Nanny Behaving Badly

by Judy Jarvie

  ‘Then you should talk it through. He’s a good man and I never thought I’d find someone eligible to be a successor for this place – other than you. Would you like to take on this place, Maddie?’

  She shook her head. ‘As a tribute to your kindness, maybe. But no. Bonafonte’s would always be yours in my heart. Besides, I’d never uphold your amazing traditions.’

  She was losing the family she’d adopted. She could feel her new life slipping away beneath her like solid ground turning to quicksand.

  Uncle Marco went to his bureau and withdrew an envelope from the drawer. Maddie recognised the cream parchment paper immediately and fury spiked her thinking.

  ‘No!’

  Uncle Marco held up a stalling hand. ‘Please, it’s from your father. He told me you’d been ignoring his correspondence. He came here to sign the deeds – his share of Bonafonte’s is yours now, and it’s your inheritance. I agreed to pass it on when I saw your father earlier.’

  So this was the reason for her father’s return. He’d been trying to appease his guilt with this gift.

  Marco removed a stack of papers from the envelope. ‘You should have read his letters. The future shouldn’t be blighted by the past.’

  Maddie’s hands were shaking as she placed the papers on her lap. ‘I want nothing. I told my father today that our relationship is broken, Marco. I’m not interested in making reparation now.’

  ‘But my sister would never have wanted this.’

  ‘My mother kept my adoption a secret and only told me about it on her death bed. You really think she knew what I wanted?’

  With a drumming heart, Maddie fought back fresh tears.

  ‘Nothing can put the past right – which is why I’ve tried so hard to be a good uncle to you, Maddie. You will always be the daughter I never had. But this restaurant is half yours and Lyle wants you to have the apartment too. Lyle intends to purchase my share so I’ll have my retirement fund. You and he will be joint owners of Bonafonte’s. Think carefully about what you want to do with the place. Quarrels can be rectified if you step back and take a clearer view.’ He shook a finger at her. ‘Grasp the life that beckons!’

  ‘There’s something you should know,’ Marco added softly. ‘Your father and mother had problems, their relationship died, and I know that still hurts you. But when you were born, they came here to live while your adoption arrangements were being finalised. This restaurant is your heritage. Don’t let hurt obscure good sense.’

  Maddie took a deep breath and tried to steady herself. Bonafonte’s had always stirred a tapestry of rich emotions inside her.

  ‘All will be well. Trust me on this! Now you have a home and a future with financial stability. Put it to good use, whatever you decide to do with it.’

  Maddie nodded – though inside her confusion pounded and the nod was a superficial lie to placate her uncle. She had hurts that altered how she saw the world, how she saw herself. She feared trusting, loving. She’d lost Lyle, her uncle and the map to the path ahead.

  Right now she had only one intention: sanctuary. Anywhere away from the claustrophobic forced merriment of Christmas. Somewhere she could hide out as if it was just another day.

  Marco had his dreams, his future. Lyle had his restaurant, his son. Right now the only thing she wanted was solitude.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Paula’s vacation cottage in the highlands was free and she had the keys. She’d gone to Paula with her saga of events, desperate for comfort and reassurance. Paula had simply pressed the keys into her hand with an instruction to stay as long as she wished.

  As Maddie packed, the test box on the bathroom countertop had weighed heavily on her mind. She could take it with her – or use it and be free of the mental chains.

  Pregnancy wasn’t an option. Simple as that. Life couldn’t be that cruel.

  Surely the last thing Lyle needed was a baby bombshell?

  Maddie picked up the box containing the pregnancy test she’d bought in the pharmacy, feeling guilty even with it stashed inside her handbag. The smile to the assistant who’d served her had felt as plastic as the box contents.

  She was doomed if she did it, condemned to worry if she didn’t. Maddie simply didn’t want to spend any more energy thinking about her overdue period.

  In sudden haste she prised the cellophane wrapper off, then flipped the box and tipped out the clinical white plastic stick, still convincing herself that her period was probably going to come within the hour and this was just paranoia.

