Fight for You

by Charisse Spiers

  "I was willing to give this baby up because I thought it would destroy you. I remember that day in my room when we talked about birth control. I knew you didn't want this. I swear I didn't do it on purpose."

  "The fact that you would do that shows me more than your words can ever express, but next time I want you to talk to me, Piper. I want to be the person you come to. I love Alyvia, but she shouldn't be with you. I should be. I can't promise that I won't panic or say things I don't mean, but know that once I see reason we'll work it out. Something this big should be dealt with together. If Alyvia hadn't told me I wouldn't have known. Baby, I wouldn't have known. That secret would have destroyed us. I know your heart, because it communicates with mine."

  I wrap my arms around his neck to pull him closer. "You promise you won't resent me for this?"

  "I will never resent you, because I love you too much. We said forever right? For better and for worse? In sickness and in health? They aren't just words. They're promises before God and each other. That makes them powerful."

  I smile. This could have turned out so bad, but instead it became beautiful. That thought has me crying again. We get to keep our baby. Maybe my dream will come true. "Stop crying. It's your birthday."

  My eyebrows scrunch. My birthday? I calculate in my head. How do I forget my own damn birthday? I totally forgot my own birthday. I was about to...oh...I would have never been the same had I terminated a pregnancy on my birthday. "I kind of forgot," I say honestly.

  "Well, that's kind of what I'm here for. I heard about something called pregnancy brain along the way here. It's kind of strange how you never hear about things like that and then your wife gets pregnant and you start hearing pregnancy info and seeing pregnant women everywhere. I had a little time to think, so I came up with the perfect birthday present. Alyvia is setting it up."

  "A present? What is it?"

  A knock occurs and the nurse walks in pushing a cart with a computer screen. "Are you ready to see your baby?"

  My heart starts pounding. I throw my hands over my mouth and nod as I look between them. He smiles. "Alyvia said you wouldn't look when you heard the heartbeat, so I thought we could do it together."

  "You are truly an amazing man. I love you so much."

  "I love you too, both of you."

  My eyes close as he says that. He referenced to the baby on his own. He really is okay with this. He's not just doing this for me. "Okay, put your feet back in the stirrups like you had them earlier. We have to do it vaginal. It's too early to see it abdominally."

  I do as the nurse says, but in a different mindset this time. Haddox grabs my hand and thigh in his, watching as she rolls the condom on the instrument, before inserting it and turning on the monitor. She positions it a few times and a swooshing sound starts to play. I watch Haddox first, because I want to see his reaction. He squeezes my hand as he watches the screen, his eyes enlarging each time the heart beats. It sounds slightly different this time. "Is that it? That's our baby," he asks the nurse.

  "They're both there. See, here's baby A and over here not far away is baby B." Both?

  "What do you mean both," I ask as I look at the screen.

  "You're having twins." My eyes flutter, trying to comprehend what she's saying. "They're together in the same placenta so it's identical. They will both be the same sex."

  There are two small peanut looking white spots with flickering black dots on them, both inside of a big black hole. Haddox is staring at the monitor in awe. I'm not even sure that he's breathing. I pull on his shirt and he looks down at me. "Are you still okay?"

  It's now that I notice the tear stain running down his cheek, still wet from the previous teardrop. He leans down, placing his mouth just outside my ear. "This is my redemption. Two lives replaced for the two that I took. I'm finally free."

  I gasp, barely able to breathe. My own tears are back. "Baby, I'm finally free," he whispers. "I don't have to hurt anymore. "I get a do-over."

  My heart swells; beating so fast my blood can barely keep up. Thank God. I run my fingers through the back of his hair. "And I'm here to make sure you enjoy every minute of it."

