Born of Lies

by Sara Dailey

  Paul introduced me to his band-mates, and we sat and chatted until well after closing. The 17th Street Bar was a regular Friday night gig for them, so they knew everyone there.

  When the cleaning crew arrived, everyone decided to call it a night. I said goodbye to the group while Paul gathered his gear, and then I went with him to put it in his car. With everything packed up, it was time for us to say goodbye.

  He leaned against my car door, and it just felt right to walk into his arms. The moment I pulled back to look up at him, his lips were on mine, and this kiss was unlike any of the others. It was hot and hard and had me grasping at his shoulders just to stay on my feet. His lips were laced with a kind of passion I’d never encountered. As his tongue explored my mouth, tasting all of me, my body grew eager and the need to touch more of him was clawing at me. I threw my arms around his neck and deepened our kiss even more, causing a sudden ache to begin building inside me.

  Paul let his lips leave mine, and I started to protest but fell silent as they moved down my neck and then back up to my ear. “Stay with me tonight?” he whispered, and the desire in his voice was unmistakable. He lifted my chin and looked into my eyes. “Stay with me.”

  I wanted to, oh God, I wanted to. There was nothing in the universe that I wanted more, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t give myself to him when technically I belonged to another. It wasn’t right, and it wasn’t fair to either of us. Plus, I couldn’t bear to think about what my pack would do if they found out about Paul. I couldn’t let that happen. I needed to leave, if for no other reason than to protect him.

  I closed my eyes and rested my head on his chest. I could feel our heartbeats begin to slow down together.

  “It’s okay,” he said softly.

  I looked up at him. “I’m sorry. I can’t, but there is nothing I would rather do.”

  We stood there in each other’s arms for a few more minutes before I told him that I had to go. Paul opened my car door, and I got in and lowered my window. He leaned in and kissed me goodbye.

  “Call me and let me know you made it home, okay?” he said.

  I smiled and promised to call. After one more sweet small kiss I drove away.

  Chapter 11

  I fell back onto my bed with the phone glued to my ear and peeked over at the alarm clock on my nightstand. Shit! Two-thirty a.m.? I needed to get to bed, but listening to the sound of Paul’s voice kept sleepiness far at bay.

  “So, can you make it tomorrow? Can’t wait to see you again.”

  “I’ll be there,” I assured him. And I would. Nothing was going to keep me away from the 17th Street Bar, because I couldn’t wait to see him either. We’d spent almost every night this week talking on the phone until well into the early morning hours, and I’d even managed to sneak away to meet him for lunch on Wednesday. The intense feeling I felt for him grew stronger every minute of every day, and all I could think about was when I’d get to be with him again.

  “I’ll be waiting. I miss you. A lot.”

  My eyes closed as the sincerity of his words washed over me. “I miss you too. I better go, but I’ll see you tomorrow. Ten o’clock?”

  “Yeah, ten o’clock… Until then, goodnight, Lillian Michaels. Sweet dreams.”

  The tone of his voice left no doubt in my mind that they would be very sweet indeed.

  *****

  Unlike last Friday, I wasn’t able to slip out of my house so easily. I headed downstairs and ran right into my father just before I made my escape, but he was a far better option than my mother.

  “You headed to Marcus’s?”

  Picking up my purse and keys, I said the only thing that came to mind. “Yeah, he rented a few movies so I’ll probably be home late.”

  The relief that flashed across Dad’s face cut deep, and I had to turn away before the deception in my eyes gave me away. Before I shut the door I heard, “I’m glad to see you two spending time together. Have fun.”

  I couldn’t find it in myself to respond, so I left without a word and said a silent prayer that my parents wouldn’t call the Walkers looking for me.

  Alone in the car on the open road, my guilty conscience that occasionally rears its ugly head made an unwelcome appearance. After a minor freak-out over the prospect of being busted by my parents before the night’s end, my thoughts turned to Paul and all the truths I couldn’t tell him. Somewhere along the way my cheating on Marcus with Paul had flip-flopped and it felt more like I was cheating on Paul instead. Even though Marcus had barely laid a finger on me since the announcement of our engagement, the fact of the matter was that I was still engaged and Paul had no idea.

