I Never Expected You

by Stefanie Jenkins

  Ky continues. “I even confessed my undying love for the damn thing, telling the cupcake how much I loved it. The next thing I know, Dani dropped the Pyrex dish, and it shattered everywhere. It scared the shit out of me. I ran over to her, but it was like she was paralyzed. It took me a few minutes to drag her out of the state she was in. She ended up cutting her hand.”

  What the fuck? I set the leftovers container on the counter.

  “What? Is she okay?” My heart begins to race.

  “Yeah, it was just a little cut. I tended to the wound, and she ended up going to bed.” Okay, that makes sense why it’s so quiet. “I guess it just slipped out of her hands, but her reaction to it…it was strange.”

  I’m not sure I’m following him. I tilt my head in confusion, but this whole situation is a little weird.

  “What exactly did you say to the cupcake?” I chuckle while taking another bite of lasagna.

  Kyler joins in my laughter. “I don’t know, man. ‘I love you, cupcake’ or something.”

  I exhale loudly, placing my elbows on the island and my head in my hands.

  “Shit. No wonder she dropped it,” I mumble under my breath.

  “Am I missing something here?”

  My eyes meet his, and once again I’m reminded of the fact that Ky doesn’t know things of our past. I see the same innocent look when he asked me that first night who Em was. How was he supposed to know that the exact phrase he said was what Emmett used to tell Dani? She was his Cupcake. I should go check on her and make sure this isn’t a setback and she is planning to run.

  “It’s not your fault, Ky. You didn’t know.”

  “That she doesn’t believe in love at first bite?” Kyler asks jokingly.

  More pieces of our crazy life are put together for him.

  “Emmett. Emmett used to call her Cupcake.” I pause, biting back the emotion this memory brings. “He used to say ‘I love you, Cupcake,’ and she would respond, ‘Forever and always.’ God, they were sickening.”

  He snickers. “Hmm, sounds like another couple I know.”

  I bellow out a laugh and roll my eyes. Shaking my head, I mutter, “Nope, not even close.”

  Kyler settles onto one of the stools at the island. “She must think I’m the biggest asshole ever.”

  I don’t know why he’s so worried, but I’m thankful for his concern.

  “Hey, don’t worry about it. How could you know? She won’t even talk about it, about him.” I take a swig of my beer. I wonder if while she was away, she finally talked with someone. “I guess I should be happy she came home, huh?”

  I take one last bite of food before placing the container in the sink and throw away the empty beer bottle. I wince as the bottle clanks against the broken glass already in there.

  I turn back to Ky. “Sorry about all that, man. Thanks for cleaning this whole mess up and taking care of her hand.”

  I slap him on the back in gratitude. I am thankful he has been so cool with all of this and accepting of my sister staying here. I’m sure it can’t be easy for him. All he does is nod.

  I grab my workbag and head toward my room the same time my phone buzzes. I reach for it in my pocket and smile at the photo of the beautiful blonde bombshell who always makes me feel at peace. Well, if I can’t snuggle with her tonight, at least hearing the sound of her voice will be the next best thing.

  I am quickly jolted awake from a nightmare, drenched in sweat. I wish I was one of those people who can’t remember their dreams, but this is one too close to reality that it’s embedded in my brain. This time when I got the call from my mom and ran back to the apartment, Dani was nowhere in sight and had been in the car with Emmett at the time of the accident. It felt so real. I’m not sure I would have survived had she been in the car with him.

  I get up from the bed and walk to the guest room where my sister is staying. It’s been eight nights since she arrived at my front door. I slowly open the bedroom door and see her sound asleep, headphones in her ears and clutching a photo which I don’t even need to look at it to know it’s Emmett. She’s home, and that’s all I need to keep telling myself, but she’s not the same person she was when she left. Or maybe she is, but she’s not the same Dani from before Em died. I’m worried that one morning I’m going to wake up and she’ll be gone. It was hard enough getting through all of this with us as a family; I have no idea how she managed it for years completely alone. My heart breaks for her even more.

