Three Way

by Daniel Grant

  ‘No.’

  ‘All this, and you want to know if he’s better in bed?’

  ‘Yeah, I think I have a right to know. Maybe that was the real reason you left.’

  ‘I just told you it wasn’t.’

  ‘Yeah well, you would say that. I mean, what you going to say, ‘sorry Ollie, Rupert’s a fucking porn star in the sack?’ She frowns at me then shakes her head.

  ‘Well?’ I say. Another tear runs down her face.

  ‘No, Ollie. I loved you. You were my first and my most special. You think someone like Rupert can come anywhere close.’ She sighs. ‘I’m tired Ollie. Tired of this, tired of you. I think it would be best for the both of us if you just left me alone.’ I take a step back, suddenly everything is very real. I feel panicked by her words.

  ‘Right, so this is it?’

  ‘No,’ she says. ‘It was ‘it’ six months ago. Neither of us has had the courage to admit it. I’m done. With all of it.’ She turns and starts heading back towards the house.

  ‘Hang on, where you going?’ I ask. She turns back to me.

  ‘Fuck off Ollie. I mean it. Leave me the fuck alone,’ she shouts back to me. I hear her voice tremble on the last word. In the entire time we were together, Svetla had never sworn like that. I watch her go, helpless. I want desperately to stop her but she’s made herself clearer than ever before. Leave her alone.

  The journey back from Shepherd’s Bush seems to take forever. A thousand memories fly through me, each presenting itself in absolute clarity before being replaced by another equally painful, happy snapshot with Svetla. All those moments. All those special times dissolved to shit. Memories that now leave a sour taste. Somehow even the arguments seem preferable to this. I feel drained, empty and desperately sad. It’s all I can do to stop myself from breaking down in the middle of the street. Svetla, out of my life forever.

  I get to the station and swipe my Oyster card. I stand on the platform staring down at the track, in a trance. I just can’t believe it. Somewhere, I guess I thought, maybe we’d…I don’t know what I thought.

  When I open the door to the flat, I hear voices talking. I enter quietly and close the door behind me. Ashley and Parker are talking in the living room, I stand and listen in the hallway.

  ‘…he doesn’t hate you. Just needs to calm down, that’s all,’ Ashley says.

  ‘So stupid, I just didn’t want to cause him any more pain, been through enough already and they had pretty much split up anyway-,’ Parker replies.

  ‘I know.’

  The conversation stops. I open the front door again and close it loudly. Parker opens the living room door.

  ‘Alright?’ he asks.

  ‘Not really,’ I say. My anger for Parker has all but gone. I don’t hold anything against him. He’s not the sort of person who would deliberately screw me over.

  ‘Did you see her?’ he asks.

  ‘Yeah,’ I reply. Ashley appears next to Parker.

  ‘Hey,’ she says.

  ‘Hi,’ I say.

  ‘I’m making coffee, you guys want?’ she asks. Parker looks at me. I shrug.

  ‘Take that as a yes,’ he says to Ashley, ‘I’ll have a cup as well, if that’s alright?’ She nods, and touches my shoulder as she moves past us. Parker heads back into the living room and sits down. I follow him. We sit opposite each other, neither saying anything for a moment. I hear the kettle boil in the kitchen. ‘So what did she say?’ he asks.

  ‘She told me never to contact her again,’ I reply.

  ‘Did you shout at her?’

  ‘No. I was angry but I didn’t shout. She said she was tired of dealing with…this. Don’t blame her. I have been slightly psychotic about it.’

  ‘Yeah. Still, be better if your friends were more supportive,’ Parker says. I glance at him, he looks genuinely sorry. I go to say something but Ashley walks in with two cups of coffee and some Digestive biscuits on a plate.

  ‘Try the biscuits first,’ she says, ‘I have no idea how long they’ve been in there.’

  ‘Thanks,’ I say.

  ‘Parker told me what happened,’ Ashley says.

  ‘She told him she doesn’t want to see him again,’ Parker says. Ashley looks at me.

  ‘Ah,’ she says, sitting down next to me. She starts to rub my knee.

  ‘What she actually said was fuck off,’ I say. Parker raises his eyebrows.

  ‘Svelta said fuck off? Wow,’ he says.

  ‘Yeah. Never heard her speak like that,’ I reply, replaying her face in my mind as she said those words.

  ‘You gonna be okay?’ Ashley asks. I nod, automatically. The truth is I have no idea if I’ll be okay. If she means, will my heart keep beating, will my lungs keep taking in air, then yes, I’ll be okay.

