Hal Spacejock 4: No Free Lunch

by Simon Haynes

  Spearman remembered he was only wearing a towel, and he yanked his feet off the desk and leaned forward. ‘Please, go on,’ he said, his face burning.

  ‘I have a proposal for you. A regular customer needs to reach Dismolle in a hurry, and our schedule doesn’t fit his requirements.’

  ‘Well that’s no good. I’m halfway to Dismolle right now.’

  ‘I know, I looked you up before placing this call. However, this client is offering a large sum of money for immediate passage, and if you were to return to Forzen immediately —’

  ‘Oh, that’s very good.’ Spearman slapped his thigh. ‘You almost had me, you cast-iron trickster.’

  ‘I beg your pardon?’

  ‘Listen, I don’t know whether you’re a recording or a computer program, but it’s amazing.’ Spearman leaned closer. ‘I can even see the hairs up your nose.’

  ‘I —’

  ‘So how did you do it? Did you tap into my computer, or is this one of those simuloids?’

  ‘I don’t have the least idea what you’re talking about.’

  ‘And your outraged modesty! That really had me going.’ Spearman stood up and reached for the towel. ‘Let’s see you do that shocked expression again.’

  ‘Mr Spearman, have you been drinking?’

  ‘No, I’m seeing things perfectly clearly. And Clunk, you can tell your precious owner —’ Spearman broke off as someone knocked at the door. ‘Yeah?’

  ‘Mr Spearman?’

  Spearman glanced at the door, then stared at the angry face on his screen. Suddenly he felt very draughty.

  ‘Are you all right?’ called Clunk. ‘I thought I heard shouting.’

  ‘Y-yes. Fine.’ In a flash, Spearman had replaced the towel. ‘I’m just conducting a little business.’

  ‘Have you reconsidered my request?’ asked Clunk. ‘We have to turn round right now if we’re to have any hope.’

  Spearman stared at the face on his screen. ‘Clunk, can I get back to you on that?’

  ‘Please hurry, Mr Spearman.’

  The caller was still waiting, her face set. ‘I’ve heard of the immature stunts you throttle jockeys get up to, but this —’

  ‘Please, let me apologise!’ said Spearman desperately.

  The woman took a deep breath. ‘Whatever your personality quirks, my client is offering a substantial amount of money for this trip to Dismolle. What do you say to ten thousand credits and a complimentary refuel?’

  ‘Ten grand?’ Spearman almost dropped the towel again. ‘Is he made out of money?’

  ‘Unlike you, I’m unwilling to reveal that which should remain private, but I can say that his credit is good. So tell me, will you take the job?’

  * * *

  Hal came round slowly, his brain still ringing from the blow. He was sitting with his back to the wall, and when he tried to raise his hands to the throbbing pain in his skull he discovered his arms were tied behind his back. He struggled with his bonds, and then felt relief flooding through him as Walsh spoke directly behind him.

  ‘Hal, are you all right?’

  ‘Never mind me. What about you?’

  ‘A bit of a headache, but I’ll be fine.’

  Hal felt his anger rising up. ‘Did he hit you?’

  ‘Keep your voice down. It might be our only chance.’

  Hal glanced round and realised they were on the control room floor, near the elevator. Walsh and Herringen were behind him, and all three of them were tied together. He craned his neck and saw Newman near the window, and he was about to yell at him when he realised Walsh was right. Escape first, revenge afterwards. ‘What’s he doing?’ he asked Walsh, his voice barely a whisper.

  ‘He’s watching those bugs of his. They all froze a few minutes ago, and they haven’t moved since.’

  Hal raised himself to look through the window, and what he saw turned his blood cold. Instead of scurrying around with their usual frantic activity the mining bugs were lined up in rows, countless thousands of them cramming every level space beyond the window.

  ‘So, you’re awake,’ said Newman, without looking round. ‘I thought you’d be out for hours yet. You must have a thick skull.’

  ‘No, you’re just a wuss,’ said Hal. ‘I’ve had little kids hit me harder than that.’

  Newman came across and stood over them. ‘I’m afraid I’ll have to leave you to it. Sorry to leave before the fun starts, but I have a weak stomach.’

  ‘Matches your intellect,’ said Hal.

  Walsh laughed.

