Forgiveness

by Elise St. George

  “So Harley saw you fucking Crystal, huh? Good thing I told her where you were when she came looking for you. Now I may have a chance at her now,” he taunts.

  I’m full of rage and rear my fist back and punch him in the face. He falls on the ground and I just keep swinging on him until he’s passed out. At some point, some of the guys on the team have to pull me off him and I storm out the door and call my mom. I wait outside as she comes to pick me up, and Crystal comes out to try to talk to me. After cursing her out thoroughly, she goes back inside before my mom pulls up.

  “How were the dance and the party?” she asks me.

  “Literally the worst night of my life,” I respond.

  By this point, the adrenaline has run out and I realize that I’m still pretty drunk so I end up telling mom everything. I tell her about Harley cursing me out at the dance and storming out, about getting drunk and depressed at the party, and about Crystal basically raping me and Harley walking in. I tell mom how I’m pretty sure Crystal capitalized on a situation just to hurt Harley, and she just sits there and listens. It’s actually really refreshing to be able to confide in her like a normal child-parent relationship. I always felt she was too far up dad’s ass to put my needs above his, and now I’m seeing that isn’t the case. After hearing about my entire night, she sighs.

  “I’ll talk to your father about this,” she says while pinching her nose. “This literally reeks of some shit he would pull. Sorry for my language.”

  I laugh. “It’s actually refreshing to see you not be so put together and pristine.”

  “You’re my son, and I should’ve been better about communicating with you and standing up for you. I see that now after our conversation earlier tonight that I should’ve protected you more and for that I’m sorry. You’re about to graduate and I’m telling you this right now...if you decide to do something else other than what your father wants you to do, I’ll have your back one hundred percent,” she says.

  “Do you really mean it?” I ask. “Yea, I really do. If you want to move and make a life with that girl, then I will support you. If you want to stay and follow in your father’s footsteps then I will still support you. I love you, Stevie. That’s my job.”

  She hasn’t called me Stevie since I was really young so I know she’s serious about what she’s saying, and I squeeze her hand in appreciation. We sit in a comfortable silence until we get to the house. All the lights are on and I know dad is still up. I really don’t feel like dealing with this tonight but I may as well get it over with. Mom and I walk inside and my dad is in the living room pacing back and forth. He’s fuming.

  “I just got off the phone with Crystal’s father, Sheriff Jenkins, and he told me that she came home crying after you took advantage of her at an after-party?” he accuses.

  “What the fuck?” I yell. “Are you fucking kidding me? That skanky ass whore basically fucking raped me while I was passed out drunk, and she’s accusing me of assaulting her?”

  My father takes a deep breath and puts on that calm face before he’s about to do some really manipulative shit.

  “Well that’s not what she’s saying,” he says. “Now, I spoke to her father and we’ve all agreed that the best course of action would be for you two to begin dating so it seems like the sex was consensual.”

  I’m so shocked and angry that I’m speechless. I don’t even know what to say to my dad right now, and I’m still a little drunk so I can’t be responsible for what I say. I decide to just walk upstairs and go to sleep. Once I get to my door, I can hear my mom yelling at my father about how his ambitions are going to ruin this family one day, and how he needs to start putting the family’s wants and needs before his own. Man, she’s really going in on him and I’ve never heard that before. It’s crazy.

  I lay on my bed and stare at my phone, trying to figure out whether or not to text Harley. I don’t want to ruin her night so I decide to text Loki instead.

  Me: Hey man, sorry can’t even express how I feel right now.

  Loki: Sorry doesn’t really cut it right now man. You’ve been sorry a lot lately

  Me: I know. For the record, Crystal basically raped me when I was passed out drunk.

  Loki: Look, man, I can totally see Crystal pulling some shit like this, but this is all your fault for not standing up to your dad from the beginning.

  Me: You were both right, I am a coward and all can do is apologize for that.

  Loki: Stop apologizing, and just do better. That’s all I can say to you.

