Selling the Drama

by Theresa Smith

  "I don't know what to do now," Jake said, his voice cloaked with tears.

  Toby turned then, taking in his friend's ravaged appearance with solemnity. "I'll take you back to ours," he offered, mostly for want of something to say.

  Jake nodded, yet made no move to get up and leave.

  Toby waited him out, watching patiently, yet Jake still made no move, remaining upright in his seat, the tears now running down his face as he stared at his dead wife.

  "I don't know what to do," he repeated, broken, his tears flowing faster now.

  Toby crossed to the bed where Ellie was lying and reached down carefully, brushing her hair lightly with the back of his hand. Leaning down, he kissed her on the forehead, barely brushing his lips there before straightening up. Taking hold of the sheet that was folded back and lying across her chest, he pulled it up, settling it gently over her face.

  "Farewell, Ellie," Toby whispered as he released the sheet.

  Turning back to face Jake, he reached down to grip his friend under the elbow, helping him to his feet. Their eyes met, and for one long minute, Toby became absorbed by Jake's grief, the intensity of it stunning him with a clarity that was uncomfortable to behold. To lose that one part of yourself, the one part that walked around within another person's body. Toby had five, soon to be six, such parts of himself out there, contained within another. To lose any one of them would be horrendous, but the odds of losing them all at once were very slim. Jake was right. He had nothing now. That knowledge spurned the thought that he was perhaps the worst person in the world to be standing in front of Jake offering comfort; he had so much in comparison. Still, he pulled Jake into an embrace, hugging him hard.

  "I am so fucking sorry." Tears stung his eyes as Jake's grief overwhelmed him.

  Jake made no response, his arms remaining by his side as he pulled out of the embrace wordlessly, walking to the door without even a backward glance, his back straight the whole way. It was only the shaking of his hand as he placed it onto the door handle; that was what gave it away to Toby, just how hard it was for him to leave this room, to leave Ellie, to leave his life as he had known it up until now.

  She hadn't intended on waking him, just on covering him up; the air conditioner was cold now evening had settled in and the vent was blowing straight over him. Yet he stirred, opening his eyes, wide awake within seconds, leading her to believe he had not been asleep at all, not for a long time.

  "Hey," she said to him, dropping the blanket and sitting down onto the edge of the bed beside him.

  "Hey."

  "Did you sleep?" Useless chat, aimed at filling in the awkward spaces, yet totally necessary for survival. It was so hard to just sit and be silent with someone.

  "No."

  Reaching over to him, she took a hold of his hand. He let her hold it, yet he kept his grip loose, as though he were only allowing the contact for her comfort, not his own as it was intended. "You want some dinner?"

  "No."

  "A cup of tea? Coffee-"

  "Stop it." He squeezed her hand then, hard, his gaze equally so as he levelled her with it. "Don't do that to me. Not you."

  "Sorry," Charlotte whispered, her tears threatening once more. After crying for most of the day, she was somewhat amazed her body could still produce tears. "I don't know what else to do." She looked away from him then, concentrating her gaze on the carpet, working at the pattern with her toe.

  "She was sorry about the fight you two had. She cried in the car, was going to call you as soon as she got off work."

  "I understood."

  "I know. I told her that, but even so, she was worried she may have pushed the boundaries with you too far."

  "There were no boundaries between us."

  His thumb stoked her hand lightly. "Thank you."

  Charlotte looked up at him, startled by his words. "What for?"

  "I would never have asked her out if you hadn't encouraged me."

  "She would have eventually grown tired of waiting and just asked you herself."

  Shrugging, he smiled, a whimsical look coming over his face. "Maybe. But still, you helped. So thanks."

  Inhaling sharply, she pulled her hand free of his, covering her face with both hands, sobs ripping through her. It was a hard, messy sort of crying, loud and painful. Jake made no move to touch her, said nothing at all. Perhaps he was crying himself, Charlotte was unaware; she didn't know anything at all right now, least of all why something like this had happened to them.

