Snared (Jaded Regret #1)

by L. L. Collins

  I nodded, framing her face with my hands. “I thought you were kicking me out of the car.”

  She sighed. “Why would I do that?”

  “Because I don’t deserve you.”

  April closed her eyes, leaning her face into my hand. “Beau. That is so far from the truth. Answer my question. I need to know if I’m beating my head against the wall here.”

  I had to kiss her. Just before my lips brushed hers, I whispered, “Yes,” against her mouth, “I want you.” I felt her smile as our lips met, effectively silencing both of us.

  April

  A COMFORTABLE SILENCE settled in the car as I drove to get lunch. Every few minutes I’d peer at Beau, just to make sure I hadn’t dreamt this and he was here. But then he’d lace his fingers with mine and a smile I couldn’t control would spread over my face. He’d admitted it. I had no idea what that meant for us from here on out, but I’d take the little bit I was given and we’d figure out the rest later. Hell, he was going to be gone for a month on tour. That sucked.

  I thought back to what he did today with Robbie. Never in a million years would I have thought Beau would be the one to get through to Robbie like that, for several reasons. One, I knew Beau wasn’t the kind to share part of himself with someone he didn’t even know, much less a child. Two, because Robbie hadn’t said a word to anyone up until that point.

  I’d listened at the door after seeing Beau had him under control outside. I hadn’t been able to hear every word, but I’d gotten enough of it to know Beau shared something with the little boy. He’d told him things he never told anyone. They’d understood each other. I thought back to what Beau had said to me about being sedated when he was a child and not wanting that to happen to Robbie. I had so many questions, but I knew I had to be patient for the answers. I may never get to know everything I had questions about, and I would have to be okay with that.

  I pulled into the parking lot and killed the engine. When I glanced over at Beau, his eyes were on me, that small smirk on his lips. God, I loved when he did that, but I couldn’t wait until the day I earned a real smile from him. I had the feeling it would melt me into a puddle on the floor.

  “Can we . . . take it to go? Is there a park or something nearby?” Beau turned away from me and focused his gaze out of the window at the busy sandwich shop.

  Well, of course. I hadn’t thought about the repercussions of taking Beau out for lunch. I giggled, thinking of the day I’d seen him and Johnny at the other restaurant being surrounded by fans.

  “Of course. I have to get used to your fame, I guess. I’m not used to having to worry about someone seeing me out in public. But I know just the place. What do you want to eat?”

  “Surprise me,” he said. “I’m not a picky eater, so whatever you get will be all right.”

  “Okay.” I reluctantly removed my hand from Beau’s. Before I could open the door, he grabbed my neck and pulled me to him. He stopped when we were just centimeters apart. I looked into his eyes, reading the desire he felt for me like they were words on a page in front of me. I never believed it when people said they fell in love so quickly without fully knowing someone, but seeing him in front of me, I knew I was well on my way. It scared the shit out of me to think I could put my heart in the hands of this beautifully broken man, but it was happening anyway.

  “Is this place . . . private?”

  What was he asking me? What did he want? “Y-yes,” I whispered against his lips. I ached for his touch, but I didn’t want to push.

  “Get lunch quickly.” Just before I thought he’d take my lips again, he turned his head and took my earlobe into his mouth, sucking gently before biting me softly. My eyes rolled back in my head as desire shot through me so quickly I began to shake. I’d never been more turned on in my life than being around Beau, and we hadn’t done anything but kiss.

  His soft beard tickled as he kissed down the exposed skin of my neck. “B-beau.” If he didn’t stop, I was going to strip him down right here in the parking lot and climb on him.

  “Still want that sandwich?” I’d never heard him sound sexier in my life. It was like something had switched in him and he was showing me who he was inside that tough exterior. I liked it. No. I loved it.

  “N-not really.” I moaned as he moved to the other side of my neck. I needed him to touch me. Anywhere, everywhere.

  Beau pulled back just as quickly as he’d started and smirked at me. “Get lunch. I’ll be waiting.”

  I gaped at him. “That wasn’t nice.”

