by A. T Brennan
I desperately wanted to hold Caleb, to touch him and let him know I was there, but I didn't want to endanger him any further.
“I don't know. I was asleep, and he came into the kitchen for something. I think I woke up when he fell.”
“Has he been under stress? Not sleeping well? Did he miss taking his medication, or has he been skipping meals?”
“Today was a pretty stressful day, and I know he pulled an all-nighter a few nights ago, and his sleep has been off since. I don't know about his meds, but he's eating.”
“How's he looking? Is it slowing down at all?”
“Sort of?” I looked down at Caleb, and my heart broke for him, even with how afraid I was. He looked so helpless, and the gray quality of his skin had taken on a slightly blue tint. “He's going blue. What does that mean?”
“Is he choking on anything?”
“He said he can't choke on his tongue. That it's impossible.”
“It is, but if he had something in his mouth when he started seizing, that can cause breathing issues.”
“I don't know.” I felt utterly helpless and useless at the same time. “I can't see because his jaw is clenched. Please, make them hurry up.”
“They're two minutes away.”
“That's not fast enough.”
“Rhys, I know you're scared, but you have to stay calm and strong for him, okay?”
“Yeah. I can do that.”
“Good. Now the hospital is going to need to see his medication. Do you know where it is?”
“I don't know...” It was hard to think about anything other than the fact that Caleb was still seizing in front of me. “Please, help him.”
“They're coming. I promise you, they're coming. How's he doing?”
“It seems to be slowing down. I think it's stopping.”
“The ambulance is there. I've been told they're in the building and on the way up. As soon as they get to the door, hang up and do what they say, okay?”
“Okay, thank you.”
“Just keep being there for him. You did the right thing in calling.”
I was about to answer when I heard heavy footsteps in the hallway, and a moment later the door was pushed open.
“Thank fuck.” I ended the call and looked over my shoulder to see two paramedics rushing into the apartment.
“What's his name?” one of them asked as they came up to us and knelt next to me.
“Caleb.” I backed off, not wanting to get in their way.
“I'm Brett, and this is Cole,” the younger paramedic said as he looked over at me. “He's epileptic, and this is his second seizure tonight?”
“Yes, it happened right after the last one.”
“Did he wake up first or just go into another one?”
“Right into another one.”
“Do you know where his medication is?”
I was having a hard time concentrating on what he was saying as my eyes stayed on Caleb. He'd stopped seizing, but he wasn't waking up.
“Why isn't he waking up? He woke up last time.”
“It could be because of the head injury or the cluster. We need to get him to the hospital. Do you know where his medication is?”
I didn't remember seeing any medicine bottles in the bathroom, so the only other place that made sense would be the kitchen. I looked at the counters and saw a pill bottle tucked into the corner next to the fridge.
“Here it is.” I grabbed it and handed it to the paramedic.
While I'd been looking for his pills, the paramedics had put a bandage over the wound on Caleb's head and were now in the process of getting him on a chair-type stretcher.
“We're going to be taking him to Valley General. Go to the main desk and give the nurse his name to find out where he's been admitted.”
“Thank you.”
I watched helplessly as the paramedics wheeled Caleb out of the apartment. If only he'd woken up, even for a few seconds, that would at least told me he was aware of what was happening. The paramedics hadn't started any sort of CPR or given him oxygen, so that meant he was still breathing on his own. That had to be a good sign, right?
In a daze, I threw my clothes on and grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt for Caleb. I almost forgot to get him socks and his shoes but remembered while I was searching for the case for his hearing aids. I hated the idea of him waking up without them in, and I was kicking myself for not telling anyone he was hearing impaired.
It was something they needed to know in case he panicked when he woke up or didn't react to them if they used their voices to try and get his attention, and so he could communicate once he was able. Fuck. I knew this. It was basic emergency protocol for anyone with hearing loss.
Still berating myself, I grabbed both of our phones, our keys, and rushed out the door, almost forgetting to lock it behind me. I needed to get my head back so I could drive to the hospital. In the state I was in, I was a hazard behind the wheel.
“I'M LOOKING FOR CALEB Mitchell. He was brought here in an ambulance.”
The young nurse behind the desk typed in his name and pursed her lips as she read the screen. “Are you family?”
“He's my boyfriend.”
“We have an Elizabeth Carson as his next of kin.”
“That's his best friend.”
“I'm sorry, without being on his file or family, I can't tell you anything.” She genuinely looked sorry, but that didn't help the fact that my boyfriend was in the hospital and I was being blocked from seeing him.
“He doesn't have family.” I tried desperately. “Please, can you just tell me if he's okay? I don't need to see him, but tell me he's alive and the doctors are taking care of him.”
“I'm sorry, sir. I can't tell you anything.”
“He’s hearing impaired and doesn’t have his hearing aids in. Can you tell them that? It’s important they know.”
“I’m sure it’s in his file. I’m sorry, I can’t tell you anything more.”
I bit back my curse-laden retort and turned away from the desk. It wasn't her fault, but I had to wonder if I'd be getting the same treatment if I was a woman asking after her boyfriend.
