by Ashley Drake
She basically tried to give Kayla an ultimatum, wanting her to choose sides. Kayla told her she was not going to pick between her best friends. Kayla was apologizing to us because Phebs was having her be the messenger and tell us that Phoebe would no longer be sitting with us at lunch. She is now gonna sit with Ash, Brittany and Olivia and she was very upset to hear Kayla tell her that she would be sitting in her usual seat with us.
"I just can't believe she’s being like this. She has been acting so crazy, I haven't even got to tell her about Jacob yet. When we do speak, she doesn't let me get a word in. All she talks about is either you and Jaycee, or she's trying to convince me of what a great guy Brad is." I knew Phoebe was mad but I was hoping she would have calmed down some over the weekend. I didn't want it to get this out of hand. To quote Jaycee, she is starting to piss me off.
"I'm the one who is sorry Kayla. I should have waited until I could talk to her in private before I told her what I thought about Brad. If it makes you feel any better, Jaycee and I are thrilled that you and Jacob are dating. We think you are a great match, now you and Jaycee can double date."
Jaycee put her arm around my shoulder. I knew she was gonna say something sassy. "And if Hannah here could put a fire under Chief we could triple date." I started to make excuses for Daniel and myself but her compliment left me speechless. "Because we can all see that you two belong together, Han. And I'm very picky on who I give my best friend seal of approval to. Besides, Mike says Daniel stares at you all the time and stumbles and stutters whenever your name comes up."
My stomach started to twist, turn and flutter. I couldn't tell if I had butterflies or needed to use the bathroom. "Really? Mike said that?"
"Yep. And I bet Jacob knows even more since they hang out more than Daniel and Mike does."
Kayla, taking her cue from Jaycee, spoke up. "Jacob hasn't told me anything but I will ask him."
That made me stomach turn sour. "No. I mean thank you, but please don't. I know I butted into yours and Jaycee's love life but that was different. Daniel and I both know we like each other. We are just taking it slow. It will happen if and when it's supposed to happen. I have no clue how this conversation turned to me. We were talking about Kayla and Phoebe." I gave the floor back to Kayla. The thought of them pushing me and Daniel together didn't feel right at all. I know that sounds so double standard since I’ve done the very exact thing to them.
It felt weird sitting at our table and seeing Phebs sitting at the next one. We were all trying to pretend we didn't notice, but I could feel that she was on everyone's mind. But on the bright side, the rest of my friends were here. Jaycee and Mike were sitting beside me and Kayla and Jacob was across from them. Daniel had made one of his famous baby steps and decided to sit across from me today. I might be giving myself too much credit for that. He sat down between Jacob and Chase so it might not even have anything to do with me.
I felt my phone vibrate and saw I had a text from Daniel. -You haven't been sleeping well. Another dream? He is so thoughtful. Slow in the whole relationship department, but very thoughtful. I text him back about my dream Saturday night and asked him if he had any ideas of what it could mean. -Actually I do. Take a break from worrying about it for a while and let me do some research. It's better if you don't know yet. I knew what he meant. The shadow demon keeps lingering around me to find out what I know. So it's smart thinking for Daniel not to want to fill me in on his hunch.
-Thanks. I don't know what I'd do without your help. I really wanted to say 'what I'd do without you'. But I didn't want to freak him out.
-Hopefully you will never have to worry about that. He replied. I cut my eyes up to take a peek at him through my lashes. Those beautiful matching dimples were smiling at me. Wow. If a smile from him can make me forget all train of thought, I wonder what would happen from a kiss. I would probably forget my name. Or how to talk. Or how to breath. Or all of the above. I could feel heat rise from my toes straight to my face. Even though his expression looked as if he could read my mind, I couldn't stop gazing into those gorgeous deep brown eyes.
That gave me an idea. I'm gonna see if I can take a look. I haven't tried in a while to get into his head. I had to make myself break eye contact with him cause I need to concentrate. And that ain't gonna happen if I'm looking at his eyes and dimples. I could feel it when I reached his mind, but that was as far as I could get. I kept hitting a wall. I pushed until I could feel a headache coming on. I was about to give up when I felt the wall give, then I was looking at myself through his thoughts. I look dang good. I mean, I'm pretty but the way he sees me, I could be a freakin model!
