by S. Herrera
I drop my head into my hands, not wanting to see the look on Erik’s face. If I look at any of them right now, I won’t be able to hold back the angry tears I’m fighting.
Erik grumbles something about us talking later and that this isn’t over before he takes off leaving me alone with my brother and Wyatt. Both of whom I want to punch in the face myself.
“So much for not doing anything stupid.” Wyatt says, chuckling at Knox’s expense.
Dropping my hands to my side, I take a step closer, getting in their space as much as I can, considering I’m a good six or seven inches shorter than them. “Why? Why do you two idiots have to keep ruining this for me? This was supposed to be my moment, my chance to prove something to myself. Why can’t you understand that?”
“Why did you tell him and not me?” Wyatt gestures to Knox.
“This isn't about you!” I yell back, and at least he has the good sense to look sheepish. Then I turn and face my brother, waiting for an explanation.
He shuffles from one foot to the other, “Well, she didn't exactly tell me.”
And then it all makes sense. “You were listening to my conversation earlier? Seriously?”
This afternoon once all my classes were finished, I stopped by the office to check in and see my brother. After my outburst the other night, and now that everyone knows about the Erik situation, my family is back to being worried about me and wants me to check in as often as possible.
I sent Erik a text last night telling him that I would meet him today. He wasn't sure when he could meet so I told him that he could call me when he figured it out. That call came while I was in Knox's office. I thought I was being careful by making an excuse and taking the phone out into the main office where things are a bit noisier. Clearly, I was wrong, and my brother's snooping skills are a lot stronger than I gave him credit for.
“I'm sorry. I've been spending too much time around Everly, and apparently, I can no longer mind my own business. I'm starting to meddle.” If I weren't so outraged, I would laugh at the look on his face at this realization.
“Why did you call Wyatt? I was being careful, I met him somewhere public and safe. I needed to do this for me.” I storm off in the direction of my car, not waiting for their excuses or apologies.
Right now, I just want to be angry.
How dare those neanderthals come storming in like that. As though I'm helpless and can't hold my own.
I finally reach my car and rip the door open after unlocking it. I plop down into my driver's seat. Luckily, the car isn't too hot since my meeting didn't last very long.
I slam the door and hit the steering wheel a few times. I'm infuriated by the entire situation. But mostly with my brother. He drug Wyatt into this and then freaking punched Erik in the face.
To their point, there was a moment where I was a little scared. But it was brought on by their presence, I'm sure. I mean, he was acting totally fine before they got there. Then they come in all brutish and ready for a fight. It kind of makes sense that he would get defensive. I give my head a shake to clear it. I don’t want to think about him acting like that and what it might actually mean.
I start my car and turn the radio dial up loud, wanting the music to drown the thoughts from my mind.
The ding of an incoming text interrupts the song, so I check it before pulling out.
Wyatt: I'm sorry. I honestly didn't know what was going on until I got here.
Wyatt: But I still would have come if he had told me.
Me: I don’t need you to save me.
Wyatt: I know. You don’t need saving, Sawyer.
I want to stay mad at him, but when he says things like that…
chapter seventeen
I've had a couple days to cool off since the incident which gave Erik some time as well. I still want to meet with him, but after seeing how quickly he got angry… I’m starting to see that I probably shouldn’t be meeting him alone.
I might be stubborn, but I’m not stupid.
I weigh the pros and cons, deciding to call Wyatt to see if he will go with me to meet Erik. His presence might have put Erik on edge, but my brother was the one who punched him in the face. And I'm just not ready to forgive Knox yet.
Sitting at the counter with my coffee, I gather up my nerve and call his number. It only rings twice before he answers.
“Sawyer? Is everything okay?”
“Hey. Yeah, everything is fine.”
“Oh, okay,” he pauses. “What's up?”
“I have a favor to ask.” I get right to the point, figuring it’s the best way to handle this.
“Anything.” He’s quick to answer.
“You might want to wait to agree until you hear the rest.” I lift the mug to my lips taking a gulp of coffee, cringing at the lukewarm liquid. “Will you go with me to meet Erik? Since our last meeting got interrupted.”
“Why would you want me to go with you?” I can hear the rustling of papers in the background. He must be studying.
“Because you guys might have been right. And I’m not asking Knox because he already hit him.” I hear a low chuckle on the other end of the line.
“You’ve got a point there. But why are you so adamant about this?”
“I need to talk to him, Wyatt. I’ve got some things I need to say to him.”
“Okay, just tell me when and where.”
At those words, I breathe a sigh of relief. He must finally understand why I need to do this and why I hid it the way I did. Things might be okay between us after all.
I thank him and fill him in on the details and we agree to meet at the coffee shop later this afternoon. It's a little more public than the park, and hopefully means we'll be less likely to cause a scene.
Hopping off the stool, I round the counter and dump the cold coffee into the sink. Smiling, I walk down the hallway, feeling a little happier than I have in days. I turn the knob all the way hot, starting a shower and reciting my speech to Erik over and over while getting ready.