  ‘Sorry guys, I know I’m being pathetic,’ I say.

  ‘No you’re not,’ Parker says. I look at Ashley who gives me a sympathetic smile.

  ‘He’s right. You’re just sad. Understandably. We’ve all had relationships not work out, and it’s horrible when that happens. The fact is, it ended a long time ago and you’ve been holding on to it. On to her. It’s time to let her go. You’ve got Lauren-’ I almost sneer as she says Lauren’s name. Don’t get me wrong, Lauren’s great. She just has one problem. She’s not Svetla. ‘Lauren’s really nice and she’s got big tits which has to be a positive when we’re looking at these things,’ Ashley says. I chuckle, so does Parker. ‘Don’t dismiss Lauren just because you’ve had your head up your arse over Svetla.’

  ‘You know what we should do?’ Parker says. ‘We should go out. All of us. You, me, Ash, Lauren, Nicola. It’ll cheer us up. Ashley’s only just split up with Norman-’

  ‘Yeah, thanks for reminding me,’ Ashley says.

  ‘So, let’s go out. Clubbing.’

  ‘I really don’t feel like clubbing,’ I say.

  ‘Of course you don’t…until you get there,’ Parker says.

  Jamboree. I stare at the sign above the door. I don’t want to do this but Parker just wouldn’t shut up. What I wanted to do was sit in my room and feel sorry for myself whilst thumbing through old photos and watching videos of me and Svetla.

  The air has a chill to it, summer coming to an end? It barely even started. Anyway, present are myself, Ashley, Nicola, (who’s wearing knee-high boots) and Parker who’s wearing a shirt and has something in his hair that makes it look permanently wet. What a sad case. Do women go for that? Nicola seems suitably impressed. Thank God girls care more about things like personality than looks. I called Lauren but she didn’t answer, so I left a message telling her what we were doing, where and when. I’d like to see her again but I don’t want her to pick up any self-pitying vibes, so it would be fine if she didn’t come. We pay our ten pounds entry fee (ten pounds, Jesus I’m getting old) and go in.

  We are immediately greeted by thumping R&B music. It’s already rammed and I feel an immediate urge to leave. Ashley presses her finger into my back pushing me to carry on. The bar runs along one side, a blue neon strip lighting the floor directly underneath it. People dance wherever they can find a space. The place is full of girls who wear very little and guys who spend a lot of time in the gym. We find a dark corner and stand looking at each other.

  ‘Drinks?’ Parker asks.

  ‘I’ll get them,’ I say.

  ‘You stay where you are,’ Parker replies. ‘What do you want?’

  ‘Beer, anything,’ I reply. Parker goes round, taking orders then disappears off to the bar with Nicola.

  ‘Is Lauren coming then?’ Ashley asks.

  ‘I don’t know. She didn’t answer. Probably not,’ I reply.

  ‘Then you’ll just have to settle for me,’ Ashley replies.

  ‘I don’t ‘settle’ for you. You’re a good friend.’

  ‘No I’m not, but thanks for the sentiment.’

  ‘Heard anything from Norman?’

  ‘You don’t have to small talk with me, Ollie.’

  ‘I
’m not, just asking.’

  ‘No. Norman is gone.’

  ‘And job hunt?’ I ask.

  ‘Nothing yet but I’m looking. Don’t worry, you’ll get your rent.’

  ‘I don’t care about that.’

  ‘Yeah you do.’

  ‘Maybe you should do something with the piano stuff. You were really good.’

  ‘Thanks,’ she replies, offering nothing more. ‘Look at that girl there.’ I look to where she’s pointing.

  ‘Who?’

  ‘Who?’ she repeats, sarcastically. ‘You know exactly who I’m talking about.’ I’m afraid Ashley is right. There’s a girl dancing in the middle of four guys who has almost nothing on. I’m not kidding. She’s wearing what looks like a swimsuit type thing with a skirt so short it’s almost unworthy of the title ‘skirt.’

  ‘Yeah okay,’ I reply.

  ‘You think she’s fit?’

  ‘No,’ I reply, automatically. Ashley turns to me, her eyebrow raised.

  ‘Alright yes, but in an obvious way.’

  ‘Look at those guys staring at her.’ We watch her moving and gyrating to the music. All attention within a five-metre radius focused on her. ‘Maybe I should start doing stuff like that, at least I’d get a shag.’

