Falling

by Jolene Perry

  “Light?” Boz holds out a joint as I flop on the couch next to James and across the room from Dana, who’s sprawled on the large sofa alone.

  James glances at Dana, and then at me, and wags his brows a few times. I’m now glad Dana’s so stoned because with any luck, she’ll miss all the innuendos that are going to be flying around tonight.

  “Warnings, Truths, Dares, and Secrets.” Boz looks around at the group. Josh and James clap.

  “What’s going on?” Dana’s eyes are on me.

  “A game we used to play as kids.” I shake my head. “That we’re way too old to be playing.”

  Dana ignores me and looks at Boz. “So what do we do?”

  “No way,” I say. “We are not doing that.”

  “I wanna.” Dana pouts.

  And already, I know I’m going to lose this battle. I’m so screwed.

  DANA

  Warnings, Truths, Dares, and Secrets.

  “Awesome.” Boz laughs. “Dana can be first.”

  “See? I’m even going to volunteer to be first.” I have no idea what I’m going to be doing, but these guys are fun, and this night is fun, and I decide that I like being stoned. I sit up tall with my legs crossed in front of me on the couch.

  “So, Dana.” Boz slumps, a joint in his hand. “You get to pick but we go around the circle four times so you’ll eventually have to do everything.”

  “Okay.” I nod. I sit up even taller and try to be serious like Boz, but I’m hungry. I grab a fistful of Fruitloops and put them in my mouth. Boz passes his joint over to James or Josh, I’m not sure which. It doesn’t matter. They’re interchangeable because they’re brothers and their names all start with J. I laugh again.

  “You pick—Warnings, Truth, Dare, or Secret.”

  “I have no idea what that means. Let’s just start at the top and work our way down. What do I do?” I stare at him intently, hoping he knows I’m serious. I really want to play.

  Jason looks at me. “You give us a warning. Basically telling us to never do something stupid that you’ve done.” He sounds more resigned than excited, which makes me extra curious about all of his turns.

  “Oh.” I think really hard and then it comes to me. This is perfect for a room full of guys. “Warning!” I yell as I put both my hands in the air and they laugh a little. Jason takes another drag off the joint and passes it on. “If you ever go in for a Brazilian wax, drink a bottle of tequila first, or, one of Boz’s brownies might also do the job because…wow.” I emphasize the last word slowly. Boz, Rory, and Jason all cringe.

  “What’s a Brazilian wax?” Josh asks.

  “They wax you, you know, down there, and they take it all off,” Rory says and raises his eyebrows a few times.

  “Whoa,” Josh says. His eyes look me up and down once. “Do you always do that?”

  I laugh. “It’s not my turn anymore!”

  Things get hazy when it’s not my turn.

  “Dare,” Jason says. I look up.

  “Oh, do some of that Capoeira you’re so good at.” Rory points at him.

  “The what?” I ask.

  “It’s like that Fox guy in Ocean’s Twelve? Jason can do that,” he says.

  “The dancing thing?” I really want to see this.

  “I’m too high to do that right now.” Jason laughs. “And I’m way out of practice.”

  “Give it your best shot.” Rory nods. It’s final.

  Jason stands up and before I really understand what’s happening, he’s on his hands and then his legs are off to the side, but he’s still balanced on his hands and then he’s up and moving in these crazy incredible ways. My mouth drops open.

  “Okay, Dana!” Boz waves his hand in front of my face. “Your turn.”

  I’m still staring at Jason’s very limber, very strong body. Wow.

  “Oh.” I look back toward Boz. I wonder how long I was starting at…whatever I was just staring at.

  “Truth.”

  “Okay.” I nod seriously.

  “Why do you get to pick what we ask her?” Jason asks.

  “Because I made the brownies that made her so willing.” Boz looks over his shoulder at Jason. Obviously. They’re so funny. I start laughing again.

  “Have you ever, ever had your heart broken?”

  I’m nodding before I realize I’m doing it. My eyes get wide. “It sucked.”