  ***

  "Okay, so I just walk around it sticking them in the branches?" I laugh. Oh man. "Where's the end? Do I start at the top or the bottom?" Haddox tangled in a bunch of lit up Christmas lights is camera worthy. I get out my camera and pretend I'm texting as I pull up the camera. They're hanging around his neck and wrapped around his arm as he tries sorting through the long strands. We may have bought too many, but it is an eleven-foot tree. We decided to go all out since it was our first Christmas tree and we're putting it in front of the huge window in the living room, so we wanted it to make a statement.

  I snap the photo, but he hears the shutter since it's not on silent. He freezes. I smile. "Sorry, I couldn't help it. You look adorable. I want to make an album anyway."

  I turn on the Christmas music and stand. "Sit down. I got this. You're cooking my babies. I'm sure that takes a lot of energy. You rest. I string."

  I walk toward him, disregarding everything he just said. He slaps his hand over his face. "You're the most stubborn woman that could have possibly ever been created. Would it kill you to listen to me?"

  I wrap my arms around his neck. "Why would I do that? I have to keep you guessing my next move. If not I'd be just like the rest. Besides, you saw them. They are seriously maybe the size of a grape each. I'm hardly going to sit on my ass and do nothing while you have all the fun."

  He smiles. "You're definitely different than the rest. God broke the mold after he made you."

  "Was that a real pickup line, Hayes? I'm impressed."

  He pokes his finger at his temple. "I got all kinds of shit up here. It's a scary place."

  "I love your mind." I look behind him at the massive tree, completely bare of any lights. "You do realize we're not living in the eighties anymore, right? There was this amazing thing invented called a pre-lit Christmas tree. It cuts the work and aggravation in half."

  "Well that may be, but I've never had a Christmas tree before; at least not since I can remember. I just figured you could teach me how to do it all."

  I breathe deeply to avoid crying. I wish I could change the way that he grew up, but I can't. I will add new memories and hope they trumps the bad. "You didn't have one after you left home?"

  "No. I didn't really have a reason to have one. I didn't figure that shit was needed with me by myself. No one ever came here but me. I didn't give a shit about all that, until now."

  "You'll never not have a tree again, or anything that you should have had all along. Start from the bottom on the side closest to the outlet and circle around, dispersing them evenly through the branches until you reach the top. I'll start placing the hooks in the ornaments."

  He kisses me. I'll never get tired of him randomly kissing me throughout the day, because a kiss is the outward act of one heart saying I love you to another. It's a way to know that he missed me, also that he's thinking about me, and that he just needs to touch me. "Oh, I have something for you, for us. It's kind of my way to say we're taking a step forward...as a family. Everything between us has basically happened at lightening speed, but with you I know what I want. Go look by the door and grab that red gift bag."

  I grin. "You got me a present?"

  "I did."

  "When?"

  "When we went to pick up a few last minute things. It's nothing big."

  I do as he says and walk toward the door. A small, red gift bag stuffed with red and white, stripped paper is hanging on the coat rack. I'm not sure how I missed it before. I grab it and walk back over to him before opening it. It's so perfectly wrapped I don't even want to open it.

  I look up at him. "I can't believe you got me something already. I haven't gotten you anything yet."

  "This isn't a Christmas present. This is kind of a housewarming and wedding gift all in one, but from me to us. Does that even make sense? Hell, just open it. I'm
not good with words."

  I grab the corner of the paper and remove it from the bag. Inside sits an ornament. I grab the small, red ribbon that forms a hanging loop on my finger and remove it. I look at it, hanging off of my index finger, resting against my palm. It's a couple in the snow, standing in front of a gingerbread house. The man is blonde and the female is a brunette. They are both wearing Santa hats. On the white portion of the man's hat, it spells out Haddox in black marker. On the female's hat is the same, but with the name Piper. The part that squeezes my heart the most is that the female has a swollen belly, signifying she's pregnant, but over it he had them write out twins. The bottom is a banner made to look like a log with our last name written on the front, and last but not least, a small, red heart dangles from the ornament with the year written on it.

