Eternal Mourning

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  “I want you,” he growled against her lips, and the tenor of it went straight to her core.

  “Then have me, but I need you, too.”

  “I’ll be as gentle as I can, Aimee. You deserve that. You deserve soft. You deserve so much more than what I can give you right now.”

  She went to her toes and bit his lip. “I don’t want gentle. I want you. And even as hard and rough as you can be, I know you won’t hurt me.” She didn’t know how she knew that to the depths of her soul, but she did. “It’s just you and me tonight. Tomorrow, the world can come at us, and we’ll deal. Tomorrow, we can process the forevers and bonds and everything that could be.”

  She didn’t know where the words had come from, only that they’d needed to be said.

  “Tomorrow,” he promised. “Tomorrow, we will talk about what it means to be a mate and what it means to be mine in truth. Tomorrow, we can discuss serious things. Today, we can just be.”

  He kissed her again, this time lifting her up by cupping her butt. She wrapped her legs around his waist and sucked in a breath as the action brought his rock-hard erection against her heat. She kept her mouth on his, even as she rocked in his hold, getting closer and closer to coming just from touching alone.

  Walker had no issues finding her bedroom as it was the only door other than the bathroom in her apartment. Before she could protest, he had her on her back on the bed and hovered over her, his eyes glowing and his mouth parted.

  She’d never seen anything sexier.

  “This first round might go a little fast,” he said with a slight laugh. “I’m not as young as I once was.”

  He was over a hundred but looked and felt as if he were in the prime of his life. Shifter genes were good for many things, and endurance, at least according to Dawn, was one of them.

  “That’s not what I hear,” Aimee teased. “But fast for the first time,”—meaning there would be more than one time—“works for me.”

  He fell on her then, his wolf in his voice and eyes as he stripped her down. Thankfully, he let her strip him as well, and soon, they were both bare under her soft bedroom lights with nothing but their heavy breathing filling the space.

  He looked like a rugged cowboy. She didn’t know why, as she’d never seen him wear a hat and he was completely naked with his corded muscles, wide shoulders, and narrow waist. But in her head, that slight drawl went to cowboy, and that turned her on.

  Of course, while his body was perfection in every way—even the slight scars that touched his skin showcased his strength—she couldn’t keep her eyes off his cock. It was long, thick, and so hard, she was afraid that he’d truly fill her with one thrust.

  And she couldn’t wait.

  “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, his hands slowly sliding down her ribcage to her hips. Her gaze lifted from his groin to his face, her body blushing at how long she must have had her eyes on that particular part of his anatomy.

  “I’ve lost too much weight,” she said, aware that he could see her ribs if she sucked in deep breaths. She couldn’t keep the weight on, not anymore, and they both knew the reason why. When he pressed his finger to her lips, she knew they wouldn’t be talking about it anymore for the moment.

  “Shifters cannot carry or share diseases, nor can they get anyone pregnant unless they are mated. And since that is not something we are completing tonight even if we can, we don’t need to use condoms unless you want to. But if that’s the case, I need to go get one.”

  She shook her head. “I trust you.” That, and she’d read up on shifters as well as listened to Dawn’s stories.

  He lowered himself over her and kissed her, his hands roaming over her breasts. She gripped his upper arms, then his back as he plucked and pinched at her nipples, each careful touch and stroke bringing her closer and closer to completion. And when he slid his hand between her legs and touched her, she shook. He only had to brush his calloused fingers along her clit, and she broke for him, arching against his body, her legs falling to the sides as she came.

  “Open your eyes,” he growled against her lips, and she did as he asked. Though he hadn’t actually been asking, had he?

  Then he was inside her, filling her to the point of pain, yet it was such an exquisite agony that she knew she’d have him seared on her soul until the end of her days—however long that was.

  “Walker,” she gasped, arching against him.

  “You’re so fucking tight, Aimee,” he growled in her ear. “I’m lost.”

