by A. T Brennan
I'm sorry. I sighed. Caleb understood, and he wasn't judging me for complaining about my privileged upbringing. Yet another reason I felt guilty complaining about this to Caleb. He'd grown up in foster care and had struggled with his disabilities. I'd grown up in a mansion with access to the best of everything.
For what?
For what you went through and for complaining.
You can always complain to me. That's what boyfriends do, right?
This was the first time either one of us had used the title of boyfriends to each other, and I loved how it felt to have him claim me like that.
Right. I leaned in to give him a quick kiss, and just as I was pulling away, I heard Cody calling out to us.
“You guys talking about book club?”
I laughed and quickly signed what he'd said to Caleb, who rolled his eyes and smiled.
“Just chatting.”
“Well, how about less chatting and more climbing?” Isaac flashed us a not-so-innocent smile.
“What do you have in mind?”
“A race. Us against you.”
“We haven't even tried it yet,” I pointed out.
“Well, if you're afraid of losing...”
“What do you say?” I glanced at Caleb. “Care to take on these twinks?”
“Excuse me, I'm more of a twunk, thank you very much.” Isaac ran his hands over his abdomen, which was rather toned and tight.
“True, you're looking good, Isaac. You been working out?”
“Noah and I have been going to the gym together. Sort of a motivation thing to get in better shape.”
“Motivation? Between twin brothers?” Cody laughed. “You're competing to see who can get more ripped.”
“Shut up.”
“Noah's kicking your ass too since you have no self-control when it comes to what you shove in your face.”
“I've got something I'm going to shove in your face.” Isaac put Cody in a headlock and looked at Caleb and me innocently. “So, race. Yay or nay?”
“It's up to you.” I glanced at Caleb.
“Let's do it.”
“Alright.” I crossed my arms and looked at Cody and Isaac. “Let's do this.”
It took us a few minutes to crank out some rules and a wager of course. The usual “buy the winners a drink” thing was off the table since Caleb didn't drink, and I wasn't planning on it tonight, so instead we bet an appetizer.
When we were all set, we lined up against the wall, and Caleb counted us down so he wouldn't miss it if one of us did it.
I sucked at climbing. I had flexibility and strength, but because I was so bulky, it made reaching and pulling up on the handholds damn hard. Isaac and Cody were decent. Both were slender and wiry, so they easily outpaced me.
The real surprise was Caleb. He climbed that wall like a spider monkey. One minute he was beside me, and before I knew what was happening he'd climbed all the way to the top and back down again.
“Dude!” Cody jumped off the wall. “That was awesome.”
“Are you a ringer?” Isaac jumped down and grabbed onto Cody for support when he wobbled a bit on the landing. “You have to have climbed before.”
“I haven't.” Caleb beamed as I climbed down and carefully put both feet on the mat. I didn't want to risk falling on my face if I jumped. “I've never even made it up a rope before.”
“Well, that was awesome. You definitely won,” Isaac conceded.
We stayed at the gym for another hour or so, and the difference in Caleb was amazing. He was confident and smiling, joking with my friends like he'd known them for years, and by the time we were heading to the changerooms, every one of them had found a way to tell me how great they thought Caleb was.
“That was fun.” Caleb was all smiles as we wiped down and pulled on our street clothes.
“It was. You were amazing.”
“I've never been good at anything like this before. Usually I suck when it comes to sports-related anything. Thanks for asking me to come with you tonight.”
“Well, I'm your boyfriend, so I'm thinking we'll be doing a lot more dates like this in the future.”
Caleb blushed and slipped his feet into his shoes. “I'd like that.”
We'd planned on meeting the rest of the guys back at The Den, so we headed out to my car. We were almost at the crosswalk when Caleb suddenly stopped beside me.
“Babe?” I almost stumbled as I stopped and looked at him. He was as white as a sheet and staring ahead of us with wide and scared eyes. “Caleb?” I gently put my hand on his shoulder and turned to follow his line of sight. He was staring at a man across the street who was walking away from us. It didn't look like the man had seen him, but something about him was scaring the hell out of Caleb.
“Babe, talk to me.” I turned him so he was facing me instead of the mystery man.
“That's Michael.”
“The ex you have a restraining order against?” I quickly checked to make sure Michael was still walking away from us. He seemed oblivious to our presence, so I pulled Caleb into a space between two buildings to give him a chance to get his bearings back.
“I'm sorry. I haven't seen him since...”
I could tell there was more to their breakup that he'd told me, but this wasn't the time to press him.
“It's okay. Just take a minute to process everything.”
He crossed his arms in front of him, and it was then I noticed he was shaking slightly. I hated seeing him so upset, and I took a chance. I pulled him against my chest, my arms lose in case he wanted to break away from me. He didn't. He almost melted against me, his hands gripping my sides as he buried his face in my chest. As I held him, his body warmed up, and he stopped shaking. I didn't move until he started to pull away, and when he did, he looked calmer.
“Are you okay?”
“I'm sorry.”