My phone vibrated. It's Daniel. -That's enough. You can stop now. Crap! I looked at him expecting to see anger in his eyes. But all I saw was humor. I mouthed the word sorry to him but that just made his smile get even bigger. Yum was the first word to pop into my head.
I was dreading gym class all day. I knew that it was going to be so awkward to be around Phoebe and her invisible line in the sand that she has separated us by. Luckily we were given options of what we could do today. Jaycee and I figured we could take this time to catch up on the things that we can't talk about in front of anyone else. So we let Kayla off the hook and suggested that she group up with Phebs to play basketball while we walked laps around the gym.
"I can't believe she is still being such a bitch." Jaycee was hurt by the way Phoebe was acting. Being mad was an easier emotion for her to deal with.
"I know, but there is nothing we can do about it until she comes to her senses. So let's change the subject. I told Daniel about the dream I had. He seems to think he might know something about Samantha."
Jaycee kept her eyes straight ahead. "I know. He told me." What? "And don't even ask cause I can't tell you anything. Except that I think he is on the right track. But don't worry, and no peeking! We will tell you soon. He has this theory...well I can't tell you that yet either. So let's just change the subject again. Let's talk about me."
It was stupid, but I was a little jealous. Not over them talking, but because I feel left out. "That is always your favorite topic." I wanted to throw a tantrum, right there on the shiny wood floors, until she told me what was going on. But I had to put on my big girl panties, because I knew she's right.
Oblivious to my pouting, she kept talking. "I can't wait until the Grandfather Mountain field trip. I'll get to spend the whole day with Mike." She sighed. I think that must be contagious.
"For your birthday I will make you a shirt that says 'I heart Mike' on it." I snickered.
"Haha very funny. But speaking of birthdays, your's is coming up soon. Are you still gonna have a sweet 16 party?"
"I want to, but I don't want to have the same old lame costume party. I know! Why don't we have it together? That would be perfect since your birthday always falls during Christmas break and it's hard to get everyone together for a party then."
"We could rent out the rec center and split the cost." I was glad to see she was on board.
"And instead of a costume party we could have a fancy masquerade party!" I added.
"Ok," Jaycee beamed, "talk to you parents tonight and I will call you after I talk to mine. Then the four of us can get together and shop for dresses!"
That busted my happy bubble. "You mean the three of us."
I could see that hers busted too. "We have time. Phoebe will come around." She said trying to act confident, but she failed miserably.
Mom picked me up after school. It was all I could do to keep from asking her right there in the car about the party. But I thought it would be best to get Mom and Dad together first, then ask. When we got home I helped her fix supper. Trying to earn brownie points, but I wasn't fooling her at all. She kept giving me the 'I know you're up to something' look. For someone who wasn't psychic, it was hard to get anything past her.
With both of us cooking it wasn't long before the three of us sat down to eat. When we were almost finished, Mom finally broke her silence.
"Ok Hannah, what's on your mind?"
I tried to give my best innocent look. "What do you mean?"
She laughed. "You helped my cook supper without me having to ask. You offered to load the dishwasher after we eat. AND you asked me how work is going. So out with it already."
I told them about the party idea and was shocked when I didn't have to beg. They were all for it. Mom even said she would make a call after supper to find out if there were any available weekends in November. I did my happy dance and hugged both their necks.
I started to dance my way out of the kitchen, when I was stopped. "Um Han, the dishwasher is calling your name." Crap. Making promises is much easier than following through with them.
I started on the dishes while Mom made a call from the living room. By the time she walked back into the kitchen I was finished loading the dishes and was wiping down the counters. "Ok I just talked to Christy and she said she doesn’t have any Saturdays available. The entire month is full with people having Thanksgiving gatherings. But, as luck would have it, Saturday October 31st just came available because of a cancellation. The day before your birthday. I went ahead and booked it, but if you change your mind after talking to Jaycee, we can cancel it."