  She wasn’t sure she was supposed to hear that last part, and it only urged her on. They moved as one, their bodies arching and sliding against one another until soon, she was coming again, and he was shouting her name.

  She knew she could get lost in this man, this wolf, this Healer, and never care that she’d be a different person in his arms. With one mark that might come later when they knew each other’s souls more than a bare whisper of touch, he could be hers forever just as she could be his.

  Only, it couldn’t last forever. How could it when the world shattered around her?

  Walker pulled slowly out of her before lying next to her and holding her close. His heartbeat under her ear matched her own rapid pace, and she realized she could sleep right then, though she knew they both wanted more.

  Aimee sat up straight, her body jerking left, then right, then arching until she swore her spine would break. In the distance, she could hear Walker’s shouts as he tried to calm her screams, but that didn’t make any sense. He was right next to her, had been naked and sweaty, wrapped around her equally naked and sweaty body. Yet he sounded so far away, as if he couldn’t catch her when she fell—not that he wouldn’t try.

  Her body convulsed, and her jaw tightened; her stomach rolled, and her muscles felt as though they were being stripped from her bones.

  Then, as quickly as the pain had come, it dissipated, leaving her system in a shocking vacuum instead of the gentle ebb that it had been in since before the attack at the diner.

  “Aimee, talk to me. What can I do?” Walker’s gaze and hands slid over her body as he checked her for injuries, but she knew he wouldn’t find any—none that he could see anyway.

  She blinked at him, then let out a slow moan as he touched the skin above her upper lip, the glistening red on his finger a stark contrast to the pale callus on his thumb. And when she met his eyes again, she knew the truth.

  They might well be mates, but it wouldn’t matter in the end. She couldn’t hide from her truth and problems. She could live in the now, but she needed to remember that now wouldn’t last long.

  Not nearly long enough.

  Chapter Nine

  Walker would not fail.

  Walker would not fail.

  Walker would not fail.

  And if he kept repeating that, it would be a vow, not a mere whisper beneath his breath. It was a promise, an oath etched in stone. Because there was no way he was going to allow whoever had their spindly hold on Aimee to prevail. He’d fight until the last breath left his lungs before he allowed that to happen.

  And that was just one more reason why he knew she was his mate. It wasn’t just a feeling anymore, or even a hope. He knew.

  All wolves had potential mates out in the world, but not everyone could find them. Sometimes, it took decades to find even one, and then decades more to find another if the couple or triad chose not to mate. He only knew of a couple of instances where the human halves didn’t choose each other even though their wolves did, and those potentials walked away from each other. Most of the time, it was because of wolves in love with humans who weren’t their mates, or because the wolf found out that their mate was a human and already married to another.

  The moon goddess might bless another with the idea that two souls could connect, but sometimes, the real world got in the way of fate.

  Walker let out a breath and gripped the edge of Aimee’s kitchen counter. There were no other commitments or bindings standing in his way now—only a
fate left unknown and precarious due to a curse that no one even knew how to name. When she’d convulsed the night before, reminding him how precious their time was unless he figured out a way to save her, he’d feared he might lose everything before he even had a chance to fully realize it was there.

  “You’re growling, what’s wrong?” Aimee said as she walked into the kitchen and wrapped her arms around his middle. He’d been afraid that, after everything that happened the night before, she’d shy away from him, but he shouldn’t have worried. She’d told him she was all-in, even if they were living in the now as she’d put it—and that meant he would do the same.

  It wasn’t like he really wanted to do anything else anyway.

  He turned in her hold and wrapped his arms around her, needing her close. They hadn’t completed the mating bond, though his wolf had urged him to the night before. His gums had ached with the need to let his fangs out and mark her, but even then, he’d held himself in check. His wolf had held back, as well, even through the urging, because it had understood that she needed care and time.

  “I’m thinking about what happened yesterday,” he said, not wanting to lie to her. He wasn’t the type to shield others from the truth even though he was a Healer. Or perhaps it was because he was a Healer that he was the way he was.

