Never My Girl (Always, Maybe, Never Book 3)

by S. Herrera

  “It was so much more than I expected. I didn’t realize how much I missed running and being around runners.” I turn to face her, only to find her face inches from my own. I meet her wide smile with my own.

  “I’m happy for you Sawyer, this is a big step.” Slowly I move closer toward my door, putting some distance between us. “We should get inside.” I open my door and step out into the cool night air, taking a few deep breaths before walking around the car and taking her arm in mine.

  “If I didn’t know better, I’d say this kind of feels like a date.” She drops her head on my shoulder as we stand walk in the front door and are greeted by the hostess before I have a chance to reply.

  What would I say to that anyway?

  I’m lost in my thoughts while we are led to our table. I pull out Sawyer’s chair and push her in before taking the seat across from her. I pick up the menu, staring at it but not really reading the words.

  Sawyer places her warm hand over mine, causing me to jump and the menu to fall from my hands to the floor. “Are you okay? You were trying to read upside down.” She giggles while removing her hand and grabbing the menu from the floor.

  What is wrong with me? This is Sawyer, we are friends. Why am I being so weird about this?

  “Yeah, I’m sorry. It’s been a long day.” I take the offending menu she is holding out to me, keeping it upright to read the items listed on it.

  It’s not long before the waitress comes to take our orders and things settle back into our normal. The conversation flows easily, but I notice every little think Sawyer does— when she swipes her hair beind her ear, reaches across the table to swat my hand when she disagrees, the flirty smile she keeps sending my way.

  Our food arrives and we dig in, stealing food from each other’s plates, tasting and trying everything we ordered for the table. We joke about how horrified our friends would be. They’re all firm believers in everyone keeping to their own plates. It’s just a reminder of how different things are with Sawyer.

  When the fortune cookies come, she’s excited, nearly bouncing in her seat when she picks one and hands me the other. “Open it. Read it.”

  “Okay, Okay.” I crack the cookie in half, popping a chunk in my mouth before slipping out the piece of paper and reading it aloud without thinking. “One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it. Master Oogway.”

  “No way. Your fortune cookie did not quote a child’s movie.” She says reaching for the slip of paper in my hands.

  “It sure did.” I stare down at the words. I’m fully aware that “fortunes” are mostly just famous quotes printed on little slips of paper that they shove in a cookie. This has no real meaning, but the timing is impeccable.

  Destiny.

  “Wyatt, it’s just a fortune cookie.” She urges.

  “I know.” I still don’t tear my eyes from the little red letters.

  “Then why are you staring at it like it’s going to tell you the secrets of the universe.”

  Because it just might. But I don’t say that aloud. Instead, I shove it in my pocket. “What does yours say?”

  She removes her cookie from the wrapper, breaking it and eating half in the same way that I did. Removing the paper from the remaining half, she straightens it out and reads to herself. She laughs, covering her mouth to contain it. “Soon life will become more interesting.”

  When she looks up, her eyes meet mine and she raises an eyebrow in challenge. Daring me to make things interesting. I’d love nothing more than to take that dare, knowing full well it’s a terrible idea.

  Then I remember that we are here as friends for a celebratory dinner. This isn’t a date. Sawyer will never be mine, can never be mine. We are just friends.

  The elevator ride up to her floor is silent as I stand with my hands in my pockets, her arm looped through mine and her head resting on my bicep. I revel in her touch, and the urge to pull her into my arms and hold her is overwhelming.

  I’m flooded with relief as the doors ding then slide open, and she pulls away from me, walking into the hallway. I miss the contact immediately, but I shove that thought aside. At least I didn’t do anything stupid.

  I watch her standing there ready to key in the code but looking at me as though she’s waiting for something. This is the part where I tell my friend goodnight and leave. I don’t wait for a kiss because this isn’t a date. I don’t wish things were different between us.

  And I certainly don’t let my eyes drop down to her plump, pouty lips.