  The other night when I came home to find Kyler cleaning up broken glass in the kitchen and he explained what happened, it scared the shit out of me. He had no clue that would have triggered her, but is that how she’s going to be from now on? Do we have to walk on eggshells around her? I already hate that Haylee and I are hiding our relationship from her—what else do I need to hide? I push the thoughts from my mind as I close the door and quietly pad back to my room. This isn’t the first time I’ve snuck to her room to check on her.

  I sit back on the bed against the headboard, running my hands over my face. I turn to the side of the bed usually occupied by Haylee, expecting to see her lying there. I completely forget for a moment that she’s staying at Cam’s apartment for the time being.

  I reach for my phone on the bedside table and dial the only person I know who can calm me down.

  “Hello?”

  Oh, fuck, her voice is full of sleep. I didn’t even look at the time before I hit “send.” I pull my phone back from my ear to see the time. Shit, it’s 3:30 a.m.

  “Hey.”

  “Baby, it’s 3:30 in the morning. Are you okay? Is Dani okay?”

  “Yeah, she’s fine. I just… I just…”

  “Hey, talk to me. Did you have another nightmare?”

  That’s one of the many things I love about this girl; she gets me. Over the years, Haylee has always been there to calm me down when I wake up from these nightmares. It’s been a while since I’ve dreamed of that night. It’s always the same—reliving the night of the accident. Her voice and touch help keep away the ghosts of the past that I know will forever haunt me.

  The first time it happened when we were together, I had woken up screaming, and she brought me down. I lay there with my head in her lap crying with no judgment from her. She knew the pain I felt; it mimicked hers. She just sat there, stroking my hair. She brings me peace. These past few days without her have been more of a struggle than I realized.

  “Yeah, but I don’t want to talk about it. I wish they would go away. It’s bad enough living with the guilt of knowing I let her down.”

  “What are you talking about?” Her voice raises, no longer showing signs of exhaustion. I can imagine her sitting straight up in bed, her face full of concern.

  “I promised Dani when we left for college that I would take good care of him, and look what happened.”

  “You listen to me. We’re not going there again, okay? You are here. I am here. Dani is home. None of it was your fault.” I hear her voice filling with emotion, and I hate that I’m not there to hold her.

  Great, now I feel like an even bigger asshole for not only waking her up in the middle of the night but upsetting her.

  “Hails, this is stupid. I miss you. You should be here lying next to me. I can’t go another night with you not wrapped in my arms.”

  “I know, but we agreed—”

  “No, you agreed.”

  “Okay. Okay. Are we seriously going to argue this again at 3:00 a.m.? Are you really all right?”

  “Yeah, I think I just needed to hear your voice. Still okay if I swing by tomorrow after work with dinner?”

  “Isn’t your sister getting suspicious that you always come home late?”

  “Nah, she thinks I work long hours. I guess you could say that is a perk of her not being around all this time; she has no clue about my schedule.” I guess that’s a weird positive to find in this scenario, that she can’t call me out on my bullshit. “Ky hasn’t slipped up or anything. He knows the deal. I’m so
rry for calling and waking you up. I know you have a big exam in the morning.”

  “It’s okay. But for the record, I prefer it when you wake me up with your tongue, but hearing your voice helps too.”

  Oh, so we’re going there, huh? I let out a soft laugh, and my dick starts to stiffen at the thought of her waking up with my head between her thighs.

  “Fuck waiting until tomorrow—can I come over now? Or maybe some phone sex?”

  Haylee lets out a loud laugh, one that I know if she were here making that noise, she would be waking someone in the house up. The sound of her laughter goes straight down my spine to my balls. It wouldn’t take much for a release.

  Still laughing, she says, “Good night, Zach. I love you!”

  I grumble, knowing that she knows exactly what she’s doing.

  “Love you too. See you tomorrow.”

  I don’t know whether it was because I heard my sister singing in the shower this morning, something that hasn’t happened in years, or just the fact that Emmett is always on my mind, but I found myself on the couch watching the home movies my parents put on a DVD for us—a time when our biggest problems were balancing a social life and lacrosse schedule.

  If only we knew then how much or how little time we had left with Em.

