by Tasha Taylor
Taking a seat at the scrubbed pine table in Louise’s kitchen, Leah gazed out of the window, into the darkness beyond. She didn’t notice when Louise put a steaming cup of whiskey-laced black coffee in front of her, rousing herself from a Nathan-filled reverie only when Pippa came into the room.
“Mum.” Her voice penetrated Leah’s mind, causing her to look up, blinking her eyes. “What are you doing here?”
“Hi sweetheart. I just thought I’d pop by to say hello. I haven’t seen you all day.” Leah forced a smile.
“Joe called,” Louise said.
“He rang while I was driving. I wasn’t on hands-free. What did he want?”
“To see if I’d heard from you. He said you left.”
“You could have warned me, Lou, about tonight.”
“Would you have stayed if you’d have known?”
Leah shook her head. “No.”
“Didn’t you like the party, Mum?” Pippa climbed onto her lap.
“I did. I just missed you.” Leah pressed a kiss on her daughter’s upturned face. “What else did Joe have to say?” She didn’t really want to know anything about Nathan but couldn’t resist asking. Bloody masochist, she thought.
“He thought you were overwhelmed by meeting Nathan.” Leah coughed, trying to stop Louise from uttering his name, but too late.
Pippa asked, “Nathan who?”
“Your mother met Nathan Llewellyn tonight, darling,” Louise informed the little girl.
“You saw him?” Her questioning tone held a modicum of disbelief, but her eyes shining with hope. She was a great fan of music and had a huge crush on him.
Leah’s heart went out to the little girl. She wished she could lie to her, to protect her from disappointment, but Louise had unwittingly shot that one down in flames.
“Yes, he was at the club.”
A strange mixture of emotions flickered across Pippa’s face. “You didn’t say. I could‘ve gone too. You know I love him.”
“I didn’t know he was going to be there, and you can’t love someone you don’t know.” That wasn’t strictly true. Leah didn’t know him anymore, if she ever did, but her heart was hurting from all sorts of emotions. Was one of them love?
Tears fell from Pippa’s grey eyes, her lower lip trembling violently. She simply stared at her mother for a long moment. “I hate you,” were her last words as she raced from the kitchen, doors slamming in her wake.
Leah looked at Louise; she felt helpless against her child’s raging.
She patted Leah’s hand on the table. “I’ll go talk to her.”
Leah silently contemplated her coffee. She had spent seven long years trying to forget Nathan Llewellyn, and now in less than a few hours, he was back in her life, and coming between her and Pippa. She had lost all control of her rational thoughts and tempered emotions, and apparently the respect of her daughter in a few short hours.
Closing her eyes, Leah sat still, until Louise had rejoined her at the table.
“Is she okay?” Leah’s eyes felt gritty as she looked at her friend. “Does she hate me?”
Louise smiled. “No, she doesn’t hate you. Don’t you remember ever telling your mother that you hated her when the two of you argued?”
“That was all I ever did, argue with my mother.” A sardonic smile flickered around Leah’s mouth.
“Did you not get along?”
“We did okay, I suppose, when I was younger. I was closer to my dad, and my mother preferred my sister.”
“You never really talk about your family.”
Leah shrugged. “Once I moved up here, I didn’t really see the point of keeping in touch. Pippa’s my family now, and you and Joe.”
“What about your father?”
Unwonted tears filled Leah’s eyes, and she rubbed at her brow. “Dad, he uh... he died when I was 15.”
“Leah, I’m sorry.”
The little scene with Pippa, and now the conversation about her family had Leah’s old insecurities bubbling to the surface. She tried to keep it all together, so no one would know she was making it all up, as she went along. She felt like the girl from seven years ago, with no apparent past and an uncertain future, fragile and confused.
“No, it’s okay. I got over it a long time ago. I don’t know why I’m crying,” Leah said with a small laugh, wiping away the tears on her cheeks. “I’m just tired. I should have handled that situation with Pippa better.”
“Does your family know where you are?”
