by S. Herrera
“Look, I'm not saying you mean to hurt her. I'm just worried you will.” He tries to explain.
I stop in my tracks and turn on him. Luckily, we are still a way away from most of the crowd.
“This isn't a game to me Wren. It's nothing. We are friends and that's it. We get each other because we are the only ones not married, with a kid or career.” I give him more than he deserves. “But you’re wrong about it having anything to do with Everly and Knox. Whatever this is between Sawyer and I is just that, between us.”
“Is it something more than friendship?”
His words having me looking back out to the dance floor where Sawyer dances in her dad’s arms.
chapter five
I watch the argument transpire between Wyatt and Wren over my dad's shoulder. While we sway back and forth to some sappy slow song that I'm not even paying attention to.
“Are you still watching that boy?” My dad asks, causing my entire body to still.
“What boy?” I push the words past my suddenly dry lips.
“The Matthews boy, Sawyer. I wasn't born yesterday, and I saw the way you looked at him while he spun you around this dancefloor.” There is a touch of humor in his voice, but I can hear the worry in there too.
“It's not like that, we're just friends.” I regain my movement and sway with him.
“Okay, if you say so.” He pulls back enough to look at my face before he says the next part. “I want you to be happy and move on. But I don't think that's the boy to do it with.”
“We are just friends, Dad.” It takes everything in me to not defend him, because I know he is most likely judging Wyatt based on the situation with Everly. But that would just give him more for his argument.
I imagine that Wyatt is getting the same spiel from Wren that I'm getting from my dad. Whatever they think they saw when we danced. Whatever it was, I felt it.
I felt something more than friendship. And if Wren hadn't interrupted, I think he might have kissed me or maybe I would have kissed him. Which of course would have ended in an absolute disaster because everyone would have seen it.
When the dance is over, Dad walks me back to my table where both Wyatt and Wren are sitting. It's all awkward silence when he walks away leaving the three of us.
Pretending to have not seen their whole exchange earlier, I grab my phone and act like I’m distracted by whatever is on the screen. But I can feel Wyatt watching me.
I’m sure he doesn't mean to be staring, but while he watches me, Wren is watching him. And when he doesn't acknowledge him, Wren curses under his breath and walks away.
Wren’s abrupt departure gets Wyatt’s attention, and he turns to watch as he leaves. He doesn’t say a word as his attention comes back me. His eyes lock onto mine when he catches me watching him.
“Are you having fun?” he asks casually.
“Yes. It’s a beautiful wedding and the company isn’t so bad either.” I say teasing, testing the waters.
Usually the banter is fun, easy and a little flirty between us, but I can tell that whatever Wren said is getting to him. I hate when he’s guarded with me. It’s only happened a few times before and always when we’re around Knox or the rest of the group.
It puts me on edge that he can act like that because he’s great at pretending that he doesn’t really know me outside of the group. Which means that his behavior could change at any moment. For any reason.
I’m distracted from my thoughts when his guard slips and he gives me that beautiful smile. I’m reminded of the kind and gentle soul Wyatt is. And that his weird behavior isn’t the same as it was with Erik. It’s not even fair to compare the two.
“Yeah, the company is pretty good.”
Those few words are all he gives me before he scans the area around the table for anyone that might be listening.
“So, are you still riding back to Durham with me tonight?”
“Yes. I love Everly and Charlotte, but I miss my bed and there is only so much talking a girl can do.” I lean and whisper conspiratorially, “And they talk. A lot.”
His deep rumble of a laugh rolls over me and it stirs something in the deepest part of me. It isn’t something friendly, that’s for sure.
“I bet you snuggled and played with Emerson the whole time anyways.”
“I did, but she has an early bedtime.” I deadpanned. “Don’t get me wrong, I really appreciate them including me. I’m just so used to being alone that it’s hard for me sometimes. And they’re so close. I’ve never had that.” I don’t mean to spill this much, but with Wyatt the words just seem to always flow from me.
He nods in understanding. “I can see where that would be overwhelming. But I hate that you’re alone so much. You haven’t met anyone at school?”
“I joined a study group, but they are pretty serious about studying. Everyone that I went to school with is in completely different classes than I am.” I shrug before adding, “Anyone who’s heard about what happened or thinks they know what happened acts weird around me. Like I’m a skittish animal or they make me out to be the bad guy.”
“The bad guy?” He asks, brows crinkled in confusion.
“Erik. He’s from Raleigh but ended up in Pennsylvania with an uncle when he couldn’t afford to live in New York.” I pause, taking a deep breath to steady myself. “It was something I liked about him, something we had in common, and he reminded me of home.”
“I didn’t know that.” Wyatt says, never taking his eyes off me.
I love that feeling more and more, his eyes on me with this inability to look away. There is something changing between us. There is no denying it, not anymore.
The party wraps up after the bride and groom have said their goodbyes and snuck off. Charlotte is loading Emerson in the car when Wren asks if Sawyer needs a ride home.
