Cole nodded. "But would it be so bad if the way we saw each other changed? Would it be a bad thing if we did fall in love?"
Syd shook his head as he sat back a little. "No, not at all… so long as you're sure it's because you actually have those feelings for me and not because you're searching for someone to kill your pain temporarily." He stood and crossed over to Cole, placing his hand on his cheek. "The chance to love you as more than a friend… it wouldn't be a bad thing at all. It's something I have wanted for a very long time."
Cole nuzzled against his hand. "Why haven't you ever said anything?"
"Because you were married and happy and I didn't think you could ever see me as anything other than a friend. Not to mention, I never had any inkling that you would, or could, even be open to me wanting you in that fashion. Then when Kelsi died, I didn't, and still don't, want to take advantage of you while you were grieving."
"So you're just content to sit by and watch me fall for someone else?"
Syd leaned against the sink. "I wouldn't say that I would be content, but I would be happy if you were."
"I would be happy with you, Syd."
"If it's meant to happen, Cole, it'll happen. Just give it time," Syd whispered and walked from the room.
"It'll happen," Cole repeated.
* * * *
Cole kept thinking of the conversation as he sat in the kitchen nibbling a muffin. He chuckled to himself as he took a bite of the blueberry-filled confection. The way Syd had responded to him confirmed that his feelings would be returned when Syd deemed it was okay for him to do so. He was so deep in thought, he barely heard his mother calling to him from upstairs.
"Cole? Can I see you upstairs for a minute?"
Just hearing those words made Cole think back on everything he'd done over the past few days. Every time he heard his mother ask him that, he had the same reaction. When he was a kid, it started because he wanted to think up a good story should he need one and when he got to be an adult, he did it to try and figure out what sort of explanation he could get away with for whatever he might have done.
Taking his breakfast, he climbed the stairs and went into his parents' room, where all the presents were stored. "Did I do something I'm not aware of?" he asked and took a bite of the muffin.
"No, but the fact that you have to ask that has me worried." His mother grinned as she grabbed a bag from the floor. She reached in and pulled out a can of Silly String. "You didn't really buy this for Kaity, did you?"
Cole took the can from her. "No. Syd and I were playing with it in the store. We got caught by an employee and I had to buy it."
"Is that why there's foam all over the stuff in your bags?" She set the bag down and grabbed the one full of Barbies.
"Yeah. I kinda sprayed Syd with it."
His mother raised her eyebrows. "You either did or didn't, there is no kinda."
His mother would always call him out on his bullshit and this time was no exception. "Is there anything else you wanna know?"
"Yes. Is any of this stuff from Santa?"
Nodding, Cole pointed to a bag sitting in the corner. "The dolls are from Santa. The stuffed animals and dress-up stuff is from Syd. The new tea set is from me."
His mother smiled, looking down at the large box with a tea service picture on it. "Are you prepared to have a tea party with her?"
"Mom, how many times have you called in the middle of one of our parties?"
"You have a point. And what about the little make-up set that's sitting on top of that box?"
Cole turned to see what she was talking about. "Oh. That goes in her stocking."
"Okay. Thank you."
Cole started to leave the room.
"One of these days I'm going to teach you to wrap gifts. Every year, I am the one who gets stuck doing this for hours and hours. It's time for a change."
"You tried to teach me a few years ago and everything just ended up in gift bags. Remember that? You complained because there was no mystery to what was inside if you just put the gift in a bag."
His mother laughed and slapped his arm before he had a chance to get away.
"Thanks for wrapping everything, Mom. I appreciate it," he called out as he went back downstairs.
Chapter Ten
That night, Cole walked downstairs and into the living room, smiling at the fire burning in the fireplace. He grabbed a blanket from the couch, wrapped it around himself, and sat in front of the hearth. He watched the way the flames seemed to dance and listened intently to the sound of wood crackling as it burned. He inhaled deeply, feeling warm and content then lay back on the fluffy rug, tugging the blanket tighter around himself.
"Enjoying yourself?" Syd asked as he walked in carrying a glass and a bottle of red wine.