  Shit. He’s completely right. This whole time I’ve been constantly apologizing, and continuing to hurt both of them instead of changing my behavior and being a better person. Now that I know mom has my back, I’m using the rest of the semester before graduation to decide what it is I really want in my life. For now, though, I’m going to sleep off the booze.

  Chapter 15 - Harley, 17 years old

  Ever since the disaster happened the night of homecoming, the rest of the school year has gone by without too much of an issue. Loki showed me the texts Steve sent him, and although I do feel a little bad, Loki was right with his response. Steve brought it all on himself when he could’ve just stuck up to his dad. Instead, he let his dad bully him into taking her to homecoming, and shit went downhill from there.

  Crystal and her cheerleading flunkies have pretty much left me alone. I think Loki and the guys had a very serious conversation with them i.e. scared them into silence. There was only one instance where they cornered me in the bathroom and Crystal blamed me for why Steve stopped talking to her, but I shut it down real quick by implying that she raped Steve at the party. She was speechless and attempted to slap me until I caught her hand mid-swing and punched her in the face. It felt amazing, and she had to wear coverup makeup for like a week afterward.

  Living with Loki and Hawk has been a lot of fun and relaxing, and I still get to see momma whenever I want. Hammer was mad that momma let me move in with Hawk and tried to come over and say something, but Hawk shut it down quickly. I rarely see him anymore because I only go by the house whenever he isn’t there.

  I only really see Ace at Ratchet’s garage these days, and every time I’m there, his club whore girlfriend is there with him. I’ve heard rumors that she has a really bad heroin problem, but my brother refuses to see this girl’s flaws. She claims to be pregnant with his child, but I’d honestly be surprised if that were the case.

  Graduation is coming up and I’m a little sad, but still happy...sad because Loki won’t be at school with me anymore. I’m happy because Steve won’t be in my class anymore and I won’t have to deal with Crystal and her dumb friends. I can focus on keeping my grades up for college, and I’ve decided to apply to Georgia Tech in Atlanta instead of going to a local community college. I think I need to get out of this small town environment for a few years. I know I’ll eventually come back and settle down here, but I need a break for now.

  I’m still tutoring those two football dickheads because they apparently need to graduate, and Loki just hangs around even though he doesn’t need tutoring anymore. He’s become the best friend I never had, and I wouldn’t change that for the world. It almost makes all the Steve drama worthwhile because I wouldn’t have found Loki again.

  These next few weeks are going to be sad and fun. After the homecoming disaster, Loki and I decided not to take our chances at prom but I still wish I had that experience with him. Homecoming was fun until Steve ruined it for us, and we decided it would be best to not give Crystal and her friends one last public forum to try to humiliate me. Although I read Steve’s apology to Loki and me, I still can’t really find it in myself to forgive him. I haven’t spoken to him since that night, but I think he texts Loki on occasion.

  The weather is nice again so Loki and I are back riding to the garage together after school instead of using Hawk’s truck, and we’ve started taking the long route to the garage since the view is fantastic. We pull up to the garage and most of the prospects, inc
luding my brother, are there hanging out and working on cars.

  I’m excited to see Ace until I see who’s sitting in his lap. Ugh...this skank. Instead of greeting my brother, I say hey to Ratchet and the other guys and bypass my brother and his skank. I hate to say it, but I still don’t think that baby is his...that is, if Sarah is even pregnant. Loki and I head to the office to finish up our homework and begin studying for finals. He’s taking his finals early because he’s a senior, and I may as well get a jump on my studying. While we study, Ace walks in.

  “Hey baby girl,” he says. “You didn’t say hey to me. You don’t need to tell me why because I already know. Momma refuses to acknowledge her presence too.”

  Good. I’m glad he knows because I sure wasn’t about to apologize.

  “This isn’t about Sarah though,” he continues. “It’s about you and Loki. You two need to come to the clubhouse this Friday.”

  “Why?” I ask.

  “It’s a surprise,” responds Ace with a wink. I hate surprises and I know I’m going to be thinking about it all week.

