by S. Herrera
On the drive to school, I let my mind wander, thinking back on how I got here to begin with. I was in a good place, happy and healing. Being back home around my family and with Wyatt made me feel stronger than I had in years. But the moment I got that text from Erik on our way back from Baltimore, I felt different. Weaker.
It rattled me, and I closed myself off from my family, from Wyatt. Allowing the mere thought of his presence to derail the progress I made. It reminded me of all those things he said to me. It made me question whether I was really ready to move forward with Wyatt. But the truth is that it was all my own insecurities. Once I finally confronted Erik, I realized that he no longer held any power over me. And then I just knew that I’d been holding back from Wyatt for no good reason.
I pull my car into a parking spot in the student lot and kill the engine. Looking around at the cars surrounding me, I realize that I don’t even remember the drive here because I was on autopilot.
Which means I should probably get this stuff with Wyatt figured out sooner than later. I’m pretty sure zoning out while driving isn’t going to end well.
All week Sawyer has been relentless, texting every day and even sending coffee and donuts once. The messages were thoughtful and ranged anywhere from sweet to funny.
I tried to be annoyed, but every time her name came across my screen, I found myself fighting a smile. Still, I don’t let myself reply.
But when she told me she missed me. That about broke me. I started to type out a response back, then made myself delete it. Until yesterday when she asked if I would meet her to talk. I'd told her I would think about it. And thinking about it is damn near the only thing I've been doing since.
It needs to be done, for the sake of our friendship with each other and everyone else. I don't want to make our friends choose sides or feel like they have to split their time between us.
And maybe, just maybe… there is a small part of me that hopes there might be a chance for us to work things out. Though that thought might take a bit longer to wrap my head around. That doesn't keep the disappointment from coming when I don’t hear from her again after that.
And when Knox shows up at my apartment, a mix of emotions come rushing in—confusion, worry, and irritation.
“Hey,” I open the door a crack, wearing nothing but gym shorts, watching him carefully.
“Are you going to let me in, Matthews?” He raises an eyebrow.
l narrow my eyes at him, deciding that he would have punched me by now if he really wanted to. “Sure.” I pull the door open and let him in.
“Wren sent me.”
Of course he did. I contain the eye roll that is instinct when it comes to my friends meddling in my life. A meddling that seems to be happening more and more these days.
“And why did he do that?”
“Because you need a guys’ night. And since he can't be here and needs to focus on his current playoff series, I am forced to oblige him. He can't be on his game when he's worried about you and feeling like a bad friend.”
I nod in understanding. That sounds like Wren.
“Well, I’ll call him and tell him that I’m doing just fine.”
Knox shakes his head, “That's not going to work. He called Everly, too. So, either you spend the night drinking and watching baseball at the cabin with me. Or my pregnant, sleep deprived wife will show up here to keep you company. And you'll have to do that sober since she can't drink and won't allow you to.”
I stare at him, gauging how serious he is. But the firm set of his mouth tells me that there is no budging.
“Okay,” Accepting the effort my friends are making, especially Knox, I push off the counter I was leaning on and head into my room to pack a bag.
“That was a lot easier than I anticipated.” Knox says, eyeing me suspiciously when I come back into the living room, wearing jeans and a hoodie, and my bag thrown over my shoulder.
“The way I see it, you're buying the beer, I was going to watch the game tonight anyway, and I'm doing you a favor by not letting your wife kill you for failing.”
“My wife also told me to tell you to not be a Knox.”
At that I laugh out loud, it's the first time I've laughed so hard in a very long time. “That's a good one. Sorry, I was kind of being a Knox.”
“Whatever.” He grumbles and turns for the door. “There is no beer yet, and just for that, you’re buying.” Then he shuts the door behind him.
Damn, that backfired.
The drive out to the cabin isn't as awkward as I anticipated. It reminds me of the times we did this when Wren was home in between seasons and working on his plan to win back Charlotte.
Up until that point neither of us could stand the other. Who am I kidding, we still couldn't really stand each other at that point. But we came together for Wren, our best friend who needed us.
And now Knox was the one stepping in and being the friend that I need. Even if Wren and Everly made him do it, it still means a lot to me.
“Thanks, man.”
“For?” He turns his attention from the road to me with a look of confusion.
“For this.” I shrug it off, not wanting to make a big deal about it. “I mean, Sawyer's your sister. And you're not kicking my ass for not talking to her or taking her back.”
As soon as the words leave my mouth, he stiffens and his grip on the steering wheel tightens. “Umm. Yeah, not yet.”
I chuckle and shake my head at him. “Sure, yet.”
“Why are you laughing? I'm serious, that's not entirely off the table.”
I stop laughing and watch him, but his face gives nothing a way as he stares straight out at the highway ahead of us.
“Anyways,” I drag out the word and change the subject to something a little safer. “Remember all those weekends we drove home together to spend weekends at the cabin with Wren?”
“Yeah, kind of ironic that they ended up reconnecting there of all places.”
“And you and Everly got married there.” The thought should be a sweet one, but it only makes me feel bad about the entire situation.