I dug Caleb's phone out of my bag and almost banged my head against the wall in frustration. His phone was password-locked, and I didn't know his password. I didn't have Lizzie's number to call her. I'm sure the hospital would do it for me, but unless she came to this desk while I was still here, I had no way of letting her know I wasn't allowed to see him.
I sank down in a chair and sighed heavily. I half-expected the nurse or the security guard near the door to tell me to leave, but they both gave me sympathetic looks. That made me feel like a dick for assuming this was because I was gay. Hospital policies applied to everyone.
I have no idea how long I sat there for, but suddenly the phone I was still clutching in my hand started to vibrate.
“Hello?” I answered so quickly I didn't even look at the call ID.
“Is this Rhys?”
“Lizzie?”
“Thank god, you have Caleb's phone. What happened? The hospital just called and said he's been admitted.”
“He had a seizure in his kitchen. He hit his head when he fell.”
“Oh god. Are you there? What are they saying?”
“Nothing. They can't tell me anything because I'm not family.”
“Fuck that. I'm on my way right now. Where are you?”
“The main desk.”
“Stay there. I'll be there in about twenty minutes, and we'll find out what's going on.”
“Thank you.”
“No, Rhys, thank you. If you hadn't been there... I'll see you soon.”
The call went dead, and I slumped down in the hard plastic chair. Twenty minutes. I'd get answers in twenty minutes.
Chapter Eighteen
Caleb
THE FIRST THING I BECAME aware of was that my head was pounding. The second was that it felt like I'd fallen down a flight of stairs. I recogn
ized the smell around me. I was in the hospital, again. Everything was muted so I didn't have my hearing aids in. How did I get here?
It took some effort, but I was able to open my eyes, and after letting them focus for a minute, I looked around.
“Rhys? Lizzie?” My throat tightened at the sight of the two most important people in the world to me sitting next to my bed holding hands as they comforted each other.
They looked up at the same moment, relief washing over their faces. Rhys held up my hearing aids, and I nodded at the unasked question. My body was too tired to sign right now.
He stood and slipped the aids into my ears, giving me a quick kiss before sitting down on the side of my bed. Lizzie came around the other side and sat with me, and they both held one of my hands.
“How are you feeling? Do you need a nurse?” Lizzie asked.
“No, I'm not in too much pain.”
“Do you remember what happened?” Rhys asked, gripping my hand a little tighter.
“Not really. I got up... then it's all blank.”
“You had two seizures that I saw, back to back. You also hit your head when you fell.”
“I'm sorry-”
“Fuck that noise.” Lizzie cut in. “If Rhys hadn't been there, who knows how long you would have been alone, how long it would have gone on for. Fuck, Caleb. You scared the shit out of us.”
“I'm-”
“I swear to whatever god you may or may not believe in, I'm going to slap you if you say you're sorry for any of this.”
“What she said.” Rhys smiled, his eyes betraying how worried he still was.
“I'm going to get the nurse. I'm sure a doctor will want to come in and talk to you, now that you're awake.” Lizzie patted my hand and stood.
As soon as she was out the door, Rhys pulled my hand up to his lips and kissed each of my knuckles.
“Rhys, this isn't want you signed up for.”
“Caleb, stop-”
“It's okay. I get it. This isn't something you should have to put up with-”
Rhys cut me off by kissing me, deep. I could feel him shaking slightly as his lips moved over mine, and I had to hold back a sob when he pulled away.
“Caleb. I'm going to tell you something, and I want you to listen carefully. I'm not 'putting up' with anything. I'm in love with you. I didn't want to tell you before because I was worried it was too soon, but I'm saying it now. I don't care about anything other than you getting better. I love you, your limitations, your strengths, your quirks. Everything, and I need you to know that.”
I was stunned. Rhys was in love with me?
“I know it's a lot to dump on you right now, so I don't want you to say anything, just nod if you believe me.”
I nodded, my mouth hanging open slightly.
“Good. Now stop thinking of yourself as a burden and stop apologizing for things that aren't your fault.”
I nodded again, unable to form actual words. Rhys loved me?
I was saved from having to do or say anything when Lizzie walked in with a middle-aged woman in a lab coat.
“Mr. Mitchell, I'm Dr. Jensen. How are you feeling?”
“Okay. My head hurts.”
“You sustained a mild concussion and an abrasion when you fell. We're going to keep you for a few days to monitor everything since head injuries can trigger seizures. We need to make sure you're stable before you go home.”
I nodded. That made sense.
“Do you know what triggered it? Your boyfriend told us you've been under stress and your sleep has been off.”
“That could be part of it.” My cheeks flamed as I remembered why I'd gotten up in the middle of the night in the first place. “I, uh, might have missed a few doses of my medication.”
“How many doses?”
“Two.”
“I'm sure your primary physician has talked to you about the dangers of skipping doses. On a once-a-day medicine, missing even one can be dangerous.”
