I shut and lock the door before walking into my penthouse, looking for Piper. The kitchen is exactly the way we left it this morning. I'm aggravated from two hours turning into six. I need my woman. I need to blow off some steam. All of the lights are off. I call out her name to see where she is. "Piper."
She doesn't answer, so I start with where I left her: the bedroom. I walk in, but the room is empty and dark. She's not here. Where is she? I pull out my phone to call her. As I place it to my ear it rings once and goes straight to voicemail. "Hey, it's Piper. I can't talk right now, so leave me a message...or don't. I may call you back."
"Hey. I'm home. You're not. I've had a rough day and now I'm a little worried. You didn't tell me you were going anywhere. Call me back."
I walk to the dresser and lay my phone down on the surface, before emptying my pockets. I need a shower. I'm in a bad mood. Maybe the hot water will help. I remove my shoes and leave them by the dresser, shedding my shirt as I walk into the bathroom, tossing it into the hamper, and then repeating with my jeans.
Placing my hands on the countertop I look around. Something feels off. Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but I can't shake it. I don't like this feeling. I haven't had it in years, nine to be exact. My blood is starting to pump harder and my heart rate is spiking. I feel like something bad is about to happen to me, or someone I care about. It's starting to put me on edge and I was already veering in that direction from work.
I stand upright and slide my briefs and socks off. I'm just being uptight because Piper didn't tell me she was going somewhere. She probably just ran to the store or something. Hell, she may have gotten bored. I was only supposed to be gone a couple of hours. My need to control where she is wants to take over.
Grabbing a washcloth, I open the shower door and turn on the water, waiting for it to reach the correct temperature before I get in. It doesn't take long to warm up. I walk in and shut the door, letting the steam build up around me as the water rains down on me, running down my body. I rub my hand over my hair front to back and vice versa, repeatedly, allowing the water to soak all of my hair.
On my way to reach for the shampoo I flatten my hands on the wall, letting the water run down my face, eyes open and all. The drops of water coating my eyelashes blur my vision, but I don't wipe them away. Her being gone is making me crazy. She always tells me when she's going somewhere. It may not be but one sentence, but she tells me. I don't need a play by play of her day, but if she is doing anything outside of her daily routine she lets me know, so I'll know she's okay. Why would this time be any different? Why is her phone off? Thoughts are starting to leak out like poison.
I need to try again, but first I need to get out of this damn shower, and I'm not going to do that just standing here. I grab the shampoo and pour a quarter-sized amount in my hand, slapping it to the top of my head. I start rubbing it in circles, allowing the soap to lather in my hair.
I close my eyes and rinse it out. I can hear the sound of the shower door as it opens. I wipe my hands over my eyes to open them as Piper steps in. Her eyes are red and swollen. "Hey."
"Hey," I say. "Where have you been?"
"Out."
"Out where?"
Her voice is low, almost saddened. "Just out. There was something I had to deal with. I'm going to be out for a bit tomorrow too."
She's being vague. She's never vague. Why does it look like she's been crying? What is she hiding from me? I grab the back of her neck and push her against the back wall as I kiss her. She kisses back until I grab her leg to wrap it around me. "What's wrong?"
"I just want to shower and go to bed. I don't feel good. Maybe tomorrow."
She just denied me. She has never turned down sex since we met, not even sick. Those previous thoughts trying to leak just flooded like the dam that was holding them back broke. "Did you go see him today? Where have you been?"
A look of hurt flashes in her eyes, but she covers it. "Fuck you, Haddox."
"You could have...but you said no."
"That's not what this is about and you know it. It shouldn't matter where I've been today if you trusted me...but clearly you don't, so you know what? I can stay with Alyvia tonight or you can stay with Reese. Either will work fine. If you want to accuse me of fucking around with another man, then you can do so alone."
She opens the door and gets out, grabbing a towel from the bar. I shut off the water and follow behind her, quickly wrapping a towel around my waist without even drying off. "If you didn't do anything wrong then why can't you tell me where you were? And why are suddenly declining sex on the same day you feel the need to keep your whereabouts hidden?"