  She hid in the shower while the clock ticked towards an answer.

  Maddie pulled the stick and instructions closer but the pink lines screamed like sirens. She was pregnant.

  Slowly, she climbed back in the shower – as if soap and hot water could clear up the mess she was in.

  Three days and no word. No word equals no inroads. No sorry, no revisiting, no solution. Three days and nights of mental hell. Now Christmas week’s predictable countdown overkill.

  Marco had told Lyle she’d taken off for ‘think time’. She’d left Marco a note: nice touch.

  Shame she hadn’t repeated the same courtesy for Josh. His son had been asking about Maddie for days, and he wanted nothing more than to sit down and talk to the boy, explain what had happened.

  Anger and hurt battered at his soul. How could things have gone so right between them, then suddenly gone so wrong? Was it just like before – Lyle, poor judge in character. Hoping for more and only getting women who liked to jump ship?

  Lyle stood inside Maddie’s room – still full of her clothes, her sports shoes discarded under a chair, her jacket hanging from a peg along with his own towelling robe. Should he bag them up now, send them to Marco’s?

  She’d been hurt, she’d lost someone close. She’d been lied to and had her trust betrayed. Reality had vandalised her values without permission. Had he inadvertently done the same to her?

  Snatching open the closet door, Lyle scanned her items hanging there. He flicked through the hangers and pulled close her blue sweater – the one he loved, the one she liked to wear that showed off her eyes. While part of him itched to swim one hundred laps in the pool or beat his punchbag until every muscle hurt – part of him needed comfort, a reminder of her presence.

  He tugged the sweater close, then breathed deep, felt its softness. Had Maddie ever felt this bereft by her losses?

  Lyle ached inside, imagining the sidelined teenage Maddie facing a firing squad of lies. He loved her so deeply. He also sensed she wouldn’t return and that knowledge shot him with steel shards.

  Lyle jumped from bed and the rigours of his dream in a fit of sweaty, heart-pounding panic. He grabbed the mineral water bottle on the bedside table and drank deep. The dream – nightmare most would call it – had felt so damned real. He’d been back there. Watching her leave. Becca.

  Knowing that tiny Josh was asleep upstairs and his mother was hell bent on crazy behaviour – the knowledge had wounded his patience like a switchblade. He’d come back from a week of intensive rally competition and discovered she was partying harder than ever. It had baffled Lyle, angered him,

  Still shaking and disoriented, Lyle padded through the hallway to Josh’s room. To crazily check on reality: an older Josh from the one in his dream lay there, still asleep, this time motherless. His arm was curled around a dinosaur book Maddie had bought him.

  Did he really think he’d been clever and in control by evading discussing the trattoria plans with Maddie? He knew how it felt to be defied and baited. He should have known better than to inflict his thoughtlessness on someone he loved.

  He loved Maddie. In a way he’d never loved Becca.

  Could any amount of pleading, or anything he had to say ever make her return?

  There was only one answer. He needed to go and talk to Marco, then see Paula. He couldn’t let this slip away. Going back to the darkness would surely be the hardest thing of all.

  There was only so much cleaning of the co
oker that a woman could do. Paula’s highland holiday home, so tiny it only featured a small lounge with a bed in it and a galley kitchen, now gleamed with cleanliness. But there was only so much isolation Maddie could stand.

  Eventually tiring of the cottage, her own company and her paperback novels, Maddie took herself out into the crisp, highland winter weather. Clearing away the cobwebs and her constant thoughts of Lyle were a priority now. Her mind kept returning to her situation. The discovery of Lyle’s secret had been a catalyst to venting all her baggage and deep-seated mistrust. She might have gotten rid of the blue hair, but at heart she’d always flee these tough emotional battles. She couldn’t be trusted to make the right decisions.

  She was about to lose Marco’s restaurant.

  She’d already lost Josh and Lyle.

  Now pregnancy, loss of job, no home too compounded it all.

  The bonus, a restaurant she didn’t want to run, with a co-owner who’d be her baby’s father.