  Her skin went pale, but she didn’t pull way. His mate was stronger than she looked, and for that, he was grateful—though not surprised. No one could have survived what she’d gone through and not gain strength.

  “Given the look on your face, I’m hoping you’re talking about what we started with rather than what happened afterward.”

  He cupped her face and lowered his head to gently take her lips in a kiss. He couldn’t stop touching her, though he knew he should because her nearness made it hard for him to think.

  “Being with you…well, I’d say it completes me, but that’s not only a cliché, it’s not entirely accurate.”

  Laughter danced in her eyes, and he was glad he’d been the one to put it there. The dark circles underneath them, however, only made his wolf want to rip something apart—particularly the jugular of the witch who had done this to her.

  “Being with you,” he said again, “is right. It doesn’t necessarily complete me because we are each whole people who have our own baggage and our own souls. Yet, together, I think…I think we can be stronger. We aren’t two half-empty shells, but two people who could…I don’t know, be better together than apart?” He was the one who blushed this time. “Sorry, I’m not good with words. I leave that to my brothers and cousins.”

  Max had always been good with words, actually. Though, he wasn’t the same man now as he had been before the attack. If anyone was good with words now, it was probably Ryder or Kameron, the latter surprising more people than not.

  She reached up and ran her hand over his scruffy cheek. He should have shaved before he came over the afternoon before, but he hadn’t wanted to stay away any longer than necessary. He’d spent the morning clearing Parker so his brother-in-law could go home, and helping a pup. The little rascal had ended up high in a tree and hadn’t been able to get down without scraping himself up along the bark. He’d thought he was a cat instead of a wolf, apparently. As soon as Walker was able to leave, however, he’d come to Aimee. He hadn’t been able to stay away. And now that he’d had a taste of her, truly knew that she was his mate, he couldn’t walk away.

  Ever.

  “You’re not that bad,” she said with a soft smile. “If anything, you’re better than me. I’m the rambler, remember?”

  “I like that you ramble.”

  She snorted, and he bent down to kiss the tip of her nose. He knew they had far more important things to deal with that day and would soon be leaving for the den, but he couldn’t help but savor this little bit of normalcy in a time where nothing was close to being normal.

  “I guess we need to go?” she asked, her voice soft.

  He nodded but didn’t pull away from her. Once they left her apartment, they’d be tossed back into their true realities. There would be no hiding from a possible war with the Aspens. The Talons and Redwoods were at a loss for what to do next. And he couldn’t escape the fact that he didn’t know what the next step with Aimee would be.

  Would she agree to be his mate? To complete the mating bond and take a chance on forever—however long that may be—with him? When that happened, could he change her, make her Pack, and hopefully find a way for her to survive? There was so much riding on the unknown that it would cause anyone to doubt what they were thinking and the choices they were about to make.

  But what Walker did know, was that he’d wanted a mate, and fate had provided for him, had shown him the brilliance and beauty that was Aimee. And if he were a lucky man—not that he’d ever truly felt like one—she would choose him, as well.

  Everything else could follow that.

  They took his car to the den, leaving hers at her apartment. Though she should be safe since she wasn’t a Pack member. Whoever had attacked Parker seemingly had only been going for him, but Walker wasn’t sure he wanted to take any chances. She smelled of him now, and any wolf or other shifter would be able to tell that she was his…yet not claimed.

  And though he wasn’t as visible to the public as some of the others in his den, there were some online sites that had his photo and made sure that others knew he was a shifter. Those humans who still had it out for anything other might hold their insecurities and prejudices against Aimee for being near him. While it might be illegal to harm someone for being a wolf or being with a wolf, that wouldn’t stop the unhinged.

  He held back his growl at that and kept his eyes on the road, even as he spoke to Aimee about her prior job and what she was thinking of doing next. He wanted to know everything about her and was afraid he wouldn’t have a lot of time to learn it all before circumstances out of their control led them to make a choice they weren’t ready for.