  “Hey, man.” I jump when I hear a deep voice from behind. I turn to find Kyler standing in the hallway.

  “Oh sorry, didn’t see ya there. Have you been standing there long?”

  “No, I just got off the phone with mama dukes.” Ky takes a seat on the other side of the couch. He lets out a loud laugh, turning my attention back to the TV. “Dude, what the fuck is in your hair? Is that shit flammable?”

  I roll my eyes. “Fuck off.” I punch him straight in the arm. “That used to take me an hour to perfect the rolled-out-of-bed look.”

  I’m grateful now though that I wear my hair short. Kyler continues his laughter as we watch the video of us leaving for prom.

  It didn’t matter that I looked hot as fuck, a definite James Bond wannabe, but I preferred being out of the suit.

  I watch as Emmett playfully shoves me on the screen. I can remember it as if it were yesterday.

  “Knock it off, dude. Melissa isn’t going to stand you up. She should be here soon.”

  “Ha! I’m not worried about that. She’ll be here. She wouldn’t miss what I have planned for us after prom, if you know what I mean.”

  Wow, I was something else back then.

  “Un-freakin’-believable. Keep it in your pants, Jacobs.”

  “Whatever. I know you have something planned. Don’t act like you don’t. Just keep that shit to yourself.”

  There is a throat clearing in the background of the video that ends our shoving contest and draws our attention to the front porch. Whenever my sister walked into the room, she was all Emmett saw. I guess that’s exactly how Haylee and I are now. That girl is my world. While all eyes were on my sister and best friend, I focus on the girl in the background. My girl. Although, back then, she wasn’t my girl. She had gone with that douchebag; I don’t even remember his name. He made me look like a saint.

  Damn, she is so beautiful. How did I seriously not notice it back then? I hate hiding this—hiding us. If my sister can’t be okay with Hails and I being happy, then we have more significant issues. We both stood by for years watching our siblings and best friends fall in love, and we both only wanted them to be happy. It was all that mattered. I would hope that my sister would have the same decency.

  I prop my elbows on my knees and run my fingers through my hair, releasing a loud breath. “This is so stupid. I need to talk to her.”

  I need to bring my girl home.

  Kyler and I are both caught up in the moment watching Dani and Emmett on the screen, my sister wearing a smile that I wonder if I will ever see again. It’s not until a loud noise in the hallway where Kyler had first startled me from, that I pull my eyes from the screen.

  “What the fuck are you doing?” my sister demands from where she stands.

  I stare at her, watching the tears stream down her cheeks. She does not attempt to wipe them.

  “I said, what the fuck are you doing? How dare you?”

  Is she fucking serious right now? Oh no, this bullshit, woe-is-me ends right now. My sister stomps over like a child to me and reaches for the remote, but I refuse to give it to her.

  “How dare I? Are you kidding me right now? How dare you?!” I rise to my feet, anger pouring off me. “You act like you’re the only one to have ever lost someone they love. You think you’re the only one who lost someone that day? I lost my best friend, Haylee lost a brother, Natalie and Brian lost a son. I am so sorry that you lost the love of your life, I truly am, but what about the rest of us?”

  I begin to pace the living room.

  “Fuck! Danielle, I didn’t just lose Em that day—I lost you too. I lost my sister. Haylee lost her best friend. We needed you, and you were so fucking selfish living in your own world that you cut us all out too. We were all grieving, but you didn’t care—it didn’t matter. For fuck’s sake, Dani, you fucking abandoned us! You just left us behind to put back the pieces of our broken world and try to move on. Do you think that’s been easy?”

  My voice roars, and I don’t even care if the neighbors hear me. What is it going to take for her to understand what I’m saying? She. Left. Us. She is not going to show up after all this time and expect sympathy when we had to manage life on our own without only him or her.

  “I miss him—I miss him every godforsaken day. He was my best friend, my brother. Some days, I have to just force myself out of bed, in hopes that when I walk into the kitchen I’ll see him sitting at the island drinking out of that ridiculous Batman mug, that when my phone chimes it’s a text from him seeing if I want to get a beer after work, or that I would’ve gotten a chance to give a kick-ass best man speech at yours and his wedding so that I could spill all the stupid embarrassing things over the years. I started planning that speech at thirteen because somewhere deep down I knew you two were the real deal. Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it?”

