positive and struggling with PTSD, and he'd taken care of me after my seizure without knowing a thing about me.
He had a huge heart, and I hoped I didn't end up being a burden to him.
When we were done eating, Rhys insisted on cleaning up, but since he'd never been in my kitchen before, I ended up helping him. After we broke down the pizza box for recycling, he washed the plates and glasses while I dried and put them away. The scene was utterly domestic and felt right.
One thing about Rhys was he had a sixth sense of when to switch between signing and talking so it would be easiest for me to understand him. It made the conversations flow, and I found myself relaxing and not worrying about mishearing something or having to ask him to repeat himself.
“So, what would you like to do now? Movie night? Or we could play a game.”
“Like a video game?” I asked with a grin as we headed back into the living room.
“Sure. Of course, you'd have to teach me to play and take it easy on me...”
Chapter Nine
Rhys
I HEARD CALEB CRY OUT softly and turned to look at him. I was not prepared for what I saw.
His entire body was stiff, even his face seemed frozen, like he wasn't aware of anything, wasn't in his own body anymore.
“Caleb!”
I reacted out of pure instinct as Caleb began to fall. I was close enough to catch him, but because he was so stiff, all I could do was cradle him to the floor and make his landing as soft as possible.
“Caleb?”
He was having a seizure, I knew that much, but it was different from the last one. This one was serious, and I was kicking myself for not asking what to do if he had one like this. I remembered him telling me that as long as the seizure didn't last more than five minutes, or there was only one, then there was no need to call for help. At the time that had been reassuring, but as I watched his body start to seize and jerk, I wanted nothing more than to call 911 and beg someone to come help him.