“No, thank you. I’m riding with Wyatt back to Durham. We both have classes tomorrow.” She smiles brightly while delivering the news, as though she’s excited to spend more time with me. The look on Wren’s face tells me that he got the same feeling.
I need to do better at keeping things friendly with Sawyer. It’s too easy to be comfortable and let myself believe there can be more.
We’re good as friends. Just friends.
She isn’t really what I should be looking for anyways. Too wild and free spirited. I need someone who will understand what my future looks like, years of schooling that will take up most of my time. Med school is my future, it’s consistent and I know what I’m doing. Girls, not so much.
Also, I’d promised myself I wouldn’t fall for another friend. When I start a relationship, it will be with someone new, who I meet for the sole purpose of trying to date them. Which won’t happen unless I start trying to date again. It won’t be with someone that I will have to constantly see around our group of friends.
Been there. Done that.
“You good?” Sawyer’s voice breaks through the noise in my head. When I turn to face her, she is eyeing me warily. I look around and notice that Wren has already walked away, leaving us alone to stand by my car awkwardly.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry.” I mumble walking around her to the driver’s side door and getting in. She gives me just enough time to take a few deep breaths before she opens her door and slowly gets into the car.
“Do you need me to drive?”
“No, I’m good. Let’s get home, it’s getting late.” I start the car and pull down the road that will lead us back to the highway.
Sawyer nods in response but doesn’t look away.
“What’s wrong?” I glance at her as we pull up to the stop sign.
“What did Wren say to you?” She asks, looking at me intently, like she’s studying my face for anything that might give me away.
My face scrunches in confusion. Not only at her question, but her examination, as though she expects me to lie. Granted, I don’t particularly want to tell her the truth, but I am not a liar. “He thinks there is more between us, mor
e than a growing friendship. And I’m guessing he thinks that would be a very bad idea.”
I don’t want to tell her what he accused me of because I don’t want to even put those thoughts in her mind. But if she asks, I won’t keep that information from her.
“Why would that be a very bad idea?” Of course, she would ask.
“He’s worried that I would be doing it for the wrong reasons, and it will cause a rift because Knox is your older brother.” I pray to any higher power that is listening that she lets this go. That she doesn’t ask what those reasons are.
I want to keep this friendship we have, and if she thinks I’m messing with her brother or Everly, it will all be out the window.
“I see.” She says while staring out the window. “But there isn’t anything more between us, right?”
“Of course. We’re friends, just friends.” Just friends, I remind myself the entire drive home. It can’t be anything more.
Sawyer is silent for the rest of the drive. A part of me hopes she is feeling the same disappointment that I am, but a bigger part of me hopes that she’s only tired. And the thought of us being anything more than friends is one she finds comical.
Not a bone deep curiosity, wondering what could have been.
Logically I know it could only end badly. We are two very different people, despite the fact we both prefer cake over pie and are amid an early life crisis.
chapter six
The light shines through my window, blinding me when I open my eyes. I groan before remembering that it’s Monday, and for once I’m not dreading the day and week ahead. Today is my first day as the assistant track coach at Chapel Hill High, one of the local high schools.
I’m excited and maybe the smallest bit terrified. Ultimately, excitement wins out because I can’t wait to be back on a track. It used to be my sacred place, where things were simple and easy. I always knew what I was doing.
Somewhere between racing competitively in college and meeting Erik, I lost my way. Running started to become more like work and less like the escape it had been for years. And Erik, he adored me and treated me like I was the most important thing in his life. It was a nice change after years of my brother scaring off all the boys at our school. None of them would come near me, even after he left. I’m sure his intentions weren’t to leave me isolated and alone, but that was the result of a protective older brother and a majorly overprotective dad.
My mom on the other hand is a saint. I’ve always wondered how I came from a woman like that. Her calm and kind demeanor certainly weren’t passed down to me. I was always the snarky girl that didn’t fit in, not that much has changed over the years. I still wear my snark like a suit of armor, there are just a few more chinks in it than there used to be.
But I’m trying. I remind myself as I roll out of my bed and get moving.
When I get out of the shower, I check my phone to see what time it is, and I feel the smile creeping across my face when I see Wyatt’s name on my screen.
Wyatt: Have a great first day. Celebration dinner tonight?
Me: Thanks! I’d love that.
Wyatt: I’ll pick you up at six?
Me: Perfect. I should be home by then.
Thankfully, Knox and Everly finished moving out of the building just last weekend so we no longer need to meet in public places to hide our… friendship. I mean, I know that we’re just friends. Wyatt has made that clear, but sometimes I wish we were more. It’s foolish, so I try to not think about it. I’d rather have him as a friend than nothing at all.
Classes pass slower today, but I make it to the afternoon and travel the short distance to the high school. When I pull into one of their many parking lots, my nerves start to set in. Should I even be here? I feel like an imposter, thinking I can help these kids and teach them how to run faster and better when my own feet haven’t hit rubber in well over a year. I’ve only run a handful of times since I came home to North Carolina, and it was something I forced myself to do every single time. And only ever on a treadmill.
