by Smith, Megan
“She knows that but she’d like to spend some time with Brooklyn. That okay with you?” I have to make sure I word things carefully with her and not act like she can’t deal with things on her own.
Jaylinn stares me in the eyes for a few seconds before nodding. “Yeah, that’s fine. Thanks for lunch, too. I sometimes forget to eat.”
“Jay,” I warn.
She holds a hand up stopping me from saying anything more. “I know it’s an issue but I promise I’m good. The day just sometimes gets away from me and before I know it I’ve skipped breakfast and lunch. That little bundle there takes up more time than I thought she ever would.”
This isn’t the first time this has been brought up lately. One night after work I stopped by Fierce for a drink to help me unwind a little. Cooper and I got to talking, he mentioned that he and Jaylinn got into a little bit of an argument because of her forgetting to eat. I’ve noticed he’s been a little more in tune with Jaylinn since Mom passed and having Brooklyn. Cooper offered to hire someone for a few hours a day to help with the day-to-day things when he’s not around. Whether it be with the laundry, food shopping, watching Brooklyn so that she could shower, even get the bills paid, whatever Jaylinn needed. She outright refused and accused Cooper of saying that she’s not able to handle things on her own. I didn’t have to tell him that she’s always been like that and he was asking for it by offering to get her help when he’s not around. He knows it just as well as I do.
I nod. “You’ll ask for help if you need it, right? Even if it’s just an hour or two to catch a nap or run to the store.”
“Yes, but I really wish everyone would stop acting like I’m going to break. The last year has been a little insane, to say the least, but I’m good, I swear. I wish everyone would just go back to the way they used to treat me.”
Jaylinn glances at Brooklyn but I see the unshed tears in her eyes. It kills me to see them but I know if I acknowledge them she will get pissed off. “We’re all still adjusting, Jay. It’s going to take time for things to go back to the way they used to be. I promise you though that no one thinks you are going to break. If what happened to you back in college didn’t break you, nothing will.”
I see a slight smile grace her face as she comes over to places a kiss on her daughter’s head. “Thanks for saying that.”
I shrug. “It’s the truth.”
Jaylinn places another kiss on Brooklyn’s head. “Alright, love bug, be good for Uncle Hunter while Mommy goes to take a shower.”
Brooklyn gives a little grunt like she understands what her mom just said to her. “We’ll be fine. Now go.”
Jaylinn heads back upstairs for a shower. I take Brooklyn who is just staring up at me into the living room and grab the remote. I cradle her in the nook of my arm while flipping through the channels to find something on the television while we wait for Jaylinn, CC, and the kids.
Twenty minutes later, Jaylinn is coming down the stairs just as the front door opens and in walks my wife and kids. Jaylinn greets CC and helps her with the bags into the kitchen while Ryder and Olivia coming running toward me but stop short when they see I have the baby in my arms.
Ryder reaches out first to touch Brooklyn’s bare foot. “Hey, Brooklyn,” he says quietly, remembering what he was taught with his own baby sister.
Olivia is swinging her body side to side holding her baby doll up against her chest. Her blue eyes are flicking between me and Brooklyn. “What’s the matter, baby?”
She stops swinging back and forth but doesn’t answer me. If I had to guess I’d say my baby girl is a little jealous that I’m holding her cousin.
“Okay, hand her over,” CC says, walking into the room.
Olivia looks to her then back to me. I wait for CC to grab Brooklyn from my arms before I reach over for my daughter. I pick her up, place her on my lap and give her a little kiss on the cheek. “Love you, Liv.”
She doesn’t respond but she does burrow her body a little closer to mine.
“So, did you and Jay get to read any of your mom’s diary yet?” CC asks.
“Yeah, we got a little bit of it read before Brooklyn here decided she wanted to wake up.”
“Find out anything good?”
I start to shake my head and catch Jaylinn entering the room out of the corner of my eye. “Nah, not really. Just a few details about Mom meeting Jason.”
Jaylinn clears her throat making herself known as she enters the room. “Mom thought it would be funny to tell us about the first time she had sex.” She chuckles as I roll my eyes. “We could have gone without knowing that part but it was funny to see the expression on Hunter’s face. It’s probably why she wrote it.”
“It’s exactly why she did it,” I grumble.
CC laughs along with Jaylinn.
“So where did you guys stop? Do you want me to hang around after lunch and keep an eye on Brooklyn so you guys can keep reading?”
Jaylinn looks to me and then quickly to CC. I know she’s about to refuse the help. “Nah, I think we stopped at a good point today.”
I nod. “Yeah, I agree.” Too many mixed emotions to deal with for one day for my liking. I’ve heard enough to know that Jason was an asshole even way back when they first met even if Mom didn’t think so at first.
“Alright, just thought I’d offer.”
Brooklyn starts to get fussy so Jaylinn fixes her a bottle and allows CC to feed her while the rest of us eat lunch. When we finish, CC, the kids, and I head out. Jaylinn and I make another date for tomorrow to pick up where we left off since Cooper will actually be home to watch Brooklyn.