Wyatt and I meet in front of the coffee shop about ten minutes earlier than I told Erik. We exchange awkward hellos, then he holds the door open for me. I make my way to order three black coffees while Wyatt secures us a table off to the corner, to give us at least a little privacy.
When the coffees are done, I grab them off the counter and take a seat next to Wyatt, making small talk while we wait.
“How are finals going?”
“Oh good. Only one left tomorrow. You?”
“Ours are next week, but I’m all caught up in my classes. So, fingers crossed all goes well.” I show him my crossed fingers, like I'm ten years old.
He laughs, but it's not the same. It feels like he's holding back.
I furrow my brow, watching him, ready to ask all the questions. But before I can, he looks at the door and my eyes follow. Erik is walking in, and he already looks irritated.
I wave him over and point to the coffee I already got for him. He comes over and drops down into his chair a little harder than necessary.
“What’s this guy doing here, Sawyer?” He asks in a huff.
And I shut it down before it can go any further. “Erik, don’t.”
Wyatt pushes back from the table and slowly stands. “Look man, I’m just here to support Sawyer. I’m going to take my coffee and move to this table,” he points to the table directly behind me, “to give you guys some privacy.”
I watch Wyatt sit and pull out his phone before turning to Erik. I pause for a second, but decide to dive right in. “What made you decide to come back and try to get ahold of me now? It’s been almost a year and a half.”
“I’ve been trying to talk to you since April.” He counters, but the scowl I send his way has him changing his tune. “I messed up. I was drinking way too much and started experimenting there towards the end.”
I nod. I knew about the drinking. I’d seen that with my own eyes. And I suspected he was getting into drugs, but that still doesn’t justify the way he treated me for
all that time.
“Are you getting help? Did you go to treatment?” I question him, trying to see if he actually understands the wrong he did.
“No, but I’m fine now. I was just going through some stuff. I haven’t done anything like that since, I promise.” There it is. No real changed behavior, just excuses.
“While I appreciate you coming to the conclusion that you have a problem, I hope that you get some help. But I after today, when I am done saying what I need to say, I don’t want to talk to you again.”
He opens his mouth to speak but I don’t give him the chance. This is my time. My moment to put him in his place and let him know the hell he put me through.
“You were awful to me and made me believe that it was my fault. That there was something wrong with me that made me unlovable. But that’s not true. You tried to break me, but I found my strength.” I shake my head and smile saying the words I’ve waited months to say aloud to him. “You didn’t break me.”
Erik’s stare turns into a scowl. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” His tone is so condescending, and the memory of it tries to pull me back to a time where I would have listened, even agreed with him.
I shake it off and continue. “But I do. And I now know that I didn’t deserve the way you treated me.”
He studies me and I think he’s considering my words. Until he speaks. “Whatever, Sawyer. Don’t call me when this guy gets tired of you.” Erik shoots up from his chair so quickly he causes it to make an awful scraping noise across the floor. He mutters something about me being crazy and all of this being bullshit as he storms out the front door.
I don’t let his bitterness suck me into that dark place, though. I’m currently riding the high of telling him off. It feels therapeutic getting it all out, even if he wasn’t receptive to it in any way.
In an attempt to keep my hands busy, I take a drink of my coffee every few seconds, running my finger around the edge of the lid each time I set it down. I aimlessly scroll through social media and try not to eavesdrop. When I can’t find anything on there to distract me, I reach for my coffee again only to have a scowl run across my face when I discover the cup is empty.
When I look back down to my phone, a text notification comes across my screen.
Knox: How’s it going?
Skeptically, I look down at my phone. Knox and I don’t text conversationally. But when I don’t get a second text saying it was an accident, I reply.
Me: I’m okay. How about yourself?
His reply is almost instant.
Knox: Not you. The meeting.
Knox: How's the meeting going?
Knox: Sawyer told me you went with her.
And now I feel like an idiot. I should have known he didn’t actually care how I was doing.
Me: It's going fine so far.
I switch apps and scroll through some baseball highlights, ignoring the rest of the texts he sends asking for details. I'm watching a clip from Wren's game last night when Erik storms out, mumbling under his breath the whole way.
Giving her a moment after whatever just happened, I slide the phone into my pocket and slowly walk over to the garbage can, tossing my cup in. I take my time walking back and sitting in Erik's vacated seat across from her. “How do you feel?”
My fidgety fingers tap on the table in front of me, waiting for her answer. Just being this close to her is painful.
“I actually feel great. Lighter.” She smiles and it reaches her eyes. “Getting all of that off my chest really helped.”
“That's great.” I'm happy that she’s finally gotten what she needed from this entire mess of a situation.
“Yeah. I feel like I can really put all of this behind me and move on.” Sawyer reaches across the table, taking one of my restless hands in hers, and the tapping stops immediately. “With you.”
With me? Just like that?
“I’m sorry about hiding this from you, but I really felt like this was something I needed to do on my own. And that caused me to act weird and maybe like I didn't want what we had, but I do. I'm in a much better place now, and we don't have to have this weirdness between us anymore. Things can go back to normal, the way they were before.”