I take a deep breath and remind myself that this is progress. Just stepping foot back on a track and returning to what once made me happy is a big deal. The coach knows my history and still hired me because two years ago, I was one of the best.
As I walk through the parking lot and look for the signs that will point me in the direction of the track, I push away the negative feelings that keep trying to make their way through. If I think about what I had, I will think about what I lost. And today is not the day to focus on what I’ve lost.
“Hey, you must be Sawyer Coleman,” a big mountain of a man says when I finally make it through the maze of the school and step foot on the field.
“I am. And you must be Mr. Martin.” I reach out to shake his hand once I am within reach. His hand is almost twice the size of mine and I briefly wonder how this man, who was clearly built to be a offensive tackle ended up coaching runners.
“I did both.” His deep rumble pulls my eyes from his arms and back to his face.
“I’m sorry, what?”
“It’s the first question most people ask when they see my size. I played football and ran track. It kept me busy and out of trouble through the year, and I enjoyed them both. Running was my passion, but I was built for football.” He laughs and his smile reaches his eyes.
I think I’m really going to like Mr. Martin.
Practice was grueling. Mr. Martin believes strongly in coaching by demonstration which is something I totally agree with. Problem is, I am extremely out of shape and was totally unprepared for that level of activity.
But I did it. Even if it was only drills and exercises with high school track kids, I ran.
That accomplishment on its own has me smiling the entire ride up the elevator. That and dinner with Wyatt, which I’ve only got thirty minutes to shower and get ready for before he’ll be here.
He keeps calling it a celebration dinner. So logically, I know that I shouldn’t think of it as a date. We’ve had dinner together plenty of times before. But this time feels different.
For starters, we’re actually going out to a restaurant. Usually when we hang out things are a little more casual, or we’re with the rest of the group. Not to mention that I’ve noticed the way that he looks at me. I know that there’s at least a little bit more to this friendship on his end too. And I can’t help but wonder if a more intimate setting might be the push he needs.
When I get inside, I head straight for my bathroom and start the shower. Letting the bathroom get hot and steamy, I go to my closet to find something other than workout clothes to wear to dinner.
I grab a pair of tight ripped jeans and toss them on my bed, rifling through cropped tees and loose sweaters, finally landing on the perfect shirt. Ripping it off the hanger, I add it to the pile and hit the shower, decision made.
If Wyatt is having trouble admitting that he feels something more for me, I’ll help him out.
Just a friendly celebration dinner, that’s all this is. I remind myself over and over on the elevator ride up to Sawyer’s floor. There’s nothing wrong with two friends going to dinner to celebrate her first day on the job. Her first day back in the running world.
When the doors ding open, I cross the hall and knock on her door. Only she doesn’t answer the door, instead she yells for me to let myself in and a series of numbers.
Looking down I see the keypad above the doorknob. Recalling the numbers, I punch them in. There is a beep and the mechanical sound of a lock turning. When it goes quiet, I turn the knob and find the door unlocked.
“It’s Wyatt,” I call out as I shut the door behind me.
“I know,” she yells back from another room.
“How could you have possibly known? I sure hope you don’t always yell out your code like that.” I admonish her because it is completely unsafe.
Her laugh is the only reply I get.
When she comes out of the room, I am speechless. As usual her red hair is a mes
s of curls and waves around her. She isn’t wearing much makeup, just enough to know it’s there. But her outfit is what captures my attention.
She is wearing a tight, black off the shoulder sweater with her usual holey jeans that fit snuggly where it counts. Sawyer is gorgeous no matter what she’s wearing, and I imagine she is even more so when she’s wearing nothing at all. But this, this might be my favorite so far. Not that I have a favorite because we are just friends, which also means that I shouldn’t be thinking about what she looks like without clothes on.
“Do I look okay? I wasn’t sure where you were taking me.” Her words feign innocence, but her eyes hold a knowing look. Sawyer knows what she’s doing, there is no mistake about it.
“You look great. I was thinking Chinese, your favorite.” I try my best to keep my tone even and not let her know the effect she’s having on me. If I let her know how weak she makes me, how she really makes me feel, everything will change.
“Let me grab my coat and we can head out.” She walks past me to grab a lightweight UNC jacket off the back of her couch. And I can’t help but watch her as she walks to the door and pulls on a black pair of combat boots.
Just friends.
I follow Sawyer through the door asking her about her first day as we take the elevator down to the parking garage. Her smile eases the stress I feel from a long Monday full of classes and meetings.
The way she lights up talking about these kids and their passion for running. Her excitement is contagious, and I’m proud of her for stepping foot back on a track after everything. I think getting back to running will be therapeutic for her.
I drive us to the restaurant, sneaking a peek at her every chance I get while she talks animatedly in the passenger seat. When I’m pulling into a parking space, her hand lands on my shoulder, the contact startles me.