Blow Softly (Red Light: Silver Girls #1)

by Debra Kayn

  It killed him knowing she'd fuck other men for money tomorrow. He couldn't fool himself any longer. He hated her working at Red Light. If it were up to him, he'd take her away right now. Instead, he pulled back and controlled the situation.

  Madison needed more time to accept the changes happening between them. He'd be patient because once she came to him, he planned never to let her go.

  Thunder rippled overhead. The rain poured down. He stared into a pair of blue eyes questioning why he stopped, begging him to continue, and made the best decision for both of them. He picked her up and set her on her feet.

  "You better go inside." He reached up and milked the rain from a strand of her hair. "You're getting soaked."

  She ducked her chin and wrapped her arms around his waist, plastering her wet body against him. He cupped the back of her head, holding her to his chest, afraid he'd scare her off at the possessive need to rip her away from the balcony. To take her somewhere safe. To kill every man who dared touch what he already thought of as his.

  "Go inside, sweetheart." He kissed the top of her head. "Dry off and get some sleep."

  She stepped away, tilted her head, and studied him.

  Whether she couldn't make herself go inside and leave him or she waited to see if he'd leave. He had no fucking clue, so he walked away.

  He stepped toward the railing, heaved his body over the side, and dropped down to the seat of his Harley. Leaving his bike parked under her balcony, he walked down the alley and out of sight.

  His cock ached, stealing his good mood. He had to separate his thoughts. Hold out a little longer, and hope he wouldn't return tomorrow and shoot every fucking man who stepped into the building.

  His phone vibrated in his pocket. The sensation so close to his dick, he groaned before he could stop himself and removed the cell.

  He held the phone to his ear. "Yeah?"

  "I need you and Gunner to ride out tomorrow. Get some sleep tonight," said Jeremy.

  "Right. Okay." Bear opened the back door of the Sterling Building. "I'll let Gunner know."

  He disconnected the call. It was going to be a long fucking night.

  Chapter Twenty Two

  The flames rising out of the fire pit sparked and shot into the air. Bear walked around the circle of Moroad members standing around the heat and approached Jeremy. He'd gone four days without seeing Madison. Two days ago, he realized Jeremy had kept him away from the Sterling Building on purpose.

  The bogus excuse to check up on Los Li, a rival gang, turned into a useless run to keep him occupied and he wanted to know why. Moroad hadn't had problems with any of the gangs inside or outside prison since Los Li infiltrated the sheriff's department and came after Tiff.

  "Can I have a few minutes of your time, Prez?" Bear widened his stance.

  Jeremy lifted his chin in approval and offered Bear the unopened bottle of beer in his hand. "Drink?"

  "No." Bear gritted his teeth. "What was that bullshit run about?"

  "Routine maintenance. What we hear on the inside of the prison could always come too late on the outside to stop it. I wanted to see if there were any sightings and activities around Idaho." Jeremy twisted the cap off the beer Bear refused and drank.

  "And, your reason for taking me off duty at Silver Girls tonight and ordering me to stay at the motel?" Bear kept his voice calm and low.

  He'd given his life to Moroad. Spent more years in prison than he liked to remember fighting for power within the club, so he could live life on the outside free from the restrictions put upon him. He owed Jeremy's father, Cam, his life for putting the patch on his vest. Jeremy, serving as the current president, deserved his respect and loyalty. Younger men than him had patched in and taken his place on the runs, the fighting, the system. It was his time to settle down.

  "Tiff's worried about Madison. She said she's been staying away from the other ladies more than normal and seems to be having problems getting her jobs done on time." Jeremy crossed his arms. "Between you and me, Madison's not a prostitute."

  His hands fisted at his side. "What are you talking about?"

  "Check yourself, man." Jeremy exhaled. "She's got no voice, brother. You tell me how a woman is supposed to handle having man after man fucking her daily without saying a word. The other ladies talk and work out their problems together during their down time. I drop in when they're eating dinner in the main kitchen, and they complain and work through a rough day, and they find support by opening their mouth and voicing their concerns. They talk to Marci. They talk to Tiff. And, you know what your woman does? Nothing. Each day she performs as a professional hooker, and she doesn't say a fucking word about the customers or spreading her legs."

  Bear's gut tightened, and he braced his feet to stay and listen to things he wanted to ignore. With him, Madison dealt with her job, and she worried more about how Bear handled the truth than what working at Red Light was doing to her. Not once had she shared with him how she handled the pressure, the invasion, the lack of freedom to say no.

  "I want her out of there tonight." Bear reached into his back pocket. The firm grip of his pistol a reassurance that he wouldn't let Madison work another day upstairs at Red Light. He'd take out anyone who stopped him from going to her and taking her away. Even if he had to shoot his way through his club to get to Madison.

  "Think for a minute, Bear, and take your finger off the trigger. Madison's trying to work things out with you in a way she can understand and accept." Jeremy placed his hand on Bear's shoulder. "You'll get her, but slow down and let her wrap her head around the changes in her life."

  "She can do that with me at her side and away from Red Light."