I pull my hand out of hers and lean back in my chair. Needing to create that distance between us. This conversation is going to be difficult enough without her touching me. “No.”
Sawyer scrunches her face up in confusion. “What?”
“I can't do this, Sawyer. I can't be this guy anymore.”
“And what guy is that exactly?” She demands, irritation lacing her tone.
Her fire, that’s what I need right now. It will be easier if this is a fight. I can handle her anger much better than her tears.
“The one who pretends that everything’s fine and comes running back when you finally figure out what you want.” I let the hurt and frustration bleed through, no longer caring to hide what I’m feeling from her.
“Then why did you come?”
“Because I promised you that I would always be there for you and I meant it.” I shrug wondering how it isn’t obvious to her. I only wanted to love her. All she had to do was let me.
“You didn't have to.”
“No, Sawyer. I didn't have, but I wanted to.” I scrub my hand down my face, “I don’t know how else to tell you that I love you and I will be there if you need me. That doesn't just change because you hurt me.”
She looks like she wants to say something, but she bites her bottom lip to keep it in. Was she going to fight for me, try to change my mind? If she really was ready for us to start again, she would be fighting for a chance. But her hesitation to say anything says it all.
A few more moments pass in silence before I continue, “I need some time to figure this all out. But I'm done being the guy that picks up the pieces and never gets the girl.”
Tears well in her eyes instantly, “That's not fair, Wyatt.” She chokes back a sob, then schools her features. The tears disappear from her eyes and the rest of her face hardens, only letting her fury show. “I'm not Everly.”
“No, you're not.” I fire back. “She could admit what she wanted when it came down to it.”
The words hit their mark. Devastation morphs her features, and the tears slide down her cheeks. I feel like an asshole for saying it to her, but I push that to the side, allowing the anguish I feel take over.
Without another word, I stand from the table, ready to leave. She drops her face into her hands, and my heart can’t take watching her fall apart any longer. So, I turn and walk away, leaving her there alone.
I make it about halfway down the block to my car before I take my phone out of my pocket and pull up Knox’s name, tapping it to call him.
“What’s up?” He answers, sounding distracted and I can hear Emmy squeal in the background.
“Your sister is at the coffee shop. She’s safe, but she’s going to need you.” I fight to keep emotion out of my voice, but he must hear it anyway.
“What happened?” Worry laces his tone.
“Knox, I don't really want to get into it.”
“Okay. Thanks.” His words are short and curt before he hangs up the phone.
Any progress I had made with him is long gone now. He's going to hate me, well more than he already did, for breaking his little sister's heart. It was never my intention, but she shattered mine first.
I’m distracted with thoughts of Sawyer the entire walk to my car. The urge to turn around and make sure that she’s okay is so strong that I stop in the middle of the sidewalk several times. Fighting myself on what the right decision is.
I either just saved myself a whole lot of heartbreak or made a huge mistake.
chapter eighteen
Pulling my car into the driveway, I take a moment to prepare myself before going in. Family dinners have been pretty frequent since all of the Erik and Wyatt drama. I appreciate that my family is trying to be supportive, but it also drives me a little c
razy.
I’ve managed to keep busy over the last month between my summer finals and almost immediately starting back up with fall term. Though I have lessened my shifts at the coffee shop, opting to avoid people and dedicating the extra time to my coursework. And all the family dinners.
Accepting that I have no other option, I climb out of my car and walk up the sidewalk. Pushing open the door to my brother's house I’m greeted by Emmy running down the hall to me. “Hey, sweet girl!” I say, grabbing her and hauling her into my arms.
She giggles and furiously points at her shirt. “Look! Look!”
I look down at the writing on her shirt. I'm going to be a big sister. “Oh my gosh! You're going to be a big sister, Emmy!”
“Yes!” She yells, wiggling in my arms until I set her back down on her feet. I follow her into the living room where my parents, Charlotte, Knox, and Everly are gathered.
“Surprise, Auntie.” Everly exclaims, wearing a deep red, form fitting dress that shows off her bump with a worn pair of chucks. Some things will never change.
“Congratulations guys!” I say hugging them both before sitting on the couch next to Charlotte.
“Thank you!” The woman is literally glowing. Being a mom looks good on her.
“We have one more announcement.” My brother says walking into the other room. He brings a giant vanilla cupcake back with him from the kitchen. Bending down he hands the cupcake—piled high with buttercream frosting and pink and blue sprinkles— to Emerson.
“Dig in, baby.” He tells her and I swear her eyes widen to the size of saucers.
She starts in on the cupcake face first, covering her face in frosting while she tries to take bites out of the cake.
“Oh heavens, that girl is going to be so sticky, and there will be crumbs everywhere.” My mom says under her breath. If there is one thing that drives Pam Coleman crazy, it's sticky messes.
“It's fine, I've got a vacuum.” Everly shrugs it off while watching her daughter in anticipation.
She gasps at the same time Knox groans. I look to Emmy's hands that are now covered in pink frosting.