  * * *

  It’s Friday and I’m literally vibrating in anticipation about what the guys have planned for us at the clubhouse. We pull in and park our bikes next to the rest of the club’s bikes and walk into the clubhouse. I gasp in shock because the clubhouse is completely transformed, and it looks like a Winter Wonderland. All the men and their old ladies are there, along with my Uncle Joe and his wife Sue, and they’re dressed up. I glance at Loki and he looks just as shocked as I am. Ace comes up behind me and grabs my shoulders.

  “What do you think?” he asks.

  “It’s beautiful. Why did you guys do this?” I ask in tears.

  “Loki didn’t tell us the full story of what went down at homecoming last semester, but we know it’s the reason you guys aren’t going to prom. So we decided to throw a prom for you where you’re surrounded by family and friends,” Ace says.

  “Thank you so much,” I say while throwing myself in his arms.

  “You deserve it after all the shit you’ve been through this year, baby girl,” he whispers. “Now go with momma. She’s got a dress for you to wear and some of the old ladies are doing your makeup.”

  It’s moments like these that make me appreciate the club so much. After I get dressed and get my makeup done, I head back to the main room of the clubhouse and a deejay has come in to set up. He starts the music and everyone starts dancing, including momma. It’s good to see her having fun for once. I’m pretty sure I end up dancing with pretty much every single club member, and I can’t believe I’m having so much fun. We dance, eat, and crack jokes for hours until everyone is too tired to continue. Afterward, Loki and I head back to the house with Hawk and I head to my room to get showered and dressed for bed. While I comb my hair, I hear a knock on the door.

  “Come in,” I say. It’s Loki.

  “Did you have fun tonight, Valkyrie?” he asks.

  “I did,” I say. He smiles and hugs me.

  “I’m going to miss being at school with you, girl,” he whispers.

  “Me too,” I whisper back. “I don’t know what I’m going to do without you.”

  “You’ll be fine,” he reassures me. Pretty much all those spiteful bitches are graduating too so you shouldn’t have any problems at school next year, and then you’ll graduate sooner than you know.”

  “You’re right, Loki,” I say. “Thanks for being such a good friend to me this year. I’m not sure what I would’ve done without you.”

  “Don’t worry about it, girl,” he says. “Now get some sleep. You look like crap.”

  I elbow him in the side and he laughs before heading back to his room. I wasn’t lying to him. I’m so lucky that I’ve had his shoulder to lean on this past year. He’s put up with me and my drama all year, he defended me and never complained about any of it.

  As I lay down in my bed, and think about my night I realize that Loki is right. I don’t need those stuck up whores at school to be my friends because I have these people. The Burnt Kings. My family.

  Chapter 16 - Steve, 18 years old

  It’s graduation night, and I’m not as excited as I thought I’d be. I’ve pretty much kept my distance from Crystal and her toxic friends, but that doesn’t keep her from trying to wiggle her way into my life by any means necessary. Any time my dad drags me to one of these law enforcement charity events, she’s always there and she’s always trying to flirt with me.

  Honestly, the thought of being anywhere near her disgusts me. The fact that she was so unapologetic about basically sexually assaulting me when I was drunk as a skunk creeps me out so much that I can’t really stand for her to touch me. On top of that, after Harley told me how Crystal and her posse were bullying her, it’s taking everything in me not to cuss her out every time I see her.

  All the seniors are gathered in the cafeteria getting ready to line up for the ceremony, and I spot Loki. He texts me every once in a while to check up on me, but we’re nowhere near as close as we used to be to one another. I head over to say hey to him before I’m intercepted by Crystal. I’m really not in the mood to talk to her so I ignore her, but she blocks my path. I try to step around her and she blocks my path again. I just stand there and stare at her for a few minutes before finally speaking.

  “What do you want, Crystal?” I ask.

  “I’m pregnant,” she confesses. Honestly, I’m not really surprised because that girl sleeps with anything that has a dick between its legs. I’m also genuinely surprised that Sheriff Jenkins hasn’t heard about it by now.