  Does she really have nothing to say? Fine. I’ll keep talking while she stares at me.

  “I can’t say that I know what you’re going through because I don’t know exactly, but I hurt too. You can’t even say his name. Emmett. Say it… Em-mett.” I’m sure to enunciate each syllable of his name.

  “You, Dani, are still here. For some fucking reason that I’m still trying to figure out, he isn’t. He was denied all his dreams and plans. He wouldn’t want you to be living this bullshit excuse for a life that you are. He would want you to live, to move on. You can do that without forgetting. I do it every. Fucking. Day. You say you want to start over and move on, but look at you—have you even gone home to see Mom and Dad, visit the cemetery, or hell, even call Haylee?”

  I know the answers to all of them, especially the last one. It breaks my heart every time I see or talk to Haylee, knowing that my sister hasn’t reached out. Sure, she asked about her once, and I was vague with details when all I wanted to say was that she is the woman I plan to marry. Her silence is deafening.

  “Yeah, I didn’t fucking think so. So, dear sweet sister, if you want to talk about selfish, I suggest you look in a fucking mirror.” I stalk over to my keys and storm out the front door with only one destination in mind.

  Fuckkkkkkkk! I can’t believe my sister is so fucking selfish and trying to act like the shit we went through only affected her. In what fucking world does she live where she is the only one who lost someone that day? I lost my best friend, and Haylee lost her brother. I needed to leave before I said something I’d regret. I almost told her to get the fuck out. When I grabbed my keys, I knew where I was headed. I knew that when I slammed the door so hard that I was grateful we no longer lived in the apartment because we definitely would have gotten a call from the building or worse, the cops.

  This is fucking stupid, Hails and I living apart to be c
areful of Dani’s feelings. Well, guess what? We’re done with that. If she doesn’t like it, then she can get the fuck out of my house. The apartment Haylee is staying at isn’t too far from the house, and I make it there in record time. I pull into a parking space and shut the Jeep off when my phone vibrates.

  Ky: You okay, man?

  Ky: Please don’t do something stupid.

  I’m pretty sure I owe Kyler a beer or two, or possibly even a case of beers for having to witness that explosion. Maybe letting Dani move in was a bad idea. Just thinking about her makes me angrier. I quickly respond to the text and get out of the car.

  Me: Yeah, I needed to get out of there. Sorry to blow up like that. I’m heading over to Haylee’s. I’ll be back later or maybe in the morning. Idk.

  As soon as I’m in the building, I start running to the stairs. I also fucking hate this building. It’s okay for Cam and whatever, but I don’t want my girl staying here anymore. The damn elevator has been broken for months, and I’m guessing they have no intention of fixing it anytime soon. I am having her shit packed by morning, and she is coming home with me. Enough is enough. By the time I reach the apartment door, the anger has not only grown, but I’m covered in sweat, and my heart is racing. It doesn’t matter that I live in the gym—that was a lot of fucking steps to run up.

  I knock on the door and can hear her footsteps on the other side of the door. There is a pause—I assume her looking out the peephole—before I hear the sound of the lock unlocking. She opens the door in black booty shorts and a T-shirt—my T-shirt. Oh, fuck! She knows what those booty shorts do to me. As if I wasn’t wound up enough. I let out a growl after taking her all in.

  There’s a look of her surprise on her face. “Hey, baby, what are you do—”

  I cut her off, claiming her mouth with mine, my greedy tongue pushing into her mouth. I push her into the apartment and kick the door shut with my foot before spinning her around and hoisting her up in my arms, and she wraps her legs around my waist. I don’t break the kiss. This kiss is anything but sweet; it’s demanding, powerful, and messy. Teeth are clashing, and hands are roaming. I bite her bottom lip before swiping my tongue over to ease the sting and doing it again. Her moans go straight to my cock. I press it into her hot center, already feeling her wetness against my leg.