Fractured Heart

by Piper Whitney

  "Are you ready to go to bed?"

  Cole raised an eyebrow and he turned his attention from Syd to the two glasses on the coffee table and back. "No. Not quite yet. I think I should put on my pants first. Then, we should finish our wine and then go to bed." He grabbed his glass and drank deeply of the ruby colored liquid.

  Chapter Eleven

  Kaity opened her father's bedroom door and peered in at the two men cuddled up together on the bed, sleeping peacefully. She glanced down briefly when Kerouac padded to her side and regarded her before plopping his behind on the hardwood floor.

  "What do you think, Kerry? Should we go wake them up?" she whispered. She giggled when the dog stood on his hind legs and rested his front paws on her leg. "I think so too." Opening the door wider, she ran in and jumped on the bed, effectively making Cole and Syd split from their embrace.

  Cole rubbed at his eyes as Kerouac clambered onto the bed.

  Kaity watched as the dog climbed up and rested his head on Syd's chest.

  "Heck of a way to wake us up, Kaity," Cole said with amusement lacing his voice.

  "Morning, Daddy," she said brightly as she leaned over and kissed him gently. Sitting back she looked at Syd as he sat up. "Morning, Syd." She crawled over and wrapped her arms around his neck in a tight hug.

  "Morning, little lady."

  "Why are you sleepin' in here?" she asked as she cocked her head in curiosity.

  Syd glanced at Cole then back to Kaity. "Well, your dad's bed is more comfortable than the one in my room, so I thought I would sneak in here last night."

  She giggled. "Did he scare you, Daddy?"

  "Yeah, he did. I almost kicked him out of the room, but you know what he did?"

  Kaity shook her head.

  "He gave me the sad puppy face. You know how I can't say no to that face."

  "Oh, I know."

  "Oh, you do, do you?" Cole began tickling her and she screamed.

  Once Cole stopped his assault, Kaity took a deep breath. "Syd, will you do my hair, please?"

  Syd stretched his arms high over his head. "Yup. You go get dressed and I'll comb your hair for you," he replied as he lowered his arms.

  Kaity smiled, jumped off the bed, and ran from the room.

  * * * *

  Cole watched Kaity as she disappeared from the room. "I'm beginning to think she prefers you to me," he said with a grin.

  Syd leaned over and kissed him. "There's no way Kaity prefers me to you… there's no way anyone can prefer me to you."

  Rolling his eyes, Cole threw back the covers and got up. "I think you're biased as well."

  Syd shrugged and followed Cole out of the bed. "Possibly, but so what if I am?" He grinned and left the room.

  * * * *

  Baking cookies on Christmas Eve was something Cole's family did ever since he was a child. It was a tradition they kept alive even after Kaity was born, teaching her how to make the recipe that had been passed down through the family. At first her job was to help her grandmother cut out the cookies with the plastic cutters, but this year, she helped with the measuring and the mixing as well.

  "You all are coming with me to midnight mass, right?" Cole's mother asked as she studied everyone in the room.

  "Yes," came the reply in unison, some less enthused than others.

  "Good. I would hate to think that you all would be doing something other than celebrating the birth of Jesus on such a holy night."

  Cole stopped rolling out the cookie dough as Kaity took her place atop the small step-stool next to the counter. "You ready for the most important part?" he asked.

  "Yeah! Gramma, can I use the snowflake cookie cutters?" she asked.

  "Of course you can, Kaity Kat."

  Kaity smiled as her grandmother set the four cookie cutters in front of her. Quickly she grabbed them and pushed the shapes into the dough.

  Cole removed the cookies and set them on the baking sheet next to him. He frowned when he caught sight of Syd sitting at the table reading the newspaper. "Is there a reason you're not helping us here, Syd?" he asked while he continued the task at hand.

  Syd sipped his coffee and shook his head. "Nope. Just enjoying my coffee."

  Cole grabbed an apron from a hook on the wall and threw it at Syd. Everyone, except Syd, laughed when the material came to rest on Syd's head.