“I told you not to apologize for things that aren't your fault,” I reminded him gently. “Now, are you okay, or do you want to go home?”
“I'm okay.”
“You sure? We can go home if you need to.”
“No, really.” He shook his head. “I'm okay now.”
“Okay. Ready to head over to The Den?”
Caleb nodded and took my outstretched hand. I could still feel that he was off, and I was going to keep an eye on him while he was at the party.
By the time we arrived, everyone else was already there. Evan had set up the back tables for us, and since it was Tuesday, it wasn't busy, so he and Layla could handle the few patrons that were there.
I made sure to introduce Caleb to both of them. Layla gave Caleb one of her trademark hugs, and I was happy to see him smiling as he hugged her back. Evan was quieter than usual, which was saying a lot because he was normally a man of few words, but he was friendly and seemed to like Caleb as well.
The party didn't last too long. We all ordered some food, and everyone else had a few drinks while Caleb and I stuck to soda. It was fun, but I could tell the environment was hard for him.
Because we were sitting at a long table, he had trouble hearing the guys at the other end, and he couldn't follow when everyone was talking over each other. I translated as much as I could for him, but I could see that combined with seeing his ex, his tolerance for peopleing was quickly running out.
“Ready to go?” I asked when we'd finished off our platter of potato skins and mozzarella sticks.
Caleb nodded gratefully, and I took a moment to announce our exit. We said goodbye to everyone, with Caleb shaking hands and me giving out big hugs, and headed to my car after stopping at the bar to say goodbye to Layla and Evan.
We didn't talk on the drive to his place, and when I pulled up to his building, I turned to him.
“You okay?”
“Yeah. It was just getting to be a bit much.” He sighed and bit his lip.
“What is it?”
“I'm sorry I ruined your night.”
“Caleb, babe. You didn't ruin anything
.”
“I feel like I did.”
“Can I come up for a bit? I think we need to talk, but I don't want to do it in my car.”
“Are you working the closing shift tomorrow?”
I nodded.
“Do you think you could stay tonight?”
“Of course. I'd love to.”
I parked in a visitors space, and we made our way up to Caleb's apartment. When we were inside, we sat down on his couch and turned to face each other.
Chapter Sixteen
Caleb
RHYS DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING, but then again, he didn't have to.
I'd already decided to tell him about that last night with Michael. I just never expected that it would be after seeing my ex in person for the first time in years.
“I didn't get the restraining order against Michael after he attacked me. It wasn't until a few weeks later.”
“What happened?”
“He came by my apartment. The police had taken his key away, but he'd made a copy, and I never thought to ask to have the locks changed. I was in bed when he came in, and I didn't know he was there until he was on top of me.”
Rhys didn't say anything, but I could see his jaw clench as he grabbed my hand and held it tight.
“I have a panic button next to my bed. It's there in case I have a seizure and hurt myself. If I push it, it sounds like sirens going off. Michael was on top of me, but he'd left one of my arms free as he flipped me over and started to pull down my pajama pants. I hit the button, and he panicked when the alarms went off, and he bolted. My landlord called the police, and they took my statement and started the process for the RO. My landlord changed my locks the next day, and that's the last time I ever saw him.”
“How did he get a lesser sentence for attempted rape?”
“I didn't tell the police the whole truth. I told them he'd come in and tried to steal something.” I tried to fight the tears that welled up in my eyes. I was still ashamed that I'd hidden his assault. After everything he'd done to me, I'd been the reason he hadn't had to pay for it.
“Caleb... I'm so sorry.”
“I was lucky. It could have been a lot worse.” I wiped my eyes and tried to shrug off my shame.
“Was that in this apartment?”
I shook my head. “I loved that place but moved after my lease was up. I didn't feel safe there anymore, even with a panic button and a restraining order.”
“I'm still so sorry you had to go through that.”
“It messed me up for a long time. I went to therapy, and that helped, and so did time. I wanted you to know the truth, the whole truth. There are times when I'm not okay, and it comes back and messes with me.”
“I understand, completely. What do you want to do?”
“What do you mean?”
“Right now. What do you want to do that will help you relax and feel safe?”
“Do you think we could watch a movie?” I asked, feeling a little unsure if that's what he was talking about. As much as I loved sex with Rhys, right then I needed some cuddling and a cute love story.
“You got it. Put whatever you want on.” Rhys handed me the remote and settled on the couch, his arm out so I could snuggle up to him.
Once I was comfortably tucked up against him, I opened Netflix and found one of the few gay romantic comedies that was playing. I'd already seen it three times, but it was a feel-good story that always made me smile.
As the movie played, I could feel my anxiety and fears starting to melt away. Being with Rhys was helping more than I could have imagined. That calming energy that he seemed to exude was back, and it soothed me in a way that nothing ever had.
I still felt bad that we had to leave his friend's party early. Even without seeing Michael, I wouldn't have been able to handle too much more of the get-together. Everyone had been nice and friendly, especially Layla. Something about her set me right at ease, and her hug had warmed me from the inside.