  Jeremy lips thinned. "Brother, I'm ordering you to give her time. Madison's got three weeks until she finishes her contract and then what you do to hold on to her is on your shoulders. Right now, Tiff's responsible for her, and she's worried about Madison. Call her, see her tomorrow while Silver Girls is open, and work on getting her head in the right place." Jeremy tapped his forehead with his finger. "Cause when she comes down from the high you've given her, where she only sees you, she's going to crash and question her choices she's made her whole life. You can either pick up the pieces and hope you put her back together again, or you can let her adjust slowly and come to terms with what she's done. What she's going through isn't much different than when you walked out of prison the first time and realized you had no stake in living the life you were handed."

  Bear ran his hand down his beard. Madison was a survivor, and as long as she believed she was doing the right thing to keep her moving forward, she'd be fine. But, he'd shown her a different way, a new way, and to get there, he forced her to walk away from the one thing that made her feel in control.

  He hated it, but Jeremy was right. "I hear you."

  "Good." Jeremy lifted his chin. "Grab a couple of beers and shake it off for the night."

  He skipped the drinks and walked through the crowd, down the break between the two motel buildings and straight to his room. Inside, he stood looking at everything and nothing. He had a bankroll of money saved with the club and nothing to show for it. The unmade bed held half his clothes and in the corner of the room sat two duffle bags, packed and ready to go if needed. The only thing he owned was his Harley.

  And, his feelings for Madison.

  Owned, cared and planned to keep her for fucking ever.

  He unlaced his boots, stripped out of his clothes, and laid down on the bed with his phone in his hand. Jeremy pointing out how Madison's walk away from prostitution was a lot like Bear's exit from the prison system ate away at him.

  He'd gone through the pain, the anger, the depression at finding himself plopped into a world that no longer existed for him. Time played fucked-up tricks in his head, and he'd searched for the familiar, never finding anything to hold on to.

  Houses changed.

  Businesses popped up where others had failed.

  People left.

  Famil
y died.

  Until he understood Madison's life, how could he take care of her when she crashed?

  The last time he took her out on the town, she finally shared with him how she'd lost her voice. At twelve fucking years old, she was only a baby, and yet she'd lived in a speaking word where she had a voice to speak her needs and wants. Where were her parents? Where were the people who supported her?

  He understood doing a job and making money, no matter what was involved. He still lived a life where if the club shouted jump, he jumped and hoped like hell the Feds wouldn't find him. But, he also wasn't getting screwed every fifteen minutes.

  When he thought about what she went through on a daily basis, he compared her life to the Moroad women who lived at the motel and were available to all the men. Sex came naturally and given away for free. From what Madison told him, she never acted on feelings and shut herself off from an act that was meant to bring pleasure.

  Nothing about her job compared to how the Moroad women lived.

  He'd made an erroneous mistake in thinking a week after she finished her contract would be long enough to convince her to stay with him in Federal and make a go of a life together. Stretched out on the bed, he crossed his ankles and stared up at the ceiling. The last couple months, he thought he had everything planned, and nothing could go wrong.

  Now he had no idea what the fuck to do.

  Depending on how she accepted the club, they could stay at the motel, or if she felt more comfortable away from everyone, he'd stay at the inn with her and keep her separate from his business with Moroad.

  With the money he'd saved, he'd provide whatever she needed. She wouldn't want for anything.

  Unless he broke her first. Unless her feelings for him broke the strength she wrapped around herself like a damn coat, and she couldn't recover. Unless the feelings he evoked made her end up hating him.

  He turned on his phone and texted Madison a message. The same way he'd texted her every night since he'd left town four days ago.

  "I made it back to Federal. I'm beat, so going to bed. I'll see you tomorrow after Silver Girls opens."

  He set the phone down on his bare chest. Because of the late hour, she had the time to herself. No men visited her room.

  His phone vibrated. He picked up the cell and read.

  Madison: "I'm glad you arrived safely. I can't wait to see you tomorrow night."

  He tapped out his reply while whispering each word, "Sweet dreams, sweetheart."

  Madison: "Wait. Can I ask you a question before you go to sleep?"

  Pressure pushed down on his chest. He trailed his thumb along the phone, hesitating on the power button. Always full of questions, nobody could say Madison never talked. She spoke more than most women he knew.

  He typed. "Yes."

  Madison: "I can't stop thinking about you. All day. All night."

  He sat up in bed and stared down at her confession. His ragged breathing filled the room.

  Madison: "That's normal, right? At times, it kind of hurts."

  He closed his eyes as the impact of her words broke through to him. Getting to know him, developing feelings, and taking a huge step forward to making a better life for herself scared Madison to death. How could he not see it before Jeremy talked to him?

  The idea she thought about him would typically make him happy. She moved toward him instead of away. Before she found happiness for herself, she was going to hurt like she'd never hurt before, and he was the one responsible for putting her in the position where her world would fall apart before she felt better. He'd seen grown men break and go back to their old ways because the pain was too much.

  He replied and hit send. "Yeah, it's normal. I think about you, too, and I'm not going to lie. Caring about someone can hurt, but you're not alone. I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere."