"Thank you Mom! You're the best. I'm gonna call her right now!"
Jaycee and I ended up talking on the phone for two hours. She didn't mind at all that it was gonna be on Halloween. Just as long as she was getting presents and sharing a spotlight, she was happy. I wrote down all of our plans. From what color scheme we wanted, to lighting, to music. We even planned out the invitations. I don't think I have ever been so excited for a birthday party in my life. Not even the time my parents hired someone to dress up as my favorite purple dinosaur character when I was four.
Planning a birthday party was helping me keep my mind off of Phoebe. It was even getting easier and easier not seeing her at our lunch table. That scares me. I refuse to let her just slip out of my life or Jaycee's. And it was driving poor Kayla crazy. She was not only trying to balance her time between Phebs and us but also with Jacob. She looked as if she could break under the pressure at any moment. I couldn't dwell on that today, because today Daniel and Jaycee are going to fill me in on Daniel's theory. We are staying after school for the home football game. Mike, Jacob and the guys are playing. So I really want to cheer them on. But I'm more anxious to hear what Daniel has to say. It felt like an eternity had passed before the last bell rang. After a quick change in the locker room, we made our way to the concession stand. We had signed up to help grill hamburgers and hotdogs before the game started. Well, Jaycee and I volunteered. Daniel watched the guys warm up. Since he doesn't eat beef or pork I can't blame him for not wanting to help cook it.
When we were finally relieved of our duties we set off to find Daniel. Which wasn't a difficult task. He was the gorgeous one leaning on the fence. At this point the stadium was starting to fill up. We soon realized that we wouldn't have any privacy in the bleachers to talk. So we decided to sit in the grass up on the hill. We would have a great view of the game and have distance from the crowd at the same time. We got settled just in time for the kick off. Jaycee sat on my left side and Daniel on my right.
"Ok, tell me what you were researching." I couldn't believe how nervous I was.
Daniel, looking very serious, turned to face me. "I asked Jaycee to be here because I feel that you're right Hannah. I don't think spirits like going around you when Jaycee is near." I looked over at Jaycee.
She shrugged her shoulders. "I guess my bitchiness even crosses over to the spirit plain."
"So," Daniel continued, "I think we are safe talking about it together. But Hannah you are going to have to put up a blocker to all spirits, even Samantha, for now. They can't know what you're thinking. You can call on Samantha if you want but you can't tell her anything until we have everything in place. Can you do that?"
I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths. In through the nose and out the mouth. All the while I'm visualizing a shield going up around my mind and body, bouncing anything off that tries to get in. It has taken me a long time to learn how to keep this shield up without constant focus on it. Now, as long as I meditate on it before I fall asleep each night, I can leave it up for as long as needed. The only downside to this is fatigue and headaches. The longer I keep it up, the more energy it drains from me each day. This is why I don't just leave it up all the time. I feel my internal shield lock into place, letting me know it's complete. "It's done, but how long do I have to do this?"
Daniel seemed uneasy. "I'm not sure. A few weeks, maybe a little longer, why?"
That's not what I wanted to hear at all. "I can't keep it up that long without it draining me physically and mentally."
Daniel's whole body tensed. "Then I can't tell you. I won't put you in any type of pain. This conversation is over. I'm sorry Hannah."
He started to stand but Jaycee put her hands up. "Wait a minute Chief. Don't get your undies in a wad. I got this." She waited until he sat back down again before she continued. "Hannah, we know her last name, and we know when she died. It's the why and how we haven't found out yet. You need to encourage Samantha to try harder to give you more information. That's all you can know without having to shield up."
They know her last name. Joy overwhelmed me. Tears streamed down my cheeks but I didn't care.
You would have thought I grew a second head by the fear in Daniel's eyes. "What's the matter? Are you ok?"
I couldn't help but laugh at his reaction. "I'm better than ok. I can't thank you two enough. You gave Samantha her last name. We're almost ready to help her move on. She's gonna get to be reunited with her family. She is going to be so happy!"