I really liked Cody and Isaac. They were young and fun and so in love, and I had to admit I was a bit fascinated by the fact that Jonah was also part of the relationship. I'd heard of triads before, but never met anyone who was in one. I liked seeing them open and affectionate with each other, and you could see that all three men were smitten.
In fact, all of Rhys's friends were like that. Blaze and Galen were so in love you could almost feel it radiating off of them, and Kai and Zander had so much chemistry between them it was practically palpable. They all had what I'd always wanted, and now that I'd met Rhys, I was cautiously hopeful that could actually happen for me.
My disabilities had always made me feel like a burden. There were so many things I couldn't do, and I felt guilty when my limitations affected those around me. Things might have been different if I'd had a family growing up. For one, I might never have gotten sick, and I might have gotten treatment sooner if I had. But it was pointless to think about what could have been.
By the time the movie was over, I was warm and feeling a little sleepy.
“Bedtime?” Rhys asked when I looked up at him.
I nodded, and he bent to give me a quick kiss.
“Then let's go to bed.”
It took a moment to find the motivation to actually move out of Rhys's arms, but eventually we stood and headed into my room.
This would only be the third night we'd spend together, and the first that didn't start and end with sex. I was a bit worried that things might be awkward, but we fell into a natural routine as we took turns using the bathroom and changing out of our clothes.
“Do you mind if I sleep in my briefs?” Rhys asked when I came out of the bathroom. “I can put a shirt on, but I tend to run hot.”
“That's fine. And you do. It's not a bad thing, though. Kept me nice and warm last time.”
“Trust me. I'll have plenty of warmth for you tonight.”
I pulled off my shirt and climbed into bed in only my briefs as well. I usually wore pajamas to bed, but I wanted to feel Rhys's skin against mine as I fell asleep.
We snuggled up together, Rhys's arms making a warm cocoon around me as he held me tight. This was exactly what I needed tonight, and I was so grateful he was there.
Chapter Seventeen
Rhys
I WOKE UP WITH MY HEART pounding and my brain fuzzy. In my groggy state, it took me a moment to realize that I was in Caleb's bed and a second longer to see that he wasn't in it with me.
“Caleb?” I called out, immediately feeling stupid because he'd taken his hearing aids out to go to bed.
Something had woken me up, and as I rubbed my hand over the space next to me on the bed, I could feel that it was still warm.
Suddenly a sound caught my attention. It was a faint thumping, and I was up and out of bed before I was even aware that I was moving.
I raced toward the kitchen, and what I saw made me cry out in fear.
Caleb was on the floor having a seizure as blood ran down the side of his face. I was so shocked I could barely process what was happening.
“Shit!” I raced back into the bedroom to grab my phone, dialing 911 as I ran back to the kitchen.
“911, what is the nature of your emergency?” A calm female voice answered as I fell on my knees beside Caleb.
“My boyfriend is having a seizure. He's bleeding.”
“Okay, sir. My name is Naomi. I can get help to you, but I need you to stay calm. Can you do that?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, I'm using your phone to ping your location. An ambulance will be there as soon as it can. Is he still seizing?”
“Yes, it's still going on.”
“How long has it been?”
“I don't know. I woke up and found him on the floor.”
“What's your name?”
“Rhys.”
“Okay, Rhys, does your boyfriend have a seizure disorder?”
“He's epileptic.” I slid my hand under Caleb's head to not only help cushion it but also to feel like I was
doing something useful.
“You said there's blood. Did he fall into something?”
“Um...” I looked around, and that's when I saw a streak of blood on the corner of the counter. “I think he hit his head on the counter. There's blood on it.”
“Has the seizing slowed at all?”
“No, fuck. He's turning gray.”
“That can happen. Is he in immediate danger?”
“What?”
“Is there anything around him that he can hurt himself on?”
“No.”
“Okay. The ambulance is about six minutes away. I have you in an apartment building. What's the unit number?”
“Nine.”
“Is there a code to get into the building?”
“Fuck, I can't remember it. One second.”
I switched the call to my messages and scrolled up to find the one Caleb had given me. “It's 116213.”
“I'll need you to unlock the door so they can come right in. Can you do that?”
“Yeah. One second.”
I hated to leave him, but I stood and went to open the door. When I came back, the seizing had slowed, and while his face was still gray, he was looking better.
“It's slowing down.”
“That's good news. How's his bleeding?”
“It's not bad, but it's still flowing.”
“Is there something clean you can press over it? Where exactly is he hurt?”
“Left side of his forehead, right near the temple.” I looked around for something useful, and my eyes landed on a roll of paper towels. That would have to do.
I was just starting to unroll some sheets when Caleb grunted and started to seize again. This one wasn't as intense as the last one, but it was still a seizure.
“Fuck. It's happening again.”
“Another seizure?”
“Yes. That's bad. He told me that's really bad.”
“Four minutes until the ambulance gets there.”
“That's not soon enough. He told me this could be... fuck, I can't remember the term. Clusters? I don't know.”
“A seizure cluster. It could be. Do you know if anything triggered it.”