Cole slid his eyes sideways and nodded. "Mmm-hm. Actually, I am. It's December twenty-third, all the Christmas shopping is done and for the first time in a long time, I'm happy. I'm happy without the benefit of Kaity's smile or her innocence about life. I am truly happy."
Syd set the wine on the coffee table.
"Was I disturbing you?" Cole asked as he cocked an eyebrow and eyed the stemware.
"Not at all. Would you like a glass?"
"Sure."
Syd handed him the glass he held and walked from the room, probably to get another glass.
Cole sat up and grabbed the bottle. He pulled the cork from it and filled the glass.
"Starting without me?" Syd asked as he walked in and sat beside him. He cleared his throat when Cole filled his glass to the very top. "Trying to get me drunk?"
Cole set the bottle down. "Nah. I wouldn't do something like that. Especially not since we're all baking tomorrow and I'd catch hell if we ruin the sugar cookies for Santa."
Syd sipped his wine. "Wait. You didn't tell me we'd have to help with the baking."
Cole watched Syd drinking. "What did you think we'd be doing?"
Syd shrugged. "Taste testing? Supervising?"
Cole laughed and set his glass down. "We could do that, but then we could also go running into the snow butt naked right now, but that's not gonna happen."
Syd leaned back and studied Cole's ass. "Oh, I don't know. Watching you running naked in the snow might be something to see."
Cole's cheeks flushed. "I don't fucking think so. If I'm gonna freeze, you're gonna have to be out there with me."
"I'll do it if you do."
Cole scoffed as his eyes met his friend's. "You're not serious."
"Why not? Everyone's asleep." Syd sipped from his glass, giving Cole time to consider the proposition.
"Is this just an excuse to see me naked?"
Syd laughed. "If I wanted to see you naked, I get the feeling all I would have to do is ask."
Cole turned away, suddenly feeling shy. "Can we please stop discussing me being naked?"
Syd set his glass down. "Fine. We can talk about something else… but what?"
"I think Kaity is going to love what you got her," Cole said as he laid back once more, pillowing his head on his arms and never taking his gaze from Syd's face.
"I hope so. This is the first time I've ever had to shop for a little girl." Syd laid beside Cole, resting on his side so he could look at him. "Can we share the blanket?"
Cole sat up and pulled the blanket from under himself. He spread it out to cover the two of them and laid his head on Syd's shoulder. He hummed when Syd wrapped his arms around him.
"So, where are we gonna put her dream house together?"
Cole peered up at him, firelight dancing in his eyes. "In here. Do you honestly think I would hang out in the garage putting that thing together? It way too cold out there, even if we do bundle up."
"And how do you explain it if Kaity comes downstairs?"
Cole smirked as he leaned on his elbow. "I'm sure we'll think of something. You always were good at coming up with excuses on the fly."
Syd chuckled and ran his fingers through Cole's hair.
&
nbsp; "What're you doing?"
Syd slid his fingers down the back of Cole's neck, pulling him closer.
"Syd…" Cole's words were cut off by Syd pressing his soft lips to his. Placing his hands on either side of Syd's face, Cole gently pushed him away. "That better not be because of the wine," he said with a chuckle.
A wide smile spread over Syd's face as he nuzzled his nose to Cole's. "I've only had a few sips, Cole. It's all me." He brushed his lips across Cole's.
"Good. I would hate to think…" Cole leaned up and pressed his lips to Syd's. He slipped his tongue from between his lips and flicked it over Syd's own, groaning slightly when Syd opened his mouth to allow the intruder in. Slowly, he moved to straddle Syd's hips and sat up. He stared down at Syd with a grin on his face.
Syd rested his head on his arms and studied Cole's face. "Something wrong?"
"Is this okay?" Cole whispered as he placed his hands on Syd's chest.
"Is what okay?" Syd sat up and wrapped his arms around Cole's waist.