  He quirked an eyebrow at me. “No? Okay, I won’t do it again.”

  Was he . . . flirting with me? I wasn’t sure how to respond to him, so I didn’t. I opened the car door and stepped out, my legs almost giving out on me. They felt like Jell-O, and I knew exactly why. I put both hands on either side of my neck; the tingling from his lips on my skin seared into my memory. I knew one thing.

  I’d never recover from Beau Anderson.

  Ever since I’d gotten back into the car from the sandwich shop, Beau had been back to his usual self. I wondered if I’d dreamed him kissing up and down both sides of my neck and teasing me, but I knew the desire zinging through my body wasn’t made up.

  We were sitting under a huge tree in my favorite park, hidden behind a massive concrete wall and overlooking the river. There was no one in sight. Beau wrapped up the trash from his sandwich and stuffed it back inside the bag, leaning his head back against the tree. His fingers moved slowly on his legs, drumming a melodic beat.

  I’d figured out that when he drummed slowly, it was because he had a song in his head and wanted to play it. When he drummed quickly, over and over and over, it was his way of trying to calm himself. When he closed his eyes while he drummed, it was his attempt to get past whatever images or words his mind had conjured up. When he smirked while drumming, he’d thought of something new. When he fiddled with his nose ring, he was anxious. When he clenched his fists at his sides, he’d thought of something painful and needed to rid himself of it.

  Watching him was fascinating.

  Our time was rapidly diminishing. Not only did I have to get back to work, but he had less than forty-five minutes to be on the bus to leave for his tour. My heart sank at the thought of not seeing him for another month. What if he changed his mind while he was gone and didn’t want to talk to me or see me anymore? How would we see each other or date or whatever we were if he was either on tour or in South Florida and I was here?

  I had no answers to the million questions in my mind, but I had to relax. Whatever happened would happen. Before today, I’d had zero hope that Beau wanted anything to do with me. At least I knew he liked me.

  “I have to get you to the bus soon.” I broke the silence. He cracked his eyes open and nodded, twisting his hands in his lap. What was he nervous about? I wondered how honest I should be with him before he left. While I’d figured out a lot about him, there was still so much that was a mystery to me. “Beau, do you want to keep in touch while you’re gone?”

  His hands stopped moving, and he reached them out for me. When I put my hands in his, he pulled until I was in his lap, straddling him. My core immediately responded, having not forgotten what he had done to my libido just an hour ago. I fought against the urge to rub against him in the hopes of alleviating the pain of my arousal. Beau glanced around, seeing there was no one near, and rested his hands on my hips.

  “I’m not good at talking.” He kneaded his fingers against my hip bones. My hope deflated. “But, I’ll do my best to speak to you while I’m gone.”

  I couldn’t talk to him one more second. He had me all wound up and needing to do something about it. “I don’t want to talk right now.”

  Beau raised an eyebrow at me.

  “You got me all riled up in the car earlier, and I have less than thirty minutes before you leave for a month.”

  “What are you saying, Ms. Knight?” His deep voice reverberating against me didn’t help the raging inferno througho
ut my body.

  “Touch me, Beau. Please. I need you.”

  His eyes widened. I knew little about how experienced he was in this area, and I wasn’t nearly as forward as I came across in this moment, but I was desperate to get relief. “April . . .” His voice was barely a whisper. “I . . .”

  I didn’t let him finish his thought. I lifted his shirt and ran my hands over the taut skin of his stomach and chest. He froze, his hands still on my hips. I wanted to study every single bit of ink on his magnificent body, but I had no time for that now. I leaned over and pressed my lips to his neck, biting and sucking like he’d done to me earlier. His grip tightened as I continued, his breath ragged against my face.

  I couldn’t stop it anymore; I began to rock against him, satisfied when I felt how hard he was for me. The warm breeze lifted my hair as my lips met his. He pulled me into his body, rocking with me as our lips met. A grunt came from his throat as I nipped and sucked his tongue into my mouth, fueling me further. I wished we were at my place right now. I’d never wanted a man more in my life.