  ‘Well, if that’s all you want,’ I say, smiling. She chuckles.

  ‘You’re off limits now, you have a girlfriend.’

  ‘Yeah. Bummer.’

  ‘For you. Definitely,’ she replies. I smile. Parker and Nicola return with drinks.

  ‘Stella for you,’ Parker says offering me the glass. ‘The white wine is for Ash,’ he says to Nicola who hands Ashley the wine.

  ‘Thanks,’ Ashley says.

  ‘So, Parker tells me you’ve been stalking your ex,’ Nicola says. I stare at Parker who looks like his eyes are about to pop out of his head. He quickly shakes his head.

  ‘What? No, that’s not what I said,’ Parker says.

  ‘I’m not stalking her. I just…’ I stop in mid-flow. What was I doing? Trying to get her back? Making her feel guilty for not taking me back? ‘…had trouble accepting it was over.’

  ‘But you’ve got a new girlfriend now?’

  ‘Baby, I don’t think you should-’ Parker says.

  ‘It’s okay,’ I say to Parker. ‘Yes.’

  ‘But, you don’t like her as much as your ex?’

  ‘It’s new and I’m…adjusting.’

  ‘As I previously indicated, she does have a very nice pair though,’ says Ashley.

  ‘Why do you keep bringing up her tits?’ Parker asks.

  ‘Yeah, why do you, Ash?’ I say.

  ‘What? A woman can’t comment on another woman’s tits?’

  ‘Sure. In fact I actively encourage it. But you seem to have a mild obsession with Lauren’s,’ I say.

  ‘Is she fit then, this girl?’ Nicola asks, the alcohol clearly loosening her tongue. Ashley nods.

  ‘Yeah, a bit too fit actually,’ Ashley replies.

  ‘Girl crush?’ Nicola says. Ashley smiles and sips her drink.

  ‘Girl crush?’ I ask.

  ‘Yeah. Ashley has a girl crush on Lauren,’ Nicola says.

  ‘Do you?’ I ask. Ashley shrugs.

  ‘Maybe,’ Ashley says, eventually.

  ‘Cool,’ says Parker. I smile.

  Before long, Ashley and Nicola have us all dancing. Or whatever you call what I’m doing now. Still, no one seems to mind and I admit I am enjoying myself. Svetla and I never used to dance, mainly because of me. I’m quite self conscious and I don’t really go in for big public displays. In this instance, alcohol is helping. I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I stop dancing and whip it out. It’s a text from Lauren which says ‘Hi, just got your message. Don’t think I can make it there now, prob too late but you could come over after if you fancy? L x.’ I consider her offer. I will, of course, be a lot drunker by the time I finish here. Do I want to spend the night at Lauren’s? Do I want free sex and a warm body to cosy up to? What sort of questions are these? I click reply ‘Sounds good, not sure what time. Will you still be up at 1?’ I click reply and carry on dancing.

  ‘Who’s that, Lauren?’ Ashley asks. I wipe a bead of sweat from my forehead and nod.

  ‘Yeah,’ I say.

  ‘Is she coming down?’

  ‘No. But I might go over to hers once we’re done here,’ I say.

  ‘Mate, we’re pulling an all-nighter. Can’t bail halfway through,’ Parker says.

  ‘Are we? No one told me.’

  ‘I’m telling you now,’ he says. My phone vibrates again and I check the message which says, ‘Maybe rain check. I’ll call you tomorrow.’ I feel slightly disappointed. Okay, I understand why she didn’t want to come down at this late stage but meeting up would have been nice.

  ‘Well?’ Parker asks.

  ‘Rain check. Guess she wants to go to bed,’ I reply.

  ‘So we’re still on for all night?’ he asks.

  ‘What the hell,’ I reply.