  “Told ya.” Boz looks over at Jason. Hmm. They’re talking about me behind my back.

  “One time, I was a freshman in college. His name was Clive. He was a friend of my brother’s. My brother set us up, but we weren’t allowed to tell anyone. I liked him all through high school. We used to fool around when my brother had a group over. We weren’t allowed to tell anyone.” I whisper the last part out. Wait, did I say that twice? I’m not sure. “He came from this great family. He was the first guy I ever…you know.” I remember him so well. “I really thought he was it, and he knew I wasn’t it before we even started.” I’d given him everything, been whatever he wanted me to be. I sit there in a daze for a while. Even the brownies don’t take away the memory of the rawness. ‘Truth’ starts around the room.

  “No. I don’t want her back. Not anymore.” It’s Jason’s voice.

  “Oh! Never!” One of the other boy’s answers. The room is smoky and I’m starving and having a really hard time concentrating.

  “Daaaanaaaaaa…” Boz says my name real slow while he stares at me.

  “What?”

  “Time for your dare.”

  “Oh.”

  “I think she should take off her shirt.” Rory says.

  Jason slaps him on the back of the head.

  “Ow, man!” Rory reaches out behind him

  “Dana.” Boz looks at me carefully. “Pick out the handsomest man in the room and kiss him.”

  This is so easy. Jason is totally the best looking guy here, especially without his beard. Wow. Our eyes meet for a moment. This is what everyone expects. I laugh because I have a way better idea. I slide off the couch and crawl on my hands and knees to Boz.

  I take myself by surprise then. Boz is sitting against the back of the couch with his legs stretched out on the floor. I sit on his lap and straddle him. His belly is significant. I’ve never kissed anyone this fat before. I try not to laugh, lean forward, and curl my fingers through his hair. I kiss him. His beard is really in the way. I push my body against his and really kiss him. His beard is all scratchy and feels crazy. I think about all the stories about food and stuff getting stuck in beards, and I can’t take it anymore. I fall off of Boz’s lap sideways onto the floor laughing.

  “Beards are out for me.” I don’t move for a moment and then I roll over and crawl back to my place on the couch. Everyone’s staring. Boz folds his arms across his chest and looks smug. The game fuzzes again. Josh crams two full handfuls of Fruitloops into his mouth and then spews them all over the floor. I’m not sure what the other guys do.

  “Secret time.”

  “What?” I ask, eyes blinking. It can’t already be my turn again, can it?

  “Secret time,” Boz answers.

  “But isn’t that like truth?” I’m completely confused.

  “Haven’t you been paying attention?”

  “No.” I laugh. “Not at all.” I shake my head. I feel good, relaxed. They laugh a little with me.

  “You tell a secret about someone else in the room,” Boz explains.

  “Oh, I have one about Jason.” I stare at Jason, and let myself look at his dark eyes for a moment or two.

  “Really.” Jason folds his arms and lets his head rest off to the side—sure signs he doesn’t believe me.

  “Jason is a writer and he wrote a book that is so good I stayed up almost all night for two nights to finish it.” I’m very pleased that I have a secret to share.

  “How…?” Jason is staring at me. His brothers are staring at him.

  “Someone called so you left the room, and I really wanted to know what yo
u were so intent on with all that typing away. I downloaded your writing file. I love your book.” I flatten my hands over my chest.

  “You downloaded stuff from my computer?” Jason’s jaw clenches.

  “It’s before we were getting along. Back when you were mad at me because I was having sex with Craig.” It’s so damn funny. Jason’s expression. Sex with Craig. The espionage I performed right underneath his nose. Is espionage the right word? I don’t care. It makes me sound cool. I wanna be cool. Essspionage…

  A few of the guys choke a little and look back at me. Maybe the Craig thing shouldn’t have come out. “Please don’t say anything to anyone.” I look around. “I feel really bad, you know, about Craig. But Jason’s book is awesome.” I point at each one of them.

  “I don’t even know what to say.” Jason’s mouth is open in shock. He probably doesn’t know what to think right now.

