How could I have begun to think that John would come to his senses, here he was again blaming someone else for his actions, this time it was Helena, who wasn't even present to defend herself. Perhaps us talking was a bad idea, he was never going to admit he was at fault just as much as she was.
“Do me a favor John, don't bother opening your mouth unless you have something valid to say, I've had it up to here with your crap,” I gestured towards the top of my head to put my point across, “and before you tick me off again for swearing, don't bother, I'm a grown woman and if I wanted to bloody swear, I bloody will!”
John, knowing that I rarely lost my temper must have realized that he'd pushed me, but I couldn't abide this passive/aggressive side to him, it wasn't in his nature and all he was attempting to do was manipulate the situation and me. I wasn't to be fooled though, I saw John in action with his business clients, I knew how he worked.
“Yes John, you are indeed a fool but I've clearly been the bigger fool. I believed that you had loyalty for me when you apparently hadn't, I believed that you loved me dearly instead of loving me possessively and what's more frustrating is that you constantly criticized me for not living up to your expectations when all along it was you that was guilty of something. I've listened to your patronizing comments, your disgraceful remarks about my weight and watched you take credit for things I've created for you. Well, it stops here.”
John intervened, “I can change, if it means I don't lose you.”
“I doubt that very much John, the only thing you're worrying about in reality is losing face, not me,” I briefed him.
As he attempted to add something else to his defense I put up my hand, “This is becoming slightly repetitive John, I'm not going to change my mind. If this was some two-bit affair with a young starlet then I could see my way to forgive you. This isn't a momentary lapse though is it John? Incidentally, how long has it been going on?”
There was a deafening silence for what seemed like a minute or two, John held his head in shame, “Only a couple of years.”
I couldn't believe what I was hearing and as my hand slapped his face I think we were both as shocked as each other, “You complete lying bastard!”
If it wasn't for the shock I don't think I would have stopped. The pain and rage bubbling inside me came to its point of no return and forced me to lose control.
“Eva, violence doesn't solve anything.“ And before he could say another word, my hand had re-visited his already stinging cheek.
“Get out of here, leave me alone and don't ever come back! You and I John Cain are done, no negotiation, no looking back. You have spoken to me in that tone for the very last time!” I was shouting now and the horses shifted nervously in their stables. Grandpa had clearly heard the shouting too and was at the door making sure I was okay.
“You alright Eva love?” he asked, nervously looking at John.
“I am Grandpa, John is just leaving,” I never took my eyes away from John's startled expression, he was now clearly going for the sympathy vote, “Now.”
“I don't want this Eva, I'm sorry. I don't know how to be any way else, but please don't say it's over, I want to put this all right.” His eyes were genuinely pleading with me and I almost felt sorry for him.
“You're wasting your time John, a bit like I've wasted my time with you. Go back to the city and concentrate on you and Helena, she's much more your style and obviously what you want in a woman, God only knows you reminded me enough that I was fat. Helena hasn't got an ounce of fat on her, it goes with empty eyes and her empty personality but I'm sure a man of your integrity can mould that into what you want.”
The look on his face was of exasperation but I knew it was all false.
I had after all once loved this man in front of me, I'd taken vows and I'd lived by them, I was a good wife and we had an equal relationship, however when I thought of this, I also thought of Tommy and how kind he was, how he saw me through loving eyes and sincerely wanted to care for me. Sexually, Tommy was always the winner whereas John had always been in it for himself, a little like the rest of behavior.
At that moment Tommy appeared from over the wall, “What's all the commotion over here? Is Casanova giving you grief?”
I wasn't particularly pleased to see Tommy at that moment in time, knowing that it was only going to make the situation worse. John glared in his direction and I could tell by his face that another punch up was on the cards, the last thing I wanted was for my grandfather to get involved, “Grandpa go back to the house please, this could get ugly and I don't want you being a part of it.”
Grandpa didn't need telling twice, he was such a gentle soul that had never raised a hand to anyone in the whole of his life; I doubt he would know how to fight his way out of a paper bag. He turned on his heel and headed back to the house, I was sure he would sit ringing his hands with Grandma until all was calm again.
“Tommy,” I infringed on the duel at hand, “I really don't think this is a good idea, I don't want anyone fighting, especially over me so please, no violence.” I pleaded earnestly.
Tommy assured me that he wouldn't be instigating any violence but couldn't promise suitably defending himself, I honestly didn't think John would be stupid enough to start anything, he was no match for Tommy and too much of a coward.
“You'd better tell this Hicksville that you don't need a knight in shining armor and that you're coming home to sort this out.” John tilted his head in Tommy's direction; the words coming from his mouth were lost in my forthcoming humor.