The cabin is no longer for a “guys’ weekend” of moping and being heartbroken. It should only be for happy memories, reconnecting, and a place for love and family to grow.
Unfortunately, that would not be my experience with the cabin. I try not to let these thoughts kill the decent mood I've been in today as Knox pulls onto the gravel road leading to the cluster of cabins around the lake.
The field surrounding the lake and cabins is still green with a smattering of pink and yellow wildflowers that are still hanging on through the cooler weather. Seeing the flowers brings my thoughts back to Sawyer. We had planned on coming out here for a weekend this summer, but that never happened.
“Here we are.” Knox announces when he pulls the pickup up to the cabin that’s really more of a lake house.
“Why don’t you go ahead, and I’ll be right behind you. I’m going to call and check in with Everly really quick.” He points at the phone he takes from his pocket.
“Okay,” I climb out of the pickup, walking up the driveway to the porch before I realize he didn't give me any keys. I go ahead and try the door, just in case. And it opens.
Pushing the door, I make it just a few steps inside, then stop. My eyes catch the multi-tiered candles on the table amongst the scattered red rose petals. Twinkle lights are draped over the creamy, light blocking curtains covering the French doors to the deck. I hear the crackling from the hearth and find a cozy fire burning.
Then she steps into my line of vision. Her curly red hair pinned low at the base of her neck, wearing a long-sleeved, form fitting green dress that hits her about mid-thigh. She’s even holding a chocolate cake in her hands.
“Sawyer.” Her name is a breath on my lips.
chapter twenty-one
When I called Wren to let him know that I wasn't going with his plan of giving Wyatt more time, and I needed an idea, he gave me one—The cabin. It wa
s the perfect plan and when Wyatt replied to my text yesterday, I put the whole thing in motion.
It’s all come together quickly since everyone has wanted to help. Everly gathered everything I needed to decorate and bake yesterday while I was convincing Knox to be in charge of getting Wyatt out to the cabin. And without him telling Wyatt the real reason why.
Charlotte brought me and all the supplies out this morning, and I was thankful when she offered to stay and help decorate while I baked Wyatt's favorite, chocolate cake with chocolate frosting.
“This is so exciting!” Charlotte squeals while we hang the thick curtains above the doors to block the light.
“I'm so nervous. What if he gets mad that he was tricked in to coming here?”
“Well, you are tricking him, so that's a possibility. But what if this is exactly the move he needs you to make to show him how you really feel?”
Her words confirm my own thoughts.
Wyatt showed me his heart and put it on the line more than once. This time it's my turn. He needs to see that he is my heart.
“Thank you for helping me.”
“Of course. I want you both to be happy, and this place has a special kind of magic when it comes to bringing people together.” A smile plays at her lips and I know that she's thinking of the weekend her and Wren spent at the cabin when they first got back together.
“I sure hope so.” I hand her some of the twinkle lights to hang over the curtains, that will hopefully have that romantic, glowy effect when everything is finished.
Once those are hung, I head to the kitchen to start making the cake. Charlotte picks the petals off some roses and scatters them about. She helps me pin up my hair before leaving early enough so that she doesn’t pass Knox and Wyatt on their way out here.
Knox sent me a text when they left Wyatt’s apartment and according to my calculations, they should be here in about ten minutes. I spend about half of that time starting a fire in the fireplace. I quickly light all the candles and turn off all remaining lights in the house, waiting.
But in the dark silence of the cabin, I start to second guess myself. The dress I’m wearing, the candlelight, and fire. What if he thinks this is all way over the top? What if he thinks I’m still not ready, that I’m not serious about our future? What if—
My spiraling thoughts come to a screeching halt when I hear the sound of gravel crunching under tires. The sound of a door shutting is soon to follow.
He’s here.
I hurriedly walk over to the counter, grabbing the cake. Stepping back into the living room, I stand just out of sight behind the wall.
When I hear the door open, it takes everything in me to stay put. I give him enough time to take everything in before stepping out where he can see me. I hold my breath, waiting for his reaction.
“Sawyer.” His voice is husky, causing me to release the breath I was holding. In that moment, I want nothing more than to run to him. To wrap my arms around his neck and make him promise never to leave.
Before I can say anything, he turns right around and walks back out the way he came without another word.
I stare speechless at the door, wondering what in the world just happened. Slowly, I close the distance to the counter with a few steps, putting the cake down on the kitchen island before I drop it. I take another deep breath and try not to let the feelings of shock and rejection that are threatening to overwhelm me win.
I stay standing, not able to bring myself to tear my eyes from the door. Willing him to walk back through it.
And it works.
Just a couple minutes later, he walks back in with his bag slung over his shoulder and a case of beer in his hand. Placing the beer on the counter by the door and dropping his bag to the floor, he shuts the door behind him and walks about halfway to me.
“You did all of this for me? Just to get me here?”