  ‘Mock all you like,’ said Newman. ‘I’m not the hero tied up with a wannabe cop and the worst manager this side of the local sky hockey team.’ He entered a code to open the lift doors. ‘If you do get free, don’t bother trying to stop the timer. I forgot to leave a handy cancel button lying around.’

  ‘You’re a sad excuse for a human,’ shouted Walsh, as Newman stepped into the lift. Then the doors closed and they were alone.

  ‘Right, now we can talk,’ said Hal to the others. ‘Anyone got a penknife?’

  ‘Not me,’ said Walsh. ‘Herringen’s still out cold.’

  ‘Maybe we should go through his pockets.’ Hal struggled with his bonds, and managed to move his hands a little. ‘Of course, the chances of finding a handy pocket knife just when we need it are zero. If only Clunk were here!’

  ‘Why, does he have a pocket knife?’

  ‘Yeah, mine.’ Hal twisted his hands, but the bonds were too tight. ‘What do you think Newman’s going to do?’

  Walsh hesitated. ‘I think he’s going to gloat a bit, then let us go.’

  ‘Are you sure? He’s already made one person disappear with those bugs of his. What’s another three?’

  ‘I’m sure he’s not going to do anything like that,’ said Walsh. ‘All the same, we can’t just sit here.’

  ‘Why not? Clunk’s always saving me from these situations. It’s his job.’

  ‘Does he know where we are?’

  ‘Sure he does.’ Hal decided a white lie or two wouldn’t hurt. After all, she could go on hoping right up to the end. ‘I told Clunk to come and get me if I didn’t report in. I’m well overdue by now.’

  ‘He could be here any minute!’

  ‘Sure thing. It’s a cert.’

  There was a groan behind them as Herringen came round. ‘Oh, my head. What happened?’

  Walsh explained the situation. ‘It looks bad, but Clunk’s on the way. Of course, if we just had something to cut this rope …’

  ‘I have a pocket knife,’ said Herringen. ‘I never go anywhere without one.’ Hal felt the ropes tighten as Herringen struggled to reach his pocket. Then the other side tightened. ‘Damn, it’s not there.’

  ‘No wonder.’ Hal nodded towards the nearby bench. ‘He’s put all our stuff over there. Thorough little beggar, isn’t he?’

  ‘Miss Walsh, isn’t there anything in your Peace Force training to cover this?’

  ‘Yes, we’re supposed to travel in pairs and report to a superior officer before entering a perilous situation.’ Walsh’s head dropped. ‘Somehow, it didn’t seem to apply. I’m sorry.’

  Hal reached out and squeezed her hand.

  Herringen cleared his throat. ‘That’s very comforting, Mr Spacejock, but I’d rather you didn’t do it again.’

  ‘Sorry. Wrong one.’ Hal eyed the items sitting on the table. He could see the pocket knife, but there was also the commset containing the Navcom, several keycards and a small amount of pocket change. ‘I’ve got an idea,’ he said. ‘If we all move at once, we should be able to get closer.’

  ‘And then?’

  ‘I’ll tip it over with my feet. Ready?’

  The others nodded, and on Hal’s command they all started moving, bobbing up and down and kicking their legs. For a moment they looked like a hyperactive jellyfish trying to get back to the sea, but before long they started moving in unison, shuffling across the floor towards the table.

  ‘Okay, that’ll do,’
said Hal. He reached out and hooked his foot around the table leg, trying to shake it enough to knock the items onto the floor. Then he applied his other foot and twisted his legs, attempting to tip the table. ‘It’s no good,’ he said. ‘It won’t move. It’s too heavy.’

  ‘Let’s try some lateral thinking,’ said Walsh. She drew her legs back, braced for a second, then drove them at the table leg. There was a snap as it broke off, and the three-legged table toppled over, scattering items all over the floor.

  ‘That way!’ said Hal, and they all bumped and shuffled after the penknife.

  Finally, his fingers closed on it, and he managed to work the blade open. Seconds later they were free, rubbing their wrists where the ropes had cut in.

  Herringen ran to the doors and pressed the call button, and they heard the lift descending. Meanwhile, Hal gathered up the Navcom and the pocket change.

  The lift arrived, and Herringen entered his code. The keypad buzzed, but the doors remained closed. Herringen entered his code again, and got another buzz. ‘That’s odd.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘My code isn’t working. I can’t open the doors!’