  Syd pulled the apron from his head and stood up. "That wasn't even remotely cool, Cole." He put the apron on and joined Cole and Kaity in getting the cookies ready for the oven.

  * * * *

  Cole knelt in front of Kaity, making sure the buckles on her black patent-leather Mary Janes were secure. He smoothed out the red velvet dress she wore as he stood.

  She inspected herself then glanced up at Cole. "Daddy?"

  "Yeah, sweetheart?" he replied as he smoothed his dress slacks.

  "Am I going to miss Santa coming tonight?"

  Cole took her hand in his. "Nope. Santa will know that you're at church. He'll come by after we get back and you're asleep." His heart warmed when she laughed and pulled him out of the room. "Where are we going?"

  "I want you to fix my hair. Will you, please?"

  "Of course."

  They walked into the bathroom and Kaity positioned herself in front of the mirror while Cole grabbed the hairbrush. He gently ran it through her black hair as Syd stood in the doorway.

  "Wow. You look beautiful, little lady," he said as he stepped into the room and sat on the toilet.

  Cole set the hairbrush on the counter and picked up one of two barrettes sitting on the counter. He clipped it into Kaity's hair and followed with the other. He beamed as he straightened her bangs. "Absolutely beautiful." He bent down and kissed her cheek.

  "We need to get going!" his mother yelled.

  All three hurried downstairs.

  * * * *

  For Cole, midnight mass was a time to quietly reflect on what he had done during the past year. While he figured everyone else was there to hear the story of baby Jesus and celebrate the meaning of the holiday, Cole gazed at the people occupying every pew in the small church. He smiled when he saw how intently his family was listening to the service. He studied the religious icons surrounding him and bowed his head to say a silent prayer.

  God, I know you can hear me up there. I know I should be listening to the priest, but I think it's more important that I pray. I have been so unhappy for so long. I want to be happy again. It's been three years since Kelsi was taken from me and I have waited for someone to come along and fill the void left by her passing. I think I found him. I hope I found him. If you could give me a sign that he is the one… no, I don't want to be presumptuous and ask for something like that. I'll just put my faith in you that whatever happens is what's supposed to be. Amen.

  He slowly raised his head and regarded Syd. He grinned when his gaze met Syd's and Syd placed his hand on his. Lacing their fingers together, Cole turned his attention to the priest at the pulpit, content that what had just happened between him and Syd was the sign he had wanted, but not really asked for.

  Chapter Twelve

  Everyone else was asleep when Cole walked downstairs. He smiled as he saw Syd standing beside the door with his coat already in hand. He made his way over and took the garment, slipping it on. After zipping it up, they headed out into the cold night to retrieve the dream house from the garage.

  "You're really gonna make me help you put this thing together?" Syd asked as Cole opened the side door of the garage.

  Cole cocked an eyebrow and stepped into the structure. "Are we really going to discuss this again?"

  "Fine. Tell me again why we're going to put this thing together in the house?"

  "Do you want to do it out here and freeze?"

  "Not really, but what if she comes downstairs and sees us?"

  Cole shrugged. "It's a chance we'll have to take so we can be warm. Besides, we could tell her that Santa left it and asked us to put it together for him so he could finish his trip
around the world."

  "And you think she'll believe that?" Syd raised an eyebrow.

  "She's five. I would like to think that she would. I don't want to believe that someone has killed her belief in Santa yet and I certainly don't want to be the one who does."

  "Have you ever done something like this before?" Syd asked as they walked over to the large box.

  Cole shook his head. "Nope, but how hard can it be to follow directions?"

  "We're men. We don't need no stinking directions," Syd replied with a laugh. "You're sure this thing will fit in your car to get it home?"

  "It folds up, so trust me, it won't be a problem."

  "Promise me that next year we aren't getting something like this for her again." He grabbed one end of the box while Cole took hold of the other.

  "You plan on being around next year?"

  "I'm sorry. Am I being presumptuous in assuming that I will be around next year?"