Jaycee pulled my hair. "Soon Han. It will be soon."
Daniel reached for my hand and I anticipated the jolt of energy. I wasn't disappointed when his skin made contact with mine. "Don't scare me like that. I'm still new at this whole living impaired stuff. I'm sorry I freaked it's just that, well, you mean something to me."
"Yeah, yeah, you two can be mushy later. Look! My hot, sexy boyfriend is on the field." And yet again, my moment was ruined. This time by Jaycee.
I spotted Mike just in time to see him running this way toward the end zone. The ball was in the air and at first it looked like it was heading straight for Mike. But the closer it got I could see that it was going to end up too far away from him, and I didn't think there was any way that Mike was going to get to it in time. Jaycee was on her feet rooting him on. Daniel and I joined her. All of a sudden the ball makes a hard right turn and landed perfectly in Mike's arms. I could tell he was even surprised because I saw a brief pause before he crossed the line into the end zone making the touch down. Had I not been watching from the hill behind the field goal, I would have never seen it. I looked over to Jaycee then to Daniel. They didn't seem to notice the ball's sudden change in direction at all. Maybe my eyes were just playing tricks on me. I let it go and joined in on the screaming and cheering.
"Is that a tight end or what." Jaycee made squeezing gestures with her hands.
"I don't think that's where the name comes from." I giggled.
"I'm gonna go get a drink. Do you want anything?" Daniel asked the both of us.
Jaycee held up her drink she already had. "No, we're good thanks." I told him. Then I enjoyed the view of watching him walk away.
"Did you see how he flipped out and got all protective? I'm gonna have to tell him that you're much tougher than you look. He does have a nice ass though." Jaycee said while following my gaze.
"Hey, eyes off." I laughed. "And yes I picked up on that. Thanks for noticing that I can take care of myself, but it's kinda nice having him want to protect me. Jaycee," I laid my head on her shoulder, "you just don't know how grateful I am that you guys found out her last name. She's our age. She could be one of us. Look at all she missed out on."
She laid her head on top of mine. "I think that's why God gave you this gift. It's not jus
t because it runs in your family. It's because he knows what a big sweet heart you have. And if you tell anyone that I can be sappy I will deny it, then hunt you down.” I'm sure we looked like two crazy people sitting up here laughing until our sides hurt.
Mom had supper waiting on me in the microwave when I got home but I wasn't hungry, so I wrapped it up and put it in the fridge. What I needed was to talk to my Dad. Finding him wasn't difficult. This time of night he is always in the study. Standing at the doorway, I watched him. He had his back to me, sitting in his favorite worn out leather chair. This time he wasn't doing paperwork, he was reading a book. When we moved in Dad had wall to wall built in bookshelves installed and his vast collection has already filled most of it. Books ranging from Charles Dickens and Edgar Allen Poe to Anne Rice. A love of books was another gift my father passed down to me. He knows that I am standing here, he is just waiting on me to interrupt. He can feel my presence just as much as I can feel his. It gave me a chance, though, to figure out what I was wanting to say and how to say it.
"Dad," I walked into the room, "you got a minute?"
He laid his book down on the small end table beside his chair. "For my Hannah Banana, always. What's on your mind kid?"
I sat on the edge of his desk to face him and told him everything from what happened with Phoebe all the way up until tonight. "I wanted to do this all by myself to prove that I was learning to be a mature adult. But after finding out what Daniel and Jaycee came up with, I realized that I can't do this alone."
"Knowing when to ask for help before you get in over your head shows that you are on the right track to being that mature adult. Look at me, I'm almost forty and I feel helpless and useless to you when it comes to this. I have no clue how to begin to help you. It's hard to step back and let you do this without me. It scares me to death, but I know that I can't be by your side forever fighting your battles. So I have to let you go at it alone. If not, you would never be prepared for when you're out on your own. There's no handbook for this kind of thing. That was the main reason for the diary. Not just to help you cope, but so you could pass it on to your children. Maybe it will help them with whatever gift they are blessed with. Hannah, just tell me what you need from me and I will try my best to make it so."