***
The next afternoon I head back over to Jaylinn’s house to continue reading Mom’s diary. I feel like I could go a few days without reading anymore but I know this is important to Jaylinn even if she won’t admit it. I feel like it’s going to offer her some kind of comfort knowing more about our mom’s past.
I knock lightly on the door in case Brooklyn is sleeping again. I’d hate to wake her up like I almost did yesterday. I’m still trying to get used to the fact that my baby sister has a baby of her own and this isn’t a bachelor pad like it used to be.
Cooper opens the door with Brooklyn sound asleep in his arms. “Hey, man.”
I give him a head nod in greeting. “Sorry, wasn’t trying to wake her up so I thought I’d knock this time.”
Cooper chuckles. “She sleeps like a rock in my arms.” He kisses the top of her head. “See, she doesn’t even flinch when I move her.”
“I remember those days.” Olivia and Ryder were the same way with me when I held them while they slept. A freight train could go right past us and they wouldn’t even budge. It’s one of my favorite memories of both of my kids watching them sleep peacefully in my arms.
I shut the door quietly then follow Cooper into the living room. “Jay is out back on the patio.”
“Thanks, man.”
I leave them in the living room and make my way out back. Jaylinn is sitting in a lounge chair, eyes closed, soaking up the sun. She’s bundled up, gloves, scarf, heavy jacket and her Uggs. She looks kind of silly in the dead of winter soaking up the rays but if this makes her happy then so be it.
“It’s freezing out here. What are you doing?” I chuckle.
Jaylinn opens her eyes and turns her head toward me. “Getting my dose of vitamin D.”
“You do this often? I can only imagine what your neighbors must think.” I say while laughing because if she was my neighbor I’d think she was off her rocker.
“Oh, they know I’m nuts already.”
“Well, then this must seem normal to them.”
“Pretty much.”
I nudge Jaylinn’s legs so that I can take a seat next to her. “So you still up to reading more or you want to call me when you’re ready?”
“Would you judge me if I drank wine at one in the afternoon?” Jaylinn asks with a serious look on her face.
“Do I ever judge you?”
She climbs off the chair, dusts herself off and looks over her shoulder as she walks away. “What?”
Shaking my head I follow behind my sister. “Has anyone ever told you you’re crazy?”
She flips me the bird behind her back. “Not today.”
I chuckle and grab the door for her walk inside.
After she has a very large glass of wine in her hand, a blanket wrapped around her, and we are sitting in front of the fireplace I open up the diary starting where we left off.
***
After what felt like forever, Jason came around. We talked for hours after he disappeared for a few days with no communication at all. Things seemed hopeful at that time. His uncle was going to help him out by giving him a job on the side that he could do when he wasn’t working at the auto body shop. He promised to have an apartment for us to move into before the baby arrived. He also promised to help me with school. I had hoped he kept good on his promises. Jason had also apologized for bailing out on me when he should have been standing next to me. He admitted he got scared and just needed some time to think about how he was going to take care of us but never once doubted that he didn’t want the baby or even me.
It felt good though to be in his arms after being so unsure of things. I craved that rush, when he held me in his arms and I felt like I could breathe, knowing I was safe, knowing everything would be alright.
***
I flip the page to the next entry. “Uncle? Why haven’t we ever heard about this uncle? I mean it’s not that I would want to have anything to do with him but if he was so willing to help Jason and Mom why have we never heard of him before?” Jaylinn asks.
“I have no idea.”
***
I moved in with Jason about two months after he promised to have a place for us to live together. He called me on Friday night and told me to pack my clothes, he had a place for us to stay. I was excited and slightly overwhelmed thinking of everything we’d still need to buy since neither of us had anything except for our clothes and I couldn’t get anyone to hire me being pregnant. I didn’t want Jason to think I wasn’t pulling my weight but he eased all my fears like he’d been doing a lot lately.
When he picked me up he had a dozen, long-stem red roses and a killer smile to go along with those thorns. It was the same smile that did me in that first time I laid eyes on him. The one that takes your breath away, the one that makes you forget your name and all your problems. I told him I was a little nervous leaving my house and being on my own but he promised everything was going to be just fine and he had everything taken care of. So, once again I handed my heart over to him on a silver platter.
I hadn’t talked to my dad since I moved out. He was pissed at me again and I hated that feeling. I detested feeling like I was disappointing him because that was the last thing I ever wanted to do.
I thought moving in with Jason was doing the right thing. He had been stepping up to the plate for both me and our unborn child. He got us a roof over our heads faster than I think any of us expected. We even got everything for the baby that we needed too and it was all without asking anyone for help. Jason had been working his ass off to do that for us.
***
Jaylinn’s eyes are narrowed in on the fireplace as her mind works. “What’s he up to? No way could he have done all that in just a few months’ time.”
“Your guess is as good as mine.”
***
Lying beside me is a piece of my heart. I thought I loved Jason but this love doesn’t even compare to that, not even a little bit. As I sat there writing in my diary, our baby boy Hunter was sleeping.