  When her tongue darts out and runs across her lips, I throw away my concerns of what I should and shouldn’t do. I forget the dos and don’ts and act on pure impulse for a moment of want.

  Need.

  I cup her face with my hands, bringing her mouth to meet mine, stealing the gasp from her lips. Walking her back until her back is pressed against the door.

  His touch is gentle and commanding all at once, just as I knew it would be. If anyone else had me pushed up against the wall like this, I would expect to feel panicky or trapped. With Wyatt, I feel safe, and it makes this kiss even hotter.

  I wrap my arms around his neck to deepen the kiss, and it spurs him into action. His hands drop from my face, landing on my hips and sliding painfully slow down to my thighs where he grabs hold and lifts me to wrap my legs around my waist.

  Wyatt starts running his hands up and down my body while his tongue tangles with my own. He has me pressed between him and the door in such a way that, even through his jeans, I can feel that he’s into this just as much as I am.

  He pulls away, breaking the contact between his lips and mine, trailing soft kisses down my neck. Fighting the urge to move against him, I remember that we’re still in the hallway. I pause for a moment to listen, but the only thing I hear is our heavy breathing.

  The connection with Wyatt is more intense than it ever was with Erik. It feels exhilarating yet terrifying. I’m just about to invite him in when his mouth is back on mine, consuming me. Taking the words and pushing them from my mind.

  I need to stay in this moment with Wyatt before he comes to his senses and the spell is broken. A part of me wonders if this is all I can have of him. I mean, I’m not looking for forever, or really any sort of relationship, right? So, this shouldn’t bother me. Right?

  Before I can panic or dwell on it anymore, I let myself get lost in Wyatt.

  Until I’m abruptly pulled from the moment as he breaks our connection and drops my feet to the floor. I can tell by the look in his eyes as he takes a few steps away from me, he’s going to say it was a mistake.

  “We shouldn’t-”

  “Don’t.” One word. In hopes he won’t say all the things I already know he will.

  He runs his hands through his hair, “I’m sorry Sawyer, that shouldn’t have happened. I don’t know what came over me.”

  Watching him, I can feel the sting from tears behind my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall in front of him. I gave Erik too many of my tears, and I won’t continue to give the rest of them to a man who can’t admit how he really feels.

  “It’s fine, Wyatt.” I turn away to key in my code, taking slow deep breaths.

  “No, it’s not. That, that was…” I’d like to think he can’t come up with the words because it was that great for him too. But when I glance back at him, the tortured look I see on his face says otherwise. He really does think this was a mistake.

  I get my door unlocked and push it open, stepping inside without waiting for whatever he has left to say. Instinctively the rejection stings, but I’m not stupid. I know that he wants me too. He is fighting it and why exactly I’m not sure. Though, I suspect it has to do with my brother.

  “Sawyer,” The way he says my name pulls my attention in his direction. “You and I are just friends. I don’t want to ruin that.”

  The rejection I’m feeling quickly turns to anger. It takes everything in me to nod and agree. “You’re probably right. You should go.” With that, I close th
e door and resist the urge to bang my head on the hard wood. Instead, I turn, leaning against it and sliding down to the floor.

  I rest my head in my hands and allow the emotions to overtake me. I try to evaluate each one of them like I was taught in therapy, but they keep coming fast and overwhelming.

  How dare he kiss me like that, only to apologize afterwards and instantly regret it. What is wrong with him?!

  I thought for sure things between us were turning into something more. All the signs were there.

  Do I push my feelings down to salvage our friendship? Or do I make him realize what he’s missing? That I am a big girl who can make her own decisions, a woman who knows what she wants.

  chapter seven

  It’s been almost an entire week since Sawyer shut the door in my face after that kiss. Walking away from her that night, knowing how she must have felt, was the hardest thing I’ve had to do in a long time.

