Parallel Desire

by Deidre Knight

  Jake shoved her down onto the bench seat, thrusting the harness into her hands. "Buckle up," was all he said. "I'm going to try my best to get through to them."

  Their craft cautiously approached what looked like just another stretch of mountainside, though in fact it concealed the lift door to a hangar. Jake offered quiet, urgent prayers to All. Everything rode on this moment, and so far, Base Ten hadn't accepted his hailing on the open frequency. Once again, he spoke into the comm, urgently calling out the code sequence, explaining that he was Lieutenant Scott Dillon, and their leader and king was onboard.

  No answer at all.

  Kryn leveled the craft toward the door, and they all held their breath. Jake would be damned if he didn't do whatever he could to protect his best friend and king.

  One last time, he issued an open hail across the frequency, explaining in code who they were, and the exact nature of their precious cargo.

  "I can't keep holding steady like this," Kryn shouted, punching at the instruments. "Tailwinds are kicking in and I'm losing control." The craft made a horrible groaning sound, and Jake was just about to lose it totally when all at once the bay door cranked open, allowing them safe passage to the interior.

  "Prepare to fire on my mark!" Thea commanded, waving three battalions closer to the Antousian craft. If the codes hadn't been current, they never would have allowed the transport entry, but they had guns ready to fire at the first sign of subterfuge. Two of her snipers took position right beside the craft's hatch, and as it slowly dropped down, the soldiers trained their weapons.

  And then Jake's grimy face appeared in the portal, and she shouted, "Stand down! Stand down; hold your fire."

  Jake looked like hell as he staggered down the platform. His clothes were falling off of him—oddly too big and in smoky tatters. Shelby came out behind him, looking stunned and equally smoke covered, her face smudged with ash. They'd obviously been through some sort of explosion. And then a willowy dark-haired woman that she'd never seen before popped into view, her eyes filled with anxiety as they darted about the deck. Kryn Zoltners, Thea thought with a smile.

  "Kryn!" she called, giving a wave. At first the Antousian didn't know who'd shouted her name but took a hesitant step off the craft. Thea met her partway. "Kryn," she repeated, extending a hand. "I'm Lieutenant Thea Haven. Welcome."

  Kryn's eyes widened, a faint smile on her lips. "And so we meet at last, Lieutenant."

  Thea inclined her head. "We owe you our lives."

  "No. So long as I can stay here, I think I owe you mine."

  They exchanged a few more words until, catching sight of Thea, Jake called out to her, "We have Jared. I need help—we need help. …"

  A twisting, powerless feeling began in Thea's gut. "He's on the craft?" she asked carefully.

  Jake gave a nod. "I need to talk to you, Thea. Explain the situation."

  At that precise moment, Thea noticed the sound of footsteps. It was one of those times when the sounds around you unfolded too slowly, when you wished you could kick time back by about three seconds. She knew the footsteps belonged to Kelsey, just as she knew that whatever the situation was with Jared, it couldn't be good.

  "Is he here?" Kelsey blurted in a desperate voice, huffing and breathless as she pulled up beside them. She glanced between Thea and Jake, gasping and holding tight to her belly.

  "My lady," Thea told her softly, "you were supposed to still be resting."

  "I heard Jared might be here, and I got here as fast as I could." Kelsey pushed past them, started to walk up the gangway. "Is he still onboard? Jared? Jareshk?"

  Jake caught Thea's arm and gave his head a firm shake. Stop her, his eyes said.

  Thea lunged for Kelsey, trying to halt her progress onto the craft, but was too late. Her queen had already rushed onboard and was searching for her mate.

  "He's in his natural form still," Jake told her seriously. "I—I am worried about his ability to change back. We tried to get him to shift after we freed him. It was a wonder he followed us at all.… He's out of his mind right now, Thea. I soul-gazed him, and what I saw … what they did …"

  "I understand," Thea whispered, emotion tightening her throat. "It's like before, after he was shot down."

  Jake bowed his head but said nothing.