  Chapter 31

  Walsh willed Herringen on as he entered and re-entered his code, praying he was getting it wrong even though deep down she knew he wasn’t. ‘It’s Newman,’ she said at last. ‘He’s cancelled your code.’

  ‘You’d better hurry up over there.’ Hal was at the far end of the lab, looking down at the screen. ‘This timer’s running out fast.’

  ‘What do we have left?’

  ‘Under two minutes.’ Hal glanced at the army of miner bugs just the other side of the window. ‘So, when this goes off …’

  ‘We don’t want to be here. And we can’t stop it, either.’

  ‘Oh yeah?’ Hal reached into his flight suit and took out the PDA. ‘Navcom, can you hear me?’

  ‘Yes, Mr Spacejock?’

  ‘I need you to break into a massive computer system and disable the brains of several thousand killer bugs before they romp in and eat us all.’ Hal glanced at the timer. ‘You have ninety seconds to crack it, starting now.’

  ‘I’m sorry Mr Spacejock, but this processor wouldn’t crack a window.’

  ‘Can you contact someone? Let them know where we are?’

  ‘Are we underground?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘That explains why I can’t lock onto a comms signal.’

  Hal gripped the PDA. ‘Navcom, this is serious. They’re going to kill us all!’

  ‘Don’t you keep backups?’

  ‘Of course I bloody don’t!’

  ‘Well, I think there’s a valuable lesson in there for us all.’

  Hal looked like he was going to throw the Navcom across the room, but instead he tried a new tack. ‘Navcom, if I cross your battery wires, would you explode in a raging fireball or just go phut?’

  ‘What kind of question is that?’

  ‘I’m thinking of turning you into an improvised hand-grenade.’

  ‘And I’m thinking you can go phut yourself.’

  ‘Come on! You have a backup, don’t you?’

  ‘Irrelevant, since my battery is flat.’

  Hal gave up and jammed the PDA in his pocket. ‘If we get out of here I’m going to delete all her backups one by one. See how she likes it.’

  ‘It’s not her fault, it’s that bloody Newman!’ Walsh kicked the lift doors, hard. ‘When I get my hands on him …’

  ‘It’s no good,’ said Herringen. ‘He’s thought of everything. We’re done for.’

  ‘There’s always a way,’ said Walsh. ‘Look at the ropes and the table. We could have given up, but we struggled on and now we’re free.’

  ‘You call this free?’ Herringen pointed a shaking finger at the wall of glass. ‘They’re going to swarm in, chew us to pieces and spit us out like yesterday’s leftovers. There’s no escape!’

  ‘You two stay away from the window,’ said Hal. He found the broken table leg and brandished it. ‘Try and get that door open, and I’ll keep them off you as long as I can.’

  ‘What use is that? We’ll be dead in seconds!’ Herringen sounded close to panic, but any sympathy Walsh might have felt was tempered with the knowledge that he and his precious council had covered up Cooper’s death. It was all right when it happened to someone else, but now he was getting a taste of the terror he was starting to crack. It was just a shame the lesson would be over so quickly, she thought.

  Hal swung the table leg. ‘Just get the doors open. Okay?’

  Walsh smiled at him, then turned to inspect the keypad.

  ‘You’ll never crack it,’ said Herringen.

  ‘How often do you come down here?’

  ‘Me? Rarely. It’s Newman’s domain.’

  ‘Move back. Give me some light.’

  ‘I swear, it’s completely secure! Rolling combination, anti-tamper, the lot.’

  ‘Forty seconds,’ said Hal. ‘And he’s right, those things are impregnable. Clunk told me.’

  ‘Men,’ muttered Walsh. Then she straightened up and typed a code on the pad.

  BUZZ.

  ‘My dear girl,’ said Herringen. ‘You can’t possibly guess the code at random!’

  Walsh tried the same digits in a different order.

  BUZZ.

  ‘Twenty seconds,’ called Hal.

  Methodically, Walsh tried the same four digits again and again, changing the order each time while trying not to repeat any sequences.

  BUZZ. BUZZ. BUZZ. PING!

  Had she done it? Walsh stared at the doors, but they remained sealed.

