by S. Herrera
“Looks like another little girl!” Mom is no longer concerned about the sticky and she pulls a very messy Emerson in for a hug.
“It was probably from all that pink frosting at Emmy’s birthday.” I mutter under my breath, but Everly hears me and bursts out laughing. Knox’s face remains stoic. You would think someone just told him the Astros just lost a game or something.
“You were just meant to be a girl dad, baby.” She grabs hold of Knox on either side of his face and draws him in for a longer than necessary kiss.
“Okay, we need details! How far along are you? When did you find out?” I ask, wanting to know if my suspicions were right.
“I’m about seventeen weeks along. We found out a couple weeks after we got home from that trip to Baltimore. When I finally stopped being in denial.” She smiles up at Knox, adoration and happiness written all over her face. “Do you want to go get the rest of the cupcakes?”
“Sure.” He presses a small kiss to her lips before getting up and heading into the kitchen, calling behind him, “Sawyer, you want to help?”
I follow him into the kitchen to see two dozen regular sized cupcakes that match the huge one that Emmy had just attacked.
“So, how are you doing?” His eyes dart between me and the cupcakes, trying not to be obvious about watching for a reaction.
“I’m fine. I’ve moved on from sad and heartbroken to just being mad.” I say matter of factly.
“At Wyatt?” He stops, holding a cupcake mid-air over the serving platter, waiting for my answer.
“Yes. Who else?
“Yourself.” Most days I find his brutal honesty refreshing. Today, I want to smack him for it.
Sure, I made mistakes. But I tried to fix things afterwards, and he chose to walk away from me. From us. I tell Knox all of this as he carefully transfers cupcakes from the box to the serving platter.
He shakes his head is disagreement. “I still don’t like the guy, but I can get where he’s coming from.”
“What are you talking about?”
He strategically places the last cupcake before giving me his undivided attention. “It took me months to get over the secrets Everly kept, and longer still to fully forgive her.”
“That’s not even the same thing.” I roll my eyes, hard. I didn’t hide a pregnancy, so I really don’t see how he can even make the comparison.
As much as I’ve grown to love Everly as my sister-in-law, there is a part of me that wants to blame her for Wyatt’s hurt and insecurities. After all, she was the first one to break his heart.
But if I blame her for the first time, then I have to accept that it’s my fault this time.
“The secrets you kept put you in danger. Things could have gone badly.” He leans forward, arms braced on the counter. “I can understand why you wouldn’t have wanted to tell me or Mom and Dad. But why didn’t you tell Wyatt? At any time did he give you a reason to think he wouldn’t support your decision or that he would interfere? Other than for your own protection. In the end, he ended up going with you to meet with Erik.”
“No, I guess he didn’t,” I pause, thinking it over for a second. “When he finally found out, he was just upset about me hiding it. And when I asked him to come with me, he didn’t even have to think about it.” Realization dawns with every word.
I should have told him.
The first week after Wyatt walked out of that coffee shop, I was devastated. A total emotional wreck. Then it turned into anger, which is where I have been for the last few weeks. It’s clouded all reason and kept me from seeing the truth.
I should have told him instead of pushing him away. Because in the end, I had done exactly that— pushed him away. I should have known that he would only be supportive and helpful, it’s just who Wyatt is as a person, who he promised me he would be. After everything, he stood by my side while letting me handle it myself and in my own way.
Shit. I’ve seriously messed up.
“The only thing you can do now is fight for him.” Knox says, like he can read my mind.
“How am I supposed to do that? Every time I’ve tried calling him since that day, he doesn’t answer.” I admit.
He laughs, grabbing the platter and heading back in the direction of the living room. “That’s probably because you were either crying or threatening him in all the voicemails.”
I flip off his back as he walks away, irritated by his accuracy. Because all those calls took place between the devastation and anger. I threw a lot of emotions at him, all in a short period of time.
But that doesn’t change the predicament I’m in. How do I get Wyatt to give me the time of day? To let him know that I finally get why he was so hurt and that I’m willing to do what it takes to get us to where we need to be.
I need to talk to the only other person who knows him as well as I would like to think I do. And maybe he can get Wyatt to at least hear me out.
chapter nineteen
In the weeks since I left Sawyer sitting in that coffee shop, I've been running on autopilot. Going through the motions. Completing finals and jumping right back into classes and med-school applications.
Part of the application process is an interview, and I’m waiting to hear back about whether or not I've been chosen for one. I've scheduled three already, one of which I haven’t even told anyone I applied to.
It was a last-minute decision and one I've seriously been considering.
My phone rings, saving me from the spiraling thoughts of future plans that was about to start. I dig through the books and papers in front of me until I find my phone.
“Hey, man.” I answer when I see its Wren.
“Hey, Wyatt, how’s it going?”
“Oh fine, same as usual. Scheduling med-school interviews.” I lean back into the couch and kick my feet up on the table. Getting comfortable for what will likely be a long conversation. I can’t hear any background noise through the phone, so he must be home.