  When his hands began to move, and I wanted to cheer. He skimmed my sides, stopping abruptly when his thumbs were within centimeters of my breasts. I gripped his shoulders, tilting my head to deepen our kiss. He moaned again as I rocked on him, no longer caring if I embarrassed myself or not.

  Touch me, I willed him. I didn’t want to push him, but my God did I want him to send me skyrocketing to the moon. His thumbs brushed my nipples through my bra and shirt, and I moaned into his mouth, taking our kiss deeper, harder, longer. He reciprocated my every move, sucking and biting my tongue and lips.

  When his hands moved away, I almost cried until I realized he was going under my shirt. His callused fingers against my soft skin sent waves of desire to my already aroused flesh, and I almost came just from rubbing against him. Our kisses were harsh and unforgiving; we took what we wanted from each other, showing each other what we would do if we weren’t at a park.

  He cupped one breast, slowing our kiss as he focused on the fullness of me. I pulled back, my lips burning from the roughness of his kisses. Our hearts pounded against our chests, and we both gasped for air. He froze, uncertainty on his face until I nodded for him to continue.

  Beau pulled the cup of my bra down and thumbed my nipple, sending electric shocks throughout my body. I writhed against him, moaning. His other hand regained his hold on my hip, pushing me into him as we rubbed against each other.

  He dipped his head and kissed my neck again, biting softly as he made his way to the dip in my shirt. I wanted him to put that mouth on every square inch of me. “April . . . God . . .” His words were like prayers against my skin.

  I heard his phone ring, and I knew it was probably Natalie or Bex wondering where he was. My heart clenched. My time was over. He either didn’t hear it or didn’t care as he made his way back up my neck to my ear. He was whispering something, but I couldn’t make out what it was. No. He was humming something. A song.

  “You have to go,” I said, fighting the emotion I knew I shouldn’t have. This man was jumbling me all up.

  Beau pulled me closer to him, taking my mouth again. I knew he couldn’t tell me what he was thinking, but he was showing me. His tongue moved slowly with mine in a sensual explanation. I rubbed against him again, so aroused I needed a way to relieve it.

  Our kisses slow and methodic, I shuddered against him with my release. I would probably be embarrassed later to think about humping Beau in a public park, but at the moment, it was the hottest thing I’d ever done. Beau froze and broke our kiss, burying his face in my neck for so long I wondered what I’d done. Was he sickened by me?

  “Beau?” I ran my fingers through his hair. He’d never said he liked it, but I liked doing it, and he didn’t seem to mind. I sensed shaking against my chest, so I leaned back. He was . . . laughing. My mouth dropped open as I watched his chest move with silent laughter.

  What was so funny? And why, when I finally got him to think something was amusing, was it right after we’d been making out like teenagers?

  “I’m so embarrassed.” Beau shifted me off of his lap. “Is there a . . . uh . . . restroom around?”

  What had I done? “It’s around the corner.” I averted his eyes, my face flaming as I tried to recover from my embarrassment without him noticing.

  “April.” Beau lifted my chin. “What did I do? Why are you upset?”

  I waved him off. “I’m fine. Don’t worry.”

  “You forget I’ve grown up with only women. Now, what’s wrong?”

  “I’m sorry. I got carried away and I . . .”

  “You think I’m upset with you?” Beau caressed the side of my face. “April, that couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m the one who is embarrassed. I need a bathroom because I . . .” He indicated himself. “I . . . uh . . . made a mess.”

  Understanding dawned on me, and I began laughing. He smiled at me, and I almost fell to my knees at the sight. It was the most beautiful thing I’d seen in my life.

  I pulled into the parking lot behind the arena, spotting the buses and the trucks. I sighed, wanting nothing more than to take Beau back to my house and continue the major progress we had made. What would it be like to not see each other for a month? Would he start doubting? I was sure I already knew that answer.

  Beau squeezed my hand. After he’d come back from the bathroom and we’d enjoyed another silly laugh over our teenage make out antics, we’d walked the edge of the water for a few minutes, wrapped in each other. He’d stopped every few steps to kiss me slowly, and I wasn’t sure my head was back from the clouds yet. His soft touch and the way he looked at me was enough for me to know I’d fallen head over heels for this man already.

