Fight for You

by Charisse Spiers

  "Okay...what does that have to do with the other?"

  She shakes her head and rolls her eyes like old times. "I'm getting there. Anyways, we sat on the porch and she told me that she knew everything. She said that she knew what Ben was doing to me, but she couldn't stop it. She said that he told her he would kill both of us and make our bodies disappear if she tried to tell anyone, so she threw herself into work, trying not to witness it."

  Her eyes start to fill and she squeezes my hand. I let her, because I feel that her abuse was so much worse than mine. At least mine was pain to my exterior. Hers was both.

  "The night we took off she came home. She saw Ben lying in the floor with his pants down and the gun in his hand. The house was destroyed and I was gone, so she knew what had happened. She called Sheriff Taylor and he came over. There was gang activity reported two nights before that broke into a few houses, but luckily no one was home. Sheriff Taylor knew it wasn't a gang that killed him, but he promised Pop Harold on his deathbed that he would get them for what they did to us all those years. He was just looking for a way to do it. He went to your dad’s to see if we were there and that's when he found your dad beaten to death. He wasn't stupid, Haddox. The signs were pointing to us, so he combed through both houses for any major evidence and then called it in as a gang hit."

  "So you're saying they just went along with what he said? That doesn't seem very thorough."

  "You want to know the beauty of living in a small town and the most admired man in town being best friends with the sheriff? Sheriff Taylor recorded every incident that Pop Harold knew about: the raping, the physical abuse to you, and all of the runaways prior to that night. We each had a file from him building a case against both of them for years. He was trying to lock them away for the rest of their lives to set us free. Mama left a formal statement that the two of us took off right after graduation and she hadn't seen us since. The prior runaways never raised a flag that she could be lying. She gave us an alibi, Haddox. Sheriff Taylor presented both case files and no one even wanted to look further into it. The case was closed, and coincidentally a couple of weeks later a real gang homicide occurred, so it was never even questioned further and we never returned...until now. That's old history now. No one even missed them when they were gone. Mama said she couldn't protect us before, but she would have taken the fall for it and gone to prison if it would set us free. That was her apology for turning a blind eye."

  My heart is racing. I don't know what to say. Someone actually cared enough to help us...and we had no idea. There were others that loved us enough to protect us...when we thought we had no one. I close my eyes and a tear falls down my face. "So we're free? We really are free..."

  She straddles me and grabs my face in her hands. I look into the green eyes I've turned to so many times when the pain was more than I could handle: the emotional pain. The thing that people don't understand about victims to abuse is that the physical pain becomes bearable. It even starts to become an escape. The part that is inescapable is the emotional damage that is done over and over again. Physical pain goes away. Breaks and bruises to the exterior and in some cases, the interior, heal in time, but the emotional scars remain forever. The emotional pain doesn't just shut off.

  "We're free, Haddox. Let the guilt go, because in the end it was self-defense. The world may not know it, but there are others that do and we know it. We can finally stop blaming ourselves."

  The first thing that crosses my mind is Piper. Maybe I can be the guy she needs. I need to see her. I need to taste her. Most of all, I need to tell her how sorry I am. I need to tell her that I love her. I love her.

  Damn, I'm such an idiot. Why am I just now realizing that I love her? She told me she loves me and then asked me to give her a reason to stay. In that question I never even thought to say because I love her.

  A set of lips that don't belong to Piper touch mine, pulling me out of my own head, and I lean back to get away. "Breanna, what are you doing?"

  "Haddox, don't act like you don't miss it at least a little. Sex between us was good. Just one last time. Please." I look at her as she begs me like she used to, using that voice. I used to fall for it because she was my friend. She was important to me. It was also an escape for both of us. Those days are over. I can't continue to give in to her. At some point she has to learn to cope on her own or through the person she's with. That person isn't me, not anymore.

  "No, Bree, I don't. Please get off of me. I told you I was with someone."

  She moves off of me and I jump up, wiping my lips to rid them of the gloss. "Fuck, Bree, you're married with kids. What if I would have said yes? Were you going to cheat on your husband?"

  She stands, coming at me as I back down the pier. I walk slowly because of it wavering in the water, trying to avoid losing my balance. "It's different with us, Haddox. We have a history. He doesn't understand what it's like to have all of this emotional baggage inside. All he does is coddle me when I'm feeling overwhelmed by the memories, thinking I can just talk it out. Sometimes you just need something to make you forget. He's different from you and me. He came from a good family that loved him. They're fucking perfect. Do you know how hard it is to live up to their expectations? Sometimes, I just need to escape like I used to. I can only do that with you. I've never cheated on him since we've been together, but you’re not just anyone. You’re my one. Just think about it, Haddox. You said the two of you weren't together right now. You aren’t doing anything wrong."