  Madison: "Okay, I'll trust you. Night, Bear. Sweet dreams to you, too."

  He set the phone on the nightstand and laid down again. He'd walk away from her to save her the pain, but he was selfish. He wanted her.

  He'd be strong for the both of them.

  Chapter Twenty Three

  The music came on downstairs. Madison leaned over the railing of the balcony outside her room and waved to Bear rolling up on his motorcycle. She bounced on her toes, bursting with happiness. Five days without seeing him had seemed like forever.

  Bear shut off the engine, stepped onto the seat of his bike, and pulled himself up and over the balcony railing. She jumped into his arms, wrapped her legs around his waist, and locked her arms around his neck. Her lips collided with his.

  Her excitement too much to contain, she accidently bumped her teeth against his and pulled back in silent laughter.

  Bear chuckled, running his tongue over his top, front teeth. "Happy to see me, sweetheart?"

  She nodded, sweeping his hair off his forehead and pulling the strands down past his shoulders. He looked like no other man. Strong, confident, and rough. Not one who shaved, he let his beard grow wild and left his hair untamed and uncut. It was his stance in life not to conform and follow the rules that made him attractive to her.

  He was a man who said something and made sure it got done. No matter if others agreed or society approved.

  "Hey, hey..." Bear set her down on her feet and cupped her face. "Why the tears?"

  She pulled away and wiped her cheeks with the back of her hands, shaking her head. At the oddest times during the last week, she'd found herself crying. At first, her unexplained tears reminded her of the first few months after she'd started taking the Depo Provera shot to stop her period years ago. Her emotions had been all over the place. But, she hadn't had any of the side effects since.

  "Madison, tell me what's wrong."

  She grabbed her phone off the table on the balcony and typed. "I'm fine. Only happy to see you."

  Bear tilted his head and studied her. "You sure?"

  Determined not to ruin his return, she smiled and held up her finger for him to wait. She slipped back into her room and came out with a container of cheese, crackers, and sausage in one hand and a six-pack container with two bottles of beer in the other.

  "What's all this?"

  She set everything down on the table and replied to him on her phone. "Marci supplied snacks and drinks for everyone tonight. The other ladies took their portion up on the roof, and I brought mine out here."

  She pushed him back to the chair, and as soon as he sat, she climbed onto his lap and patted his chest to get his attention.

  She listened to a few seconds of the music, puckered her lips, and softly whistled along with the song. After a few minutes, she cuddled against his chest, cocooned in his arms. The long week without him forgotten, she relaxed.

  When the song ended, Bear whispered, "Again."

  Together, they snuggled contently. She whistled. He listened. The change in their relationship evident in the way her body relaxed in the same way she had when Bear stood below the balcony and whistled through the hours, keeping her company.

  In two weeks and two days, nothing would keep them apart. She looked forward to lying beside him, having sex, and falling asleep curled against him. She paused in her whistling and moistened her lips. Her fears of not feeling aroused with Bear no longer concerned her.

  The urge to touch him was a constant reminder of how different she felt around him than doing her job with the customers at the bordello. Even thinking about kissing Bear or the soft caress of his breath on her neck caused her lower stomach to flutter and her sex to clench in arousal. More than her body's reaction, she craved time with him to get to know more about him.

  Did he sleep on his stomach, back, or side?

  What kind of television shows did he watch?

  How did he ride his motorcycle in the winter? She'd heard Idaho had a long and snowy cold season.

  She picked up her phone. For the first time, she regretted her decision not to buy the software for a laptop that turned text to speech. Stora
ge on her phone was running low, and she wanted to keep all their conversations.

  If after they discovered they were better friends than lovers, she'd have whole discussions to look back on and smile. Bear brought unexpected warmth into her life when she least expected it. She wasn't looking for a man when he showed up under her balcony. But, she got one, if only for a short time.

  She typed him a question. "Do you have to go out on business during the week we're going to be together?"

  "No, I'll be here, with you, and if there's something happening with the club, you can go with me and visit with the other women. They'd like you."

  She gazed at his chest before writing more.

  "You've mentioned the women at your club a few times with me. Do they know what I do here?"

  Bear grabbed a beer and opened the top, handing it to Madison and then getting his drink. "I think it's time I tell you about the women at Moroad. Most of them dance downstairs at Silver Girls taking off their clothes for the customers."

  Madison nodded, she understood what happened on the first floor of the building. Unlike her, they only danced. Sex with the customers wasn't allowed. That made her have nothing in common with them and why she worried about what his friends would think of Bear seeing a prostitute.

  "When the women aren't working here, they stay at the Moroad Motel." Bear eyed her closely. "They stick around the club and offer sex to the members whenever we want them. In exchange, the women get a free room and are financially supported and protected by the club."

  She blinked, unable to think of how to reply because her head pounded with the shocking information. Leaning forward, she set her undrunk beer on the table. He had prostitutes that were given a motel room without a time limit?

  Had he slept with the women?

  He wanted her to become one of the Moroad women?

  Her body stiffened, and she slid off his lap, stumbling in her rush. She slapped her chest and pointed to him, walking her two fingers between them, shaking her head.