“I know.” I felt so stupid. I'd been taking some sort of medication for the last thirteen years, and I'd never missed more than one dose in a row.
“We've got you back on your meds, but we'll monitor them as we keep an eye on your head injury. Do you have any questions?”
“No, thank you, Doctor.”
“There is something I'd like to talk to you about.”
“What's that?”
“Have you thought of putting your name on the list for a service dog? My records show that you live alone, but your boyfriend happened to be spending the night when this happened. If he hadn't been there, based on what I'm seeing with your test results, things could have been much more serious.”
“I've thought about it, but I can't afford one.”
“There are programs to help with the costs.”
“I tried a few but was denied.”
“I'll have the hospital social worker come by with some information for you. Hopefully you can find one to sponsor you. I really feel this could save your life.”
“Thanks.”
The doctor left, and I was suddenly exhausted. My head was starting to ache, and my mind was going foggy.
“Get some rest, babe. Focus on getting better.”
I nodded sleepily as Rhys squeezed my hand, and closed my eyes. Sleep sounded wonderful right about then.
I SPENT THE NEXT THREE days in the hospital. Rhys and Lizzie had taken it on themselves to make a schedule so one of them was with me at all times during visiting hours. It helped, having them there, and I had to admit I was shocked when all of Rhys's coworkers came by to see me while I was admitted.
“So, how did it go?” I asked Rhys as he came into my room on the third day. He'd had the hearing to have the restraining order dismissed earlier, and I couldn't tell the outcome by his expression.
“Galen is amazing. He got it dropped.” Rhys beamed, and I instantly felt like someone had injected me with pure sunshine.
“Really? That's fantastic!”
Rhys dropped down on the side of my bed and gathered me into his arms to give me a bear hug.
“Tell me everything,” I urged when he'd let me go, grabbing his hand to keep some contact between us.
“My parents’ lawyer tried to claim that I was a bad influence on Violet. He used her sneaking out to see me as the cause and said that her running away from the night was my fault, even though she didn't come to my place. He also tried to bring up my 'lifestyle,'” Rhys made little air quotes in the air with his fingers and rolled his eyes, “and use that as a reason why she shouldn't see me anymore.”
“The judge wouldn't listen, right?”
“No. Galen somehow managed to make sure that the judge we had wasn't connected to my family in any way, and she shut down those claims before Galen even objected. He pointed out that I'm in a relationship, I have a job, I have savings, and I have her best interests in mind. And the judge overturned it.”
“I'm so happy for you, Rhys.”
“Me too. They're still her guardians, so they still have control over her, but Galen's already put in the paperwork for the guardianship hearing.”
“How long will that take?”
“He said it could be as little as two weeks or as long as three months. We just have to wait for the courts to assign it.”
“This is amazing, Rhys.”
“Why do you look sad?” Rhys asked, reaching up with his free hand to brush my cheek.
“No reason. It's nothing.”
“It's not nothing if it's bothering you.”
“I'm worried,” I admitted, feeling like a dick for bringing this up when he was so happy.
“About?”
“When things work out and you get Violet back, everything is going to change.”
“Caleb-”
“She's going to need you.” I cut him off. “You'll have so much going on, and I'll be in the way-”
“Caleb, listen to me.” Rhys shook off my hand and cupped my cheeks with his big hands.
“Yes, things will change, but nothing will change how I feel about you. I love you. I've never felt like this before, never said those words to anyone.”
“I- I love you too.”
Rhys smiled and let out a small breath. “I know you have anxiety, and I know it makes you think certain things and doubt yourself, and me. Just promise me you'll talk to me about it. Let me reassure you.”
“You're too good for me.”
“Mental illness isn't something you can control,” Rhys said seriously. “I'm just a man who fell in love with someone who suffers from anxiety.”
I bit my lip and nodded. Rhys didn't understand how much his understanding meant to me. I'd never been able to take medication for my anxiety because of the epilepsy medications I'd taken over the years. The only other person in my life who'd accepted me with no questions was Lizzie, and I'd never thought I'd find another person who could love me.
“Do you know when you're getting out of here?”
“Tomorrow morning. They want to keep me one more night to monitor me.”
“And you have your appointment with Dr. Howard booked?”
“Yeah. I'm seeing him at eleven.”
“What time should I come by tomorrow?”
“What do you mean?”
“To pick you up, of course.” Rhys grinned.
“Oh, don't you have to work?”
“Tristan and Cody took my shifts, so I have the next two days off. I don't plan on leaving your side unless you tell me to scram.”
“I don't think I'll be doing that.”
“Good.”
I scooted over on the small hospital bed, and Rhys smiled as he kicked off his shoes and climbed in with me. It was a tight fit, but I loved cuddling up to him and feeling his strong arms around me, keeping me warm and protected.
I wasn't tired but felt myself starting to doze off, and I didn't fight it. Telling Rhys that I loved him, hearing him reassure me that we were still going to be together had lifted a huge weight off my shoulders, and the fact that he was always so understanding of my anxiety made me feel lighter than I had in a long time.
He might not think he was anything special, but he was special to me.