  She's making that face that she used to. It's breaking me down. I place my hands on my head. I'm getting overwhelmed. I hate to hear that voice. It brings back shit that I need to get away from. We aren't good for each other. This is the fucking reason I stayed away from her. I love her, but not that way. I love her like my sister, my friend, but I let her take advantage of that love when she was being wronged, trying to take away some of her pain. I gave in to her, even knowing she had been with another man prior on several occasions, because it was against her will. No man wants to fuck a woman right behind another man, but I sacrificed those thoughts because I needed my own escape. I put myself last. I gloved up and did it for her, but this is different. She belongs to someone else. It's never going to fucking end with her, and this proves it. She developed an obsession to escape through me that will never end as long as we're around each other. We can't just be friends and put the past behind us. She will always ask me and I'll always give in, because I've done it so many times before.

  "Fucking stop, Bree. I can't be your crutch anymore. There are people in the world that are just as fucked up as we are, but that isn't an excuse to become just like the people that did this to us. You don't cheat on your husband. You vowed you would never do that when you married him. There is no disclaimer that gives you an exception. It was ever and under no circumstances do you step out on your partner. Piper and I may be at odds right now, but I'm still hers. I belong to her. Someone told me that relationships aren't perfect. You make them work. Me coming here to let my hatred go was me trying to work at being a better man for her, because as stupid as I am in not realizing it before, I love her. I fucking love her, Bree...with everything that I am. If that woman will give me another chance to redeem myself I'll give it my all, because now I know what I'm losing. You're a fighter for everyone but yourself, Bree, and that's something only you can change. Take me to the airport. I'm out of here."

  I turn and walk away from her, feeling more at peace than I've felt in a long time. I may be slow at realizing things, but I'm learning quickly. I don't care if I have to get on my knees, come tonight that woman is coming home...with me. That apartment is no longer her home. Our home is together.

  I've moped around in this damn apartment for a week, either sitting and crying or lying and sleeping, curled around his pillow. I'm sick of it, but I can't bring myself to leave. If I'm not in class I'm here, acting like a recluse. Alyvia even tried to talk me into going to the bar, which has always worked in the past, but i
t just doesn't seem fun anymore. I have no motivation to do anything. I do good to get a shower once a day and brush my teeth.

  The only thing I can do is lay in this bed and hug the pillow that Haddox always laid on when he stayed over. We haven't stayed here in weeks, but his smell still lingers. I've even rationalized in my mind that maybe I overreacted, but then I think of the things he promised me and what he took from me; my mind agrees I did the right thing. If I don't stand for myself then it'll never stop. If you give someone an inch, they'll take a mile.

  The ending factor that made me walk though was when he couldn't give me a reason to stay. I wasn't expecting a love pledge, but some reason as to why I should just look past what he did would have sufficed. He couldn't even give me an apology. I was mortified to know I was treated like a toy, like I wasn't a human being. Still, when thinking of everything that happened, I would probably take him back if he would just admit he was wrong. I've never felt this way about someone. I want him, but I refuse to be used.

  A knock sounds at the apartment door. Alyvia is gone with Reese. My heart starts to race. Could it be Haddox? I jump up and run to the door, not even remembering what or what I may not be I'm wearing. I don't even look in the peephole to see who it is before opening the door.

  I open it completely and immediately slam it shut. "Piper, open up. Please. I just want to talk."

  "Go away, Cole. You've done enough."

  His hand falls against the door. "I'm sorry, Piper. Please let me in. Just hear me out and then you can tell me off if you want. I swear I'll back off. I just need to tell you this."

  I lay one hand against the door. My shoulders fall. He sounds different, less cocky. I hate the fact that I'm so nice. I open the door. "You have ten minutes."

  He nods and walks inside. He kind of looks like shit. I'm not sure what I really saw before. Maybe my mind was on vacation and just now coming back to reality. Did I really find him sexy? Eh... not one of my brighter moments. "What happened to you? Some girl wear you down when you wooed her all night and she didn't let you between her legs to close the deal? Or did you wake up with a crab-infested crotch and realize your standards were too low? Am I getting close?"

  He stops in the middle of the room and runs his fingers through his hair. I slam the door, now mad as hell. I didn't get a go at him when I was in too much shock that he would watch my boyfriend fuck me. That reads high on the creeper radar.

  He turns around. His face is drained and exhausted. His hair is messy. "Piper, can we just talk? I'm tired."

  "Awe, is the rich, self-absorbed frat boy running on no sleep? What a damn shame. The female population can actually get a break tonight."

  He narrows his eyes. "What's with all of this anger? You've never acted like this until you started seeing that guy. Where's the Piper I fell in love with? Where is the girl you've always been?"

  I step forward, invading his space. "What girl would that be, Coley? The girl that watches you with other women after you leave my bed, or the one hearing about you dating others from our friends while I sit back hopelessly wanting you to want me the way you did before you emotionally neglected me, giving me no choice but to break it off? Is it the girl wondering why others are good enough to be called your girlfriend, but all you want me for is to lay on my back for you?"

  I shove him. "Tell me when I hit the nail on the head, will you? Is it the girl that sits back and says nothing at all, waiting for you to find me and throw me a bone? Or is it the girl crying for days after you fuck me and leave me again, refusing to commit to me so you can continue fucking other women and stringing me along in unison? You forget that I didn’t let another man sink his dick inside of me until after you screwed someone else. It was the only way I knew how to cope knowing you was with someone else that way. It was supposed to be you and me forever."