  I catch Jason’s very warm, brown eyes. Again. “I’m sorry. Jason, but you have to know how good it is.”

  He stares.

  “I didn’t know you were writing,” Boz says.

  “Cass knew.” Jason looks down. “It’s my happy distraction. The thing that keeps me sane up here all winter. Cass didn’t like it.”

  “How could she not like it?” I’ve never met her, and I really don’t like her. Who in their right mind would leave a guy like Jason?

  He shrugs. I get up from my spot on the couch and walk over to him. I don’t know why, it just seems like the thing to do. This is the kind of rescuing that I can do. I slide next to him on the couch, half on his lap, and put my arms around him.

  “I’m sorry for stealing that file from your computer, but I’m glad I did. Don’t stop writing, Jason.” I smash my face into his chest. The room is hazy and spinning. He’s so warm.

  He pats me on the back a few times and then leans away, waiting for me to go back to my place. Normally, I would hate being dismissed like that, but tonight I don’t even care. I walk carefully back to the couch, flop down, and realize I’m exhausted. I try to keep my eyes open while the guys talk, but don’t last for long.

  JASON

  I’m Normally Very Smart.

  Really.

  Leaving Dana on the couch is definitely the smart thing to do, and I don’t think I’ll get any customers in the morning, but I never know. I stand in front of the couch, staring down at her, completely crashed, and wonder if I should take her to her room.

  “Don’t stare.” Josh punches my shoulder. “You might start drooling.” He laughs as he stumbles a few times while heading for the stairs. He never was a guy who knew when to stop smoking. I’m amazed he can lift his body off the floor.

  “Just leave her.” Boz shakes his head. “She’ll be fine, and you’re already pushing boundaries here.”

  “I’m not.”

  “Dude. You stare at her way too much for the friend bullshit you keep selling me. I told you to be nice, but I didn’t tell you to fall for her.” Boz smirks and shuffles for the door. “See you tomorrow.”

  I wave him off, and slide my hands underneath Dana, slowly picking her up. The moment she’s in my arms, I realize what a dangerous mistake this is. Also, all of the guys lifting girls and running with them is bullshit. She’s tiny, but is still heavy, and I have a long ways to go.

  Also, she feels way too damn good here for me to maintain my sanity. She sighs as I shift, and rolls her head against my chest. Instead of doing the smart thing and pretending it’s just anyone, I soak up the moment as I walk up the stairs. She has the palest freckles that I haven’t noticed before, and a tiny scar near her hairline. I want to know if she got teased about her freckles, and where the scar came from. I want to know about the guy who was stupid enough to break her heart, and why her brother and dad stress her out so much, why she can’t just let go. All of it. I want to know all of it, and none of these things are things I should care about.

  But we know this crap about friends, right. I know where all Boz’s scars come from. But I also would definitely not be turned on by him standing in a tank top in a drafty doorway—so there’s that.

  I nudge her door open with my foot and lay her in bed, grabbing a few of Justine’s extra blankets from her closet and resting them on top of her. Maybe I should try to get Justine back here so Dana can go home, or wherever she’ll end up.

  The problem is that I don’t want her to go.

  Losing My Mind

  Last night begins to hit me again as I suck down my third cup of coffee. My brothers are asleep, but I recognize Dana’s footsteps as she shuffles down the stairs.

  “Morning,” she whispers as she pulls her sweater more tightly around her and walks with lids half-closed to the coffee pot.

  “How are you today?” I ask.

  She shrugs. “Better than hung over.”

  I’m now embarrassed about carrying her to her room. It was probably some kind of violation or something, and then I remember she took files from my computer, and that maybe I should still be pissed.

  I start to ask her why she thought it was okay to take something from my computer, when she speaks instead. “How did I get upstairs?”

  I choke, and then cough. “I helped you.” Not a lie. “Why did you think it was okay to take files from my computer?” Now we’re even.

  “You were totally grouchy toward me, and I was curious.” She slides onto the seat across from mine, her mug clutched in both hands. “I sent it to a friend of mine. A literary agent.”

