Forgiveness

by Elise St. George

  “These people were your family even before I was,” I continue. “Watching you and Harley together made me realize that you need them in your life because you are thriving more than you ever did before. I know that because of the paths we’ve chosen, we can’t be as close as we used to be but I’m hoping that we can still remain friends. If not, that’s fine, but I wanted to get all of this off my chest first.”

  Adam closes his eyes and tilts his head back as if praying for patience. He usually does that when he’s trying to express how he feels. Now that I know about his stepdad, I think he does it so he can gather up patience and avoid getting hit. For a laid back guy, Adam actually has a lot of rage.

  “Look, dude, I love your boy scout mentality about the sheriff, but you’re wrong. Because of that, we can still be friends, but we can’t be the way you used to,” Adam replies. I was hoping for a more elaborate response, but Adam has always been a man of few words. I nod and turn around to leave before I hear Adam clear his throat.

  “Look, man,” he says with a sad expression on his face. “I know you want to clean up the sheriff’s office and all that, but if you want that girl as badly as I know you do, you’ll eventually need to pick sides.”

  “What does that mean?” I ask.

  “You can’t have both, man. There’s too much bad blood between the sheriff and the MC,” he says and walks off.

  I’m not quite sure what to say, but I know I need to go home and think about what he said because I know he’s right. Honestly, I’m so in my head right now, I don’t even realize that I’ve basically left the garage until Harley stops me.

  “Are you all right?” she asks. “You and Loki talked about your issues?”

  “Yea,” I respond. “We’re cool. I just have a lot of things I need to think about. I’ll see you at school tomorrow in the library.”

  I get in my car and head home. The whole drive I think about my future with Harley. I really want her, and I’ve wanted her for a while now, but she’s part of the club, and our families will never get along. I know it, but I’ve got to find a way somehow.

  Chapter 7 - Harley, 17 years old

  I’m glad Loki and Steve were able to get over whatever issues they’ve been having, but Steve looked different after his conversation with Loki. He didn’t even say goodbye, and I’m a little sad about it.

  “What did you say to him?” I ask Loki.

  “Nothing that he didn’t need to hear,” he replies. “I told him that eventually, he would need to pick sides.”

  “Pick sides?” I ask while Scott claps him on the back. Everybody’s been calling him Ace since he got his road name, but it’s going to take some getting used to.

  “It’s about time someone said something to him,” Scott says.

  I’m super confused. What the fuck are they talking about? Scott, now dubbed Ace by the club, sees my confusion and chuckles. He looks at one of his best friends, Ratchet, who’s doubled over in laughter.

  “You seriously don’t know what they’re talking about?,” asks Ratchet. “That boy has been interested in you since you first arrived in that high school. Your brother, the boys, and I had to run him away from you. I didn’t realize you were so oblivious to the fact that he used to stare at you.”

  “What?” I shriek. Loki starts laughing.

  “Yea, Valkyrie,” he chuckles. “Steve has been interested in you since we were in elementary school. He said something about you punching a kid in the face to defend him, but I’m not sure you remember. I noticed it too and became closer friends with him when I realized what was going on. We’d always been friends before, but I got closer to him because of you.”

  “That’s why we wanted Loki in the club,” says Ace. “He’s been looking out for you even when you didn’t know it.”

  Loki blushes at the compliment. “You guys have always been my family.”

  “You guys threatened him away from me?” I ask. I’m not sure whether to be pissed or to happy that my family was looking out for me, but the more I think about it the madder I get. The guys can tell too because all their faces go from amused to a little scared so my anger must be showing on my face.

  “You don’t even know him, yet you threatened him to stay away from me. That’s so messed up. How am I ever going to find someone with you guys up my ass all the time? This basically just looks like you scared a possibly great guy away from me,” I scream.

  “Aw c’mon Princess,” says Ratchet. I fucking hate when he calls me that.

  “Yea, baby girl,” Ace says. “We weren’t protecting you from him, per se, we were more so protecting you from his family.”

  “His family?” I ask.

  “Yea,” responds Loki. “His dad is a social climber in the sheriff’s department. He’ll probably eventually become the sheriff, which means getting in bed with some serious enemies of the club.”

  “Enemies?” I ask.

  “You know the Davenport family, right?” Ace responds. “Let’s just say we’ve cut into some of that old hag’s business and she’s been gunning for us ever since and using the sheriff’s office to do it.”

  I’ve heard rumors about the Davenport family. They have a daughter that’s a year ahead of me like Steve and Loki. She doesn’t have many friends though, and I only know about her because I know some people that play on the softball team with her. That was back when I had so-called friends until I realized they were only being nice to me to cozy up to my brother and his friends. They were all basically club whores in training, and some of them are even club whores now.

  “He doesn’t seem that bad though,” I say.

  “He’s not,” says Loki. “Yet. Like I told him, if he wants to pursue something with you, he’ll eventually need to decide where his loyalties lie.”