I hadn’t seen a smile on my parents face until they held Hunter in their arms after I delivered him. Grandma cried while Grandpa hugged her close as they both stared down at you, Hunter. You were a charmer with that little dimple on your right cheek.
***
Jaylinn nudges my shoulder. “Awwww, you were a charmer fresh out of the womb.”
“Don’t be jealous you weren’t graced with all the good looks.”
“Jerk.”
***
Life was going amazing, more than I ever had hoped for. Hunter was almost three and was a spitfire. He was spunky, determined, much like his dad, and had a little bit of a temper. He kept me on my toes, that was for sure.
With our neighbor watching Hunter for us I went out and got a part-time job. I hated living off Jason, although he never complained and always made sure I never wanted for anything but that was just not me. I needed to feel like I was worth something in that relationship.
The holidays were coming up and my parents asked if they could have Hunter for a few days to take him to the cabin. I never gave them an answer right away because I’ve never let him sleep anywhere but home in his own bed. Jason was totally okay with him going telling me that he wanted to whisk me off to the west coast somewhere we’d never been. All I could think about was escaping to someplace warm and having Jason all to myself for a few days to reconnect. Maybe he’d finally propose!
***
And with that I shove Mom’s letter into the diary and call it a day. “I don’t get it.”
“Me either.”
“Whatever he’s doing with this ‘uncle’ isn’t any good. Back then it was hard making good money and no way could he have set us up before I was even born. It takes some people years to do what he did in months.”
Jaylinn snorts, “Always investigating something.”
I shrug my shoulders. “It’s part of who I am. With my line of work I always have to look at all the angles. You know what they say, don’t just assume because you’ll make an ass out of you and me.”
“Oh, my God,” Jaylinn laughs, “You sounded just like Mom!”
I place the diary next to me and climb to my feet. “I’ve got to get out of here. I promised the kids I’d take them for ice cream before my shift starts tonight.”
My sister places her wine glass on top of the mantel then grabs the diary and sits it next to her glass. “I’m sure Kenz is gonna love that you’re getting them all sugared up before leaving them with her for the night.”
“She’s used to it. Remember how I got Liv to start walking?”
“Yes, with those damn gummy bears,” Jaylinn says while rolling her eyes.
“See, so she’s used to it. Those two kids will listen to anything if sugar is involved.”
“Lord knows sugar is the last thing Ryder needs.”
I stop just in front of what Cooper calls the man cave. “He was actually asking to spend the night this weekend.”
“No,” Cooper shouts.
Jaylinn and I start laughing. “Come on, man, he misses his Uncle Cooper.”
“That kid just loves to drive me crazy. He can’t sit still for five seconds. Send him to Mason and Hailey’s house; he fits right in over there.”
I lean my shoulder against the doorframe. “He doesn’t like it over there, complains it’s too loud with the twins always screaming and chasing each other.”
“You can’t do that to poor Hailey. I’m not sure how she hasn’t become an alcoholic with those crazy kids, and Mason on top of that.”
“She is an alcoholic,” Cooper chimes in.
“Stop it, you two.”
Brooklyn starts whining from her swing in the corner of the room. “Okay, I’ve got to get out of here. Talk to you guys later.”
“Later, man.”
Jaylinn walks me to the door and opens it before I can. “So, want me to swing by your house next time? Change of scenery?”
“Yeah, that’s cool. CC can hang with Brooklyn if you’re bringing her along.”
“Of course I am.” My sister winks at me. “We’re attached at the hip these d
ays.”
“Love ya, sis.”
“Love ya, bro.”
Jaylinn
Hunter and I are meeting at his house this afternoon, but of course I’m running late. Seems to be the story of my life these days. I’m running off of Brooklyn’s schedule and Cooper and I know firsthand how that goes. I’m tired and could use a good few hours worth of a nap to be completely reenergized but I’m stubborn and won’t admit it.
Pulling into Hunter’s driveway I yawn and slowly get out of the car. I hope I can make it through today without falling asleep.
After getting Brooklyn settled with MacKenzie, Hunter and I make our way into the living room. Thankfully, I was greeted with coffee when I first walked in so staying awake shouldn’t be a problem now.
“So, you ready?”
“Yup, let’s do this.”
***
Since we returned home from our little weekend getaway things had done a complete three-sixty for Jason and me. When we were in California in a little bed and breakfast just off the Pacific we were flying high. We arrived on a Friday afternoon and didn’t leave our room until late Saturday afternoon, much to Jason’s dismay. While I was loving all the attention he was showering me with I wanted to actually see the west coast. We did a little shopping, bought Hunter a little stuffed shark from this tiny little hidden shop near where we were staying, and dined at this little mom and pop diner. The seafood that I ordered was amazing… I wished they’d ship food because I could actually go for some of their scallops with the flavorful buttery sauce. Jason must have asked a hundred times if I was ready to go back to the room when we were out. It wasn’t as if he wasn’t enjoying the sightseeing as much as I was but he wanted our alone time because it was so hard to find it with a toddler at home these days. I didn’t blame him honestly, so that was what we did until our flight late Sunday night.