“Yes, you dummy. I mean, I had a little help, but it's all for you.” I tell him, barely holding back the entire speech I have planned for him, wanting to give him a chance to digest it all. I probably shouldn’t have just called him a dummy though. That won’t score me any points right now.
He closes the distance between us, pulling me into his arms for a tight hug and firmly kissing the top of my head. I wrap my arms around him, returning the hug before he pulls away and hold me at arm’s length. He inspects me for just a second before saying, “Let's talk.”
I follow him into the living room, and he sits on the far end of the couch. I take a seat at the other end of the couch, crossing my legs and facing him before I let it all out.
“I'm so sorry. For keeping it a secret, expecting you to be okay with everything, and taking so long to realize that I was in the wrong. I thought I would be able to handle it all by myself, that no one else would even have to know and life could go back to the way it was before Erik showed back up.” The words come out fast, because even though he is right in front of me, I’m still not sure that he will stay.
Wyatt reaches out, taking my hand into his and gently squeezing. “I just need to know why you felt like you couldn't tell me, why you didn’t trust me.”
“I don't know. It was just instinct. I worried that if you found out you would tell me not to meet him or hunt him down if you knew he was back in town. After spending the last few weeks thinking about it, I know it was a mistake.”
“Yeah, those are very much big brother-like things, Sawyer.” He shakes his head. “Not me. I’m supposed to be your partner. I would have stayed by your side and helped you figure out the best way to handle it and support you.”
“I know that now.” I tell him, wishing I would have known it then.
“So, what happens if something like this comes up again? Are you going to trust me to be there for you, knowing that I trust your judgement? Because I can't do this again, I can't wonder if you will retreat every time something goes wrong.” I can hear the frustration and hurt bleeding into his voice.
“I understand, really, I do. And I promise, when problems arise, we will deal with it together. I won't keep anything from you, not again.” I'm choking back tears, but he needs to hear all of this. “As bad as these two months have hurt to be apart from you, I'm glad you said no. I was so wrong thinking we would be able to move past it as though it never happened. I had good intentions, but I hadn’t stopped to think about how you must have felt.”
Finally, I stop holding back my tears. I let them fall freely from my eyes in a mixture of sadness and relief as Wyatt pulls me into him. He holds me and even though I know we still have so much to figure out, I feel safe and whole.
It was pure shock that had me turning around and walking back out that door when I saw Sawyer standing there in the cabin. Only to find Knox leaning up against his pickup, waiting for, I assume, this exact reaction.
“So, not a guys’ night then.”
“Nope.” He shakes his head and kicks at the gravel. “But if you don’t want to go back in there, I’ll take you home.”
I look at him, skeptical of his angle. “But that's your sister.”
“Yes, and I got you here, just like she asked. But I won't force you to stay. As a brother who has seen how happy you've made her in recent months, I want to help get you two back together.” Knox takes a few steps toward me. “As a man, I understand how you feel and if you need more time, then so be it.”
Thinking over his words, it makes sense, and I appreciate him giving me an out. I slowly start to put all the pieces into place. Everyone came together to help Sawyer and to get me here.
She’s the one laying her heart out on the line this time. And that's all I need to make my decision.
“I'll stay.”
He nods once in approval at the choice I’ve made.
“But I'm keeping the beer.” Walking past him I grab my bag out of the pickup and the case of beer we stopped off to buy. Walking right past him I say, “Thanks for the ride.”
When I walk back in the second time, I set t
he beer on the closest surface I can find and drop my bag on the floor. Seeing her standing there, exposing her heart to me... It means everything, and I need to have her in my arms.
After she calls me a dummy and confirms that she did all this just to get me here, I pull her into my arms. It starts to heal the broken pieces, even before we get to the real talk. Remembering that needs to happen, I release her, heading into the living room so that we can sit and talk.
I need to know where she is before letting myself get lost in her all over again. I can't love her if she isn't ready to let me.
But once she starts talking, everything is clear. The pain in her eyes is real as she talks about how hard our time apart was for her. The vulnerability she’s showing lets me know that I’m not alone in this. She’s really in this for the long haul this time. I can feel it.
When she is done, she lets the tears come. I pull her into my lap and let her feel it all while I love her through it. Once the sobs finally stop wracking her body, I cup her face, pulling it to mine.
I attempt to kiss away every salty tear. My lips find their way from her cheeks, landing on her lips in a kiss that starts slow and soft. Then I deepen our kiss and it turns into something that lights a fire in both of us.
“I love you, Sawyer.” I pull my lips just far enough away from hers to get the words out.
“I... you know,” she says, breaking the words up with kisses. It’s okay if she isn't ready to say the words yet, I just care that she knows how much I love her.
Then she pulls back further away, looking me in the eyes. “I love you too, Wyatt.”
My mouth crashes down on hers, and I lower her back down to the couch, following and never breaking our kiss. I devour her mouth with my own, those words stirring everything inside of me. I can't seem to get her body close enough to mine.
“Wait, the cake!” She breaks our kiss to yell about cake.
I continue kissing her cheek and down to her neck. “The cake... can... wait.” She wiggles under me when I nip at her neck.