“John, did you not hear what I just said? There is nothing to sort out, absolutely nothing! You have cheated on me from day one of our marriage, you have lied about how long you have been cheating and you have insulted my intelligence. What's more, your arrogance is so critically blatant that it's ridiculous. I have no love for you anymore and even less respect.” I refused to raise my voice which seemed to have more impact than shouting.
“You don't mean that Eva, you need to come back to the city, all this place has done is brainwash you, you've had your fun now it's time to get back to reality.”
I walked towards John and I think he thought I was going to strike him again, “John, it's over, there's nothing more to say. This is reality for me now, I'm staying here and I'm not coming back to you or the city, as far as I'm concerned you and Helena can go to hell.”
As I delivered my final words, Tommy walked up behind me and placed his hand on my shoulder. “People here genuinely love Eva for who she is and what she is, just accept her words and let her go.”
“Shut up cowboy!” John spat with venom. “You know nothing about my wife, this is not your concern, keep your opinion to yourself and let us repair our marriage … you may have stepped in when she was vulnerable but you won't get another opportunity.”
I took a step forward and ensured that John was looking at me straight in the eye; I was so serious even I could feel the tension in my expression.
“John. I will not be going anywhere with you. I love Tommy and I'm staying right here, he is not the cause of the breakdown of our marriage, you are. It's over so please leave.”
John visibly deflated. His gumption drained out of his body leaving an empty vessel in front of me. I suddenly felt a pang of sympathy for him but not enough to change my mind, I felt sorry that it was too late for him to change, he would always be the same no matter what sorrow he came up against, his soul was always looking out for the business deal in everything, he was incapable of true love and affection. A gamut of emotions must have been running around inside his head but he managed to not disappoint me and prove me right.
“Have it your way Eva but don't think you're getting a single cent out of this, it's your decision to walk away and with that decision you take nothing, so think very carefully before you decide for certain and if I walk out of here right now, I won't be coming back.” He spoke with his teeth gritted.
“I wouldn't expect you to John, as for wanting or taking anything f
rom you? That's not my style and you know it. Goodbye.” My voice was calm and stated quite clearly my wishes. After everything he still expected me to back down to his emotional blackmail, he was missing the point, as usual and thought he could hurt me by threatening with material things. He'd hurt me enough, did he not understand that?
“You'll regret this,” were his parting words as he turned and walked away from us.
As I saw his tall figure turn around the corner and out of my life I felt nothing but indifference. I was more than prepared to walk away from him and to relinquish all that I'd ever owned whilst with him; furniture and clothes meant nothing to me if I couldn't rely on love and trust.
Tommy put his arm around me and pulled me closer to him, “You made the right decision, Blondie.”
I knew this but it still hurt a little to think that something I'd invested so much time into was now over without so much as a 'thank you for being in my life', John may have been a selfish, inconsiderate and, at times, pompous arse but I'd been a good, loyal wife.
Kissing me on the top of the head, Tommy turned me away from the sadness, “By the way, did I hear you right?”
“Yes Tommy you did.” I replied, knowing exactly what he was referring to.
Squeezing my shoulder, “I love you too.”
So, I was right back where I'd started. It was funny to think that if I'd stayed put in the first place I'd have saved myself all this heartache but then I suppose I had to experience what was out there for myself to make me return. It had always been Tommy but I assumed we'd just outgrown each other, had we made a go of it all those years ago, would we have survived? No-one would be able to answer that for me so I thanked my lucky stars that we were getting a second chance. There was one thing I knew about Tommy, he loved me; indefinitely, unconditionally and wholly and I felt exactly the same way about him. At last we would be able to test out those feelings, our reunion was a long time coming and for that, I felt no regrets for the failure of my marriage.
Tommy and I were meant to be together. Against all odds he was my first love and now it seemed he was my only true love.
EPILOGUE - EIGHTEEN MONTHS LATER
“How far apart are they?” Tommy cried out from downstairs.
“I'm a little busy to be actually counting but I'd hazard a guess at five minutes!” I replied curtly.
I could hear the muffled sound of Tommy on the telephone as he relayed the information to the nurse at the other end of the phone.
“On a scale of one to ten, one being soft and ten being strong, how would you rate your pain at the moment?” he questioned some more.
“About as bad as the pain you're going to feel if you don't stop asking stupid questions!” was my direct and no messing response.
Again there was some more muffled conversation and I could then hear Tommy climbing the stairs. “There's no point in getting angry with me, I only got you into this mess,” he smiled round the door at me.
“No kidding. What's happening then?” I enquired, starting to feel the rise of yet another contraction. The last one had made my toes curl and I knew it was only going to get worse.