  Did Lyle realise how desperately terrified she was of risking everything, of relying on anyone other than herself?

  Especially when she knew that the pregnancy was a dark secret of her own.

  It felt tortuous even imagining how to tell him the truth.

  Part of her had hoped he’d call, or at least leave a cell phone message or text. Part of her dreaded that he might. It seemed easier, even if it was cowardice, to evade him by hiding herself away in the highlands.

  She now had what she had always wanted, a place with her name on the deeds and independence. But it didn’t bring security or comfort. Even her father had given her unwelcome food for thought; a part of her was drawn to think about a couple who’d drifted apart, a relationship that had persisted because of duty alone.

  Now she felt guilty, and another day pregnant, and at a loss to know what should come next.

  Only ten minutes into pounding the dirt track road, her cell phone rang. Immediately, Maddie’s heart lurched to thoughts of Lyle.

  She scrabbled in her fleece pocket only for her heart to go completely crazy at ‘Lyle Sutherland’ emblazoned on the screen. With shaking fingers she pressed the green button to take the call.

  ‘Hi!’

  ‘It’s Lyle.’ The line began to distort and crackle and break with predictably bad timing.

  ‘Lyle … can you hear me?

  ‘The line’s bad. You’re not at the cottage. I’m here waiting.’ And in a breath he was gone.

  Maddie ran at full pelt through the muddy bracken, wishing she didn’t look like such a hermit. But she’d gotten her wish. Lyle was coming; whether for a showdown, or a practical truce, she didn’t know. This was her chance, she had to seize it. It was time to face up to responsibility.

  Lyle paced around the periphery of the tiny cottage. Then he stared at his cell phone that was struggling to keep a signal; just as he was struggling to keep a grip on his life since Maddie had gone.

  At least something had paid off. He’d pestered Marco for answers, plagued Paula until she’d relented and confessed.

  The brown-caped, majestic hills stared down on his plight. Taking in the breathtaking views, he contemplated how magical Christmas would be in the highlands. But only if you had someone special to share it with.

  Since Maddie had gone all he had left were recriminations and a guilt complex. Why had he again sought to outstrip the competition? Answer: he hadn’t realised that when it came to Marco, the competition was the woman he loved. She needed to come first because her own family had let her down.

  Lyle looked at the photograph of Josh on his phone’s screensaver. Wouldn’t he feel the same? He’d felt that way over the tug of war involving his boy.

  Lyle stretched the limbs he’d hunched up, riding here as fast as he dared on his motorbike over winding highland roads. Though the journey was only partly over because he’d have to be back tonight. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve and he’d earmarked that for his son. Josh’s smile had beamed at him.

  ‘Wish me luck, champ. I’ve gotta try this one more time.’

  Lyle saw a figure in the distance, running down from the hill at the back of the cottage. Muffled up in a down jacket and beanie hat.

  Maddie.

  Final lap. Make or break. All he could do was throw himself into the race. And this time, he vowed, he’d make her listen and comprehend just how much she meant to him.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Maddie’s heart lurched at the sight of Lyle, and her conscience went on freefall. She was exhilarated at first. Then the doubts clouded in. He had no idea she was pregnant. As Christmas gifts went, this was a biggie.

  Maddie just stared at him.

  Lyle in a black leather biker’s suit. Waiting beside the motorbike she recognised from his den at the Lodge, looking lean and rugged.

  And it wasn’t just the raw sexy man that was having this impact on her, making her quiver and yearn for him. It was recognising how he affected her in every possible way – the sight of him, the broad lines of his body that made her want to reach out and tug him close, from his sleek dark head of hair to his leathery biker boots.

  ‘Lyle, what are you doing here?’ she asked when she finally reached him, her breathing coming in short shallow gasps because she’d rushed like crazy to get there. ‘How’s Josh?’