“You’re already hearing back from them? Awesome. Who do you have interviews with?”
“Duke Med, NCU, and Baylor Med.” I figure if I’m considering the idea, I might as well tell Wren about it.
“Wait.” He pauses for second making sure he heard correctly. “Baylor Med as in Houston?”
“Yup.”
“I thought the plan was always to stay close to home?” He keeps his voice light, but I can hear the critical edge to it. It instantly had me feeling defensive.
“I applied all over the place Wren, it's what you do.”
“Well yeah, I get applying to all the prestigious med schools, but you've always wanted to go to Duke Med. To stay in North Carolina and to be close to your parents.”
“Well, maybe I want a change.” The words are futile, I know he sees right through them.
“You’re going to change all your plans to get away from a girl.” It's not a question, he's knows that's exactly what I’m trying to do. “A girl who wants you back and would do anything for another chance with you.”
“What are you talking about?” I drop my head back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling fan as it spins around in circles. There’s dust gathering on the blades, it reminds me that I should probably clean it at some point.
“Sawyer. I know all about you not answering her calls and refusing to talk to her.” My eyes close at the mention of her name. Not even dusty fan blades can distract me from this.
“Wren, it's been weeks since she's even tried calling me.”
“That doesn't mean you can't call her.” It should have been obvious that this was where our conversation was heading.
“No.” I sit up when I make the declaration, sliding my feet to the floor, and taking a few papers along with them. “She expected me to just go back to how things were. Never knowing if or when something else might come up and if she’ll do this all over again. Push me away and retreat into herself. I can't do that, Wren.”
I’m up and on my feet, pacing the small living room. “It
’s easier to do it now before things get messier. It's already going to be hard enough as it is with Knox and Everly involved.”
“Okay. You know I’m here and will support whatever decision you make.” I hear a deep sigh on the other end of the line. “I will only say this one more time and never bring it up again. Just think about at least hearing her out. If not for her sake, then your own.”
“I'll think about it.” I lie. I have no intention of having any contact with Sawyer anytime soon.
I've been thinking about Sawyer enough as it is. Thinking about seeing her and hearing her voice... Yeah, I’m pushing that shit to the back of my mind.
“You know what we need?” He asks, and the excitement is evident in his voice.
“What?”
“A guys’ weekend at the cabin, like old times!” His enthusiasm is almost contagious.
“Yeah, like old times.” Only this time, I'll be the one with the broken heart. Knox and Wren both got their girls. “Look Wren, I'm kinda busy. I'll call you later.”
“Okay, just remember that no matter what you choose to do, your friends will be there for you.”
“Thanks.” I end the call, knowing deep down that Wren believes that's true.
But I can't help but bitterly think of how that isn't the case. Knox will not understand or support anything that hurts his sister. Everly will eventually side with Knox. And Charlotte is her best friend. I don't think Charlotte would choose sides, but what if we can't ever get to a place where we can be at all the group events together?
I don’t want to hurt Sawyer, but I can't continue to let her actions hurt me either.
I pick the papers up off the floor and shuffle them to the side, deciding I can deal with them later. I make my way into the kitchen, pulling out everything I need to make a sandwich and a bag of chips.
After I throw my sandwich together, I sit down, getting comfortable to watch a video for class with my lunch.
Then my damn phone rings again.
This time it’s Everly, and I groan in frustration at the site of her name on my phone.
“Hello.” I answer and make no attempt to hide my irritation.
“Wren told me that he should be the one to talk to you, but clearly that didn’t work. So, it’s my turn.” Her voice is harsh. I haven’t heard Everly this angry since she was pregnant and irritable the last time.
I think back to the picture that she sent me a couple of weeks ago. Her in a red dress showing off her baby bump, holding Emerson who was grinning wide and covered in pink frosting. With a text sent right after.
Everly: Uncle Wyatt, I’m getting a little sister! Sorry you couldn’t make it to dinner for the announcement. Love, Emmy.
I’d felt terrible for missing it, but I knew Sawyer would be there and I wasn’t ready for it. I’m not sure if I ever will be.
“Wyatt, are you listening to a word I say?” Everly’s impatient tone jerks me back to the present.
“No.” I stare at my sandwich, left untouched on the plate, and hope that she’ll just get mad and hang up on me. I want to be left alone to eat my lunch and continue sulking until I’m over Sawyer. Or at least until it stops feeling like a punch to my gut every time I think about her or someone brings her up.
“Well, you should. Because you’re acting like a real idiot and now Wren tells me that you’re considering going to school somewhere else, like Texas? What the hell?!” She yells the last part, forcing me to pull the phone away from my ear.
I roll my eyes. “Can neither one of you just mind your own damn business?”
“No, because you’re our friend. We care about you!” Her voice breaks, like she’s on the verge of tears.
Guilt and dread flood me simultaneously. It’s not her fault, she’s trying to do what she thinks is best. And if Knox finds out that I made her cry, it’s going to be a whole thing.
“Everly…” I struggle to find the words. But I don't have to for long when she takes over.
