by C. S. Dorsey
“Honey, what do you mean? I just want you to be happy. You’ve been moping around ever since you got here, and let’s not forget about the tears. Honey, I am surprised the water company has not called to tell you to turn your faucet off. Because of you, there is a drought in California.” I so wanted to be mad at her, but I could not help but laugh. We all laughed hysterically. I could not stop laughing, because I knew it was the truth.
“I know you love me, Ma, and you want the best for me. I will be happy one day.”
“I want you to be happy now.”
I was not about to get into this conversation with her tonight. “I’m going to bed—good night, you guys.”
“Think about what I said, Sicily Monroe.” Oh, my goodness, she used my full name.
“Yes, Mother, I hear you. Good night.”
“Goodnight,” she and Mr. Mark said in unison.
I knew everyone was thinking about my well being and what is best for me. I guess from the outside looking in, they could see an unhappy young lady that needed love. But from the inside-out, I felt like a tormented young lady that needed a mental institution.
I’d had one moment of happiness, and that was the long, passionate kiss with Chris. I’d never felt anything like that before. I would had given anything to have just one more moment like that. But all of that just seemed like a fantasy in my eyes.
I got dressed in my night clothes, combed my hair, and got in to bed. As I lay there staring up at the ceiling, I replayed everything from my day. Between the confrontation with Heaven, the talk with Granny, and the loving moment with Chris, it had been quite an eventful day.
I thought, Maybe I should not have come out here. But then I thought again about everything that had taken place. Did I regret any of it? No. I didn’t regret smashing cake in Heaven’s face, she needed it. I didn’t regret talking to Granny. I needed to find out how I inherited this gift. And most important, I did not regret the make-out session with Chris in the kitchen. It kind of shed some light on what I was missing in my life.
I missed his warm touch. I missed the soft, sugary taste of his kisses. I missed my heart beating like a drum a million times a minute with every touch. I was missing so much, but who did I have to blame but myself?
Minutes later, I drifted off to sleep.
I found myself back in the same dream I’d had the night before. I was still struggling, trying to get to the top of the water so that I could breathe, but the hand that grabbed my leg was still holding on tight. I kicked and kicked, trying to get free. I kicked again, and finally it let go.
Swimming to the top with all my strength, I finally made it to the surface. I inhaled as much air as my lungs could hold, and then exhaled. I started treading water, to keep myself afloat. Everything about that lake looked so familiar, the trees and the air. I had the eerie feeling that I’d been here before. All of a sudden, I heard children playing in the background again. I was desperately eager to find out who the little children were. I swam and swam to get to the shore, and then came to an abrupt stop.
Something was floating in the water, coming toward me. I couldn’t make out what it was. It was so foggy, and the air was still thick. I swam slowly to whatever it was. I felt like my curiosity would bite me once the unknown thing revealed itself.
As it floated closer to me, I tried to focus my eyes. I gasped as my heart began to beat rapidly. Fear and horror came over me. I turned around and began to swim in the other direction. I swam harder, and harder, then faster, and faster, as fast as I could. But I couldn’t move or go anywhere. Tears flooded my eyes, mixing in with the salty, algae-infested water.
The thing bumped into the back of my head. I shook uncontrollably and started to scream, but no sound came out.
I was stiff as a board.
There was no way I could turn around on my own. I didn’t want to face what was behind me. But a force of nature turned me around slowly. I was terrified as I saw hair flooding in the water. It spread out in the water, yet it stayed in one place. The hair was connected to the thing. I lifted my hand, knowing I was going to regret it, but doing it anyway. The hair kept following, like small snakes in the still water. Before I could touch it, the thing rolled over. Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw. Shock came over me. It had a pale face, with full cheeks. There were blue and purple rings around the eyes. The hair was straight and black.
I couldn’t control myself. I started hyperventilating, and tears streamed down my face. Then the pale thing opened its eyes and turned to look at me.
I woke up screaming.
I was shaking. I looked around, frightened, only to find that I was not in the lake anymore. I was in my room. I thought my mom would come for me after hearing me scream, but she was sound asleep in her room.
I couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t shake the images that I had seen. The face kept flashing in my head. I’d always dreamt of trying to save Misty. Trying to get to her or grab her, before it was too late. What I’d seen in this dream was the final fate of Misty.
I had wanted to grab her out of the water, but a force wouldn’t let me. How could I do this to you, Misty? How could I just give up like that? I thought about her life, which I could have saved, and my life, which I refused to save.
Everything was weighing down, and I could not move. It felt like cement on my chest, but I let it sit there. I let it sit on my chest without fighting to get it off of me.
As my breathing slowed, I was able to pull myself together. I inhaled and exhaled, releasing the leftover oxygen that was in my lungs. Then I inhaled again. I smelled something, and searched my brain to identifythe scent. It was the scent of lake water. The smells of salt, algae, and dirt. I sniffed around to try to figure out where the stench was coming from. I looked at the window, thinking maybe it was coming from outside. As I turned my head, strands of hair stuck to my cheek.