  I know the guys can’t tell me the specifics since I’m not in the club, and I’m just associated with them. My dad, Hammer, is one of the founding members of the club and my brother and his friends are basically guaranteed spots as long as they fulfill all their prospecting duties. I thought Steve was cute when I saw him in class, and we’ve become close friends since I started tutoring him and the other football players. Out of any of the guys I’ve met at school, he would definitely be the one that I’d be interested in, but now I’m not so sure. I feel a nudge from Loki, and he looks worried about me.

  “Are you ok, Valkyrie?” he whispers to me. “I know you like him, but if you really want him then you have to be sure and so does he because there’s going to be a lot of shit that you will have to fight against in order to be together. You may want to talk to him about it first, though.”

  “That’s a good idea, Loki. I’ll do that when I get home,” I say thoughtfully.

  We finish up our homework, and I head home while Loki stays with the guys. He’s a prospect like the rest of them so I’m sure there are things that they need to do for the club that I’m not supposed to know about. It’s cool though. I grew up in this life so I understand their need for privacy just in case something serious goes down. I pull into the house and see that my dad’s bike is parked outside. I almost turn around and head back to the garage but decide to put my big girl panties on and go inside. As soon as I get inside, mom and dad stop talking…more than likely they were arguing. I walk in with a wave and head straight to my room wanting no parts of the conversation.

  As soon as I head to my room, I hear the door slam and a motorcycle rev up and drive off. Then, I hear mom quietly close her door and begin sobbing. I don’t think she realizes how thin these walls are because I hear her cry every single time dad leaves the house. My dad, Hammer, constantly cheats on my mom with club whores. It’s literally the worst kept secret in the club, but Janie Lynn will never let them see her defeated. In fact, my brother, uncle, and I are the only ones who know how much mom cries herself to sleep because of Hammer. It literally breaks my heart every time, and I know Ace gets pissed when he hears it. I think it’s part of the reason why he was so quick to move o
ut of the house once he graduated because he would definitely fight Hammer if he really knew how much mom cried. I decide to distract myself by texting Steve and trying to figure out where our relationship is going.

  Me: Hey

  Steve: Hey Harley. What’s up?

  Me: Well I had an interesting convo with the guys after you left about how they had to

  warn you off me.

  Steve: Oh, they told you about that, huh?

  Me: Yea. Is what they said true?

  Steve: About what? Them threatening me lol? Yea, it’s true.

  Me: No. About you being interested in me

  Steve: Yea, it is. I feel like this is something that we should talk about in person though.

  Me: Ok then. I’ll see you tomorrow.

  Steve: Alright, baby. I’ll see you tomorrow. Sweet dreams.

  Holy shit. He just called me baby. I suddenly have butterflies in my stomach, and I’m feeling the same way I felt when I first saw Steve. Now, it’s a reality. I’m not sure if I should text him back so I just leave it and go to sleep excited about tomorrow. I have this weird feeling that tomorrow will start an interesting rollercoaster when it comes to my relationship with this guy.

  Chapter 8 - Steve, 18 years old

  I’ve been excited ever since Harley texted me last night. I’m happy as hell that she has some type of idea about how I really feel about her, and I honestly cannot wait until she knows about it. I can hardly sleep at night, and I end up getting up early to go to school. I get showered, dressed, and head down the stairs.

  “Up early, son?” my father asks.

  “Yea dad. I need to get to school early to talk to someone,” I respond.

  “It’s not that Adam guy, right? His dad told me that he joined that biker gang when he turned eighteen. You know I have big plans for our future Steve, and I can’t afford for you to be seen around that biker trash,” he says as he sips his coffee while giving me a look.

  Dad must know about me leaving with Loki and Harley after school yesterday since a lot of the kids at school have parents that work for the sheriff. I was going to confess my feelings to Harley and renew my friendship with Loki, but word will get back to my dad if I’m seen hanging out with Loki and Harley. Fuck. Just when things with Harley are looking up, fate finds a way to intervene again. First it was Harley’s brother and his friends, and now it’s my dad.

  “Why don’t you hang out with the sheriff’s youngest daughter, Crystal? She’s the same year as you. Her dad is my mentor at the sheriff’s office, and he said that she’s been trying to find a way to talk to you,” he offers.

  This is the side of my dad that very few get to experience other than my mom and myself. He’s crazy manipulative when he needs to be. He probably heard from someone about me hanging out with Loki and Harley so he gave me an alternative choice. The alternative choice just happens to be the daughter of the man whose job he wants and the man who’s about to retire as soon as his youngest graduates from high school. If I become cool with her, he can become closer to the sheriff. Normally, I would normally go along with it, but Harley is one of the first things in my life that I’ve really wanted. Dad must see something wavering in my eyes and clears his throat so I’m focused on him.

  “Let me be clear, son. I need you to be friends with the sheriff’s daughter and I need you to kick those biker kids to the curb. If you plan on being part of the sheriff’s department when you graduate, then you’re going to have to start showing where your loyalties lie and no one in the department will trust you if you hang out with that biker trash.”