  By the time I arrived in Taos, I’d convinced myself that I was the most horribly wretched person on planet Earth. I was a lying, cheating fraud who didn’t deserve a guy like Paul. Maybe I did deserve to be stuck in a loveless marriage with Marcus Walker.

  Before I literally hyperventilated, I took a sharp turn into a Taco Bell parking lot. I knew what I needed to do. I needed to turn my car around, step on the gas, and try to forget what it felt like to be in Paul’s arms. But I couldn’t. I’d promised Paul that I’d come, and I couldn’t break that promise. It was like a rule.

  As I pulled back out onto the street, I made a vow to myself. Tonight, no matter how much it hurt, I’d end things with Paul. I couldn’t be with him. I’d always known my time with him was only temporary, but along with a lot of other things I’d rather ignore I’d chosen not to think about it. All I had left was tonight, so I buried my grief deep down inside before I entered the bar for the last time.

  When I rounded the corner, I saw all the same faces from last Friday sitting around the table, but Paul was nowhere in sight. On my way over, a long lean arm came from behind and wrapped around my waist. Suddenly my feet were off the ground, and Paul was spinning me around as he kissed the back of my neck. He breathed into my hair and said, “God, I missed you like crazy.”

  Once my feet were firmly back on the ground, I turned and threw my arms around his neck. “Not as much as I missed you.”

  Our bodies melded together as our lips connected. I sank into him and struggled to stay on two feet, but his arm snaked around my lower back to hold me up and he kissed the living daylights out of me right there in the middle of the bar. Before his lips left mine, he lifted me off the ground once more and tugged playfully on my bottom lip with his teeth. Still holding my body firmly against his he whispered, “You wanna get out of here? I’m sure no one will miss me.”

  I was just about to answer when the hooting and hollering began. We both turned our attention to the table near the stage and laughed as his group of friends cheered us on. I muttered, “They will definitely notice.”

  Paul put me down. “Guess it’s too late to slip out the back then?”

  I grabbed his hand and led him over to the table. “Come on, you have a show to do. But I’ll be right here when it’s over.”

  Everyone greeted me warmly as Paul pulled out a bar stool for me, and without even having to ask a waitress placed a Coke in front of me. Paul thanked her and then turned to his friends and said, “You all take care of my girl while I’m gone.” After a quick peck on the cheek, he made his way to the stage.

  There I sat, utterly entranced by a guy I’d only known for a short time. Somehow it already felt like a lifetime. His fingers moved deftly over the strings of his bass guitar, and it was like he was playing just for me. The anticipation of hearing his voice again was practically killing me, and when he finally took center stage, I almost jumped off my stool.

  As he sang the first lines of Smashing Pumpkins’ “Luna,” I had to laugh at the irony of him singing about moonsongs. I swayed to the music and hummed along until his eyes cut to me as he sang, “‘I’m in love with you, I’m in love with you, I’m in love with you.’”

  Frozen in time, I gazed into his pale-blue eyes and lost myself in the words of a song about the moon and being in love. “‘I’m in love with you. So in love. I’m
in love with you,’” rang through the bar, and everything fell away except Paul and me. Completely connected, his eyes never left mine until the song ended and the crowd erupted.

  I sat there in a hazy stupor for the remainder of his set. My mind couldn’t string together a coherent thought, much less carry on an intelligent conversation with those around me. The band headed over to the table, and Paul wrapped his arm around me and kissed my cheek. After spending a few minutes with his friends, he whispered in my ear, “Wanna go outside?”

  I nodded my head, and we politely excused ourselves.

  Nervous energy coursed through every molecule of my being as I followed him out to his car. After his performance, I wasn’t sure what to expect. Surely, those were just the words to a song he just happened to be singing. He wasn’t professing his love for me. It didn’t mean anything, right? He couldn’t possibly love me. Like me? Sure. Love? No way.