  They pulled into the den and drove through the wards that he knew hurt Aimee every time she went through them. He remembered the first time he’d watched her move through the wards and how she’d fallen into his arms. It had to be because of the curse and the way it reacted to any type of magic. Dhani had also responded oddly, he remembered, and he had a feeling he’d have to keep an eye on her, as well.

  At his side, Aimee let out a shuddering breath then gave him a bracing smile. “I’m okay,” she said before wrinkling her nose. “I’m not lying. I’m okay. Really. It just doesn’t feel…pleasant when I go through the wards.”

  Walker nodded as he pulled into a space outside his clinic. “It’s not getting worse, at least. The severity of it isn’t intensifying each time you enter the wards.”

  “Well, at least there’s that.” She blew out a breath. “And if I were Pack, it might not happen at all, right?”

  He tried not to be too hopeful that she’d been the one to bring it up. It wasn’t as if the two of them hadn’t talked about it. It was one of the reasons they were at the den, after all, but he still had to wonder.

  “I don’t think it would be as severe,” he said carefully.

  “But it’s still a curse, and we don’t know if me being mated to you and Pack or even if I were a wolf and Pack would change anything,” she said quickly. “And, once again, I’m having a weird conversation that’s not really a conversation. I’m hurting my brain.”

  She pivoted to him in her seat as he turned off the engine. “Walker?”

  He turned as well and tilted his head at her tone. “Yeah?”

  “I want you to know that everything we’re not saying is going on two paths for me right now. One, everything I just said about the curse and what it could mean is on one path. But the other? That’s what you and I mean to each other. I don’t want to blend the two, as I think if we do, we’ll end up thinking we only mated or tried to make this work because of what’s wrong with me. And I don’t want that to happen. I want you to know that I do feel a connection
to you, and I wouldn’t have slept with you if I didn’t.” She licked her lips, and he tried not to let his wolf show in his eyes at her words or that sweet-as-sin action. “That’s why I’m so confused. I want to fix what’s wrong, but I also want to see who and what we are to each other. But I’m afraid those two are so intertwined that you’ll think that I only want you for what you can do, not for who you are.”

  She said the last part so quickly that he knew she was nervous. So he did the only thing he could do, he kissed her.

  When he pulled away, he knew his wolf was in his eyes, but it was the man who spoke. “We’re on the same page. What we’re dealing with is two parts of a whole surrounded by a thousand other pieces. I know we’ll confuse the two sometimes, but I’m on the same page as you. I want to know you for you, not what the Pack or I could possibly do for you. I think…I think the curse could move our timetable up, but it might not change the end result. At least, I hope not.”

  She smiled then, and he knew they understood each other. “I guess we should get out since Dawn and Mitchell are standing outside the car staring at us.”

  He grinned, though he knew it didn’t fully reach his eyes. How could it when he was still so afraid he’d fail? He’d sensed the other couple, of course, but he’d ignored them since he and Aimee had needed to get those words out.

  “Let’s go, then.”

  She let out a breath. “Let’s.”

  “So…” Kameron drawled.

  “So…” Walker repeated, doing his best to ignore his triplet.

  “You brought her to a family meeting, and you both smell so much of each other it’s as if you made one new scent. Does that mean you’re joining the ranks of everyone else and allowing her to make an honest wolf out of you?”

  Walker turned to Kameron, a frown on his face. “That’s not your business right now.”

  His brother just shrugged. “You’re my blood and, apparently, we’re reincarnations of the same line, as well. I think that makes most things my business.” The three triplets were the literal reincarnations of the original wolves when the moon goddess had come down to the mortal realm and had made the first wolf from a hunter. Only Brandon had truly been able to use that connection to help adjust the wards in a time of need. For now, it hadn’t really shown itself to Walker and he figured it was the same for Kameron.