"Either you get out or I will. We can reevaluate this conversation tomorrow. Until then, I need to be alone. I'm not asking, I'm stating...so which one of us will it be?"
My jaw locks, exerting so much pressure that my teeth feel like they're about to break off at the gum line. "You stay. I'll go."
Without another word I walk into the closet and throw on the first clothes and shoes I see, before grabbing my keys and wallet, storming out without even looking at her. He's begging for freedom. It's been a while since he's been released. He wants to hurt someone...and I'm not sure I'll be strong enough without her at my side to deny him what he wants. I want answers. There is only one other person that would have them...and she's about to give them to me.
***
I bang on Alyvia's door without letting up, each hit getting harder than the one before. "Hold on. I'm coming. Shit." She finally opens the door wearing her pajama pants and a sweatshirt. "Haddox? What are you doing here? Where is Piper?"
"Is she fucking around on me, Alyvia? Is it Cole? Or is it someone else? You better not fucking lie to me. I know that you know what's going on. I've never kept anything from you that had to do with you. Don't do that shit to me. I will go break someone's jaw at the least...so I'd rather not get arrested for assaulting an innocent person, especially when it involves castrating a man for taking something that's mine."
She peeks her head out into the hall and looks from side to side. "Get inside, Haddox. I have fucking neighbors."
I walk inside and stop in the center. She shuts the door and walks past me into her room, returning wearing a thick jacket, a toboggan, and slippers. "I need a cigarette for this. The two of you are taking years off of my life. I'm already on my second pack today. Usually one lasts me a month. I can't deal with this shit anymore. I'm at maximum capacity with secrets."
She opens the balcony door and walks outside, leaving it open for me to join her. I step out and shut the door behind me. I'm wearing a hoodie and leather jacket. I can tell it's freezing by my breath becoming visible each time I exhale, but I can barely feel the air. That's how much my adrenaline is pumping. She sits in the chair and lights a cigarette, pointing for me to do the same.
The smoke starts to expel from her mouth as she speaks. "Sit down for this. You don't need to be standing. She's going to hate me for this, but I've been thinking about it all day. I can't take this secret to my grave. It's eating me alive with guilt. I may not be a sin free person, but everyone has their limits. I have morals. I can't do this. I would never be able to forgive myself."
The more she goes on, the more I'm starting to anger knowing that my worst fear is being confirmed. My wife stepped out on me. How could she do something like that? I thought I was enough... "Who is it, Alyvia?"
"What? Haddox, sit down. Piper has never fucked or even looked at another man since she met you. It's a little sickening to be honest. She doesn't even drool over celebrity hotties anymore. Apparently your cock is like gold and you resemble a Greek god. No snide remark please. I don't want to know about the Haddox hard-on." She takes another drag. "What the hell is wrong with you? You really think she would cheat on you?"
Now I'm confused. "Then what's wrong with her?"
"She's pregnant."
I stand abruptly and start pacing back and forth in front of her. Pregnant? We discussed this.
Kids were not an option. I cannot reproduce. I don't carry good DNA. "Fuck! Why didn't I sterilize my shit? Why would she do this to me?"
Alyvia stands, blocking me from moving past her. She slaps me, hard. "I fucking told you about that shit the last time you slapped me. Don't fucking do it!"
"I don't give a flying fuck what you think. If it's deserved you'll get it, whether it's once or once a day. I don't put up with your shit in case you've forgotten since the last time I pointed it out. I will put your ass in line when it needs it. That's what family is for. You're the brother I’ve always wanted. I have a younger sister and that's it. Now sit down and let me finish."
I stare at her and take a deep breath, starting to calm. I do as she says. "Damn you're bossy. I think I like it. No one talks to me like that."