I was sweating. I ran my hands through my hair, only to find that it was drenched. I knew sweat wouldn’t make my hair this wet. I grabbed a handful of hair and pulled it close to my nose so that I could smell it. Ew! Algae! I flinched from the smell.
I thought about the leaf I’d found in my hair, and I began to panic. This could not be real. There was no way that my dreams were coming to life.
I couldn’t take it anymore, I was going insane. A big knot turned in my stomach. I didn’t know if it was nerves or if my food from earlier wanted to be released. The knot squeezed tighter, and I jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom. I didn’t bother turning on the lights, I just found the toilet, and out came some chicken, cow, and every other farm animal I could think of. I needed to get it together. This was my life going down the toilet if I didn’t get help fast.
I sat there on the floor, feeling delirious. My mother must have heard the forceful expulsion of the contents of my stomach, because I heard her light footsteps coming from her room down the hallway.
The bathroom light came on. It was so bright it almost blinded me.
“Oh, honey,” my mom said as she kneeled by my side, pulling my hair back. I could barely see her. I could only see a blurred image. Tears ran from my eyes, my hair reeked of lake stench, and I was still shaking.
My mom grabbed a towel and wet it with cold water. The dampness of the towel felt so soothing against my skin. I was a complete mess.
“You know, I have been praying and asking God to help me help you.”
“What did He say?” I asked, looking up at her. She placed her hands on my cheeks. Her touch was so soft and gentle, and her hands smelled like honey butter.
“Honey…I want…I want you to move back home. I am so worried about you. I want to get you help…I want to help you. I really don’t know what’s going on with you that you cannot tell me. But whatever it is, I want to help you with this.” She put her head in her hands and began to cry.
I felt like a horrible person. What I was doing to the people around me that I loved? I surrendered. “OK, Ma,” I said, choking on my words
. “I will move back.”
I was going to regret this later.
Chapter Fifteen
“We all have something of hers, and when she dies a piece of us will die as well.”
I was so out of it after my episode in the bathroom. How could I have agreed to come back home? The thought tormented me. Actually being here tormented me even more. If I moved back, that would mean I would have to get serious help…mentally. I would have to talk to a therapist in order to stay sane. Since this was my last semester of school, I wanted to finish my classes, graduate, and then move back. I’ll just crash with my mom until I find a job and a place of my own, I thought, which helped, thinking of it as temporary.
It was morning already. I felt like I’d only slept for an hour. I tried to stretch, but there was something at the foot of the bed preventing me from moving. I didn’t want to kick it. I peeked out to see what it was. Ma, I thought. What was she doing sleeping in my bed? She must have stayed with me, just in case I had another bathroom scene.
I exhaled and closed my eyes. I wanted to get some more sleep before I had to get up.
This was my last day at home. I was going to miss my mom and family, but I would see them again within three or four months. I didn’t know how long Granny was going to be here with us. I wished I had more time with her. More time to talk to her and to be able to see her beautiful face. Death was out of my control, and I wished I didn’t have the ability to preview it, but what could I do…nothing.
Everyone in this family has something of Granny. My mom has Granny’s eyes. The almond-shaped eyes that need no makeup enhancements, with long lashes that spread out like fingers. The craftsmanship of Granny’s eyes was so perfect, it seemed that God the father, the creator of heaven and earth, took extreme care in making her eyes, which she was able to pass along to her children and grandchildren. My mom also has Granny’s cooking skills, and when she started watching the Food Network, she developed her own love for the art.
Auntie Tiy has Granny’s smooth, latte-colored hands and nails that need no manicure to maintain; her feet and toes are the same way. Everyone says Aunt Tiy looks like Grandpa. Grandpa died before I was born, so I never got to meet him. He died of a stroke. People always said that Granny was not surprised, that she had a feeling that it was going to happen. Everyone said he seemed healthy as an ox, but even an ox can’t live forever. It was more than just a feeling Granny had—now that I think about it, it was a vision. Not like mine, where the person is already dead, but a warning before death passes its sentence.
I saw very few pictures of Grandpa, but judging from each one of them, Auntie Tiy was an exact replica of him. If I pictured Grandpa with a wig on, it was Auntie Tiy living in the 1930s, I thought with a laugh. Auntie Tiy must have his personality, too, because she does not have the personality of Granny. She was very…passive, while Granny does not tolerate much. Aunt Tiy let her children, run over her constantly, like road kill on the highway. She has no backbone, but my mom is helping her build that marrow that she needs to stay strong.
Uncle Tyler has Granny’s button nose. He is strong-minded, like Granny. Uncle Tyler has a drive out of this world. Whatever he wants to do, he does it, no matter the consequences or obstacles that come in his way. He has a loving heart and will give his last dollar to anyone that needs it. He is a warrior at heart. He fights for the right things and obtained his wealth though honesty and hard work. Granny believed in what was right and wrong, and that’s how Uncle Tyler is.
Heaven and Halo have nothing of Granny personality-wise, but if we dug up one of Granny’s pictures from when she was a teenager, both Heaven and Halo look just like Granny. The only differences are the style of clothes, the hairdos, and the height, of course. Heaven and Halo are model-tall. Granny had the body and beauty, but not the height. The two look like they are related to Granny, but they sure don’t act like it.