  “You what?” I almost drop the coffee.

  “It would be a waste if you didn’t.” She takes another sip and stares out the window.

  How can she be so calm right now?

  “It wouldn’t be a waste! I had a lot of fun writing it!” Holy… I just. It wasn’t ready. I hadn’t researched. I was waiting…

  For what, Jason? For what?

  “You can tell him no if you don’t want it to go anywhere, and I know I should have asked you, but I couldn’t help myself. I’m sorry.” She’s not sorry.

  “You don’t look sorry,” I mumble.

  “I’m nervous about it.” She smiles, looking a little more awake. “I’ve thought about it since I hit send.”

  We’re silent for a minute, and she leans her elbows on the table, putting us closer. My heart starts hammering.

  “I’ve been thinking about something else,” she says.

  “Of course you have.” I’m wondering what she’s going to be on about. “You’re like Justine.”

  Silence hangs between us for long enough that I start to think she might be serious.

  “Am I the first girl Craig brought up here?” She holds her breath, waiting for my answer.

  I don’t want to answer this. At all. She already feels like shit over the situation. She doesn’t need to feel worse. Dana should never just be a girl on someone’s list—she should be the girl on the list.

  With that realization, I stand and move away. Too much. Too intense.

  “Well, that’s answer enough. It serves me right. I was so proud of myself.” Her voice is so low.

  “Don’t feel bad.” I dump the rest of my coffee in the sink, nerves already on edge. “You did the right thing in the end.”

  “And I’ll never do that again.”

  “So, lesson learned.” She’s not stupid.

  “Uh…yeah.” She tries to laugh, but she’s obviously still affected by the situation.

  The kitchen is already spotless from last night, and I’m not sure how to stay busy.

  “We’re okay, right?” she asks. “I mean. We get along, and we’re okay?” She’s still clutching her mug, her wide eyes on me, and looking younger and more vulnerable than I think I’ve ever seen her.

  “Of course we get along.” I lean back against the counter, trying desperately to look relaxed. “It’s good. We’re good.” It’s just me that’s apparently losing my mind.

  DANA

  Sometimes Talents Need to be Used for Evil, or Good…Dependin
g Which Side You’re On

  It’s Saturday morning, a little early in the weekend for any big crowd, but a large group has just come in, ready for lunch. Jason’s in the kitchen cooking. Boz is missing, but that’s not too unusual.

  Funny, that this place is now my “normal.”

  I stand by the table with a large indecisive group. There’s nothing else to do yet, so I sit down on the edge of the bench seat and chat with the guys while they look over the menu and tell me about their morning ride. I try not to think about how I’m pretty sure Jason carried me to my bed and covered me up, or how I should have taken advantage of being high and kissed him without consequence, or at least with very little consequence.

  The door opens and Boz steps in with a short, pretty, frizzy red-haired girl. I’m a little surprised because I’ve never seen him with a woman before, and if I had, she would not have been my first pick. She’s way too pretty, which sounds really mean. I like Boz. He’s nice once you stop being afraid of him, but whatever girl he’s with needs to be quirky enough to love him.

  “This should be interesting,” one of the guys at the table says. He leans back in his chair. I turn around to see Boz and the lady with him use the backdoor to the kitchen. The rest of the table has forgotten their menus and is all straining to see or hear something.

  “Hey, Cass,” Jason says. He sounds tired or bored. Maybe it’s forced. Jason is nearly impossible to read. Wait, the redhead who just came in with Boz is his ex-wife? I can’t wait to hear what will happen next.

  “You cut your hair,” she says.

  “You’re observant,” he says back in his flat voice.

  “This place looks just the same.” She sounds accusatory. I find myself straining to hear, which isn’t a problem. The whole table has their heads turned toward the kitchen, even though we can’t quite see inside from here.

  “What do you want, Cass?” Now Jason sounds impatient.

  “I’m just up spending a little time with my brother.” I’m floored. She’s with Boz. I look at the guys sitting at the table.