  I can't stop staring at it. It's beautiful. My eyes well up with tears. I look at him with so much love in my heart that there are no words to properly explain it. This is huge for Haddox. He's come so far from the person I saw back in August. He still has a lot of demons to work out, but the important thing is that he wants to be happy. I'm the luckiest girl in the world to be the one he chose to be by his side while finds happiness. "Homemade presents are always the best, because they're from the heart. It's perfect. Our life is amazing, and it will only get better. I've never been happier than I am with you. I mean that, Haddox. I will be in love with you until the end of time."

  He drops the lights and grabs my face in his hands. "I'm counting on it, because anything less is not good enough."

  He kisses me and starts backing up, pulling me along with him toward the tree, before releasing my lips with a slight suction. "Put it on. I'll string the lights around it."

  He rotates our bodies, bringing me in front of him. I look for a place that is worthy and visible for all, to show off such a beautiful and special piece with care. He wraps his arms around my waist, slipping his hands underneath my shirt, resting them against my still flat belly. My eyes briefly close at the feel of the skin on skin contact. He's crazy to think he'll be a bad dad. I bet it's usually the ones that think they're going to be bad at it that end up being the best.

  I place the ornament in the perfect spot, inching the loop far enough back on the branch that it doesn't fall off. It's now hanging in the middle of the front side of the tree. "I think we should start a tradition," he says. "Maybe we can add the keepsake ornaments each year. What do you think?"

  I lean my head back on his shoulder and place my hands over his. "I think that's the best idea you've ever had."

  "That's not true. The best idea I ever had was keeping you."

  "That too…. so you don't know if there are any twins in your family?"

  "I don't really know my family; any of them. They were never discussed. You're the only family I've got. I wouldn't even know where to look and I don't think I want to if they never cared enough to look for me. Even if I didn't have them in my family the doctor said that twins are more of a genetic quirk than something passed down through generations. People that have twins are just more apt to continue I guess." He turns me in his arms and drops to his knees, lifting my shirt. He presses his lips to the spot he made the doctor show him they most likely were below the surface. "Quirks are beautiful in every form."

  I wish I could be a spokesperson in some way or another. Maybe I can when I finish fashion school and make my mark on the world. I would be a spokesperson for love, hope, and happiness. Anyone that believes there is no hope for true love is wrong. They just need an example to spark that hope to continue on. It takes faith that it will come. True love is not something that we can find. It's something that is in the background all along, waiting for the right moment to fall into your lap, but when it does it will alter your universe one heartbeat at a time.

  I think we choose the wrong person by getting in a hurry. Timing is everything. I now believe that with all that I am. If you wait on it to find you...you'll always find the one, the right one, which will also keep you happy for the rest of your life. We are one example in something that is quickly becoming extinct if people don't realize how amazing loving someone can be.

  Three years later...

  A tug on my pant leg wakes me up. I jump slightly and rub my hands over my face, but then smile as soon as I figure out who the culprits are that woke me up. "Look who's awake. You want to sit with Daddy?"

  They both hold out their arms for me to pick them up. This is their favorite spot: my recliner. Maggie Kate and Alyvia Klaire are two. It's crazy how fast time flies. They both have double names because Piper wanted to tribute Maggie and Alyvia, as well as Kaitlyn, but still give them their own names. She said they wouldn't be here if it hadn't of been for the three of them. I don't disagree, so I let her choose the names. That was a trivial thing to me. I'm not one of those assholes that try to make things difficult just because I can.

  I pick them up and put one on each side, resting my arms on the arm rests of the chair. The television is still playing from when I fell asleep. I was excited when we found out they were girls, because I felt like I had a small head start being around Maggie for so long. My girls are beautiful. Both ended up with blonde hair and blue eyes like me, but they actually got Piper's skin tone. You don't see that many naturally tanned blondes, but they're beautiful and they're mine. They both look just like me, but they did get her lips. These two will be locked away in this house until they're thirty. I do keep guns if a boy tries to walk up them steps at any given time.