  Cole could see the worry on the other man's face. "No, not at all. I would love it very much if you decide you want to stick around."

  The two men smiled as they made their way out of the garage and to the house.

  "I plan to be around for a long time, if you'll have me."

  At that moment Cole wasn't sure how he felt about what Syd said. He didn't give it too much thought. He was more concerned about getting Kaity's present put together.

  Once inside, they set the box down and stared at each other.

  "I wouldn't want things any other way," Cole replied as he felt his face flushing and fear creeping through his body. He swallowed hard and went to the entryway. "I'm… gonna go get a screwdriver. Can you start a fire, please?"

  "Sure," Syd replied.

  Cole hurried into the kitchen and pulled open a drawer. He stopped for a moment and took a deep breath when the enormity of their conversation hit him. His heart beat rapidly and his stomach twisted into a thousand knots. A few days previous he'd been sad and lonely, now he had a beautiful man wanting nothing more than to love him and he was scared. Although he felt he was ready to be with someone again, he wasn't so sure he or his heart could stand it if something were to happen to Syd. He wasn't so certain anymore that he was ready to give his whole heart to someone else and he knew that would eventually present a problem.

  * * * *

  They spent three hours attempting to get the large pink, plastic house set up. They went through every building failure one could think of, from the walls falling off and the roof coming apart, all the way to the entire thing collapsing as though it had been in a major earthquake. Eventually, the house was finished and Cole and Syd stood back to admire their work.

  "We should clean all this up, yeah?" Syd asked as he surveyed the mess they had made.

  "Yeah. I think it might help with the illusion of Santa making the toys at his workshop and bringing them here, don't you?"

  Syd flipped him off and began grabbing the packing materials and tossing them into the box. "So, can I sleep with you again?" he asked quietly as he grabbed a few plastic bags from in front of the fireplace.

  Cole feigned as though he was contemplating the request. "Yeah, but only if you do something for me first."

  Syd raised an eyebrow as he stuffed the trash he held into the box. "And what's that?"

  "Drink the milk and eat the cookies. I don't really want to."

  Syd chuckled as he walked to the table. He quickly drank the milk and ate a couple of the cookies. He took bites out of the others still on the small plate.

  "I'll be back in a minute," Cole said as he grabbed his coat and put it on.

  "Where are you going?" Syd asked with his mouth full.

  "To put this fucking box in the garage."

  Syd swallowed. "Want some company?"

  "Not really," Cole answered with a chuckle as he grabbed the box and headed out of the house, gasping when he was hit with a gust of cold air. He rushed across the yard to the garage as the cold bit into his face. Once inside, Cole glanced around for some place to stash the box until he could dispose of it properly in the morning. With some effort, he folded the cardboard and laid it behind the trash cans, making sure Kaity wouldn't see if she ventured out to the garage.

  * * * *

  Cole slid into the warmth of his bed, enjoying the quiet of the room as he pulled the blankets up to his chin. He turned onto his side and closed his eyes, letting sleep take him quickly. He hovered near sleep peacefully until he felt Syd spooning him. He shuddered when Syd kissed the back of his neck. "What took you so long to come to bed?" he mumbled.

  "I was putting a few more things under the tree."

  Cole released his hand and turned over to face him. "What did you get me?"

  "You really think I'm gonna tell you just like that?" Amusement laced Syd's voice.

  "Well, no, but maybe give me a hint?"

  Syd snorted. "Nope. You have to wait until morning to find out."

  "Well, technically…"

  "Don't try that technically shit with me, Cole. It's not gonna work. You just have to wait."

  Cole sighed in frustration.

  "Even in the dark I know you're pouting. Stop it. It's not gonna work."

  Cole moved to roll over, but Syd grabbed him and held him. He panted and parted his lips as Syd went in for a kiss then gripped Syd's arms as they moved their tongues back and forth from one mouth to the other. Gasping softly when Syd nudged him onto his back, Cole moaned as Syd slowly slipped his hand into his pajama pants. His heart raced as Syd began to nibble on his earlobe then flick his tongue over the heated skin of his neck.