  Something changed between us at the wedding, and I’ve been battling my feelings for her ever since. I can’t exactly define what these feelings are, but the intensity scares me. And I almost ruined the friendship between Everly and I with feelings I didn’t understand. I don’t want to risk that with Sawyer. Right now, I think we both need a friend more than we need to explore our chemistry.

  The look on her face and lack of reaction was almost too much. It was clear that she was pissed.

  We have exchanged a few texts back and forth since that night, but both of us are busy with school, and she has her new job. My focus has been geared towards school since I made the decision to leave the baseball team this year. I’d planned on finally telling Sawyer the night when we went for dinner but didn’t want to bring down the mood. Then the kiss happened, and all coherent thoughts went right out the window.

  A baseball career was never in my plan. I enjoyed playing and had some natural talent, but it wasn’t ever meant to be my future. Wren and I were supposed to play our college years together, and with him gone it isn’t the same. It feels like a waste of time when I could take an extra class instead and get ahead of my schoolwork.

  For the most part, everyone has been supportive of my decision, but Wren still thinks I’m making a mistake. He thinks I’ll regret not using up every good playing year. He sounds like the professional athlete that he is. It feels like a risk that isn’t worth taking to me because if I get injured it could ruin my plans. I love the sport but playing isn’t my dream— combining the sport with medicine is.

  When I told my parents, I got mixed reactions. They’re all about business and numbers, so they wanted me to go to school for business and thought playing baseball was a great distraction from any stress from school. Neither of them understands my desire to go into the medical field.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to change your major and stay on the team?” Dad asks, reaching across the table for Mom’s rolls.

  “Yes, Dad, I’m sure. It’s a little late for that anyways.”

  “Wyatt, we will support you no matter what your choice is, you know that.”

  “I know, Mom. I’ve made decision. I’m done playing baseball, I enjoyed it, but I want to start taking a heavier course load and get serious about my future.” I lean forward and take the dish of homemade mac-n-cheese, scooping a generous helping on my plate. Anything my mom cooks is my favorite.

  My dad likes to claim that he helps cook, when in reality he just stands in the kitchen, keeps her company and makes sure her wine glass is full. If that isn’t true love, then I’m not sure what is.

  “Of course, we will support you and we want you to follow your dreams.” He takes a bite of his roll, chewing and thinking. I know to wait, he will get to his point eventually. “We just worry is all and we want to see you happy. If spending another ten years in school is what will make you happy, then we will be on board.”

  “Thank you, Dad. But it’s more like twelve.” I shrug and Dad chuckles.

  “Just don’t forget to have fun and live a life outside of school, maybe meet a nice girl.”

  Sawyer’s face shouldn’t be the one that pops into my head when he says that. Yet, she’s still there none the less. And that damn kiss. I’ve tried putting it out of my mind since that day with zero success. Sawyer is in my head and if I spend too long thinking about her, I swear that I can still taste her on my lips.

  “Wyatt Henry, is there already a girl?” Mom asks, her tone full of suspicion.

  “No, there is no one.” I lie to my mom. Something I hate doing, something I promised myself that I wouldn’t do again after lying about Everly and the baby.

  I try to justify my lie by telling myself that there isn’t anything going on between us. That it’s partially true because there can’t be an us.

  “Okay, if you say so.” She definitely doesn’t believe me.

  I dig my phone out of my pocket and type out a text to Sawyer. Friendly and short. Hopefully, she won’t shoot me down.

  Me: Hey, you free for lunch today?

  Sawyer: I’m actually going to lunch with Everly, Charlotte, and Emmy.

  Sawyer: How about coffee this afternoon? I’ll be at the café studying.

  Grateful that she’s willing to see me again, I quickly text her back.

  Me: Sounds great. What time?

  Sawyer: Three-ish.

  Before I can answer, she texts again.

  Sawyer: Nevermind. Make that five-ish. Everly and Charlotte want to go shopping…

  Sawyer: Unless you can come up with a believable emergency that gets me out of it???

