by Debra Kayn
"I don't know what you're trying to tell me, Madison." Bear set his bottle down and followed her out of the chair.
She put her hand up to stop him from getting any closer. Panicked, she typed on her phone and held it up for him to read.
"You're trying to recruit me and take me to your club to be used by the members?"
"Jesus Christ, no." Bear reached for her.
She shifted away and tapped out her opinion of what she thought of him keeping women. "You have prostitutes. Not like Red Light, but ones you own. Nobody owns me. Not you. Not Tiff. Nobody."
"Alright, stop talking." His brows lowered and his mouth completely disappeared behind his beard. "Just wait a damn minute."
His confusion flashed to frustration. She flinched, hugging her middle, wondering if he'd direct his anger toward her.
Bear's shoulders rounded, and he held up his hands. "Sweetheart, you're getting this all wrong. I'm not trying to bring you into Moroad to become one of the women who have sex with the members. If one of my MC brothers laid a hand on you, I'd kill them."
She scooted back, running into the railing.
"Fuck, stop moving away from me. I'm not going to hurt you." Bear shoved his hands in his pockets and stayed back. "No, the Moroad women aren't prostitutes. They're part of the club, the family. If they told one of us no when we asked them for sex, we'd walk away. They can do what they want. The fact is they like sex as much as we do, as most people do. Bikers, felons, well, we live a lonely life, and the women don't want to be alone either, so they hang out with the club. Because everyone respects them, they have a choice whether to be there or not. I can't even remember any of them leaving unless they got hitched to one of the members and stopped entertaining the men. Lola, she's one of the older women who danced at Silver Girls when she was younger, and she went fifteen years without sleeping with anyone, but we took care of her, supported her, and kept her under the club's protection. There's also women who belong to the club who are in a relationship with members in prison or on the outside. Tiff is one of those women, sweetheart. She's with Jeremy and do you think he'd let anyone near her?"
Madison worked her lip, trying to follow the conversation and understand the dynamics of his club. Tiff lived in the Sterling Building with Jeremy. She admired Tiff's relationship with Jeremy and had envied the love she'd viewed in little things normal people took for granted.
The pats. The squeezes. The looks. The communication. The way they each gave a part of themselves to the situations and met in the middle.
Her ears roared with her frantic pulse. Panic over thinking Bear sought her out with an ulterior motive on his mind after all the times they'd spent together filled her with anxiety. She closed her eyes. She'd had men try to seduce her away from the Network before and failed. They wanted to pimp her out and promised her a better life, freedom to come and go, and more money. Luckily, she'd found out early on free agents lied about everything.
When she refused to quit the Network, the men turned ugly.
Being in the Network was not the same as working a street corner or meeting Joes in pay-by-the-hour motel rooms. She had boundaries.
She opened her eyes and typed a message on her phone, holding it up for Bear to read.
"You swear, you only want me and have no plans to convince me to join your club?"
Bear stepped toward her, and when she held her ground giving him permission to get closer, he bent his knees and lowered himself to her height and looked her in the eyes. "I'm selfish, sweetheart. In the mornings, I'll want you with me. In the evenings, I'm taking you to my bed. Never would I allow any man to even think of having sex with you, because you're mine, and I'm falling in love with you."
Chapter Twenty Four
Bear's gaze softened. Her throat seized, and she massaged the scar at the base of her neck. He fell in love with her?
She opened her mouth, suffocating at his declaration. How many times had she heard someone use love as an excuse? Her past came back and brought anger and pain along with it.
I love you. I won't do it again.
You talk too much, girl.
If you love your mom, get out of my sight.
Nobody will love you.
As long as you have a pussy, you'll have a job.
Real men like you, because you can't tell on them.
Her examples of love over the years, always came in anger, by a man who'd promised love. A father figure who had a disgusting side. The man who ruined her for every other man, because he taught her since childhood that nobody would want her. She was too loud, too vocal, too everything, and he made it plain what she'd be good at doing. Fucking.
Madison stepped around Bear and walked to the other side of the balcony. Love had no place in their arrangement. She couldn't go there.
To hear Bear fell in love and to admit her feelings toward him were more than attraction or companionship, she'd need to put herself back into the position of protecting herself again. She'd have to admit there was an end, and she wasn't willing to give up on Bear yet.
History already proved to her how much love hurt. It hurt worse than any pain imaginable and left scars. She wanted to keep what they had together, explore the feelings that only came with Bear around her, and enjoy herself. She never asked him to love her.
"Sweetheart, look at me."
She inhaled deeply, lifted her chin, and turned around prepared to push Bear back to a zone she could handle, one she understood, and where she'd be safe.
"I'm the same person you've known all along. The only thing that has changed is I've fallen in love with you." He leaned his hip against the railing and hooked his hands in his front pockets. "Do you want me to take how I feel back and keep it to myself? Maybe we can sit down, eat the crackers and cheese, drink a couple of beers, and we can talk about stupid shit until it's time for me to go. What you don't know is that every second we're bullshitting, I'm wondering what it'll be like to have you naked with your legs wrapped around me and if I touch you lightly on your ribs if you'll smile because you're ticklish. I want to get inside your head, Madison, until I know how the fuck I'm supposed to move forward with you and have you on the same page."