“The doctor's on his way, shouldn't be too much longer, he's just finished delivering twins on the other side of the valley,” Tommy explained, plumping up my pillows whilst talking.
I was irritated by this and asked as politely as I could for him to stop. I know I should have been a little more patient with him but it was a difficult task considering my cervix was in excruciating pain.
The agony was now in full swing and all I wanted to do was bite down onto something, preferably Tommy's finger. Digging my fingernails into the bed sheets and scrunching them up I tried with all my might to remember my breathing but it was fruitless, none of it had sunk in, what lessons I'd learnt all went out of the window, I think Tommy had remembered more than me but I think he was scared to come near me, let alone advise me of the obvious.
As the feeling subsided I called Tommy over. “Honey, I'm not going to be such a nice person over the next few hours but I promise that once it's all over I'll be back to my normal self.”
Tommy leaned over and kissed me on the forehead, “That's what I'm worried about,” he joked and quickly moved off the bed in case I thumped him.
We'd enjoyed the most amazing year together and it had all slotted into place the moment John had driven out of the yard. There was no contact with him from then on, only via our lawyers but even then it was only necessary details which needed to be finalized.
Tommy and I had gone to speak with my grandparents as he'd left; we explained what had happened and what our future plans were made of. They were over the moon with our news and even more excited that I would be moving back to the village, obviously I wasn't moving back into the farm but I was only going to be next door and they didn't care as long as I was happy.
Following a quick and pain-free divorce from John (in which I got to keep what was rightfully mine), Tommy and I had enjoyed a small, intimate wedding ceremony in the church hall. We weren't able to get married in the actual church due to my divorce but the vicar had overlooked it slightly and agreed to marry us in the church hall which was just as nice. Although my first wedding to John had been a grand affair, I was far happier celebrating mine and Tommy's love this way, we didn't need over-sized gestures and bags of money to prove our love to one another, and we had the rest of our lives to do that. Neither of us was short of money at all but we didn't want it to be about that, this was real love, not a way of impressing people and showing off.
The ceremony itself may have been small but the villagers weren't allowing us to get away with that. Between them they had all got together and organized a huge wedding reception which celebrated our union well into the early hours of the morning. There was a sumptuous feast of food, far too much alcohol and everyone spent most of the night dancing, me and Tommy included. I was the happiest girl in the world that day and Tommy couldn't take his eyes off me the whole time.
We honeymooned in Paris, which had been a surprise wedding present given to us by my grandparents during the ceremony, it was somewhere neither Tommy or I had ever been and it was truly out of this world, we fell more in love, if that was at all possible, and when we returned we concentrated on the business, not that it needed it. Since Tommy had started it up it was just leaping from strength to strength; clients were happy with the service and soon by word of mouth and a great deal of clever marketing from myself, it grew on a daily basis. We worked well together and it only gave more respect and admiration to our personal relationship.
It had all come at once for me in a way but the roller-coaster I'd been on was worth every moment, our lives changed but thankfully for the better. It wasn't until a couple of months later, when I was feeling nauseous in the mornings that I realized our lives were going to change forever. I was pregnant.
So, here I now was on a cold, November eve, I'd started to have niggling pains all day and now I was awaiting the birth of our first child. We hadn't asked for the sex of the baby, wanting it to be a complete surprise but I was hoping for a girl and Tommy was naturally hoping for a son and heir. We'd wrangled over names, both agreeing on Thomas for a boy but girl's names were escaping us, everything Tommy liked, I wasn't that keen on and vice versa.
When I'd given Tommy the news he'd scooped me up in his arms and couldn't thank me enough for making him the happiest man in the world for the 'third' time, (the first being the moment I'd agreed to marry him, the second being when I married him). I informed him that he had put in half the work and he really didn't need to thank me but I playfully reminded him that I'd make him pay one way or another if I suffered too much pain.
I think Tommy was remembering that now and his facial expression was strained and concerned. He was acting all jittery and anybody would have thought it was him that was about to give birth. We'd been so well organized throughout my pregnancy and John had taken a keen interest in every stage, including the application o
f pile cream! He hadn't been that keen on the birthing videos and had defiantly stated that he did not want to be at the bottom end when it was all happening. I was surprised at his comment as he'd assisted in many foals being born at the ranch not to mention a cacophony of kittens and pups over the years.
Quite calmly and matter-of-factly he stated his response, “I don't want to see what the baby is going to do to that, I want to remember it in the state that I have always seen it, I'm not sure that part of our sex life could continue if I was to witness our baby coming out of it.” I was more than happy with his answer and agreed that he should indeed stay at the top end, I wasn't prepared to sacrifice that either.
Rodeo (BBW Cowboy Romance) (BBW Western Romance) Page 13