“No. I don’t know. They might know now. Oh God, I don’t know what I mean. Everything’s so up in the air.” With a sigh, Leah took a gulp of her coffee, and her thoughts began to wander.
“Leah, something’s shaken you up.” Louise stated. “It has something to do with this Nathan Llewellyn, doesn’t it?”
Leah shrugged. “I know Nathan.”
“From before?”
Leah took a deep breath before she issued her words. “Before he was famous, yeah. We were engaged.”
“And you broke up?”
“I left him.”
“Why?”
Leah wanted to swallow the words that were sticking in her throat, finding the memory too painful.
“Tell me how you got involved with Nathan.”
“I worked in a record store with Nathan. He played in a band in his spare time. He’d play me the songs he had written on his guitar after work, and I’d go watch him rehearse.” Leah’s voice softened as she spoke of him. “We were friends for a year before we became involved.”
“Did you love him?”
“I did.” Leah’s words were firm, and hoped they sounded like she meant them.
“But you left him?” Louise’s question was innocuous, but it caught Leah up and twisted her heart.
“I found him with another woman.” Leah spat, and shivered, the memory repulsed her. She should keep her mouth closed then she wouldn’t have to remember, but her story flowed like a river downhill.
“I was on my way up to our flat, and I ran into Justin, Nathan’s manager. He told me not to go up, that Nathan was busy, but I had some news for him and couldn’t wait. When I opened the front door, I saw him, sprawled half naked on the couch with a woman bending over him.” Her voice cracked slightly and she took a drink.
“I ran back out and tripped over something. The next thing I knew, I woke up in hospital. Nathan was in the corner of the room talking to Justin about our wedding. Justin told him that he had to call it off. I waited until they went and I discharged myself. I had to get away.”
“Why didn’t you tell us before?” The older woman leaned forward, her interest clearly piqued.
“I just wanted to forget all about it when I first came here, and then after that, Pippa came along, and I just put it out of my mind.”
“Until Nathan showed up last night.”
“It just dragged up memories I would rather not remember.”
“Are you going to explain this to Pippa? She might like to know.”
“No,” was Leah’s sharp answer, gut instinct causing her to speak before her senses had time to act. “She’s just a little girl. She doesn’t need to know about my past.”
A frown creased her brow as she picked up her coffee cup and took a big gulp. The bitterness of the dark, black liquid matched the tumultuous racing of her mind as she tried to steady her thoughts. Her reactions to the situation with Nathan were extreme, but she felt lost between who she was today and who she’d been when she had left the man she loved. Taking a deep breath, Leah looked at Louise who seemed to be waiting to ask her a question and Leah sensed she wasn’t going to like it.
“Does Nathan know about Pippa?”
Leah swallowed the lump in her throat. “I hope not.”
But she had a feeling that was about to change.
Chapter Two
Nathan was not smiling when he awoke that morning, hung-over and too late to catch his flight. His headache started shortly after Leah had left last n
ight, around the same he had started drinking heavily. A blazing row with Jennifer in the limousine on the way back to her hotel had topped the evening off for him – women were trouble.
Nathan called the record company to arrange for a hire car, requesting something subtle. The huge SUV that was dropped off at his hotel was completely indiscrete, but he set off for Edinburgh mid-afternoon. Several thoughts jostled for prominence in his mind as he negotiated the traffic in the city center, and the ones involving Leah won. Nathan had been angry at her departure last night for several reasons, one being pure male pride; how dare she dismiss him like that? Didn’t she know that he could have any woman he wanted? He could have taken Jennifer into his bed last night, except for the fact that he could only see Leah as he looked at her.
The memories leaving him were as fresh as the day it happened. He never discovered where she went, despite repeated searches by private investigators. The reason for that, it seemed, was that she had dropped the first part of her double barreled name; she now called herself Leah Montague, instead of Mitchell-Montague, a possibility that Nathan had never even considered. Her relationship with her mother was strained when he knew her and yet she took the same name under which Katherine published her best-selling novels.