“You need to stop letting what happened between us hold you back. Not only with Sawyer, but in everything. You are a good guy, Wyatt. The best guy, and you deserve to be happy no matter what that looks like for you right now.”
There's silence on the other end of the line, and I'm about to ask if she's still there when she starts up again. Choosing every word carefully. “Sawyer made a mistake. She went through some traumatic things with Erik and made the choice that she thought she needed to in the moment. I know that doesn’t make it all okay. But I have never seen you as happy as you are with her. The two of you fit together in a way that you and I never did.”
“I could say the same thing about Knox.”
“You could.” She laughs. “But you also know all the hell we went through to get to where we are. Same for Charlie and Wren. Love isn’t easy, Wyatt.”
I pause, thinking over her words before answering. “I know love isn’t easy, Ev. But does it have to be this damn hard?”
We say our goodbyes and I promise to come by soon to see Emmy. But the entire time I’m distracted by her words replaying over and over in my mind.
Love isn’t easy, Wyatt.
She’s right, it’s not easy. It’s complicated as hell because there wasn’t just that one thing you can pinpoint that tore us apart. It was a combination of things like her secret, not letting me in, and making me feel unwanted. And with all of that I could no longer give her all of me to only receive the parts of her she was willing to give at the time.
Could I have listened and given her the chance to explain after things with Erik? Probably. Would it have changed the fact that she kept it from me and the guilt and anxiety of it consumed her? No.
chapter twenty
It’s time to get serious about getting Wyatt back. At the very least convincing him to hear me out. After my conversation with Knox, it became clear to me that I needed to call Wren. He would know better than anyone how I should go about my mission.
When I first talked to him, Wren was on board but insisted that he should call Wyatt and feel him out first. And after that phone call, he was singing a different tune.
“I think he needs more time, Sawyer.”
“Why? What did he say? Is he already seeing someone else?” Panic fills me at the idea of Wyatt with someone else. The idea that I have lost my chance.
“Ha. No, nothing like that,” he hesitates, not wanting to tell me everything. “I’m just not sure that you will get the result you’re hoping for if you try now.”
I bite my lip, giving thought to what he’s saying, but my gut tells me differently.
“I’ve given him plenty of time. I have this feeling that if I give him too much more, I will lose him for good. And I’m not willing to let him go without a fight.” I fuel each word with conviction. Saying it for my benefit as much as I am for Wren’s.
“Okay,” he sighs. “You do what you need to. I’ll be here if you need any help or ideas.”
“Thank you, I really appreciate it.” I can only imagine his internal struggle when it comes to helping me get Wyatt back and protect him from anymore hurt at the same time. We’re both hoping this doesn’t blow up in our faces.
“No problem. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Bye.” I end the call and stare down at my phone.
Where do I even start?
I think back on books and movies where the character was in my position, trying to win someone back. And they all have something in common—a romantic gesture. But this romantic gesture has to be something that fits for us. Something simple.
Knowing that Wyatt would be hearing back about his med school applications any day now, I decide to start by sending him a text.
Me: Hey, thinking about you. Crossing my fingers that you get the call from Duke Med.
I make myself leave it at that for now, and spend the entire day checking my phone to make sure I didn't miss a response from him. But it never comes.
The next day, I try another text.
Me:
Hope you have a great day!
To accompany that message, I have a box of donuts and coffee delivered to his apartment. And still hear nothing back.
So, after thinking it over, I decide to try another tactic the next morning—ramblings via text.
Me: Good morning! It's almost Halloween! Emmy is going to be a ladybug this year. I was thinking about being a bumblebee. What are you going to be?
Again, no answer.
The following day I decide to try something simple but honest.
Me: I miss you.
For just a second, I swear my eyes play tricks on me and I see the three little dots bouncing at the bottom of the screen. But just as it was with the first three texts, no answer ever comes.
I call Wren to pick his brain again for ideas. He gives me one that sparks a plan. I take the rest of the evening to try and get the plan together, knowing that if I don’t make it happen soon, I’ll completely miss any chance I have with Wyatt.
When I wake up in the morning, I grab my cup of coffee and go out onto my balcony to sit, something I haven’t done in a long time. The glow from the fall morning sunshine, early sounds of birds chirping and the caffeine finally kicking in are all fueling my confidence this morning. I am ready to take my chance and go for it.
Me: Hey, I'd really like to talk. Would you like to grab some coffee or lunch sometime?
This time I quickly exit our conversation. I can't take seeing the dots come and go again.
Shoving my phone in my pocket, I head out the door. It's Friday, and I only have one class this morning, but it's an early one.
As I'm getting off the elevator, my phone dings with a text notification. I stop in my tracks and don't even try to rein in my hopes as they skyrocket. I want it to be him.
I make myself walk all the way to my car and get in before I pull out my phone and read the message. I let out an embarrassing squeal when I see his name on the screen.
Wyatt: Okay. I’ll think about it.
That’s progress, and I’m taking it as a win.