She looked away, stripped naked by his wants and wanting to give him a chance to find out. Trembling, she walked toward him. Her phone clutched in her shaking hand, she swallowed, reminding herself of the thickness in her neck leaving her voiceless.
"Let me in, sweetheart," whispered Bear. "Don't back away because you're scared. Be brave for me. Let me make you smile again."
She bit her lip and used her phone to talk with him. "You do make me smile and what you said makes me realize how unprepared I am to handle a relationship. I never believed I was loveable and to hear you found something in me when I have not been a good person in my life makes me fear disappointing you."
Bear read the message and lifted his gaze to her. "I've told you we've both done things we'd like to forget, made stupid-ass decisions, even been proud of ourselves when others have judged. Everyone has. That doesn't make you unlovable, sweetheart. Take it from a guy with a felony rap sheet, no family left, and I'm on the downside of my life."
She typed more and showed him the message. "What's your real name, Bear?"
He rubbed his head and his frustration wore off as his gaze intensified. "Brett Dawson."
She blinked an extra beat and rolled his name over in her mind. Then she took her first step forward and gave him more with the next message. "Well, Brett Dawson, nobody has ever shown me it's okay and safe to love. I'm scared."
"That's why I'm here, because you're not alone. When you get scared, you can hold on to me. I won't let anything hurt you. I'll show you how safe it is to love." Bear hooked the back of her neck bringing her forward. "One kiss at a time."
He pulled her close and lowered his mouth to her lips. She wanted to stay in his arms until her body stopped shaking and the fear lingering on the edges of her consciousness disappeared. His kiss was te
nder and giving, guiding and pushing her, knowing what would help her.
His tongue tasted of beer and every time she had a drink, she'd remember kissing Bear. She closed her eyes. When she became chilled, she'd remember his warmth, his arms, his hugs. She'd repeat his words over and over until she believed him.
And, whenever it seemed impossible to step forward, she'd draw on Bear's strength. The reminders that he believed she was loveable, and she'd try not to let her doubts poison the relationship.
Chapter Twenty Five
Madison scrambled around the bed, opened her nightstand drawer, and removed her phone.
Bear: "Working on my bike. If you were here, you could be sitting on the curb giving me something pretty to look at. Almost done."
Madison glanced at the clock afraid she wouldn't have enough time to reply and quickly typed. "Hey, did you reserve a room at the Federal Inn for me? 2 more weeks! Don't wait too long. I'd hate to find out they're booked up at the last minute."
Unable to wait for a reply, she shoved the phone in the drawer, prepped the room for the next customer and grabbed the oversized men's football shirt as required for her appointment. She stepped into the room as the knock came and the door opened.
Tiff waited until Madison reached the door, then left her alone. The extra step to secure her safety by making sure the condom was on the customer before she left her place at the door worked well and none of the customers questioned the arrangement.
The man made the appointment under the name Chuck. Overweight, crew haircut, and eyes he couldn't take off Madison, he wore a Pittsburg Steelers T-shirt. He unzipped his jeans and rolled on the condom. She stepped away from the door and approached him, tugging down the hem of her shirt acting the shy part.
"Lift the shirt." The man tilted his head to the side, turning his double chin to a triple chin.
She slowly stretched her arms up above her head and in the process lifted the shirt with her body movements, giving him a flash of bare pussy. He'd paid for twenty minutes, double time for a blowjob only. She'd need to draw the time out and give him a show.
"Nice." He sat down on the throw rug on the bed. "Walk in front of me."
Barefooted, she strolled toward the covered sliding door.
"Stop. Bend over."
She closed her eyes and swallowed. Following his directions, she widened her stance and bent at the waist, putting her hands on the floor. The air in the room hit her bare ass. Upside down, the blood rushed to her head and her eyes burned. She blinked feverously drying the moisture welling in her vision.
Heavy breathing filled the room. She straightened, lightheaded, and hesitated.
"I'm ready." Chuck planted his hands on the rug, leaned back, proud of the size of his cock.
She stepped over and kneeled between his shoes. Looking up at him, she lowered her opened mouth and braced herself for the taste of latex. Once her lips surrounded his hardness, she closed her eyes.
"God, that's good." Chuck moaned.
She applied suction and bobbed her head up and down in slow strokes. With fifteen minutes left until his time ended, she couldn't rush him, or he'd forget to leave a tip.
Chuck's legs tensed and stretched out on each side of her. Her back tired, and she placed her hand on the edge of the bed, careful not to touch him. Thankfully, she had a double split appointment next. Blowjob to start. Sex to finish. She tired easily lately. It was as if she held herself tense during her appointments and put unnecessary stress on her body. By the end of the night, she was ready for her comfortable clothes and Bear to forget about the aches and exhaustion.
Bear. She swallowed, eliciting a groan of pleasure from Chuck.
After her customer leaves, she needed to see if Bear sent another text. She hoped he found a room at the inn for her. If not, she'd need to find other accommodations and hope Federal had another motel or inn not listed on Google.
"Come on, don't stop," said Chuck.