  "I'll go talk to her … and try to link with him," she said, and boarded the craft.

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Halter tops, jeans, bras—Shelby crammed what little civilian clothing she owned into her open duffel, not bothering to fold any of it. Pausing, she struggled out of the soot-covered dress she'd been wearing when the warehouse exploded. The terrible odor suffused the room, was all over her body and clothing. The scent was downright nauseating, too similar to the way she'd smelled after the Texas fire.

  There wasn't time for a shower, either. In a matter of moments, Jake would be busting down her door, splintering it if that's what it took to keep her within the compound. In fact, from what she'd seen, he'd realign the stars themselves if it meant making her understand how much he loved her.

  Love would have been a simple issue. The sort of thing you could work your way through, fight your way past. But there just wasn't enough love in the universe to overcome the memories that had swamped Shelby—the burning warehouse, that maniacal, Antousian gleam in his large black eyes as he'd boarded the craft.

  She jerked open another drawer, sending a pile of panties scattering into the air like silky snowflakes. Scooping them up, she dropped to her knees and stopped. Everything ground to a painful halt as she touched the pristine underwear, pure and white. Her own hands were filthy, grimy, just like she felt inside.

  She was going to destroy Jake. Leaving him would be the final act, the very thing that would take that man's gentle heart and demolish it once and for all. He'd already lived through enough pain for ten lifetimes, and yet she couldn't stop herself. Tears rolled down her cheeks, and still she knelt, stroking her dirty fingertips across the spotless lingerie. It was the pair Jake had left under her pillow their first night back on base, teasing her about going commando. On each side of the panties were delicate silver bows.

  I want to unwrap you, sweetheart, the note had read. I want to take what binds you and let it loose.

  Wiping at her tears, she wadded the panties into a ball and hurled them furiously at her duffel, missing by a ketro.

  Get it together, girl. He's on his way now, has to be. That's not a battle you want to fight, so you better get your butt in gear.

  She tucked the lingerie into a corner of the duffel, scooped the rest of her underwear in as well, then clamped the bag shut just in time to hear an urgent knock on the door.

  Oh, holy hell.

  Keeping her body perfectly still and holding her breath, she crouched and waited. No dice; he knocked again, louder and more frantically.

  Through her nostrils she inhaled, forcing herself to breathe softly. Not that it mattered: The Antousian hybrid on the other side of the door had such refined senses he could scent her like he would a cold beer ten miles down the road. She buried her face in her hands, keeping silent as hot tears squeezed out of the corners of her eyes. There was no way out, nowhere to run, and definitely no way to avoid looking into Jake's eyes when she broke his heart.

  "Pulling your best maneuver, I see."

  Jake's voice speared the space between them before he'd fully materialized in front of her. Still, she jolted as his boots appeared practically eye level with where she sat on the floor.

  Grabbing her duffel, she rose to her feet, but one massive hand encircled her upper arm. "You don't go without us talking, Tyler. Evasive action is useless here." His gravelly voice was raw as sandpaper, filled with emotion. She could only imagine what his eyes looked like, so she hung her head, turning to look away from him.

  "Can't." Her own voice sounded as rough as his.

  For several long moments, they stood frozen in a strange, hypnotic dance, Jake with his hand choking her upper arm, n
either speaking. Only the sound of heavy, erratic breathing.

  "What do you want from me?" she finally asked.

  Jake's other hand took hold of her chin, forcing her to turn and look at him. She resisted, yanking her head sideways, but no way could she stand up to his natural brute strength. He cupped her face again, and she found herself staring into those beautiful, haunting green eyes. Eyes that were practically electric, lit with something primal and alien that she had only just begun to understand.

  "You won't leave me," he gritted out. "Not this time, you won't. Never again will you run from me, Shelby."

  Tremors shook her whole body. "You don't get to call that shot, sir."

  He took hold of her, pressing his lips over hers in a harsh, bitter kiss. Drawing her body flush with his own until she could feel his thick erection, pushing right against her abdomen. With his tongue, he worked at her lips, forcing her to open to him.