And then there is me. I have the repugnant gift, and of course the silky long black hair that my Granny had, before hers turned gray.
We all have something of hers, and when she dies a piece of us will die as well. I can’t even imagine how everything will play out when that time comes. I stayed still, lying there with my eyes closed. I felt my mom moving at the end of the bed, so I pretended like I was still asleep.
She got up, leaned over to check on me, and then she left the room and closed the door. I stayed in bed, to try and sleep some more. I was sleeping well until I heard a door close—it sounded like the front door. I stretched and checked the clock. “Twelve o’clock, well, at least I didn’t sleep the whole day away.” I got up, went to the bathroom, and then surveyed the place. It was so quiet I wondered where my mom was. Angel ran past my feet so fast I almost tripped. He ran in my room, jumped up on the bed, and got inside the unmade covers. The cat and I had issues. I just shook my head and headed for the kitchen.
My stomach still didn’t feel right, and I was dehydrated. I headed to the refrigerator to get a bottled water, when I saw my mom’s note on the refrigerator door:
Hey, honey, didn’t want to wake you.
Went to church, be back at 2p.m.
Love,
Mom
I was surprised that she didn’t get me up and tell me I needed to go to church as well. After last night I guess she decided to leave me alone to rest. But I didn’t come here to rest, I came here to spend time with her. I shrugged my shoulders. Church will be out in a few hours anyway…once she comes home, maybe we could go shopping. I laughed at the thought of shopping with my mom. She never did like my choice of clothes.
When I was a teenager, jeans and a T-shirt were my wardrobe of choice—I always went for the most comfortable style. My mom wanted me to wear dresses and skirts. I would get one skirt and one dress just to make her happy, but I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing it at school. Now that I’m older, I’ll wear a dress once in a blue moon. Living in Washington gave me an excuse for not wearing very many skirts and dresses, because of the weather.
When I first moved up there, the weather was almost like home. The sun shined so bright that summer and the heat was at an all-time record. “Yeah, we’ve never had summers like this in the fifteen years I’ve been here,” my boss at L’s Cafe said. I was able to land a job just one week after I moved.
I thought the weather was going to be like that every summer, but boy, was I wrong. After that summer passed, it was rain, rain, and more rain. We had some hot days, but it rained so much. On the plus side, it was green all the time. I was used to the vegetation drying up in California for the spring and summer.
It would be a nice day to go shopping, maybe catch a sale or two. I needed some new clothes anyway. I had been wearing the same stuff since I went off to college. That was the beauty of going to college.
In high school it was like you had to get new school clothes every year, whether because you’re growing or just for appearance’s sake. But I was in my own little world in high school. I never had to worry about the pressure of peers, because I didn’t hang around those who did the pressuring. But I watched other teens who did, and I felt so sorry for them. They had the latest everything—shoes, clothes, music, everything. I guess it was to show everyone that they were not poor and their parents could give them whatever they wanted.
My mom had money. I am pretty sure that whatever I wanted my mom would have gotten for me, but I was not raised like that. We lived comfortably, a very simple life. My focus was not on clothes or what everyone else wore, it was on getting out of high school and moving on to bigger and better things.
I loved being in college. I had the freedom to wear what I want and voice my opinion about things I don’t agree with in the classroom—and I don’t have worry about getting suspended for it! Yes, I was going to miss college. I was on the fence about continuing on to get my Masters degree in Psychology, so that I could one day have my own practice. I needed to do some more research on the steps I would need to take to practice psychology on my own, and I f
igured now was as good a time as any to do it.
I brought my water into my mother’s room to use the computer. Her scent gave the room a warm and cozy feeling. It smelled like honey butter body cream, her favorite; she always had it on. The room was plain, with shiny oak wood dressers and two nightstands. I turned the computer on and waited for it to warm up. My mom had to do a lot of work from home, so I knew she would have high-speed Internet access.
I typed in her password:sissylove 6. She’d had that password since forever. When I asked her why, she said, “Because I noticed that after you turned six, you stopped smiling so much.” That was because I knew that my sister was never coming back.
I shook the images out of my head. I really didn’t want to feel sorry for myself, not on my last day here. I just wanted to research a few things and then get dressed before my mom got home.
The computer came alive, and I clicked on the Internet icon, then surfed to Google. I forgot my focus and spontaneously typed in “visions”—and got over two million results. I narrowed my search and typed in “visions” and “revelations.”
Many different results came up. Some were for visions from a spiritual perspective, and others were visions from a human perspective. I came across a website that talked about dreams and visions. It said that God uses visions and dreams to bring revelations, and corrections to the body of Christ, to warn people of things present, and things to come. Often, God would reveal things to give a warning of the enemy—Satan, that evil spirit.
I read on about different types of visions: similitude, simple spiritual visions, trances, and open visions. Similitude is a lower vision, like a glimpse that only happens for a short time and then it is gone. That wasn’t me, mine lasts longer, so I ruled that one out.
The next one was simple spiritual vision. This one is like similitude but has movement. I have lots of movement in my visions, almost like a movie playing. I wasn’t going to rule this one out yet, I was getting closer.