  ‘Time’s up,’ said Hal. The screen showed 00:00, and beyond him the bugs broke ranks and poured towards the window, scrambling over each other in their haste to reach their prey. They hit the glass with a bang, but it held.

  ‘Would you look at that?’ shouted Hal. ‘The stupid things can’t even break a window!’

  CRACK!

  Hal backed away as the glass crazed. Meanwhile, Walsh turned to the keypad and entered codes twice as fast as before, her fingers blurring over the buttons.

  ‘Brace yourselves!’ shouted Hal. ‘They’re almost through!’

  Walsh entered code after code, not even sure whether she was repeating herself. Then …

  BEEP!

  The doors slid open, and Walsh pushed Herringen into the lift. Then she turned for Hal.

  In that instant the huge window collapsed, and the bugs swarmed in like a tidal wave, engulfing desks, chairs and equipment.

  * * *

  The advancing bugs sounded like nothing Walsh had ever heard - an intense rustling that grew louder and louder as the wave rushed towards her. Meanwhile, Hal stood before the oncoming bugs with his makeshift weapon raised high, prepared to defend her with his life. It was incredibly brave and heroic, but completely unnecessary. ‘HAL! Come ON!’

  Hal saw the open doors and let out a whoop of delight, then gathered Walsh up and bundled her into the lift. As they tumbled in, Herringen shut the doors and hit the button.

  Just in time … the wave of bugs slammed into the doors, and hundreds started forcing the bars apart. Herringen hit the button again and again as the bugs attacked the grille with their jaws, and they’d almost broken in before the lift lurched upwards, crushing their metal bodies and smearing the remains down the walls. Through the floor, Walsh saw them swallowed by the teeming mass now filling the shaft.

  ‘Bloody hell,’ muttered Hal, as they sailed upwards, away from danger. ‘That was close.’ He tried to get up, only to realise he was tangled up with Walsh.

  ‘I don’t understand,’ said Herringen, who was looking at Walsh as though she were a magician and a supercomputer all rolled into one efficient package. ‘How did you -?’

  ‘Peace Force training.’ Walsh released Hal and held her hand up, wriggling her fingers. ‘Newman used the keypad more than anyone, so the buttons he used regularly were smoother than the rest.’

&nbs
p; ‘That’s incredible,’ said Herringen. ‘Have you used that trick before?’

  Walsh smiled in the dim light. ‘Once or twice.’

  ‘But what if he’d updated his code?’

  ‘Oh, come on. How many IT people change their passwords?’

  ‘They’re coming after us!’ said Hal.

  Walsh looked down to see the bugs swarming up the shaft, swamping the lights one by one. ‘Will this thing go any faster?’

  Herringen shook his head.

  Several bugs caught up with the lift, and Walsh leapt up as their jaws came through the floor, snapping at the metal grille.

  BANG! BANG! BANG!

  Hal stamped on the jaws, dislodging one bug after another, but more took their place. ‘How far to go?’ he yelled over the noise.

  Herringen looked up. ‘About two hundred metres.’

  ‘Get ready to run for it.’

  Walsh joined Hal in stamping and kicking the bugs loose, their feet thumping and slamming on the weakened floor. Walsh glanced up to see the top of the shaft at least a hundred metres away, and she was still judging the distance when Herringen yelled a warning. A bug was scuttling towards her, but Hal grabbed it with his bare hands and smashed it against the bars. When it was still he threw it to the floor, and Walsh stared, fascinated, as dozens of frenzied bugs tore it apart before her eyes. The floor rippled as the massed robots tore at it, and without warning it split down the middle. Walsh climbed the walls to escape, and the others clung to the wire with their bare hands.

  No sooner had they grabbed on than the entire floor dropped out of the lift, exposing a bottomless shaft whose walls were thick with bugs. Then the lift stopped and the doors slid open. They’d made it.

  Once they were out, Walsh reached in and pressed the down button. The lift dropped away, taking most of the bugs with it. Meanwhile, Herringen had opened the heavy entrance door. He darted through, and for a split second Walsh was certain he was going to slam it in their faces, shutting them in with the bugs.

  Then they were out, and the door thudded to behind them.

  ‘Yeah!’ Hal pumped his fist. ‘We did it!’

  ‘Not quite,’ said Herringen. ‘That door won’t hold them long.’