  Out of nowhere, a teeny-tiny voice in the back of my mind reminded me that I was supposed to be ending this, but as I watched him hop up on the hood of his Camaro, I tucked the pesky little thought away, at least for the time being.

  He patted the spot next to him and admitted, “Sorry, but I kinda wanted you all to myself tonight.”

  Despite the fact that I was still in freak-out mode on the inside, a smile broke out across my face. I took a seat next to him and as calmly as possible said, “You won’t hear me complaining.”

  He took my hand, and we chatted about nothing for a few minutes before he asked, “So, are you ever going to give me your number?”

  With my nerves firing on all cylinders, I tried to come up with a reasonable excuse, but as usual I came up blank.

  Paul squeezed my hand and explained, “It’s okay. Really. I just want to be able to get in touch with you. I’m always waiting by my phone for my ever-mysterious girl to call.”

  Focused on the gravel below, I gave him the only answer I could. “I know, and I’m sorry. I just can’t right now, okay?”

  He let go of my hand and wrapped me in his arms. I laid my cheek against his chest and his chin rested on the top of my head. We breathed in unison as silence filled the air. I feared my answer wasn’t enough, and just as he began to speak, I braced myself for heartbreak.

  “I said I wouldn’t push you, and I’m trying really hard to stick to my word. It’s just, I really like you a lot. To be honest, I think I more than like you, and for some reason I have a bad feeling that one day you may not call, and it kills me to think that you could just slip through my fingers like that.”

  He more than likes me. My heart soared at the thought, and I sat up to look into his eyes as I admitted, “I more than like you, too.”

  He lifted me up and pulled me into his lap. I thought he was going to kiss me, but he didn’t. He just stared at me for the longest time before he spoke again. “I have to tell you something that I’ve wanted to tell you all week. But before I do, you have to know that I’m crazy about you. Like, can’t-get-you-off-of-my-mind-ever crazy about you, and I want to see you more, preferably every day. And you may think I’m completely nuts since we’ve only known each other for like two weeks, but I can’t help it. And I don’t want to help it because it just feels right.”

  He stopped and took in a deep breath before he kept going. “Okay, so I am supposed to be moving to Austin in a few days. Our band landed a killer gig at a bar on 6th Street. It will be every Thursday night starting at the end of July, and that city is full of other venues for us to play so it’s a huge opportunity. Most of my stuff is packed, but…”

  Even though I had planned that tonight would be my last night with Paul, tiny little pieces of my heart began to break off one by one as I listened to the words flooding out of his mouth, and I ended up cutting him off mid-sentence.

  “So, you’re leaving?” I asked, more to myself than to him as I imagined myself picking up all the tiny bits. Sure, I could collect them all, and over time somehow figure out how to fix my shattered heart, but would the tiny little shards ever fit back together the way they did before?

  He shook his head no, and it took me a second to remember the question he was answering. “No, I’m not leaving. Not yet. Not before I know what this is.” He moved his index finger back and forth between the two of us. “That’s what I wanted to tell you. I want to spend every second I can with you, even if it’s on your terms.”

  He wasn’t leaving. He was staying. For me.

  Suddenly, sitting sideways on his lap wasn’t close enough. I lifted my body just a bit, moved one leg across his body and straddled him right there on the hood of his car. Yes, I’d promised myself I would end this tonight, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Instead, I decided then and there to add another lie to the list. This time at least it was to myself.

  Without an ounce of uncertainty, my eager lips crushed his and then parted to allow his tongue access. Instantly, our kisses were needy and demanding, and my last little bit of rational thought blew away in the summer breeze. I traced my fingers up his arms and down his back. Once they reached the bottom of his shirt, I slipped them inside and ran my fingertips up his finely-toned stomach and chest. When he shuddered under my touch, I deepened our kiss even more, needing to somehow be even closer.

  His fingers untangled from my hair and slid down my neck. It was my turn to shudder as his fingers lightly touched my breasts on their way to my waist. Those sexy hands pulled me toward him, and he trailed kisses down my neck as he ran them up the sides of my body, stopping just underneath my bra. His lips found mine again, and my heaving chest pressed against him as our embrace became more urgent as each second passed.