  On some level, I know he’s right. I do want to join the sheriff’s department and it won’t happen if I’m tied to Harley and Loki. So I do what I have to do, I nod at my dad and leave the house. My chest hurts the entire car ride to school because I know I’m going to have to shun my best friend and the girl I’ve been pining for since she punched a kid in the face to defend me.

  When I pull into school, the first thing I do is go to the math teacher Mr. Jones and request a new math tutor. Next, I approach Crystal and ask her to go to the homecoming dance with me. She squeals in excitement and starts running down the halls telling everybody how the starting quarterback asked her to homecoming. I look down and close my eyes, and when I look up Harley and Loki are staring at me and I couldn’t feel any more shitty. Harley’s eyes are tearing up while Loki looks like he wants to beat the crap out of me. Instead of explaining myself, I just turn around a walk to my first class.

  In Anatomy class, Harley tries to speak to me but I just ignore her. I don’t want my dad to find out about any interactions that I have with either of them so I just play it safe even if it hurts all of us. The day drags by, and finally, I go to the library for tutoring. When I walk in the library, I bypass our normal table and sit down with my new tutor. Honestly, I can’t even remember the guy’s name because I can literally feel Adam staring at my back. When the study period ends, I immediately get up and head to my car. On the way to the car, I’m pinned up against the side of the school. It’s Adam and his eyes are full of rage.

  “What the fuck is your deal, man?” he screams.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I respond with no emotion. It kills me to treat them like this, but I want to make my dad proud.

  “You finally had a chance with Harley and you asked that slut Crystal to homecoming. She’s slept through half the football team trying to get close to you. Trust me, she tried to fuck me. You’ve been ignoring us all day long. What the fuck is wrong with you?” he screams in my face.

  I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and respond.

  “Look, man,” I start. “We’re graduating in the spring, and we’re clearly going in two different directions. It’s time that I start hanging out with people that can help me in my future endeavors.”

  Adam, or Loki as he now answers by, looks into my eyes with a curious look before realizing what I’m saying to him. He shoves against the wall and begins to walk away but before he walks away, he says something that literally guts me.

  “Damn, man. You’ve been doing a lot of shitty things lately, but I never thought you were a fuckin’ sellout. Like father, like son, huh?” he says.

  Wow. I don’t think I’ve never felt worse in my life. There’s no coming back from this one.

  Chapter 9 - Harley, 17 years old

  It’s been a few weeks since Steve started ignoring Loki and me, and I’m still a little depressed about it. I went to school that day thinking we were going to take our relationship to the next level, and he asked another girl to homecoming and refused to speak to me. Hell, he can’t even look me in the eye. Every time I ask Loki what happened, he just shuts down and mutters something about Steve being a coward. I guess he told my brother and the guys what happened because they want to kill Steve right now. Even though it makes me sad...I’ve just decided to get over it at this point. We never really started anything so it makes no sense for me to be so upset.

  It’s the week before the homecoming dance, and I really have no plans to go. I tell myself that I don’t want to go because it’s lame, but I really don’t want to go because I don’t want to see Steve and Crystal there together. Every day this semester, Loki and I have been going to the garage after school to study. I help him with his math, and he helps me keep my mind off Steve. I know he doesn’t think I’m catching on, but I know what he’s doing.

  School just ended so I meet Loki in the parking lot, and we hop on our bikes and head to the garage. I know it sounds selfish, but I’m so happy Loki is prospecting for the club. I thought I would be alone during my last two years of high school since the rest of the guys graduated, but now I have him...even if it’s only for a year. I know I’ll probably be alone senior year, but it’s still nice to have him around. Especially after all that Steve bullshit. The one class I have with him is so fucking awkward because he stares at me when he thinks I’m not looking.

  Loki and I head to the garag
e, and this is the time with him that I love the most. We’re on our bikes and just riding. It makes me feel free and it gets my mind off of the crap going on in my life. When we get to the garage, the guys are all there, my brother included. I’ve been avoiding Ace for a while now, mainly because every time I look at any of the guys, they look at me with pity and guilt. I’m not sure why they look so guilty though.

  Ratchet walks up to me with a small smile on his face and kissed my forehead.

  “Hey princess, how are you doing?” he asks.

  “One, I really wish you would stop calling me princess. Two, I also wish you guys would stop looking at me like that,” I say softly.

  “Like what?” Ace says from behind me.

  “Like I’m a kicked puppy,” I respond.

  “Well, you do look like a kicked puppy but you’re our kicked puppy,” Ratchet responds with a laugh. I elbow him in the side and the other guys start laughing too.

  “We’re just worried about you, baby girl,” Ace says softly. “We also feel guilty that we even told you about Steve in the first place. We got your hopes up, and he destroyed them.”

  My eyes start tearing up, and they all look freaked out which causes me to start laughing. These guys are totally badass, yet they feel guilty about my situation. I walk around the room and hug each one of these men before I say how I feel.

  “Don’t feel guilty guys,” I say. “I was naive for getting my hopes up before anything happened, and he’s an idiot.”