  Sunday. Feel horrible. Where the hell am I, anyway? Doesn’t look like my room. I open my eyes wider. The floor is on the ceiling. What…oh hang on. I pull myself up. A rush of blood to my head sends me back onto the bed. I now stare at the correct ceiling. It’s still not a ceiling I recognise though. I rub my eyes, scratching sleep out of them. I feel like I’ve been hit by a train. I sit up, slower this time, and look around. I’m in a dimly lit girl’s room. Everything is pink. There are fluffy toys everywhere and a poster of Barbie on the wall. I hear distant voices behind the door. I also seem to have an erection. It’s fine, just need to find a toilet and that will be gone in a jiffy. I stand, get out of bed, wearing only my boxers and walk slowly over to the door. I carefully pull it open and listen. The voices sound like Parker and someone I don’t recognise. Am I in some sort of alternate universe where our flat has been girlified? Is this, in fact, my bedroom? I don’t have any answers and in my desperation for the toilet, I look down the corridor searching for likely candidates. Where the rest of my clothes are, is anyone’s guess. I go for it, sneaking to the first door on the right. I open it. Bathroom, close but no toilet. I pull the door closed and move to the next door. Suddenly I hear the female voice change location. She’s moving closer. Shit. I open the next door and sneak in. It’s dark. I look for a switch. Rather, I feel for a switch. Eventually I locate it and click it on. Turns out I’m in a small girl’s bedroom. Annoyingly, the small girl also occupies said bedroom and now her eyes are open, looking at me. We stare at each other, unsure what to say. I turn away as best I can, a pathetic attempt at hiding the lump in my pants. Oh this is so bad.

  ‘Uh…I was, uh looking for the toilet,’ I say. The girl’s expression has now changed to one of unmitigated terror. She pulls the covers up to her eyes and then points towards the door. I interpret this to mean she wants me to leave. I nod slowly. You know what I do then? Really dumb. I put my index finger in front of my mouth and do a ‘shhh.’

  ‘MUM!!!!!!!!’ the girl screams. I open the door and run out into the corridor where, in my haste, I knock over someone who was just outside. We both fall to the floor.

  ‘Shit! Sorry,’ I say. The person I’ve floored is a woman, early forties wearing an apron. Girl’s mum perhaps? She looks like an older Nicola. Then Parker appears in the corridor with Nicola in tow. Parker’s hand slaps over his mouth as he tries to stop himself from bursting with laughter. My hands try to cover my erection but only draw more attention to it.

  ‘Oh, jeez,’ says the woman sitting up. I stand up quickly.

  ‘God,’ says Nicola, ‘Ollie, where are your clothes?’

  ‘I don’t know. I’m sorry…’ I start to say. It then dawns on me this must be Nicola’s mum’s house. Parker’s in fits. Nicola elbows him but he can’t stop himself. The laughter is unleashed, filling the hallway. I run back to the room I came from and slam the door. I pull the duvet off the bed and cover myself up. I hear Nicola talking to her mum.

  ‘Are y
ou okay, mum?’

  ‘I think so. Who is that man?’

  ‘Parker’s friend. Hey, it’s not funny, stop it now!’ Parker’s laughter still fills the corridor. I hear someone walking towards my door and a soft knock.

  ‘You okay in there, Ollie?’ Nicola says.

  ‘Honestly, I’ve been better,’ I reply.

  ‘Can I come in? Are you, decent?’ she asks. I want to die. We all know what she’s referring to. I shake my head.

  ‘Yeah,’ I say. The door opens and Nicola walks in, carrying my clothes.

  ‘Here, found them. Probably should have got undressed in here,’ she says.

  ‘I’m so sorry Nicola. I don’t really remember anything.’

  ‘It’s fine. We all got quite drunk and ended up coming back here,’ she says.

  ‘Right,’ I say, trying to remember a semblance of anything from last night. ‘What about Ashley?’

  ‘She’s in the living room. Do you need the toilet?’ she asks, glancing down at my groin. I look down and see the faintest outline of my erection.

  ‘Yes. Please,’ I say. I want to die. She smiles.

  ‘This way, try not to scare the children,’ she says. I nod and follow her. She indicates the correct door this time and I walk inside.

  ‘Thanks.’

  ‘Take your time,’ she says.

  Once I’ve been, thrown water on my face, crept back to my room, clothed myself and tidied the room as best I can, I head into the living room. Ashley sits on a chair reading a magazine. Nicola sits on Parker’s lap. The little girl I scared the crap out of is lying on her front on the floor, colouring a drawing with crayons. Probably practising for when the psychiatrist asks her if the picture is a butterfly or a cloud.

  ‘Ah, here he is, paedophile Ollie,’ Parker says. Nicola nudges him in the chest. The little girl looks up from her colouring. She stares at me. I force a smile. Floor swallow me now.

  ‘Hi,’ I say. I glance at Ashley who is smiling sympathetically.

  ‘Why are you all up so early?’ I ask.

  ‘It’s eleven-thirty, dude,’ Parker says. ‘We were waiting for you to get up so we can go home, I wanted to throw water on you but…I was voted down.’