“Why am I even thinking about her?” Nathan muttered crossly, as a car cut across his path. He knew why. He wanted answers from seven years ago, and he didn’t want her to disappear again. He had to know why she had left him, she owed him that much. That was the only reason he was parked outside of Stars.
Nathan locked the door to the Land Rover and took the steps two at a time. In theory he had all the time in the world, he’d cleared his diary for the next few weeks, but he was eager to get inside, to speak to Leah. As he suspected the doors were locked from the inside and he could not see through the windows to get anyone’s attention. He pressed the button on the intercom, waited a nanosecond before pressing it again impatiently. There was a buzz of static as a male voice spoke.
“We’re closed. Phone the business office and make an appointment. The number’s on the wall next to the intercom.”
“I don’t need an appointment. I want to speak to Leah Montague.”
“She’s not here.”
“Then I’ll see Mr. McGuire.” Nathan did not like the dismissive tone in the man’s voice, and a tinge of superiority crept into his own voice.
“And you are?”
“Nathan Llewellyn.”
There was a brief silence, and then the man spoke again.
“Mr. McGuire will be right with you.” The intercom buzzed. “The door’s open.”
Nathan entered the dark lobby, seeing the security guard disappear through another set of doors. Whilst he waited for Joe, he scanned the glossy posters on the wall advertising future appearances, and he was impressed to see two of his current musical peers as well as some retro favorites that would be performing. It looked like Joe was well connected.
“Nathan,” Joe’s deep voice rumbled across the foyer. Nathan turned with a smile and shook Joe’s hand. “This is a surprise. Good to see you. It was a real pleasure having you here last night. I mean that sincerely, plus the fact that you added hugely to my profits.”
“Whoever said it’s not all about the money lied,” Nathan joked. “I was just looking at all the guests you have lined up for the next month.”
Joe indicated that Nathan follow him, and spoke as they walked through to the office suite. “All credit goes to Leah. She does a marvelous job of taking care of the publicity. Was it her you wanted to see?” With a glance at Nathan, he continued. “She’s normally here nine until three, but she begged off.”
Nathan kept his face blank. He had no idea if this man knew anything. “I was just passing, and thought I’d look in on her. I haven’t seen her for a few years.”
“Yes, I heard that.” Joe paused to punch in a code on the security door to the offices, allowing Nathan to pass through. “She’ll be here later. She has a meeting with the brewery representative this afternoon.”
“She’s got something more important to do?”
“You could say that.”
“I doubt I’ll still be here then.” Nathan wasn’t that desperate to see her. He didn’t want to hang around, but it wasn’t Joe’s fault that Leah wasn’t at work. “I’m going on holiday for a couple of weeks, so I wanted to be on my way soon.”
“Anywhere exotic?”
“Scotland. My doctor told me I needed a break, so I opted for somewhere peaceful.”
“It must get really hectic for you at times, what with all the appearances.” Joe’s wink made Nathan smile.
“I must admit that I was reluctant to come here last night, but Justin begged.”
“Yes, Justin. Has he been your manager long?”
“About nine years. He said you knew him?”
“Please, sit down,” he offered, seating himself in an over-stuffed leather armchair. “Justin and I go way back. When I first settled in Newcastle, I had a talent agency, and Justin worked for me. Over the years, we kept in touch, playing poker every now and then. The last time I saw him, he was boasting about how well he did for himself and offered you as collateral when he ran out of money. It amused me to take him up on the offer.”
“Typical Justin. But I got to see Leah again. That was a surprise.”
“For her, too.”
“Is that what she said?” Nathan leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees.
“That’s the impression my wife got, but then Leah’s very quiet, private. She keeps her cards close to her chest.”
“Hm, she was a real firecracker when I knew her.”
Joe shrugged. “People change.”
“I guess,” Nathan said quietly. Can people change that much?
A noise at the door to the office caused both men to look up as Louise and Pippa entered without knocking.