  It was past eight by the time Toby got a hold of Iris on the phone. "Where have you been all day?" he bit out with impatience.

  "I beg your pardon?" Her tone was one of offence; she had perfected it well over the years.

  "I have been trying to call you all day. Charlotte and I needed your help today."

  "You and your family are not the centre of my world, Toby. You made it quite clear that was what you wanted when you took them all away from me, moving to the other side of town so-"

  Toby cut her off, this tirade of hers so well known to him by now, and so not relevant. "Ellie died this morning."

  "Jenna went into labour this morning."

  Her response threw him. "What? She's not ready yet."

  "She's close enough. She's having a hard time though. The baby is still not born. They may do a caesarean if it drags much longer. It's mere chance you caught me. I was just coming home for a few things." She paused for a moment. "What happened to Ellie?"

  "She was attacked at work." He found himself unable to say the true word, despite how it bounced around the inside of his head, to say it, out loud, that she had been murdered; it was not something he was capable of yet, maybe he never would be. "She was stabbed and died very quickly."

  The silence on the other end of the phone stretched out, but eventually the sound of Iris crying could be heard. Toby waited, giving her this much; Iris had known Ellie right from when she was a little girl.

  "That's horrible. I can't believe it," she muttered, her voice still thick with tears.

  "So, what's happening with Jenna?"

  "What? Oh, well, they're just monitoring her."

  "What's wrong with the baby?" He was unused to complicated labours; each of Charlotte's had been relatively quick and uneventful.

  "It's around the wrong way. They've been trying to turn it. Chad is beside himself with worry, but Jenna is fine. As calm as you would expect from her. It's ridiculous, as though she can't even take being in labour seriously."

  Even at a time such as this, when Jenna really needed her, Iris was unable to help herself. Perhaps it was a result of the day, the stress and the emotion, but Toby could not bear it any longer, the weight of what he knew, in light of the fragility of life that he had once again witnessed that very day. "If you can't support her you should stay the hell away from her."

  Iris was silent on the other end of the phone. Stunned, or maybe she was wondering where he was coming from and working through her options on what to say next. Toby saved her the trouble.

  "I know, Iris. I know what Jenna is to all of us. You owe her more than what you give her."

  Iris's voice was very controlled when she at last spoke again. "How do you know?"

  "That's none of your business." Not yet, anyway. "Tell Chad to make sure his phone is on. I'll call him later." Toby hung up then, unwilling to extend the conversation any further. Staring at the handset, he felt an immense regret at what he had just done. Without thinking it through, he had gone and levered up the lid on that can of worms, acting just like any other person under too much stress. Acting without thought. It was what he defended people for on a daily basis. It was something he had always considered himself above.

  What a fucking mess.

  The chime of a text message sent to Toby's phone just after midnight woke both of them with a panicked start. It had been a long day and exhaustion had nothing on either of them. Charlotte looked at Toby through a sleepy gaze as he read the text. After switching off
the phone, he turned to her, his own face creased with exhaustion.

  "That was Chad. Jenna had to have an emergency caesarean. The baby was delivered just before midnight. They're both well." He slumped back down onto his pillow, closing his eyes immediately.

  "Is it a girl or a boy?" Charlotte asked, considering this the most important point past Jenna and the baby being well.

  "Chad didn't say. He probably forgot," Toby mumbled.

  "Forgot to tell you or forgot what he had?"

  "Charlotte," Toby cautioned. "Don't be mean. As if he would forget what he had."

  She made no reply, unable to really agree with Toby. Chad forgot the most significant things at times. "What if Jenna had died? Chad would never be able to look after their child alone." She did not know why she was saying this, if it was a reaction to Ellie's death, or a genuine concern. But as time passed, and they all got to know Chad so much more since they were living so close now, the realities of his existence were hard to ignore. Chad could not be relied upon. Charlotte had tried, giving him the responsibility of picking up Ashley from his school on occasion when she got stuck, but his remembering was hit and miss, so too was his remembering the way home, or which bus to catch in order to get there and back. Secretly, Charlotte had asked these things of him as a test, because she was not as convinced as Jenna of Chad's reliability and had been driven by a need to prove it. Even if it was just to herself.