  Me: Haha. Nope, sorry. Hanging out with friends and your niece is good for you.

  Sawyer: I know. It’s just weird. Guess I’ll see you later…

  I don’t try to fight the smile she puts on my face. I don’t try to push down the feelings she stirs up in me. I allow myself a moment to think about what we could be. What it would look like if she were mine.

  Then reality comes in the form of a knock on my door. I get up from the couch and walk to the door, swinging it open without checking who is on the other side. I should have.

  “We need to talk.”

  “Okay, tell me everything. How is school going? The new job? Meet any cute boys?” Everly rattles off questions as soon as the waitress sets our drinks down and turns around.

  Charlotte laughs and hands Emmy to me as a barrier. “Ev, slow down and give the girl a chance to answer one thing at a time.”

  “Umm…” I hesitate, and try to focus on Emmy, who is actively trying to rip my hair out of my head. “School is good, I feel like I’m always studying. And I am loving the job so far, I mean, every muscle hurts… but it’s good.” I leave it at that while I gently pry Emmy’s fingers out of my hair.

  “And what about boys?” She asks again, and I should have known she would.

  “There are no boys.” I say sheepishly.

  “No boys? Anywhere?” She pries, with a knowing look on her face.

  “Not in that way. Just... a friend.” The way her eyes sparkle at the admission lets me know I have made a grave mistake.

  “Just a friend.” Each word comes out slowly and calculated. “Who is this friend?”

  Shit. Shit. Shit.

  “No one.” I say too quickly.

  “Okay, why don't you tell us about him? You don't have to tell us his name.”

  I look between her and Charlotte, pulling Emmy a little closer to me for comfort.

  “Fine. He’s a great guy, I have known him forever, but we've only gotten close since I've been back home. We have a lot in common, and I love spending time with him. It's so easy and he makes me feel... free.”

  “He sounds perfect.” Charlotte says with a gleam in her eyes.

  “Pretty much. But it's complicated. He is adamant that we just stay friends. There might have been a kiss.” Why did I just say that? To Everly of all people.

  “Aaand? How was it?” She presses.

  “Amazing and perfect. Well, it would have been if he didn't e
nd it abruptly and declare it was a mistake.” Once it's all out, I actually feel better. I've never really had friends to confide in, especially when it comes to boys. And I could really use some advice about what to do with Wyatt. Even if I don't tell them that it's him.

  “Does he have good reasons for staying just friends?” Charlotte, always the voice of reason, asks.

  “Kind of. But not really. He's worried that our friendship will be ruined, which I guess makes sense in a way.” I look between the two of them and try to find the words without completely giving it away. “And my brother. They don’t exactly get along.”

  Charlotte’s eyes light at that and she looks to Everly who is sitting there looking like the cat that ate the canary.

  Oh no. This isn’t good. I’ve said entirely too much.

  But instead of pouncing on the information Charlotte takes a long sip of her iced tea. She sets her glass down on the table at the same time that the waiter brings over our food. No one says a word while we start eating our lunch.

  Not until Everly has eaten about half of her pasta. “So, how long have you been just friends with this mystery boy?”

  I narrow my eyes at her in suspicion but answer her question anyways. “It’s only been the last month or so that there’s been a shift, and the kiss was about a week ago.”

  “I see. Have you guys talked since the kiss?” She swirls her fork in the plate of noodles in front of her. I remember how horrified my brother was when he realized Everly’s love of pasta ran bone deep and it wasn’t just a craving brought on by pregnancy. He likes to eat fairly healthy other than the occasional burger. By looking at her plate, his attempt to get her to at least add veggies isn’t going over so great.

  “Yeah, a few texts here and there. We are both pretty busy, but we’re meeting for coffee this afternoon.” I fill my mouth with a forkful of chicken and tear off a small piece for Emmy to gum to death. “Are you working on any teeth yet, little?” I ask, trying to catch a peak in her mouth.