  Cole was rendered motionless when Syd wrapped his fingers around his cock and lazily stroked him until he was stiff. He grew hungry for Syd's mouth and the blood raced within his veins. "I-I… want you," he moaned. The statement surprised him and seemed to surprise Syd as well.

  Abruptly Syd took his hand from Cole's pants and rested his head on Cole's chest. "Cole… maybe we should take this slow."

  "Slow? Last night you had my dick in your mouth and now you wanna slow things down?"

  Syd looked up. "Cole," he began as Cole sat up and turned his back to him. "I want nothing more than to make love to you right now."

  "Then why are you rejecting me?"

  "I'm not rejecting you. I want the first time you and I make love to be the most wonderful moment. I want it to be when we're alone and I can hear you screaming out my name at the top of your lungs. Not in a house full of people. I've waited so long to be able to make this commitment to you, and I don't want to spoil it. Anticipation is the best part about building a relationship. Just… give it—me—give me some time. Please?"

  "All right," Cole whispered. He laid beside Syd once more, enjoying Syd's embrace again. "Will you do something for me, please?"

  "I'll do anything you want." Syd tightened his hold on Cole.

  "Tell me what you got me for Christmas."

  Syd chuckled. "Okay, I'll do anything except that."

  "Dammit. I thought I had you there."

  "Think again."

  Cole smiled and exhaled deeply as he closed his eyes.

  Chapter Thirteen

  "Daddy! Daddy! Wake up!" Kaity yelled.

  Cole and Syd groaned at the interruption to their sleep when Kaity jumped on the bed.

  "Is the house on fire?" Cole asked as he sat up and rubbed his eyes.

  Kaity giggled. "No! Santa came!"

  Cole turned and regarded Syd who had pulled the covers over his head. He snatched the material away. "If I have to wake up this way, so do you. Get up," he said lowly.

  "Come on, Daddy. Everyone is already downstairs. Even Kerry is down there."

  Cole laid down again and began snuggling down beneath the blankets.

  "Daaaaaaddy. Come on," Kaity whined as she grabbed Cole's hand, tugging on him.

  "All right. All right. C'mon, Syd." Cole sat up as Kaity climbed down from the bed. She ran to the doorway and bounced excitedly from one foot to the o
ther as he stood and turned to Syd who had once more covered his head. Narrowing his eyes, he grabbed the blankets and ripped them from the bed, tossing them onto the floor.

  "What the fu… dge, Cole?" he asked, catching himself from cussing in front of Kaity.

  Cole stretched. "We have to go downstairs and open presents. Get up, please?" He grabbed his robe and slipped it on. Taking Kaity's hand, they walked from the room and down to the living room.

  "Where's Syd?" Cole's father asked.

  "He'll be down in a minute." He looked down at Kaity when she pulled on his hand, leading him to the pink doll mansion standing next to the tree. "Wow… see, didn't I tell you if you wrote to Santa and told him you wanted one of these, he'd bring it to you?"

  Kaity let go of his hand and sat in front of the house, inspecting all the little toys in it.

  Syd walked downstairs carrying a small wrapped box. He sat on the couch and placed it on the coffee table in front of him.

  "Okay, Syd's here. Can we open the presents now?" Kaity asked anxiously.

  "Yes," her grandmother said.

  Cole sat beside Syd and studied the box on the table. "Is that for me?"

  "Yeah, but open it last, okay?" Syd replied.

  Cole nodded and took a gift his mother passed to him.

  * * * *

  Cole and Syd watched as Kaity sat, amongst a sea of torn wrapping paper, ribbon and bows of every color, playing with her new Barbies in the dream house. His mother had gone to the kitchen to make breakfast and his father had, no doubt, retreated to the den to read the paper. Cole smiled to himself remembering when he was a kid how playing with the new toys he'd gotten for Christmas was the ultimate high. He realized that when it came to kids, some things never changed. Cole turned his attention from Kaity to Syd as he grabbed the box from the coffee table and handed it to him.