  He may not be a talker, but everything he did was his own personal way of communicating. Whether it was his thumb rubbing the inside of my hand, his eyes connecting with mine for just a few seconds, or his lips brushing lightly against mine, I read him. I knew what he was saying.

  Natalie stuck her head out of the bus and saw us. She waved and then ducked back inside, giving us a moment. I stepped from the car just as Beau did. He came around to my side and stopped in front of me, shielding the sun from my eyes.

  “Thank you for everything today.” I tipped my head so I could see his handsome face. I touched the tattoos I could see on his neck, tracing my fingers along the detailed pictures and letters.

  Beau captured my hands and kissed each one, making that feeling erupt in my stomach again. “I’ll call or text you.”

  I nodded, not trusting my voice to respond. A large lump had formed in my throat, and I knew I was going to break down soon. I needed to get out of here before then, so he didn’t see me acting like a total girl.

  He shook his head, pulling me to him in a tight hug. I wanted to ask him why he was shaking his head, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to know that he was having doubts or was hugging me because he didn’t plan to see me when he got back. His hands caressed my back, and I focused on the way he felt right here at this moment. The way his chest rose and fell against mine, his short beard rubbing against my head while his warm hands touched my back. I took a deep breath, taking in the scent of his shirt and his hard chest against my soft one. I wanted to memorize everything about this moment just in case I never got another one like it.

  “This isn’t goodbye.” He shocked me with his intuitiveness. “I’ll be back home in less than a month. Will you come and see me when I get back?”

  My heart thumped in my chest. He was inviting me to see him when he returned? “Of course, I will.”

  He stepped back from me. “Will you . . . let me know what happens with Robbie?”

  “Yes.”

  The bus horn sounded, making us both jump. Beau scowled. “I have to go. See you soon, April.”

  I wanted to hold onto him, beg him not to go as he turned to walk away, but I knew that was futile. The fact of the matter was, my life was here, and his was on the road. Al
l I could do was hope he didn’t forget what had happened between us while he was gone.

  Just as Beau reached the steps of the bus, he turned around and lifted his hand in a small wave. His smirk was back. I loved it, but now that I’d seen him smile, I wanted more of it.

  I stood there until the buses pulled away and I couldn’t see a trace of them anymore. My phone pinged, and my heart soared, thinking it was Beau.

  It was a text from Natalie.

  My brother is smiling, April. I haven’t seen him smile in so long. Truly smile. I’m sorry I watched as you said goodbye, but I swear my heart exploded. I can’t believe what I’m seeing. Don’t let him shut you out once we’re gone. His head will get the better of him, but if you keep reminding him how he feels right now, he’ll be ready for you when we get back.

  And that was when the dam opened up, and I could no longer see my screen through the tears.

  Beau

  “HOW IS ROBBIE?” I asked April. I was sprawled out on my bunk, the bus heading to our tenth stop. I couldn’t wait to be home. Just six more shows and we’d be done. I’d summoned the courage to call April on the phone for the first time since we’d been gone. I knew she was worried about what that meant for us, but she’d never ask me. I could tell in the messages she sent and what Natalie had said to me while we’d been gone.

  I’d been trying to put myself out there for April while I’d been gone, but I’d found myself in a major funk after we’d left Orlando. Other than drumming, I hadn’t done anything, hibernating in my bunk until Natalie and Bex had staged an intervention just a few days ago. I’d been at the top of my game on stage, mostly because that’s all I did was drum, whether actually or in my head. Without April around, it was the only thing that kept me from losing my mind completely, and I’d found not even that was doing it anymore.

  I’d known I wasn’t in the right place in my head, but I couldn’t get past it. I’d barely been able to text April a few times. She knew something was up, too; she’d call me, and I wouldn’t answer, and then she’d text and I’d barely reply. I wasn’t trying to be an asshole or push her away, but I didn’t know how to handle both my growing feelings for her and my constant feelings of inadequacy.