  "Then I guess your mum would have had to step in and help him."

  "She's going to be nearly raising that baby anyway."

  "Does that bother you?"

  Charlotte thought for a moment on that. Did it bother her? Maybe bother was not necessarily the correct term. Concern seemed more apt. "It doesn't bother me at all that she'll be helping them. I just worry about the entire situation."

  "Let them worry about it. You need to go to sleep." Toby rolled onto his side, his arm curling around her body as he dragged her up against him. "I need to go to sleep and you're talking too much."

  Charlotte said nothing more, but despite her exhaustion, sleep was now hard to come by. She lay awake for an unending period of time, staring into the darkness, thoughts of Ellie intermingling with those of the new baby their family had just welcomed. Life and death; states of being that were never all that far apart.

  Iris was clearly uncomfortable, a condition Toby was drawing a macabre sense of comfort from. He did not want to be that person, the one that enjoyed other people's misery; nor did he want to be the person who kept others hanging on a hook, starving for insight into their own secrets. Yet, here he was, being both at once.

  Not only looking like his father, but now acting like him too. Could this week get any worse?

  Charlotte was cradling the new baby, a boy, cooing and smiling. She really did love babies, and was so perfectly suited to motherhood. Iris was sitting away from the rest of them, trying in vain to catch his gaze, which he was keeping right away from her. He really should not have tipped his hand last night; he was simply too weary right now to deal with all of this.

  "So, what's his name?" Charlotte asked, looking up at Jenna first, before moving her gaze over to Chad, both of whom were shrugging in response to Charlotte's question.

  "Not sure yet," Jenna replied.

  "We can't agree," Chad clarified.

  "Oh." Charlotte nodded, a smirk playing around her lips as she gazed back down to the baby. "Well, think carefully. But, you need to avoid names starting with 'E'."

  Toby looked at Charlotte carefully; he had not been expecting her to divulge their news yet.

  "Why can't I use 'E'?" Jenna asked absently.

  Toby almost groaned at her inability to read between the lines, yet he found it curious that he felt affection, rather than frustration, at the thought of how scattered she could be. He had barely had time to register the impact of her being his sister, but as he watched her from the corner of his eye, he recognised within him a fierce sense of protection towards her that he normally reserved only for his immediate family. He was unsure how this news would affect Charlotte, she already had a deep familial connection to Jenna; but for him, these feelings were all new.

  Chad smiled widely, a little sharper in this moment than Jenna. "Well, what do you know. Number five, hey?" He looked across to Toby with a wink.

  "What?!" Jenna shrieked.

  Iris rose to her feet, approaching Charlotte, a look of joy on her face. "That's wonderful! I'm so happy for you!" She glanced at Toby before adding, "Both of you."

  Charlotte beamed happily. "Thanks. It's exciting, even though it's almost standard for us," she kidded.

  Toby pushed off of the wall he had been leaning on, crossing the room to Charlotte, surprising both her, and himself, by lifting the baby from her arms. Looking down into the tiny face, he smiled, studying the features, not seeing any similarities to anyone yet. "Hey, little fella," he said softly. "I'm your Uncle Toby." No one questioned his use of the title; his own children called Chad and Jenna aunty and uncle, so it was natural their child would address him in the same manner. He raised his eyes in the direction of Iris, levelling his gaze at her, holding it until she looked away, an expression of resignation upon her face that spoke volumes.

  "Do you want to speak at Ellie's funeral?"

  Charlotte felt her stomach contract at Jake's question. She looked across the kitchen bench at him, sorrow filling her. "Not really," she replied honestly, then instantly regretting it. "I just don't think I could handle it," she clarified, not wanting him to get the wrong idea.