  We live in Rhode Island permanently, but Piper did want to keep the penthouse when we needed to be in the city and didn't feel like coming back. This is just a better place to raise kids. We moved here after Piper graduated. Her and Alyvia opened a boutique representing their own lines, but it's geared for an entire family to be able to shop. They have one here and one in the city, but I made her hire someone to manage the one in the city with Alyvia, as well as the one here. I'd rather pay someone a salary and have her here. Plus, she's busy enough with design and production. The woman does it all, but she needed management, so she has it. She didn't want to do just a women's boutique, because she loves to design for kids and men too. She told me we are her inspiration. I don't understand fashion shit. Whatever makes the woman happy is fine. As long as she makes time with us she can do what she wants.

  I still fight full time and I still have my studio, but I opened another one here, not far from Marlin's, and made Reese partner for the one back in New York. When it came down to me looking for someone that I trust he's the only one that came to mind. He doesn't seem to be going anywhere anyway. He's my best friend.

  Fighting is what helped me through my issues, and it still does. The difference is it's not a necessity anymore; my family is. I never realized what I was missing to move on from my past. What I needed all along was to let love in, and in turn it helped me to love someone else. Love is the only thing that can neutralize hate. My nightmares barely occur anymore. Occasionally I have one, but it's usually when I'm exhausted or Piper and I have had a mild fight. Otherwise, they are completely gone.

  Maggie Kate wraps her hand around my left ring finger. She's the shy one, and she's Daddy's girl. If I'm home she's glued to me. I feel bad for her a lot of times. She's Alyvia Klaire's shadow because her personality isn't as strong. She takes after Piper. She has a heart of gold and is the sweetest toddler you'll ever meet. She missed the whole terrible two thing. All she wants to do is to be loved on and she's in the happiest mood.

  "Da-da, kiss."

  I look over at Alyvia Klaire pursing her lips for me to kiss her. I do. That girl is hell on wheels. She is a Hayes down to the bone. I'm going to be in trouble with her. She's just like me. I see it on a daily basis. She's smart. She knows how to get exactly what she wants when she wants it. She's also very independent, not wanting to be held as long as she's around people she knows. She's not shy though. About five minutes around a new person and she's good to go. She could talk to a wall if she
thought it would listen and she's only two. As her vocabulary and mind capability increases who knows how she's going to be.

  I kiss both of them on the top of the head. They are both staring at Bubble Guppies on television. Cartoons play in my head from the time I wake up till the time I go to bed. "Are you ready to do this?"

  I look up and smile at my beautiful wife. I like seeing her like this actually. It's sexy, because I know exactly what her body is doing. It's creating a miracle. Pregnancy is never beautiful until it's your own wife. I thought I loved her before the girls, but after they were born I looked at her in a completely new light. She's my life, she's my partner, and she's the best gift I was ever given. She was my flashlight when I was lost in the dark. I will never be able to explain to her exactly how much I love her, but I do try from time to time.

  "Do you have the envelope?" She nods and holds it up. "Come here. Let me kiss my baby."

  She stands in front of the chair and places her knee between my legs so that she can lean in without offsetting her balance too much. I lean forward, bringing the girls with my upper body, and kiss the small basketball sitting at her midsection. She's twenty weeks along today. We had the ultrasound to determine the sex, but chose to wait and let the girls be with us when we open it, so they could be a part of it. The nurse never showed the goods until we turned our heads, then printed and put the revealing ultrasound in an envelope, sealing it.

  I personally don't care what the sex is, but I won't lie, I do kind of want a boy. It's not because every man wants a son, because my girls have consumed me, but I want to change the Hayes name. I want to prove that I can raise a son to be a good man; unlike the man my father was to me. I've always been ashamed of my last name because of what he's done to it. I've started the change with myself, but I want someone else to carry it on when I'm gone.

  She picks up Alyvia Klaire and places her on her hip. She's already wiggling to get down. "Are you girls ready to see if you're going to have a brother or sister?"