  If he’d asked me in that moment to go back to his apartment I wouldn’t have denied him. I wanted him badly, and a sad little moan escaped my lips when he pulled away.

  “It pains me to say this, but we should stop before I haul your ass into the backseat of my car.”

  I pouted, and he laughed. Tugging gently on my bottom lip with his teeth he smiled. “It’s almost closing. You want to head inside for a few?”

  I couldn’t hide the sadness in my voice as I answered, “I should probably just head home.”

  With the tip of his finger, he lifted my chin to find my downcast eyes. “But you’ll call, right?”

  I couldn’t stand the thought of never seeing him again. I was supposed to be breaking things off. This was supposed to be it, the last time. This couldn’t be it, though, not yet. One day I’d have to let him go, but it wasn’t going to be tonight. “Yeah, I’ll call.”

  He kissed me softly before I got in my car. He stood there and watched as I backed up and pulled out of the parking spot. I glanced in my rearview mirror, hesitated for a moment, and then drove away.

  *****

  All the lights in my house were off when I got home. As quietly as possible I shut my car door and tiptoed up to the porch. I opened the front door, left the lights off, and snuck inside. Using the lightest of footsteps, I made my way up the stairs…and froze as soon as my bedroom door came into view.

  Chapter 12

  When I saw the light peeking out from under my bedroom door, I knew I was busted. I could only hope it was my mom and not Marcus in there waiting. Whoever it was would be able to smell Paul all over me, and I’d have no choice but to tell them the truth.

  I opened my door and was only slightly relieved to see my mom sitting on my bed. She was holding my necklace with Marcus’s alpha ring on it in one hand, my engagement ring in the other. She definitely smelled Paul on me.

  “Mom, let m—”

  She raised her hand, signaling me to stop talking before she interrupted. “Don’t, Lily. Just don’t.” Her tone was harsh, and her eyes narrowed, marked with a mixture of anger and disappointment. Well aware of the ass-chewing I was about to get, I walked in and fell into my chair near the window.

  She stood up and moved to stand in front of me. “I don’t understand you, Lily. Marcus is a good guy. He is our alpha for cryin
g out loud. He chose you, and you have the nerve to be out gallivanting all over town like a floozy?”

  “Mom, that’s not fair—”

  “Don’t talk to me about fair. This family has worked very hard to make sure that you are happy—”

  It was my turn to cut her off. I shot up from my chair, forcing my mother to take a step back, and threw my purse on my bed. “Yeah, I know all about how hard you worked, Mom. Your little arrangement for me. You couldn’t have a boy, so you basically sold me to the highest bidder—”

  I didn’t even see her hand before it came down hard across my face. My hand flew to my cheek and tears stung at my eyes. I backed up and sat back in my chair with my head in my hands. My mother sat back on my bed.

  “It wasn’t like that,” she said, sounding dejected, as if she were the one who’d just gotten slapped across the face.

  “I don’t love him, Mom. He doesn’t love me.”

  “Don’t be silly. You’re just nervous. Marcus adores you,” she countered.

  “Marcus adored me when he was seventeen. Now we barely speak. He’s the one who told me about the arrangement. He doesn’t want to marry me, Mom. He’s only going through with it because he thinks he has to.”

  She had to know that was true. It couldn’t be a surprise. Anyone who was around us long enough could see that we were no longer the young couple in love, who couldn’t get enough of each other. But it didn’t seem to matter.

  “Lily,” she said, taking a shaky breath, “you are marrying Marcus in less than two months. You will smile as you walk down that aisle…”

  I rolled my eyes at her complete lack of sympathy. Could she really be so cold that she would sacrifice the happiness of her only child to protect her position in the pack?

  “Do not roll your eyes at me, young lady! I am dead serious about this. We made this arrangement for you to protect you and your future. Without an enforcer in our family, where would that leave us? We were not born to be followers, Lily. We are leaders. You are a leader. You will be the alpha female of this pack very soon. It’s time you start acting like it.”