  He nodded though, understanding in his eyes. "I know what you mean. I don't think I can speak either."

  They faced each other silently, each lost in the depth of their own heartbreak.

  "I'm going to play that song by James Blunt, 'Goodbye My Lover'," Jake offered. "She loves James Blunt."

  Charlotte noted his use of the present tense. She swallowed deeply, wondering at which point he would eventually start using the past tense with regard to Ellie. It would happen, one day, out of the blue. He would open his mouth to say something about her, a mere reflection, and that would be it. Delivered in the past tense, heralding her departure once more. He might, over time, even move on, meet someone new, and start all over again. Charlotte stared at him, sorrow sweeping through her anew at the thought of all that lay before them.

  "That's a sad song," she eventually replied.

  "It's going to be a sad day."

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  There was an overcast atmosphere to the morning of Ellie's funeral which progressed to torrential rain by the time they were all standing in the cemetery watching her casket get lowered into the ground. Soaked through, mud clinging to their shoes and legs, their misery was magnified by the elements.

  For Charlotte, it seemed entirely fitting, and she could not help but wonder if the sun was in mourning too, shrouding itself in a heavy grey to signify the loss of such a bright and perfect soul.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  From the research Toby had conducted, it appeared that Royce was well and truly screwed if his second marriage were to come to light. Given that he had acted knowingly, that Iris was neither missing nor dead, nor hard to find in the event he had been seeking a divorce, he would most certainly be charged with bigamy and could face up to twelve months imprisonment.

  Toby felt no overwhelming urge to report him. In the scheme of things, it was an insignificant crime and he was not that zealous that he was unable turn a blind eye and just get on with the rest of his life. The issue for him, was Charlotte and Iris. They deserved better than this. They deserved closure. He did not want to see Royce go to jail. But he also did not want to look Charlotte and Iris in the eyes for the rest of his days with this knowledge buried within him.

  With a weary sigh escaping him, he picked his phone up and dialled Iris's number.

  "Hello?"

  "We need to talk."

  Jake was lifting grocery bags out of his car as Charlotte pulle
d into his drive, parking behind him. She unclipped both Danielle and Courtney from their car seats, depositing them both near the front door with a gentle nudge in the direction of inside. Then she returned to Jake's car, grabbing up the remaining grocery bags, shutting the car boot, and heading inside herself. She dumped them onto the kitchen bench alongside the ones he had brought in and began to unpack them. Pulling groceries out and folding the bags for storage, it took her a few moments to register what she was unpacking. She stared at the groceries laid out before her, an incomprehensible feeling of sadness overwhelming her. Jake stood beside her, his shoulder touching hers. Charlotte turned to face him, but he refused to meet her gaze.

  "This is not healthy," she said quietly, gesturing to the groceries, items Ellie would have used, things Jake had no need for at all.

  "I don't care. It helps me."

  "How?"

  "Don't ask me that. I just need to do it."

  "She would hate this."

  Jake hit his hands down onto the bench, a hard slap that had Charlotte flinching at its force. "She would hate not being here! She would hate that she got stabbed at work! What the fuck does it matter what she would hate, anyway? She's gone, and all that's left is for me to cope without her as best I can. So don't fucking judge me, Charlotte. Just leave me alone." He turned and left the kitchen, heading up the hall towards his bedroom, the door slamming moments later.

  Charlotte began to put the groceries into the cupboard and the fridge, saving the toiletries until the end, where she scooped them all up and headed to the bathroom so she could put them all away. She paused on the way back up the hall, looking through the doorway of Jake's study. Tentatively entering the room, she stared at the wall in front of her, feeling as though she was standing in a police investigation office. Fumbling in her pocket for her phone, she pulled it out with a shaking hand, holding it up in front her so she could take a picture for Toby. He needed to know about this.