“Gramps.” The small bundle that was Pippa charged across the room and into Joe’s open arms. “I haven’t seen you for ages.”
Louise followed, smiling and dropped a kiss on her husband’s balding head.
“I saw you Wednesday, sweetheart.” Joe smiled as he met Nathan’s amused eyes over Pippa’s dark head of curls.
“That is ages,” she announced dramatically, rolling her eyes. “I had school all week, but today we didn’t. Nana took me to the circus. There were lions and elephants, and clowns and a man in a gun. It was brilliant. Mum didn’t come, she was really tired.”
Pippa suddenly noticed that there was someone else in the room. Turning, she said politely, “I’m sorry.”
But as soon as she saw who was sitting just a few feet away from her, the good manners taught to her by her mother flew right out of the window.
“Damn,” she exclaimed, her eyes wide and shining. She looked decidedly familiar, but Nathan could not place her.
“Pippa,” Louise warned.
“Mum says it. Wow.” She turned blushing, to hide in Joe’s arms, as Nathan smiled at her.
“Nathan, this is Pippa. She is your biggest fan. Say hello.” Joe pushed her slightly, but she held on tight. She shook her head, and sneaked a peek at her idol.
“Don’t be silly, love.” Louise ruffled her hair. “Hello, Nathan. I’m Louise, Joe’s wife.”
“Pleased to meet you, Louise. Who is this?”
“Pippa is Leah’s daughter.”
“Leah’s?” Nathan stared at the child, then at Joe as if questioning what he just said.
“Pleased to meet you, Mr. Llewellyn,” Pippa held her hand out.
“Call me Nathan,” he offered softly as he bent down to get a good look at her, shaking her hand. Pippa blushed, and Nathan couldn’t help but remember when Leah used to do that. “So you’re Leah’s girl. You look just like your mum,” Nathan murmured. “How old are you, Pippa?”
“Six.”
“Pippa was very put out when she found out that Leah met you last night,” Louise said. “She has all
your albums, don’t you, love?”
“Yes, and posters, and Mum says I might go to one of your concerts when I’m big.”
“Would your mum come with you?”
A thoughtful look crossed Pippa’s face and a shrug was her reply. Nathan felt an odd tug at his heartstrings. Looking at the little girl reminded him so much of the Leah he had known long ago, and the memory filled him with a sense of loss.
As Louise fetched coffee and Joe and Pippa chatted, questions filled Nathan’s mind. Was Leah with anyone? If so, was this man Pippa’s father? It hadn’t occurred to him as he climbed the steps to the club, that Leah had made a life for herself without him, had borne a daughter to someone. What, did he think that time stood still for her? Just because she wasn’t a part of his life?
Pippa reminded Nathan so much of Leah, he felt himself becoming extremely agitated. He made his excuses to leave, armed with a phone number where he could reach Pippa, and with good wishes from Joe and Louise.
***
Nathan looked at the piece of paper he held in his hand. On it was the phone number that Pippa had given him. He had stuck to his original intention of heading straight for Edinburgh, but got as far as the Scottish border before he turned back. He’d been sitting in the Land Rover outside of the nightclub for about an hour. He was consumed with thoughts about Leah, even though he had tried not to think about her. Seeing her again, he was filled with thoughts of what might have been had they married, and had children.
He realized that the agitation he had felt earlier was not directed at Pippa but at Leah for giving to some other man what he had once had for himself. He wanted to make Leah tell him why she had left, what had gone so wrong that she couldn’t talk to him about. He had always believed that they were as close as any two people could be; they shared everything. And when she had gone, his life was nothing.
He held in his hand a way of getting in touch with Leah, a way to finally exorcise a ghost from his past. He thought back to all the phone numbers he had been given by the women he had met throughout his career with a smile, and how he had saved every single one in the beginning in case his luck ran out and his career took a nosedive. Not once had he ever phoned one of those women. Now, he was in possession of the one and only number he had ever wanted over the last seven years, and he couldn’t bring himself to use it.