  And how could she resist? She hadn't a hope or prayer of fighting, not with this man. Never with this man.

  Run! You can still get out of here.

  She sank her own tongue deep within his mouth, a sensation of reactive energy fanning throughout her entire body. One of his large hands curled around the back of her neck, sliding over her shoulders in a caress. His other snaked low across her back, pinning her tighter against his body.

  I've got to leave. Got to run. Safe … must be.

  Planting both hands against his thickly muscled chest, she gave him a forceful shove. Because he wasn't expecting it, he staggered slightly, but only for a moment.

  She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. "You need to go, right now. I'm leaving, and you should just go back up to the lodge or wherever it is you want to be. But not with me; you won't ever be with me."

  He blinked at her, his eyes growing radiant and otherworldly. She spun away from him. "Don't you dare try and gaze me, Tierny."

  She grabbed her duffel, heading toward the door.

  "How else can I understand why you'd leave me … us?" The words, dropped like a prayer, were so quiet she almost missed them. "If I'm going to lose you, Shelby, please just help me get why."

  Slowly she rotated to face him. His eyes no longer glowed, but instead were shimmering with dull, quiet emotion. He continued, "I love you, Shell. And it's not easy for me to admit it, not after all that I've lived through in the past ten years. I lost my wife, I lost my baby. But you"—he took a tentative step toward her—"you, I never pegged to be the losing kind."

  Her heart wrenched within her, and with trembling lips she whispered, "I'm not losing. I'm leaving."

  "I guess, in the end, it's the one thing you do best of all, isn't it?" The words weren't caustic; in fact, his expression was just deeply … mournful.

  She hurled her duffel across the room, and it ricocheted right off her rack. "You don't know jack about me. Don't even try and go there."

  He bent slightly to meet her eye, taking slow, almost menacing steps forward. "I know you very, very well, Shelby Tyler." He broke into a wicked, suggestive smile. "Much better than you could probably begin to guess."

  "You've never soul-gazed me! I never let you," she protested, staggering backward as he drew closer. His very body was a threat, with the broad, powerful shoulders and the smoldering heat and anger in his eyes.

  "I never said I did, sweetheart." His voice grew gentle, wooing. "I'm only saying that I love you, and that I know this MO of yours front and back."

  She shook her head, backing up again, only to bump right into the bunk bed behind her. Tears stung at her eyes, and she swiped at them. "I don't leave anyone. I don't even know what in hell you're talking about."

  "I'm talking about you, Shelby. You and me. This thing between us."

  "There is no 'us.'"

  Jake startled her by tossing his head back and laughing loudly. "Whatever you say, Shell; whatever you say. But I'll tell you this." He had closed the distance between them completely, and she had no way to escape as he bore down on her. She clutched protectively at the bed frame behind her.

  Jake continued, "I'll tell you the reason I know you so incredibly well, including the real reason you always wind up fleeing. Because I did it for years myself. For years and years I was the one doing the running." He threw his hands into the air. "Gods, I even ran ten years back in time. Know what I found?"

  She squeezed her eyes shut, hands over both her ears. "Stop it! Please, shut up already." If he just wouldn't say it; if he'd just keep the truth in poisonous silence between them.…

  "You can't ever get away from the pain inside by running, sweetheart. You run, and it runs with you. Hell! You hide, and it hides, too. So … you just keep running and running and running some more. Nothing kills that burn. Nothing, Shell—nothing except one thing. …"

  "And you're going to tell me what that is."

  "You have to open your godsdamned heart again." Jake squeezed both of her arms, his voice rising. "You have to stand still for a while. Stand still with me … will you, Shell? Here, somewhere else … hell, down in fucking Texas, I don't care."

  She gaped up at him, searching for words, but the only thing she could conjure up was more and more tears. It was something about Jake staring down into her eyes, making himself so vulnerable and naked. Offering his soul to her like the prize jewel that it was, without wanting anything in return except … her.