Shit. She added extra pressure with her tongue and lowered her head taking more of his cock into her mouth. Caught up in planning her life, she'd forgotten all about her job of getting the man off. Determined not to lose focus, she performed the way every man wanted.
She gave him steady.
She gave him harder.
She gave him faster.
Chuck groaned, thrusting his hips off the bed. She pulled her head back before he filled the condom. Rising to her feet, she walked over and picked up the wastebasket. Once he tossed the used condom away, she turned her back and walked to the door as Tiff knocked.
Once alone, she hurried into the bathroom and grabbed the mouthwash to get the taste of rubber off her lips and tongue. She spat in the sink, applied lubrication between her legs for the next customer, washed her hands and hurried into the bedroom.
She opened the drawer and smiled at finding a lit screen on her phone. Perfect timing.
Bear: "Already got you a room, sweetheart. No worries."
She replied. "Perfect. See you tonight. Hope you fixed your motorcycle."
Her second wind arrived, and when the next customer came in, she hurried him along. His blowjob only lasted six dips of her head, and she laid back on the throw rug and spread her legs.
Vic, not even taking off his suit jacket, stared at the wall behind Madison's head. She bit into her bottom lip taking his hard thrusts. Over and over, her body moved on the bed with more intensity than normal.
The room grew too warm. Nausea hit her hard, and she swallowed. She only had a few more minutes until the man finished and she forced herself to inhale slowly through her nose to settle her stomach.
His grunts echoed in the room. Blackness invaded the edges of her vision. She clenched her teeth together and inhaled deeper, wanting to push him off. Anxiety left her trembling, only feeding the man's desires when she squirmed on the bed.
He took too long to find his pleasure.
She rolled her head to the side and squinted at the clock on the dresser. Tiff would open the door in one minute. It was her job to satisfy the customer. She'd done everything scheduled for his appointment and catered to his desires.
He'd wanted a blow job and to finish in the missionary position. Two acts even beginner prostitutes could handle. She had no problem getting him hard, and then nothing. He kept thrusting and withdrawing and plunging and—
A knock came to the room, and the door swept open. Madison raised her head, her thighs automatically clenching to hide her body. The customer groaned at the movement, finding his pleasure, and hovered over her.
Tiff, taking in the scene before her, dropped her gaze to the floor, but not before Madison picked up on the wide-eyed surprise and flush on the madam's face. Madison's stomach rolled.
The customer pulled out of her. She sat up, grabbing her robe, and thrust her arms through the sleeves.
The man held out the used condom, looking for somewhere to put it. She flinched at her neglect and retrieved the wastebasket. Tiff's presence felt, Madison turned and tightened the robe around her and hugged her middle. Her stomach rebelled, and acid burned her throat.
The door softly closed, breaking the tight hold she struggled to contain, and she ran for the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before she lost the contents of her stomach. She sank to her knees on the bathroom rug, holding her throat. The spasms pulled on her scar tissue, shooting hot pain along the front of her neck.
"Oh, honey," said Tiff, reaching out for Madison's hair and holding it behind her and away from the toilet.
Madison retched, unable to produce anything more and only making the pain worse. She rocked on her knees.
"Breathe." Tiff kneeled down beside her and continued to hold her hair while she rubbed Madison's back. "Concentrate on relaxing and breathing. Don't try to swallow yet, just let the air out, and draw it back in."
Madison mimicked Tiff's breathing, and soon her stomach settled, and she fell back on her butt, drawing her knees to her chest. Her throat continued to spasm, and
she rubbed the base of her neck and glanced at Tiff.
"Don't be upset." Tiff sat down beside her and leaned against the tub. "I've sent Marci to the door to cancel your last customer so you can rest."
Madison closed her eyes. Missing a customer and costing the madam lost money would go on her record with the Network. Too many marks and her employer would have a hard time placing her.
"No, don't look like that." Tiff reached out and held her hand. "Stomach bugs hit everyone. You're not immune, honey."
Madison opened her eyes and moved to stand.
"No, no...sit. What do you need?" Tiff pushed to her feet. "I'll get whatever you want. You need to stay still and let your stomach relax."
Madison held her hand flat and pretended to hold a pen, air scribbling on her palm.
"Notepad and pen." Tiff smiled tenderly. "I'll get it."
Once Tiff left the bathroom, Madison rubbed her face. Always professional and good at her job, she couldn’t understand what had gone wrong. Was she too submissive? Had she not moved enough?
Tiff came back and sat down beside her. "Here you go."
She took the pad and pen and wrote. "I'm sorry. I don't know what happened."
"You got sick, honey."
Madison shook her head and wrote more. "The customer took too long. I should've done more. You shouldn't have seen that."
"Are you upset, because I opened the door before the customer was finished?" Tiff sighed. "You're not the first one to have a customer who takes longer than the time he paid for. There are some men who try to take more time, especially when the madam doesn't run a tight schedule. Luckily, I do, because I don't believe the women working for me should work longer for the same amount of money. Nothing about the situation was your fault, and I'm the one who canceled your last customer, not you. So, you don't have to worry about any marks on your record with the Network."
Madison bowed her head and wrote another note. "You should never have seen the man fucking me."