"That's because no one sees you the way I do. We have a weird sibling vibe. We have since we met. It takes two people to get pregnant, Haddox. You're married to her. It's not like she's a random chick from a bar. Shit happens. Birth control fails. People make mistakes like forgetting things or messing up dates because life gets in the way. We're human. We are all imperfect beings. There is only one way that will prevent pregnancy one hundred percent of the time. Don't have sex. I think the two of you are forgetting what a baby is. It's the combination of the two of you. It's a beautiful little creation."
"If that's all it is then where was she today? Why wouldn't she just tell me?"
"She was scheduling an abortion today, Haddox. She made me swear not to tell you. She has been crying all day. The weird thing is I can't tell if it's because she's pregnant or because she wants to keep it and won't admit it to herself. I do know that she is willing to sacrifice the life of her child for yours, because she thinks this is her fault and will destroy you. If that's not fucking love then it doesn't exist. Do you know what kind of guilt she will live with for the rest of her life if she goes through with this? We're not talking about a pet fish here. We're talking about a baby. Your baby."
I feel dizzy. This is too much shit to deal with. I can't be a father. I never want to risk doing to a child what my father did to me. I sure as fuck don't want to continue breeding those genes for more low life scumbags to walk the earth. "When is she doing it?"
"Tomorrow morning. 10AM."
I stand. I need to think. I need to talk to someone that would understand, someone that I trust. Two people come to mind. I need to talk to Marlin and Kaitlyn. I stand. "Are you going to let her go through with this?"
"Yes, no, maybe. I don't know. I need to sort this shit out tonight. I have a little bit of time."
"It's your baby, Haddox; yours and Piper's baby. It's a beautiful combination."
"I'm a piece of shit and my dad was a piece of shit. Obviously we weren't good enough to be a part of the rest of the family, including my mother, so what makes you think this fetus will be any different. I could be saving the world from an asshole, a beater, or a killer. Why devalue Piper's beautiful qualities by tainting them with my shitty ones? Some people just don't need to reproduce, Alyvia. The world would be a better place if those people would recognize it, accept it, and make sure it doesn't happen by being selfless and sterilizing themselves. It's what I should have done, but it wasn't, so I have to deal with the consequences. I just need to go see a friend for a while to get my shit in my head sorted. Thanks for telling me, Alyvia. I'd rather know before than after or never at all. Do me a favor, will you? Don't tell her I came by. I don't want her doing anything irrational because I know."
She nods as I turn and grab the door handle to open the door. "We heard the heartbeat. It's alive."
My heart stops, but I don't look back at her. "Did she see it?"
"She made them keep the monitor off so she wouldn't look. Less risk of forming an attachment I guess. It was really sad, Haddox. This should be a joyous thing. If you don't think of anything else, think about this...for me. Everything has a reason, Haddox. Everything that happens in life is plotted out to serve a bigger purpose. This baby may not have been part of either of your plans, but we aren't the maker. It shouldn't be our decision to make a judgment on a life. If it has a heart it has a soul. Don't damn it to death before it even takes a breath. Your parents may have been shitty, but at least they chose to give you a chance at life. What if they had chosen to terminate you? Think of how many lives that would have been altered by not having the chance to know you. You're not a shitty person. You just need the chance to prove it to yourself that you aren't. Maybe this is it. I don't know why your mother would leave you, but if she were any kind of a person I would bet my life that she regrets it. My dad once told me that sometimes bad things have to happen to introduce something better. Just promise me you'll think about it, okay?"
"I promise," I say, and walk inside, leaving her behind. I have feelings inside right now that I don't understand. I need someone that's a part of that life to explain it to me. Marlin and Kaitlyn have been here. There is a slight chest pain that occurs each time I think of letting her go through with it. It's confusing when you're just now learning how to sort the different emotions for the first time and you've been living for twenty-seven years.
I pull out my phone and touch Marlin's contact information, placing a call. I hold it to my ear as it rings. "Hey, man. What's going on?"
"I need someone to talk to. I have a situation. Is it okay if I come by?"
His tone changes to match mine. "Sure. Come on by as soon as you can get here. I'll wait up after I put Maggie to bed."