  I stop face to face, our lips almost touching. "So tell me…is it the girl that wouldn't let another man emotionally close, because I kept telling myself that someday you would wake up and realize that you were wrong and that I was the best fucking thing that ever happened to you, because if it is- that girl died when a real man showed up, making me realize that you're a fucking fraud."

  "You were right," he whispers, stunning me.

  "What?"

  "About everything. You're right. I just didn't see it until the ball...when you walked in with someone else."

  He steps forward and I step back, walking back toward the door. "You have every reason to hate me, Piper. I didn't realize until you got mad what I was doing to you. My senior year we started growing apart. I knew you were the girl I wanted to marry, so I figured time would fix things. We were both so young. We both wanted to do our own thing, but we had dated so long neither one of us would do the inevitable, so I did. I knew I couldn’t break it off, so I distanced myself instead. I told myself I would leave you alone until I graduated college, and then I would come back for you, but every time I'm home you're all I can think about. I always give in and find you, but then when it's over I realize that I broke my promise, so I leave. I fucked up, Piper. It's what guys do. We fuck up. If I had known none of this would have happened. You are, and will always be, the best damn thing that's ever happened to me. I want you back, Piper. I'll do anything. You want me to quit school in Florida and enroll here, because I'll do it? You want to fucking get married for me to prove it? Just say the word. Give me another chance, Piper, a real chance. I don't need other girls, but I do need you. I've proved it by never completely moving on. I love you, Piper. God knows I have all my life. I'm so sorry I failed you. I haven't slept since I left the ball. I tried to stay away, but I can't."

  A tear spills over my lid, trickling down my cheek. "I've waited so long to hear that from you. So fucking long."

  He swipes my tear and leans in closer to me. I watch his lips as they stop just before mine, waiting for me to give him the okay to continue. "But it's too late."

  He backs up, looking me in the eyes. "Please don't say that. Don't throw everything between us away."

  "I didn't. You did."

  I walk to the bar and grab my purse. I open it and grab the photograph I've carried for years, waiting for the right time to give it away. It's a photograph of my tattoo, the poem I wrote about Cole, and the very one he's never taken the time to ask about or read the hundreds of times he's seen me naked. The day I had it done was the first time he came back home after our breakup. He fucked me in my bed and I thought that meant he made a mistake and wanted to get back together. The first time I called him afterward when I didn't hear from him, his very words were this: what, am I just supposed to call you twenty-four seven now?

  That was the first day I realized I meant nothing to him. I wrote it and had it tattooed on my body, because the day that I could recite it and know that it's true was the day that I had truly moved on from him. I had the tattoo artist take a photo of it and I've kept it since. He can say anything he wants, but a person's actions mean more than their words. Attention to detail speaks volume. This very tattoo was the first thing Haddox noticed when he removed my clothes.

  I hand him the photograph and he looks at it. "What's this?"

  I raise my shirt and show him the script inked on my side, under my heart. "Take the time to read it and you'll understand why you're too late. I've had it since freshman year and you've never read it or asked me about it. We didn't grow apart. We didn't want other things. You did. If you had thought about us instead of yourself then you would have known none of this is what I wanted. You would have talked to me about it...but you never did. Every damn time I let you back in I was telling you that you were what I wanted. I shouldn't have to beg and chase you. I'll always love you, Cole. You were my first love, but you're no longer my only. If I'm not good enough for you to want me when I’m free, then you sure as hell aren't getting me when someone else wants me. I'm sorry that it took me moving on for you to see it, but you're right. I am the best damn thing that's ever happened to you...but someone
else finally recognized me for my worth. You lost your shot. Goodbye, Cole."

  He walks toward me and grabs me by the back of the head, kissing my cheek. "And not doing that will be my biggest regret. At least I tried though, right? That has to mean something. Goodbye, Piper," he says and continues to walk past me. The door opens and closes, signaling his departure.

  My breathing begins to become uneven and I break down. That was the hardest and the easiest thing I've ever had to do. It's definitely contradicting. I'm not crying over the loss of Cole. I'm crying because I also realized how much more I want Haddox, but I let him go. I lean forward and place my hands on my knees, trying to calm down.

  Another knock sounds at the door, catching me off guard. Is he fucking insane? How much clearer can I be? I stand and walk to the door, wiping my cheeks. I grab the door and jerk it open. "Do I really need to go over all of that again," I ask before looking.

  "I promise I'll be prepared this time." I stop breathing when I see Haddox standing on the other side. He's beautiful. "Can I come in?"

  "What are you doing here?"

  "What I was too scared to do before."

  He takes off his ball cap and turns it around backward, replacing it on his head. I back up and he stalks toward me, slamming the door.

  "What's that?"

  "Giving you a reason to stay."

  He grabs my hair in his hands and kisses me. Damn, I've missed this. His taste, his smell, it's overwhelming me. His tongue slips inside my mouth and I quite possibly have died and gone to heaven. I kiss him back, because there are no other options. This is what I want. He slides his arms down my waist and he grabs my ass with his hands. I wrap my arms around his neck and he picks me up, walking me to my room. I wrap my legs around his waist, getting lost in his kiss.