"This. Us. You. Me. Is this okay? A few days ago you were telling me to make sure my feelings for you were genuine and now here we are…"
Syd kissed him. "I think this is more than okay. If you aren't sure though…"
Cole shook his head as he gazed into the depths of Syd's eyes. "I haven't been surer about anything for a long time, but what about Kaity?"
"This is what she wanted, isn't it?"
"Yeah, but asking for it and being confronted with the reality of it are two different things." Cole slid from Syd's lap.
"Are you sure it isn't you and your heart you're worried about?"
Cole paled. He hadn't expected Syd to call his motivations into question. He wasn't thinking about much except being with Syd. "Why… why would you say that? Why would I be worried about my heart in your hands? Should I be?"
"No, no. You shouldn't be worried about that at all. Look, Kaity wanted you and I together… the idea of it seems logical to her. In her eyes, it's the simplest answer to your happiness."
Cole opened his mouth to say something, but Syd placed his finger over his lips.
"Kaity will be fine. Cole, it's time to think of yourself and your heart. What do you want? If it's not this, let me know now and it goes no further."
Cole groaned in frustration as he lay back, hitting his head on the rug-covered floor with a soft thud. "Ow… fuck," he mumbled as he rubbed at the spot.
Syd chuckled until Cole turned to him. Their gazes mirrored one another, searching for any sign of doubt that they shouldn't pursue what was so clearly blossoming between them.
Cole reached up and placed his hand on the back of Syd's neck, pulling him into a kiss that set his insides afire. He closed his eyes and let the magic of the moment overtake him as Syd touched him in ways he hadn't been in years. Tender, loving touches that stimulated every fiber of his being. He frowned when Syd pulled away suddenly. "What is it? What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I just want to remember the way you look in this exact moment."
Cole felt his skin flushing from the sudden shyness he felt in his friend's presence.
"I don't think I've seen you more beautiful that you are right now."
"If you're trying to flatter me… it's working," Cole replied. He knotted his hands in the cloth of Syd's T-shirt as they kissed once again. It wasn't like previous kisses, each man wanting to gauge the other's reaction. No, this one was more ardent, filled with urgency and need. Cole breathed heavy, his skin growing more and more heated with every touch, every look that passed between them.
Syd lay fully on Cole, thrusting his pelvis against Cole's.
Cole moaned out at the friction to his swiftly hardening cock. He reached beneath Syd's shirt and traced his fingers over the muscles as they moved fluidly. His breath quickened when Syd began sliding down between his legs. He swallowed hard as Syd dragged his pajama pants off, leaving him completely exposed in the warmth of the room. Though his brain was screaming for him to stop everything for fear that Kaity, or God forbid, his parents, would come downstairs and see them in the compromising situation, his body urged him to continue.
His whole body shook down to its core when Syd languidly flicked his tongue over the head of Cole's cock. He bit his lip to stifle the cries of pleasure building in his throat when Syd took him into his mouth. Cole arched his back, loving the silky feeling of Syd's tongue. His best friend's hands on him, his mouth working him into such a fever pitch, he had a hard time keeping quiet, everything he felt put his body on sensory overload.
Hesitantly he reached down and threaded his fingers in Syd's dark hair, alternating between massaging his scalp and tugging on the soft strands. He was unable to stop a whimper from leaving his lips when Syd began tonguing at his balls and raised his head to watch as Syd brought him closer and closer to the edge, only to pull back and grin wickedly as he stroked Cole firmly.
"Don't tease me," Cole gasped out as Syd delicately blew across the head of his length.
Syd waggled his eyebrows. "Why not?" The tone in his voice was suddenly more flirtatious.
Cole couldn't contain his laughter at Syd trying to be suave. In all the years they had known each other, he had never heard him speak with a seductive tone and although what they were about to do was serious, he was grateful his friend was helping him to relax, even if he wasn't sure it was done on purpose.
"Something funny?" Syd seemed genuinely clueless.
Cole cleared his throat, trying to contain the small bursts of giggles. "I'm sorry. Do you always sound that way when you're seducing someone?"
Syd shrugged. "Not all the time, no, but I thought it might help you to loosen up a little." His voice was filled with sincerity and that made Cole's heart skip a beat.