  ‘He’s safe and sound with his grandma and my sister. Don’t worry, I’m not neglecting him. I’m here to talk to you. I tried the doorbell but no one answered. I worry about you, Maddie Adams. You have an internal compass set to trouble. rushing off alone like this, oblivious to good sense. Staying in the middle of nowhere solo.’

  Silent, Maddie unlocked the cottage door and led him inside.

  ‘I’m here because it’s my turn to take the reins. To stop you in your tracks. Just like when you pushed me into a cupboard that first day we met.’ His eyes were solemn and accusatory. ‘For once you have to be stopped, so that you’ll listen and not blow it.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she answered. ‘I know. I was wrong.’

  Lyle shook his head. ‘Not as sorry as I am. I know I fired in stupidly instead of giving you time. I should have talked to you, let you know what I was thinking. I was so intent on taking ‘us’ slow, that I forgot you might need careful handling in other areas.’

  ‘Lyle, I don’t even know where to start – ’

  ‘Hear me out,’ he insisted. ‘I tried to help Marco, and indirectly help you, in the shortest route possible. It was unfair of me, and I made a huge mistake by discussing your uncle’s business behind your back. I thought I was solving problems, but instead I was unpicking your trust in me.’

  Maddie blew out a sigh and wished she’d combed her hair, made more effort with her clothes than these tatty jeans, a huge cardigan and a crumpled T-shirt. ‘I said lots of things I shouldn’t have,’ she admitted softly. ‘You make me sound like a container of fragile china. Trouble is, I’m broken even worse than you know, and I mishandle things too.’

  Lyle raised her hand to his lips and kissed it. ‘You’re not Becca and I can’t just charge around taking decisions and putting things right without consulting you. If we’re going to make this work, our relationship has to be based on mutual respect. You’d never put me and Josh on the line with your mistakes like Becca did, though you did hurt me with your accusations, and then taking off this way. But I should have appreciated how deep your father’s betrayal goes.’

  Maddie let out a low, wavering breath. Tears were swimming in her eyes. She was so lucky to have captured this man’s interest. A man who’d come all this way, not to blame or lecture her, or go crazy – but to make peace. He wanted her and his regard was worth more than property deeds or any future built solely on assets and ownership.

  ‘I want a solid future with you,’ he finished. ‘No more miscommunication. No more holding back. No secrets.’

  No secrets.

  But what about the baby?

  Maddie felt her pulse rev high as her panic rose too. She saw him reac
h into his leather suit and draw out a velvet box with the silver script of George Street’s most famous jeweller. As shock dawned, something inside her morphed into hazy fog as her heart stuttered almost to a halt. When he reached out to take her hand, she could not bear it.

  ‘No, Lyle! Not like this.’

  Lyle looked at her in puzzlement, then offered her the small, velvet-covered box. ‘You want stability, a shared life, a relationship built on trust. I can learn, I can adjust. At least let me try.’

  His fingers gently teased up the lid, and a diamond and sapphire ring peeped out at her. But she could only shake her head and push the box away.

  Lyle’s grey eyes assessed, watchful. His tone was controlled. ‘You don’t want to marry me.’

  Maddie stared. Aching, she watched the difficult scene unfold before her, but she couldn’t play a detached role when honesty was all.

  ‘I’m afraid.’

  Stilted thoughts became stilted words because of the inner maelstrom. Maddie screeched back the stool and picked up her bunch of keys. ‘You deserve more. More than I have. I’ve messed it up again.’

  ‘Why do you underestimate how deep my commitment goes?’

  She ran for the door. ‘Because I’m pregnant, pregnant with your baby. You were right that day you met me – I mess up. You should have fired me and saved yourself this chaos.’

  Without waiting to see his reaction, Maddie sped out and away towards her car. Inside her head and heart all the things that made Lyle such a worthy man caused tears to swell: he’d helped Marco, he loved his son; loyalty and honour and courage were his personal codes. And now all she had to give back was a shock revelation and baggage. She clutched the keys because escape was all she had left. Running, still fleeing heartbreak.

  Lyle watched from the doorway as she revved the car to speed away. Her heart bleeding with every jagged breath.