  “Once again, what do you want?” I ask.

  “It’s yours,” she says. I burst out laughing immediately.

  “Bitch, you must be out of your mind,” I say. “There’s no way on God’s green earth that your baby is mine. We had sex one time, and I didn’t even want it.”

  “You’re the only one I didn’t use protection with!” she screams at me. At this point, we’ve gathered a bit of a crowd and I don’t really care.

  “Now you and I both know that’s a lie,” I say. “You basically raped me while I was drunk, so there’s no way I could get it up for you. Also, you’ve slept with half the senior class. Most of the guys here could be the father of that baby.

  “That’s not true,” she shouts. “You’re just denying it because you’re still half in love with that biker cunt!”

  Adam is about to intervene once Harley is mentioned, but I stop him. It’s time I stand up for myself and for Harley. I jump up on one of the cafeteria tables and make sure all the seniors in the room can hear me.

  “Raise your hand if you’ve had sex with Crystal,” I shout. Almost every male senior raises his hand in the room, and to my surprise, a couple of girls and a teacher raise their hands too. I mean she’s eighteen so the teacher can’t get in too much trouble.

  “Raise your hand if you’ve had unprotected sex with Crystal,” I shout again. Almost the same number of people raise their hands, and I jump down from the table. “Look at all the hands that were raised Crystal and question one of those people, but don’t come to me with your bullshit. You called Harley a cunt, but Harley has more class in her pinkie fingers than you have in your whole skanky body. Now line up where you’re supposed to and stay the fuck away from me.”

  She looks like she’s about to cry, but sucks it up and storms off. I would feel bad for her if I didn’t know all the bullshit she’s been pulling this entire year. I take a deep breath and rub my face with my hands.

  “Damn man,” says a voice behind me. “You didn’t have to go in that hard.”

  It’s Adam. “Yes, I did. There’s no way I was going to let that bitch try to pin a baby on me.”

  “I get it, man,” he responds. “I’m just surprised that you even spoke up for yourself.”

  “Honestly, you and Harley had a lot to do with it,” I confess. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what both of you said about me being a coward and you were right. I’
ve been spending the entire semester trying to figure out what I want to do next, and after all the bullshit with my dad, I decided not to join the sheriff’s department.”

  “Really?” he asks skeptically. “What are you going to do then?”

  “I’m joining the Atlanta police department. Mom has already set up a place for me to stay and I’m tired of all this small town bullshit. I need a break, and I need to get out of here for a while,” I tell him.

  “I understand man,” he responds. “I know we may not be cool anymore, but good luck in Atlanta.”

  “Thanks, man,” I say. He gives me a hug and then gets in his spot for the graduation lineup. I line up with the people in my group and we walk into the gymnasium where the ceremony is being held. All the important people do speeches, and I can’t even tell you what they said because I’m ready for all this to be over.

  It finally gets to the point of the ceremony where I get my diploma from the principal. We shake hands as he hands me the diploma, I take a quick picture and then go back to my seat. Honestly, I’m not all that excited about graduating, and I want to get it over with so I can leave this place behind….probably not forever, but for at least a little while.

  I’ve been talking to mom about joining the Atlanta Police Department since the beginning of the semester, and she’s been nothing but supportive about it. She even got me an apartment that’s owned by someone she knew before she met dad. I pretty much have a life set up for me in Atlanta, and mom and I are going up there tomorrow so I can move in and get settled. The only problem is that I haven’t told dad yet. I plan to tell him after the ceremony so tonight should be interesting.

  The ceremony is done and all the family and friends are coming down to the gym floor to congratulate the graduates and take pictures with them. I see the Burnt Kings come down to congratulate Adam and Harley is there with them. I haven’t spoken to her in months, but she would occasionally catch me staring at her in class when I thought she wasn’t looking. Everybody looks so happy for Adam, while my dad looks pissed off as he approaches me. He grabs my arm and steers me into a corner. My mother comes up behind him with a look of irritation and sympathy in her eyes.