"It's working."
"Good, because seeing you like this? Well, it's something that I have fantasized about for a long, long time, Cole. I'm going to enjoy watching you writhe, and whine, and then come for me."
Cole licked his lips and with a frustrated groan, he fell back and covered his eyes with his arm. He was helpless as Syd kept him in a state of sustained pleasure. His body ached for release. Release that Syd denied him time and again.
"I'm gonna do something," Syd said suddenly. "Tell me you don't like it and I'll stop."
"All right," Cole gasped. He allowed Syd to spread his legs farther apart and waited for whatever it was he was going to do. Then he felt it… Syd's tongue teasing around his entrance. He swallowed back a yelp of delight for fear of waking Kaity or his parents and pushed his hips up. He inhaled deeply when Syd slowly insinuated a finger inside of him. "Jesus! What the fuck? You could have given me some warning."
"And miss that reaction? Never," cooed Syd. He crooked the digit and began stroking around gently until Cole gripped the blanket and curled his hips up from the floor. "Mmm, you like that, huh?" Syd purred.
Cole could only nod in reply. And with that simple gesture, he decided to just let go and enjoy Syd and the moment they were sharing. He made conscious attempts to relax himself fully and go with everything he was feeling, with every sensation Syd evoked. He wanted to immerse himself fully into this.
Grinning, Syd once again took Cole's cock into his mouth.
Cole huffed and puffed the harder Syd sucked. He began thrusting his hips up to Syd's face. He reached down and pulled on Syd's hair as his body began shaking with the strength of his orgasm. He bit his lip to keep from yelling how incredible he felt.
Every muscle in his body was singing by the time Syd pulled off of him. He smiled like a fool as he relaxed and breathed deeply.
Syd scooted up and stroked Cole's cheek tenderly. "How do you feel?"
"Like I'm floating," Cole answered honestly. "Will you do something for me?"
"I'll do anything you ask me to," Syd replied. "What do you want?"
"Sleep with me tonight?"
"You're sure?"
"Yes. I don't want to make love, not tonight at least. I just want you to h
old me. I want to know that even if this is all a big dream that maybe I'll get to wake up to your face in the morning."
Syd hummed contentedly. "I have waited so long for this. I should be the one worried that this is a dream and that I'm going to wake up much too soon." He kissed Cole and swallowed hard when Cole reached out and cupped his crotch. "What're you doing?"
"I-I thought…" Cole trailed off as Syd covered his hand with his own.
"You don't have to do anything you don't want or aren't ready for. I don't want you to feel as though you are obligated to do anything, Cole."
"But what if I want to?" Cole replied with a wink.
"Then I'm not going to stop you."
Cole turned onto his side and gingerly slipped his hand into Syd's pajama pants. He exhaled deeply as he wrapped his fingers around his erection. Though he knew what his own cock felt like in his hand, touching another man was something foreign and a bit exciting to him. His initial strokes were hesitant, but as Syd moaned and closed his eyes, Cole grew more confident. He twisted his wrist and swiped his thumb over the head of Syd's cock, delighting in the sounds the actions elicited.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Syd said between gritted teeth.
"What? Did I do something wrong?" Cole asked, confusion showing on his face.
Syd shook his head adamantly. "No… I just don't want this to be over so… quick," he groaned as he came. He covered his eyes with one arm and lay quietly as Cole took his hand from his pajama pants.
For long moments, the two remained silent. Questions ran through Cole's mind. Would his parents be okay with him and Syd? What if they weren't? What would he do? What if Kaity changes her mind? How could he tell Syd they would have to be content with just being friends? He closed his eyes and slowly sat up, not wanting his insecurities to mar what had been a beautiful moment.
Syd sat and started to get up. "You look troubled," he said as he caressed Cole's cheek.
"No. Just enjoying how I'm feeling," Cole lied. He wasn't ready to unload all of his thoughts on Syd, especially not after they had shared something very special. All of that could wait for later.
Fractured Heart Page 5