"Thanks. Oh, and Marlin. Will you ask Kaitlyn to wait up to? This is something I need her help with too."
"You know you don't even have to ask, Haddox. I'll put on a pot of coffee when you get here," Kaitlyn says over the line. I guess he had me on speaker.
"Okay. I'll see you guys in a bit." I disconnect the call and place it in my pocket as I walk as quickly as possible to catch a cab. Time becomes a little more crunched when you have to take a ferry to your destination and then back.
***
The cab pulls up at Marlin's house. I pay the driver and get out as Kaitlyn opens the door. The porch light is on and Kaitlyn steps outside as I walk through the yard toward her. I've been thinking about this the whole way over here and have yet to form any kind of a decision on what to do with the information. Shouldn't this decision be one of the easiest ones you'll ever have to make? It's like trying to do Calculus in elementary school. I feel like I could pull my hair out.
"Thanks for staying up. I didn't know who else to go to." I wrap my arms around her in a sideways hug. She returns the gesture around my waist.
"Don't be silly. I'm honored you would include me. Come on. Maggie's waiting up for you to tuck her in and then I have coffee. I tried to make her go to bed, but she overheard you were coming over and that's all I've heard since. I hope you don't mind."
I smile for the first time all night. "Of course I don't mind." We step inside and I close the door behind us.
"Uncle Haddox!" Maggie pops up from the spot she's laying in on the couch with her soft Elsa doll in her arm. The living room is dark except for the spotlights on over the fireplace and the Christmas tree lit up with multicolored lights. The television is playing none other than Frozen. "Did you come over for a sleepover?"
She jumps up and runs toward me with her nightgown and hair flowing as she runs. I pick her up when she stops in front of me, holding her toward my side, my arm wrapped behind her legs to hold her against my body. "Hey Mags. I came to talk to Mom and Dad and to tuck you in."
Her face lights up and she wraps her small arms around my neck, squeezing her cheek to my face. "I'm ready. Night, Mommy. Night, Daddy."
"Toots, are you replacing Daddy with Uncle Haddox?"
I gleam at Marlin laid out in his recliner reading a fishing magazine. "It's only natural that she chooses her own DNA. I tried to tell you she was mine. You didn't believe me when I told you Kaitlyn and I had a thing," I tease.
"Well in that case maybe we sh
ould reevaluate child support. It wouldn't be fair if you didn't pull your weight around here. What did you say your salary was again? Half sounds like a good split."
I walk toward the hall with Maggie in my arms. "You're too late. I went and got a wife that beat you to it."
I reach the side of the bed and the bedding is already pulled back, waiting for her to get in. The overhead light is already off, the only light on being the bedside lamp. I sit her in the middle and pull the covers up to her chest as she lies back on the pillow. "Uncle Haddox?"
"What, Mags?"
"Will you rub me till I go to sleep like Mommy does?"
I turn and pull the corner chair to the edge of the bed and sit down, placing my forearms on the edge of the bed as I lean forward. "Will you show me how?"
She grabs the back of my hand with her small one and lays it against the top of her arm before guiding it up and down. "Just rub, Uncle Haddox. It feels good and makes me go to sleep. You can practice for when Aunt Piper has a baby."
I stop breathing, trying to concentrate on the task at hand and not her comment...but it's not working. As I'm rubbing her soft skin like all small children have, the comment is consuming me. "Mags, how do you know Aunt Piper is going to have a baby?"
"Because Uncle Haddox. When you get married you have a baby, duh. Mommy said you have to get married first, then you have a baby because you love each other, so God plants one in the mommy's belly. You're supposed to know that, you're old."
I laugh. "I'm old, huh? Well what if God doesn't give Aunt Piper a baby. Not everyone has babies. Besides, if we have a baby then you won't be the only one anymore." Sometimes it's fun just to sit and talk to a kid. They have a simple explanation for everything. It's really unfortunate that things in the real world aren't as simple as they are to a child.
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