  "I thought you died," she managed to choke out. "I saw that building explode, and I knew you were in there. You were in there, Jake! Do you have any idea what I felt? My heart broke apart, my world. …"

  "Just like with Nate," he whispered, pulling her against his chest. She flailed, fighting him, but his strength advantage was too great.

  "I saw you die."

  "But I didn't die." He cupped her head against his chest. "I'm right here, holding you … right here, not letting you run away from me again. I can't watch you leave, any more than you can watch me die."

  His fast heartbeat hammered beneath her ear. "Are you going to stop fighting in this godsforsaken war?"

  "Never." He pulled her even closer.

  "Are you going to stop pushing yourself, always taking such stupid, stubborn chances with your life?"

  "No."

  She squirmed against him, ducking out of his grasp. He'll let me go if it's what I really want.… "Then we've got nothing more to discuss." She retrieved her duffel from the floor. "I'm hiking right down to the highway and hitching a ride somewhere else."

  "Texas? Oh, I'm sure you'll find your answers there." His words dripped with sarcasm.

  "You won't find me; that's all you need to know. Wherever I am, it's going to be so far away that none of my people will ever know where I've gone."

  "You came back last time, years ago. It took a while, but you did come back."

  "Because I knew I was needed. Our forces have tripled since then, and one less medic won't be missed."

  His features hardened. "So it was all in the name of duty." Jake rearranged his pistol, shoving it into the waistband of his pants.

  "Careful you don't shoot your dick off with that thing." Shelby gestured at the weapon. "I wouldn't want you to lose your best friend." She wanted to be cruel, wanted to wound, if it meant that he'd let her go.

  Before she'd blinked, he had closed the distance that separated them again, taking hold of both her shoulders. "Don't think this is about me." His words were a hissing layer over the rhythmic drone of the cooling vent. "It's about you and me, Shelby, and about your fears of what I truly am." She tried to twist out of his grasp, but he rooted her there beneath his large hands, his eerie green gaze never leaving her own. "When you can accept that I share blood with your enemies and with Nate, then we might—might—have a future, sweetheart."

  Words failed her. Not one smart-ass comment or parry came to mind as he peered down at her, the only sound between them that of their heavy breathing. Then he reached through the small distance that separated them, clasping her face between his
large, rough hands, and pressed his mouth against hers, hard. For such a giant of a man, one with such abrasive ways, the kiss held the promise of lifetimes of gentleness. Of being held and cooed to, of being kissed from her toes to her earlobes. Of being worshipped.

  But as he opened to her and thrust his tongue deep inside her mouth, hot and needy, she froze. She stiffened against him, and despite the overwhelming heat, she became ice. Because she remembered … everything that he was. She saw him as he'd been at the warehouse, emerging from the blaze covered in fire. A monstrous Antousian, not the man she'd fallen in love with. Not the one who had his soft lips and delicious tongue coaxed up against hers.

  He was every alien she'd ever feared, every enemy who'd ever taken one of her friend's lives. Jake Tierny was the embodiment of all that she reviled, and he knew it. One by one, his fingers uncurled about her shoulders, and he stepped away.

  "Just what I thought." He gave her a sideways, melancholy smile. "This isn't about me almost dying in the fire or that I'm a soldier. You've seen exactly what I am, and there's no going back. Is there, Shelby?"

  She blinked back hot tears. Never taking his gaze off of her, he pulled his T-shirt over the pistol he'd just bolstered at his hip. "If only, huh?" He gave a rueful laugh.

  She struggled to find her voice. "If only what?"

  "All that time in the cabin, making love with me in my Antousian form, seeing what I really am in the depths of my soul. What a monster I truly am. If only none of it had happened, you might actually be mine—hell, you might be begging this bastard to stay and hold you in his arms."

  With an angry gesture she wiped at her eyes. "You keep pushing me."

  "Because years ago I made mistakes. More mistakes than I can count, and this time—just this once—I'm determined to get it right."

  She winced, pressing her eyes shut as if he'd just slapped her across the face. "Maybe you should go." Her voice came out weak, sounding feeble, just like her objections.